Toni Lavery on Fox Force 55, Women Veterans, and the Historic Normandy Jump | Security Halt! Podcast Ep. 438

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What does it take to preserve history while inspiring the next generation of women leaders?

In Episode 438 of the Security Halt! Podcast, Toni Lavery joins us to discuss her transition from military service to nonprofit leadership, veteran advocacy, and her work leading Fox Force 55's historic all-women’s jump into Normandy.

Toni shares the incredible stories of women who served behind enemy lines during World War II, the challenges of nonprofit leadership, the importance of mental health support for veterans and military families, and why mentorship remains one of the most powerful tools for personal and professional growth.

This conversation is a powerful reminder that history is filled with extraordinary women whose contributions deserve recognition—and that honoring their legacy can inspire future generations to lead, serve, and overcome adversity.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:10 Toni's Journey from Military Service to Normandy
03:04 The Significance of Women in WWII Resistance
04:54 The Birth of Fox Force 55 and Its Mission
07:16 Celebrating Women Who Overcame Adversity
10:11 Honoring Unsung Heroes of History
13:26 The Role of Women in Clandestine Operations
16:37 The Importance of Representation and Recognition
19:50 Overcoming Challenges in Nonprofit and Medical Advocacy
22:14 The Impact of Therapy and Self-Care
25:02 Supporting Families of Service Members
27:53 Lessons Learned in Advocacy and Self-Representation
32:22 The Power of Mentorship and Community Support
37:11 Navigating Medical and Fertility Challenges
44:40 Exposing Exploitation in Veteran Support Programs
50:17 Building a Sustainable Mission for Women Veterans
55:11 The Importance of Self-Advocacy in Healthcare
01:02:44 The Role of Mentorship in Transitioning Out of Service
01:05:30 How to Support Fox Force 55 and Its Mission

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Transcript

The Normandy Landing Moment

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I'd love to commemorate the women and men of the past. So then I jumped into Normandy and as I've said a million times and I hate feeling like a broken record, but it is it was the pivotal moment in that jump that is changed the trajectory of the next year of my life. And once I landed, I had just like a flock of people rushing to me to take pictures and things like that. And I had thought that they confused me with possibly like somebody else that might be kind of notable in Normandy, and I just didn't know who that person was. And it turns out I looked around and it was like, oh, I'm the only woman standing on this ground right now in a uniform. After that, I realized that there was a demand in that area, but probably across women everywhere, which was we need to see women doing things that seem unachievable and things that we can aspire to do and be.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

I think the the big thing that I love about this is we're focusing and putting an aperture on women that have gone through things. And it's not a getaway amper, exactly we're talking about them adobe, but the art thing is putting perspective in life. Like you will have a greater appreciation for the rest of the year if the first thing you do is challenge yourself. Tony Levery, welcome to Security Out Podcast. How's it going?

SPEAKER_02 1:15

It's going awesome. How are you so far this morning?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Doing well. Another day of managing chaos since 4 a.m. But uh now I get to talk to you for a little bit. So it's not bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Yeah, so we'll get ready to manage some more chaos then.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Yeah. It's never over, man. I'm I'm so glad we can make this work. Um, shout out to my sis, uh Ingrid. Um it was yeah, yeah. No, that's my girl. We were in seventh group together. But it's it's such an amazing journey seeing her go through her her trials and tribulations and see where she's at now because she is absolutely phenomenal. Um Chick-fil-A ice cream cone on me when I get back to Northwest Florida. My dog tells her thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

You better bring her four because she's got those little babies too, and they're mini services just like her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, anytime she's doing any of her videos, all her kids are out there working out with her. And uh, I love it, man. She's such a positive voice. And if you know her and you know what she's gone through, you can't help but be motivated. And that's how I learned about your project, is because I saw her sharing it, and uh one of my other clients, of course, is involved. But I was like, wait a second, she's uh she's jumping into Normandy, and then I I looked it all up and I'm like, holy cow, like this is huge. Um, so I don't want to give too much away, but how does Tony Lavery go from service member, passionate veteran advocate into making this historical landmark event happen with Fox Force 55?

From Idea To All-Women Jump

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Yeah. So and I mean it's quite the journey. I don't know how much uh you're interested in.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

I mean, I guess if you Oh, we're gonna go all the way back, all the way back to the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Yeah, like so the the reader's digest version, the short version is that um, you know, last year I had the privilege of being invited to jump into Normandy with Warrior Rising, the nonprofit I know you're familiar with. And um, they've been amazing. You know, they invited actually me and my husband. My husband's an amputee. He was trying to preserve his residual limb, so he opted out of it, but I still went, you know, I was like, yeah, that's cool. I'd love to commemorate the women and men of the past. And so then I jumped into Normandy. And uh, as I've said a million times, and I hate feeling like a broken record, but it is so it was the pivotal moment in that jump that has changed the trajectory of the next year of my life. And once I landed, um, I had just like a flock of people rushing to me to take pictures and things like that. And I had thought that they confused me with possibly like somebody else that might be kind of notable in Normandy, and it's I just didn't know who that person was. And it turns out I looked around and it was like, oh, I'm the only woman standing on this ground right now in a uniform. Yeah. And so um, after that, I realized that there was a demand uh in that area, but probably across women everywhere, which was we need to see women doing things that seem unachievable and things that we can aspire to do and be. So um, right in that moment, I was like, oh, I have this group that we may or may not be turning into a business, uh, Fox Force. It was in the very nascent stages at that time. And um, I said, you know, one of the things that we do with this group is an annual hardship goal. And what we had done prior to that in 2025 was the Bataan Death March in 2025. And that was in March of 2025. And so um, after the success of that and seeing how it strengthened these women that were already going through some pretty adverse uh things in life and challenges, uh, we strengthened also our support in one another and the resource sharing that we were doing and just the connection. And um, I said, one of the fundamental things in any initiative, whether it's a business or what have you, it's gonna be an annual hardship goal. So after I landed in Normandy and I had the response that I did, I said, okay, our annual hardship goal for 2026 is gonna be an all-women's jump into Normandy for D-Day. And um at the time I knew it was gonna be a little bit difficult because you know you're coordinating international operations, which you've been in the military, so you know how that can be. But then it's it's literally like an international interagency, interorganization, well, whatever. It's all the things, different organizations, civilians, military, you know, veterans, law enforcement veterans, like all different walks of life, organizations, language barriers, all of the things you could possibly throw at something to make it a challenge. And we just hit like we decided to execute the official launch of our business on level 5,000. Like just like total challenge accepted. So yeah, we're like, yeah, let's let's just do that. And then once I had the idea, I knew I would need the support of others that were already kind of doing it, both business and the jumps. So I enlisted the support of Warrior Rising, you know. Casey Maxted has been huge, huge in helping us in this and pitched the idea. He loved it instantly. He ran it by Jason and everyone, and they loved it too. They're like, Yeah, I can't believe nobody's done this yet. And I said, Yeah, I can't either, but I can see now because getting a group of women to commit to anything is a challenge in and of itself. It is. Um and I I know exactly why. Uh it's not that hard. You know, we always place everybody before ourselves. We're like, we're the moms, we're the wives, yeah, we're the careerists, we're the stay-at-home mom, uh homeschool mom. Uh we and then we feel like we have to do everything for everyone except for ourselves. So I knew that would be a little challenging. I didn't realize quite how challenging it would be until I was actually in the mix. Um so uh needless to say, we're still doing it and I'm very happy to do it. I mean, I do it again in a heartbeat um over and over for my friends and the ladies that we've met along the way because they're just so freaking amazing. Um they face so many challenges uh not only throughout their life, but just day to day, you know, in their past life is what I mean. And then day to day, you know, we have women, we have one, you know, she just did a podcast as well to share her story, but she's got two terminally ill kids. And she's known they were terminally ill from the moment they were each born. And, you know, they're like nine and eleven, I think, now, or nine and twelve, and just living with that. I mean, in and of itself, I don't know how anybody does it. You know, I don't know how she does it. We talk about it all the time. And it's through faith and uh support, and she has an amazing support network. I I don't know how you live with that challenge, a heartbreaking challenge without the support network that she has and her fate and things like that. So um, yeah, those are the type of women that we're doing this for and the ones who also to me deserve uh to commemorate the women like them of the past. Uh so we that's how we chose the ingredients of the world, right? Like look at her, look at what she's done. She had a kick-ass career in special operations of all the jobs she could have chosen in the army, she earned her way into special operations, which is like a fraction of a percent of the US population. So already speaks to the um the work ethic and the um the character traits and all the things that you need to even just get there. But then on top of that, uh, and I won't share like her personal life, but I know you're aware of it, but like she had some pretty negative life uh circumstances that anybody else would have given up over, and she just persisted through them, and she is highly successful, and she continues to be an amazing inspiration for other people. And she's another one of our jumpers. So, like, how freaking lucky are we that we get to have people like that on our team and kind of representing the women that I'm lucky to know and the ones that I want other women to be familiar with and to know and get the opportunity to have in their lives.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yeah. And I think the the big thing that I love about this, it's we're focusing and putting an aperture on women that have gone through things. And it's not a getaway pamper, is exactly what we're talking about, the Masogi, the hard things, um putting perspective in life. Like you will have a greater appreciation for the rest of the year if the first thing you do is challenge yourself doing a marathon, doing something difficult that you can look back on and say, holy shit, like just a few months ago, look what we did. But it's also like the thing is there's tons of programs right now that I can get guys in. This episode of Security Health is brought to you by Dr. Taylor Bosley and Persian Wellness Group. Let's be real. By now, a lot of New Year's resolutions have already fizzled out. Life gets busy, motivation drops, and health ends up on the back burner. But here's the truth there's no better time to start than right now. Persistian Wellness Group specializes in formal optimization and formal health, delivering first-class care and feature right to your door. You've been dealing with low energy, rank five, forced sleep, forced all performance, or most balanced baby limits of feet. A particular body of this team take a data-driven, individualized approach to help you get back to operating a year fast. Security All Listeners receive 25% off their initial consultation when they use Security Hall 25 at checkout. Click the link in the episode description to find out more and get started today. For special operations dudes, hey, we're gonna take you to Utah, go on an overland experience. Shout out to you, John Wayne. That's an amazing thing. We're gearing up to do. But when we look at our when I look at my sisters, um, like like Ingrid, you know, I've got all these great opportunities and ways to send guys to go do stuff like that. But there's something to be said about things for women within our community that they can go, like, hey, take a knee, focus on yourself. It's not gonna be a pampering experience. We're gonna take you out there to experience some awe. And that, like I say a lot, that emotion, that feeling of awe. Going to Normandy is one thing. That's amazing. Life chat that like that is like you'll never forget that experience. But jumping into Normandy as one of like the only group of women doing this, and and I'm hoping like this becomes something that is this is just the first one. This is phase one, and this becomes uh an annual thing because the women that made the war effort possible, they never got that victory lap. And I wanted the I wanted to poke but like put this out there, like when you were coming up with that this initial planning phase and thinking about doing it, was that

Honoring Hidden Women Of WWII

SPEAKER_01 12:04

something that was heavy on your mind and heart? Thinking of all the Rosie Riveters that never got that tinker tape parade, that were never part of like, hey, you know what? Like, let's celebrate you and what you've done.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Yeah, uh a hundred percent. And I love that you mentioned Rosie the Riveter because actually the girl I was just talking about, her name's Mayer, the one she has two terminally ill children. When we did our first uh kind of like promo video, I guess you could call it, like a hero video, talking about what this jump means to us and what we're doing and who we who resonates with us most, uh, woman from World War II. Hers was Rosie the Riveter. There was the everyday Rosie getting up and just going to work because she knew that that was what she had to do for her nation and for her family, and never asked for a single thing in return. Um, so uh to answer your question though about me, like why I thought that um, you know, I grew up in special operations. Uh, every hero or anyone that I was educated on and had to look up to was all a a dude that everybody know knew about. And I'm fine with that, right? That's cool. Like they did amazing things, and they are definitely part of what gives us our current day freedoms and some of the best units, organizations in the world, which are special operations and every part of that enterprise. Um, but rarely did I ever hear about the women who did it, and you know, it was wasn't until I think it was 2019, my husband was awarded from the OSS Society uh the Peter J. Ortiz Award. And we went to that award ceremony in October, I think it was again October 2019, and it's the Donovan dinner that they host every year. It's pretty awesome. It's all like this, you know, the spy prom is what they call it, and actually they don't want us to call it, but most people call it spy prom. And uh so he got that award, and you know, they issue the Donovan Award, the Peter J. Ortiz Award, and the Virginia Hall Award. And I had never heard about her until that point. Um, you know, I most I I should be, but I wasn't until very lately. I I was never really into history, right? I wanted the army because I wanted a challenge and I wanted to push myself to the limits, and also because I think I needed purpose. And that seemed to be what my answer was when I when I enlisted in the army. So I I I would definitely wasn't into history uh until later in my career in my life. And going to that award dinner and hearing about Virginia Hall, just the little bit they talked about her there made me dig into it more, especially as I uh worked in more joint environments on like deployments and even stateside and coming across the other agencies that are out there and things like that. And um he, you know, her story is is awesome. She was also an amputee, so I was naturally, you know, interested because I was like, oh, she's a badass, my husband's a badass, they're both missing a leg. Like, okay, there's some correlations here. And um, you know, learning about her story led me uh down the path of understanding really what more women did during that time. And they are the ones who essentially ran the resistance and all the networks that supported the badass door kickers coming in and uh doing clandestine infiltrations, uh, you know, jumping in, setting up the DZs. Like they did all that. I'm not saying men didn't do it, but women did a large chunk because the men were off fighting. And um, I, you know, I find it fascinating that they did all this while doing the same shit that all of us are doing right now, which is raising families, uh, still going on and putting on this face for the rest of the world and acting as if they're not doing clandestine stuff at night, you know, or whenever they were doing it, you know, being couriers and running intelligence networks and things like that. So um I said, oh my God, if there was ever a group that is kind of correlative to these women of the past, it's this group of ladies that I get to be part of, right? My friends and the the women that we've um kind of come out of the woodwork to say, holy shit, I love what you guys are doing. I've needed this for so long. I can't believe it's never existed for me. And please let me participate. And that's just like been really the the at the center of what's driving us. Because you know, we're not we're nonprofit, so like we're not really at the point where we're getting paid yet or anything. And we got a team that's amazing, they're crushing it, and they're just like working 30 out of 24 hours a day, bending over backwards to make this thing successful, and it's because and I think that the it's giving them purpose. They feel like they're doing something so meaningful that is so needed that they're just happy to do it regardless. Um, so yeah, the very long answer to your question. Yeah, it's definitely rooted in um the women that I learned about, unfortunately later in my career, but fortunately at the time I did, so that I could then commemorate them in a way that we think is the the best way to commemorate them. Show the world, educate, educate young women and men even, like just educate everyone on what these ladies did. A lot of them were uh eventually executed when they got caught, you know. A lot of them were at the top of the Gestapo's uh most wanted list. Um, they you know, like imagine that you're a mom of six, right? At the time they were having tons of kids, and Hitler has you at the top of his list somewhere. Like, how badass is that? I just I think it's so cool, and not a lot of people know about it. So No.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

And it's lost, it's gonna be lost in history. And just recently, a a an Italian woman, Paula, um last name, she was uh uh part of the resistance force. She was she jumped in. She was part of the British uh uh network and she jumped in. And through this initiative, and I I know you up you probably already know it, but we tend to think Americans, as Americans, like we're super proud of everything we've done. Like, no, dude, no. You need to go to Normandy, you need to go to France and and see the how fanatical the people are of the history, and you're bringing back something that's been that they've wanted to see, that's been missing, the representation of all those figures, of all those individuals, those women that like you mentioned earlier, that were such integral parts to uh saving our down pilots, getting our PW POWs across the friendly lines, pushing information forward. In fact, someone like uh I think it was actually Paul. I think that's why she got the uh the award, the um the Sam Michaels Medal, um the Order of St. Michael. I think that she got it finally because of the work she did to bring news and information to the front lines of our uh troops, uh guys in 82nd. Um the connective tissue is there. It it's it's I can't believe it's taken this long for somebody to take this

Building A Nonprofit Without Losing Trust

SPEAKER_01 18:58

on. And and you mentioned it a little bit, the nonprofit space is not uh it's not an easy thing to dive into when it comes to raising funds. How have you guys gone through and navigated doing all of this legwork and putting together this pretty heavy lift to do with a small group of people?

SPEAKER_02 19:16

It did, it's been a nightmare and a blessing. At the same time, I'll tell you, I don't know many people in the world who would say, Hey, I got I don't have enough going on. Why don't I just start a business and make it a nonprofit? Possibly the hardest business to start. And then on top of that, let's just go ahead and add in the way we're gonna kind of put this business on the map uh by virtue of a high-risk operation international with multiple very different organizations from all different places. Um, and then let's make that our official launch. Like I don't know any sane person who would ever do that. And uh coincidentally, I decided to do that. Uh, and I definitely made the decision, the conscious decision, yes, this is a good idea. Um, and so the the the starting the nonprofit, that was never my first choice.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

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SPEAKER_02 20:24

In fact, many of the women in our group, uh, if I didn't already know them from service, right? So my friends from my time in the military, then I met a lot of them, a lot of the OGs, we're calling them of the group, I met them at a at a healing retreat.

Vision Loss And Finding Real Help

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Um so I, you know, I had this really anomalous eye condition that's uh medboarding me out of the military. Otherwise, I'd probably stay for another 25, 26 years. But I have this eye condition that's causing a vision loss and potentially uh eventual blindness. And um, and so since it's so anomalous, uh, nobody could really diagnose it uh with much certainty. I have about an 80% certain diagnosis, but that's even kind of pushing it. Um, but so because I could not really get a diagnosis, and mind you, I had seen uh four different specialists around the United States over the course of, you know, this has been since 2022. So I'm going on four years now. Um, in May it will be four years, and I still don't really have a solid idea of what it is, nor do I have solutions. So just to put that into perspective of like the conundrum I'm in, um, I had started outsourcing how I attacked this problem. And I'd started working with Task Force Dagger. I'm sure you're familiar with them. They're freaking amazing. Oh, you love Jeff.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

Jeff ended up at seventh group, I think, didn't he? On his way out.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Or Tam just No, he's been down to Tampa, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

It was Tampa. Okay, so so come then I think, and then that's where he is. But um, you know, I knew Jeff from actually my fight days. He used to do jujitsu presenting jujitsu, and it's kind of funny because the first time he started talking about About like taking care of soft operators and our health and mental health, TBI, all that stuff. You know, I I don't want to say I didn't really care about it, but it wasn't on the top of my mind.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

I was like, For none of us, it's never.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Tell me your cutting technique because I gotta cut 10 pounds by like Sunday. So, like, what can I do to not feel like shit, but also lose 10 pounds so I can go compete in this uh tournament or fight or whatever, right? That's how I knew Jeff. And then he every time we would see, you know, then he was transitioning more out of that. And I think he was headed down to Florida. So then we would cross paths a little bit less frequency, frequently. And then every time I saw him, he would still like bring up the task force Dagger stuff. But at the time I didn't understand quite what a big deal it was. Um, at least I don't mean like notably, I mean like how crucial and important that initiative was. And so fast forward probably at least 10 years after we were having those talks, and I would see him in the fight community and around Fort Bragg, um I had this I thing, and um back it up. Before my I thing, my best friend in the army, her son, who was like a son to me, killed himself. And um, that I think threw all of our already like kind of terrible mental health into like a downward spiral. Her, of course, the worst in the worst way, right? As a mother. And um, the first place I turned was Task Force Dagger. I said, yo, she is not doing well. She is actually verbally, suicidally ideating, and please help her. And so they did. And the protocols that they uh supported her with are the ones that, you know, fast forward, my vision took a dip. And I'm like, yo, you guys have been uh promoting this with me, like, and I've never taken you up on it because it's a protocol that addresses PTSD. And I said, I don't have that, right? Like I there's no way I have that. I've been I've been through all this stuff and I've just pushed through and I've deployed, and yeah, I'm fine. No, I was not fine. And one of the things everyone was saying about my eyes was uh the the condition they thought it was is one that's rooted in PTSD. And so my vision took a dip. I got really scared. I said, Oh, okay, you guys need to let me do this. Please, please, please send me. I I want to take you up on it now. And so they did. And after that, um, it at least uh for sure I needed it, I'll tell you that. It turned my life around. It kind of plateaued my vision, uh, probably because it was getting at my stress and trauma. Um, but I will say I it definitely changed my life and it probably did save my life because I think I was probably uh heading down a bad way of dealing with my stress and trauma. And it was the path that I'm talking about that it could have taken wasn't necessarily like a substance one, like most people are like they turn to drinking and drugs. Mine was more how I was treating those that I loved the most and in my decision making. So I was a horrible mother and I was horrible to Nick. I was horrible to my husband, right? I was um my mood was so volatile all the time, my headaches were so so persistent, I couldn't even participate in life, right? I couldn't participate with my family when they're when we actually have the time, which is also a very rare commodity, right, with both of our schedules, and uh the the moments that we would have together would just be trash because of me. Um and so that really changed that treatment that uh Task Force Eger did for me really, really turned all that around. I think it's giving, you know, my family the life they wanted because they have the mom and the wife that they wanted that they need.

Trauma Ripples Through The Whole Family

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Um you're you're tapping to something that we don't talk about enough, which is we highlight the guy, we put a lot of emphasis on focusing on on the operator at home, and we don't focus on dual military often, but we also don't look at the spouse and how difficult it is. Like Nick's got a visual, visual injury. You see, oh my god, we got to take care of that. The spouse is fighting her own battles, her own demons. And oftentimes they're keeping everything else together. And what I've seen, what I've seen working with Special Force Foundation, being a pure Peterport supporter, seeing individuals that get sent to places to get better, they come back home, and they're like, Oh, I got mindfulness, I've got this resource. I just read the body keeps a score. I know why my immune system is going crazy. I got all this stuff figured out, and the wife's sitting there like, yo, dog, yeah, help.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

And also there, that that also breeds a little bit of resentment because the spouse is the one seeing the other spouse get all this help and support, and they feel so isolated. And there's a uh, I think it is Task Force Dagger that recognizes that very much because the family uh is is crucial in readiness of the operator both in and out of the military, and they send the spouse to do the stellate ganglion block uh with with the one that's getting the treatments. Um, and I it's funny you bring that up too, because I was looking into it after Nick got hurt. You know, I looked around. So that the treatment that they sent me for, and I'll eventually answer your continu, I'll remind me to continue telling you about the girls, how we all came together and our healing. But um, so so Nick got hurt. Um, he was all doped up. They put had him on dilatid, ketamine, all the all the shit. And when I did my treatment with Task Force Dagger, the one that I had asked him for, it was very intense in clinic ketamine therapy, paired with a dual stellate ganglion block. So they hit each of my uh ganglion nerves. And then um a therapy that was laid on by I think Operation Healing Forces, and they just outsourced, they partner with all these amazing organizations to give us what we need. And another thing, you know, in addition to that, that kind of educated me on how we support the spouses and the family members who are absolutely crucial to the readiness of the operator. Uh, you know, Nick speaks at a lot of these nonprofit events to help them raise money, and he's the keynote speaker. And at a lot of them, I go and I, you know, I network, I talk to the crowd, the audience, and I I'm always looking for to educate myself on the resources out there, not just for me, but everyone else I know who could use them. And I have yet to find one that treats the immediate family members who could absolutely benefit from it. So, like while Nick was like dying, actually, you know, he died and was brought back to life twice. Um, you know, imagine being the mom or the dad back home stateside, and the only comms you get are the first call to say, sh I think your son's gonna die. And we'll keep you posted. And then you don't know anything else that's happening except for that you're just waiting anxiously to to hear that, hey, he's okay or hey, he just passed. And um, that in and of itself is traumatic enough for anybody, but for the civilian who may have like one to three traumas in their lifetime, you know, that's huge. And um, the fact that we're not offering them services is is weird to me. Um, you know, so like if it's so weird, why don't you do something about it? Well, I think I kind of am with my organization, but I'm surprised at how many there aren't. And then uh when I'm finally, finally um got my treatments, um, you know, I was always wondering like why Nick is not more messed up over his injury and stuff. And I was almost like upset and why I'm so messed up and he's not. And after I did my therapy, I kind of came to the conclusion that it must be because, you know, he was out of it the whole time. He was unconscious. He doesn't remember every time they said, you know, he's got a massive infection, and I'm sitting there at the hospital with him in Afghanistan, not sleeping, not eating. I all the things. I kept a journal of everything that happened because I knew he'd want to know what happened when he woke up.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

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SPEAKER_02 30:36

And um, you know, every time they said something, and I'm sitting there sweating bullets over it, anxious for him, stressed for him, he's in La La Land on Delauded and ketamine having the trip of his life, you know? And um I didn't understand uh how how all those things worked in conjunction with one another and primarily why they give ketamine. And so after I had had my therapy and I talked to him, I said, Hey, I kind of figured out, like I was I've been racking my brain and really upset that I've been the burden on the family because I'm all messed up over this, and of course, some other things, and why you have been so resilient in all of it and why it didn't really mess you up as much as I perceive it's messing me up. And he said, Well, yeah, duh, like they give us ketamine so we don't have the trauma and uh whatever else they give. And I was like, damn, that would have been nice to know, like 13 years ago when I first had the symptoms, and I just thought I was being a wuss about it. And um, and I kind of was like, I it makes sense, you know. So, like, lucky you. I mean, you're missing a leg, but like you don't have all this other crap that I'm, you know, I have that I'm burdening everyone with. Um, you know, I think that's the worst in all of it. I feel like I've burnt burdened my family by my actions, my decisions, and the way that I was just acting uh with all this this trauma. Definitely TBIs in there, uh if not from from combat stuff and banging my hands. From training, yeah. From training, from fighting, from I played rugby for the Army rugby team at Fort Bragg. Uh I mean, it's you you're like you're you're checking every box. I checked every box, and it's almost like I was on a mission to again like operate my life on level 5,000 uh with all the difficulties that I sought out. Um so yeah, I just knowing that kind of was a little bit validating for me. Um, you know, like he and don't get me wrong, I would never wish his injury on him again. I know he says he would do it all over again and because it gave him the life we had, you know. Yeah, I I love the life we have and I want it, but I hate watching him work so hard to be able to do day-to-day life, you know, that people don't see um the behind-the-scenes work that he has to do just to be on two legs. The pain, the nerve pain, the ice baths, the sauna, like all that stuff to preserve his longevity so he can still play football with our kids in the backyard when you know we had kids pretty late. So um preserving it now, just to be an active birthman in our family, he does so much extra that the average person doesn't have to do while he's dealing with so much more pain than the average person uh deals with. Um, you know, dealing with as much pain as he has every day, uh, it I think I said it burns like five times the energy as the regular person not dealing with pain. Um, so just imagine like being tired all the time and still getting up at 4 30 to go do all those things, to be a good husband and a dad and an active, uh successful, thriving member of society. Like he's doing all those things that nobody really sees. Um so yeah, the therapy was helpful. It explains why he doesn't really have that much trauma for I'm not saying he doesn't have trauma, and then he if he wants to talk about his trauma, he can, but I'm just saying I think he didn't have as traumatic of an experience with it as I did after the initial onset. Because don't get me wrong, I know he remembers bleeding out, and that was very traumatic, like knowing he's gonna probably die. Um, but after the the the aftermath after they saved his life, that waiting to see if he was alive or dead for the next 30 days and all that stuff was uh not easy, you know, right? It sucked. And um, it wasn't just me, it was his parents, his sissy, he's got a sister. I mean, that was hard on all of them. There's not a lot available for them, you know?

SPEAKER_01 34:25

Yeah. And that that's something that we don't talk about, the the impact, like what it ha what happens to the family members when they go through that. I think we get we get hyper-fixated and focused on the story of the injury, the mechanism, the tr the combat story. But nobody wants to focus on the family member and and especially not like the the years after, you know. Oh, you know, the the remembrance and memorials, yes, that's great, and then we move on, but you still gotta put together a family. You still gotta offer support and resources to that wife, to those kids, because that impacts everybody. And we look, you know, looking at your journey where you're at today, and we do so much in our life to help others when we're givers, when we're people of service, but that also makes us like minimize our own lived experience. Like, have you gotten to the point where you're finally able to say, you know what? I need a break. I carry uh I carry a lot for other people. I deserve to fill my cup now.

Mentorship Requirements And Self-Advocacy

SPEAKER_02 35:28

Yeah. We see that it's it's also funny you mentioned that too, because that's been the common denominator in our group of women. So when we mention the idea, like, hey, you guys, uh, we want to invite you to this jump, and it's gonna be work though. Like to earn your spot here, you got to do this. So we have everyone participating, we have a requirement to mentor someone throughout this, right? So we have that requirement, yeah, because we want them to give back and earn their spot. And then we also want to help the next generation of women. So, like they find someone who needs it, or if you don't, I'll find I have plenty on my list that need it, that I don't have the time, right? And um, so that's one requirement. And then the other one is you're gonna have to fundraise for yourselves. We're a new nonprofit, we don't have any money. And uh, that's another way you can earn it. And uh, we did that for a bunch of reasons. One of which was like the the obvious one was which was to prevent kind of like opportunists who were just gonna be here to show up and and do it and take that spot away from someone else who actually wanted to come and commemorate women of the past and actually wanted to be part of something bigger than themselves. Um, so we use that as kind of a deterrent for opportunists and also again to to earn the spot, just like the rest of us. And um, so with the fundraising requirement, it kind of scared everyone because they're like, well, shoot, I'll go cold call anyone all day long if it's for my girl Gabby right here. But if the second you ask me to do it for me, I I don't know how to do that. I can't, my I my humility won't let me do it. And um, so it's kind of that was an early challenge that we had. Um, but it's reflective of what you just said, right? Like we, uh most of us, we're happy to advocate for anybody else first. But when it comes to advocating for ourselves, I don't know why that's such a barrier. Uh I mean, I can tell you that I experienced it for a large chunk of my career until finally I got so sick of the medical system wasting my time. And time is precious when you're dealing with certain certain medical things. Uh another challenge that we had was fertility, and it's probably because of something the military doctors also did for me. And it led to some fertility challenges for us. And um, you know, if if anybody listening is in uh understands the challenges of fertility, time is absolutely not on your on your side. And if, you know, I had been referred to a clinic, um, again, it I think it's no fault of the doctor who referred me, but they just they were so unfamiliar with uh dealing with women's needs in an all special forces unit. And then also, like, okay, well, shoot, we have our first woman. She now she has this challenge, and we've only ever dealt with it for the men. So, like, what do we do for the women who need this? And then they referred me to just the first clinic that showed up in their list of of clinics available, and that place ended up being a total scam and waste of time and money, lots, lots of money that we didn't have. And um I got so pissed about it when they wasted my time in meds on a cycle. It came to the tune of about $8,000 and time we didn't have. Um, I got just got so mad that I said, there's no way this has to be how it is. So I started researching and investigating, and I found that, yep, I didn't have to go there. In fact, there are military medical treatment facilities I could have gone to for free or very low cost to me. And they actually do the services more frequently than the other place did. So again, the time factor, right? That was so crucial because if you're only offered these services every six months, and with time your condition's getting worse or your likelihood of success is worse, then that's not optimal for me. So I found, you know, the service at Walter Reed, and that I found, in fact, that I didn't have to go through this really crappy referral system and that I had a little bit more autonomy and how my path went for that particular situation. And then we ended up with the Walter Reed option, which was much more um it much, I don't want to say it was successful because it didn't end up working, but it had it checked all the blocks uh that we needed, and it, you know, it does work for other people. They do a fantastic service there. It's just our situation it didn't work for. So um, but yeah, I just I found out the hard way. And that was very late in my career. I never knew I could just advocate for myself and I thought it was just that way, and that's what I had to accept. You know, it took me getting mad enough and having it happen enough times that I said, screw this, I don't have to do there's no way this is how it is. There's no way people go through like what if I had cancer and like they're like, oh, sorry, we can only refer you to this one place and they don't treat everything and they don't cover everything, and the earliest you can be seen there is like the fall of 2028. Like that's how everything had seemed to go up until that point. And when I took it upon myself to finally be more vested in my own advocacy, I came up with a great solution for our family and for me. And just, you know, it's now I'm sharing that with everybody because I we got another girl in our group going through the same thing, and she thought she had to uh go to whoever they referred her to, and she still has to pay out of pocket a crap ton of money. Yeah, uh five five figures for each cycle, right? That's who can afford that.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

Yeah, we were victims of that as well.

unknown 40:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

Yeah. Shout out to uh the system, that dog shape fertility doctor in Pensacola.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Oh, so you guys have them down there too. Yeah. Okay, so it's not just us here.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

Nope, nope, it's the only place it would refer you to. And I nearly got in a fist fight with this guy. Uh, it cost an insane amount of stress and fighting uh in in our in our relationship. And it yeah, it again, the only person that came in and and said, We can make this happen. I have a way to help you. That was Dr. Mark Gordon. Every chance I get, because that Dr. Pensacola just drained our account. And then his last thing after he took over, I think, 10K was uh, yeah, it's never gonna happen for you. We're we're gonna we're gonna just look at other donation options, other ways of doing it. And then in in a moment of of crisis, in a moment of like, you know, it was like it was it was it's a pivotal moment because I just got back into my faith and I I just got this horrible situation with a doctor. I go back home after hearing that news of it's never gonna happen for you.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 41:56

And I threw a little temper tantrum in my car, and uh, you know, like, oh wow, you know, what good is going to have faith? And I'm like, wait a second, hold on a second. If this is all it takes for me to walk away from my faith, like wow. Like I remember I went on a walk around my neighborhood. I just took a lap around my call this I'm like, wow, man, like that's that's you right now. This is you, you're ready to just walk away from everything just because you hear this. And I don't know, or I and I already had met Dr. Gordon. We'd already been on on a couple of the shows that I produced, and I just I reached out to him. I was like, hey, here's what we're doing. And in typical Dr. Gordon factory, oh, absolutely not, we'll figure this out. We got this, don't even worry about it. Uh let's let's get your labs and uh a year to the day, a year to the day, and now we have Izzy.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

Um, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

It's just incredibly it it's when we don't advocate for ourselves, yeah, when we're not willing to to put ourselves in the forefront of that priority list and say something, then we're not only making the situation worse for ourselves, but then we could potentially be helping others by just thinking of ourselves. And in those moments, like just like you just shared and I'm sharing right now, like all it took was being willing to say, you know what? No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take the money as a loss. I'm gonna reach out to another provider, I'm gonna reach out to another doctor. And then boom, now you have a resource you can share with everybody else. And what you're building through your your project through this endeavor is a whole little army of women like you that are learning to put their the import the importance of putting themselves first, being able to dream of doing something huge and epic and difficult, and then the mentorship art, which I haven't seen. I think we we we do all these retreats for guys and we just kind of think that they'll become, you know, hey, maybe they'll they'll pick up mentorship. But by putting mentorship on the docket as a first priority as something you have to do, you're building an army.

SPEAKER_02 43:53

Yeah, I still you know I've seen it a little bit in some, and I and you're right. And then so I guess back to the original now now this is How we circle back to what I

When A Healing Retreat Exploits Pain

SPEAKER_02 44:01

wanted to follow up on. So, yeah, the girls, most of us, the OGs, where we met was one of those healing retreats, and they had promised the world. They promised all this healing for all these things. And there are girls showing up there with suicidal ideations. There are girls severely depressed, girls who had been sexually uh assaulted since childhood, girls who had had sexual assaults in the military, um, all these things. You know, I went there with my eye condition and they promised like healing and a follow-on one-year program, which I was like, yeah, that's the format I would probably do. That sounds successful, and it will give me what I need. And we had gone there and it was really more just like indoctrination and leveraging the vulnerabilities of these women and kind of exploiting that to the advantage of the organization that sent us out there to try to solicit more funds, right? Pay us to volunteer for us for this three tiers of training you have to participate in before you're allowed to even volunteer. And then, uh, but we want you healthy so you can volunteer. So, like, you know, kind of playing on that to get to make a sale is what it very much felt like. And um, afterwards, I was like, okay, I'll still, I'm gonna keep my criticisms to myself because I think if the army's taught me anything, it's taught me to be a cynic. And I just thought I was being too skeptical and too like CI. And I gave it a chance because I'm like, why would anybody want to be this nice to me? Why would they want to just give me something? I didn't understand that. And so I kept it to myself and then I waited to see what resources they were actually gonna give us that's that following year, and not a single one. Um, and same with the other girls. In fact, the one girl who's in our organization, um, you know, she's paralyzed from the waist down from the army, her army surgeons. Um and they were operating on her to help her with the injury from uh Iraq. She was IED'd. And um uh during surgery, they had emergency close her up because they they paralyzed her. And um, you know, she went there looking for the same kind of answers we all were. I'm looking to not go blind. There's girls looking to get through their traumas. Um, there's girls looking to save their own lives. And uh, you know, her it gave her a little bit of hope. And then she went back to one of their training events, and like the very first day she was there, one of the cadre told her, uh, hey, I don't even really know why you're here. We have nothing for you in your condition. Um, and I just don't know who does that to another human being. But then after that, um, instead, you know, like uh that's worse bad enough. But then after that, they had still wanted to use her likeness to raise money. Oh, look at this girl we have here, she's injured and we're helping her, right? Like you said with Nick, a very visual representation of an injury, right? And um it just broke my heart. And I said, screw you guys, like why would you do that to somebody? You know, I found out later that another guy in the group committed suicide. The first thing the the the founder wanted to do was tell his story, his sob story. And she she uh she packaged it up to the family in like, oh no, it's gonna help him raise raise money for your family. No, the the it was it was to to boost them up for her for her uh I guess personal profit, if you will. Um so you know, after that, we all uh the group came to the the conclusion after hearing from the staff that existed at the time and a mass exodus and an eventual, I know the organization, um, they have some some legal troubles right now, I guess. And um the girls said they we don't want to be affiliated with them, but we want to stay in touch. We love this connection we have, we love the resources that we're all getting from one another, and we just love the support. Um, you know, and I understood at the time, having I never wanted to go to college. I hated it. Uh, I realized the closer I was to getting out that I needed a degree to be competitive on the civil civilian market. So I went and I got my degree in psychology because I've always loved it. And that's was my job primarily in the military was psychological operations. I got my degree in psychology online. I will say that it was online, like most of us. So I don't know how much weight it was.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

I graduate I graduated with honors from ASU, my undergraduate. So I'm proud.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

Yeah, I I actually did too, and I don't know really what that means for me, but yeah, I I got on whatever list you're on with my GPA. And um one of the things that I really the highlight of that whole uh re-education by virtue of getting a degree was that I learned, I kind of knew this, but having it uh explained and articulated in psychological terms uh and and academia was that the the highest likelihood of thriving and successful outcomes in life are uh correlative to your closest circle, your uh your network, your support network. And they find that uh elderly, the ones who live longer, are the ones who have a circle of at least three to five very close good friends, positive influences in their life. And so I knew that was a factor, and I knew that was going to keep this group together longer because we were already seeing the benefits of having that positive support network in each other. Um, and so that's kind of how this whole thing came about. You know, the the girls, you know, after that, yeah, we didn't really get any of the the benefits that this organization had promised us. And in fact, that kind of deterred me from even considering standing up a nonprofit. Uh, just my one negative very negative experience with one. Um, I just I never wanted to do it. I, you know, I had started looking into like how they were able to, because this is another thing that I believe they're being investigated for is uh fraud and embezzlement and dis uh misappropriation of of donor money. And um so I had started looking into how somebody could get away with that for so long. Why and why not? And I found that the majority of like fraud in business in the US, anyways, is done by nonprofits. It's like 70%. Uh, it's a very high number. And so that was an instant deterrent for me, was that experience? And then the the little bit of research that I did to see like why somebody would do that, how you could even possibly think of doing that when you're saying you're there to do stuff for good and out of benevolence, and it's really for self and personal enrichment. Um, I just I could never do that to somebody. And 95% of the people that I've worked with in this space also could never do that. It's that small percentage that's making up the 70% statistic of like who's doing the dirty work in the nonprofit space. So uh that was originally a deterrent. I didn't want to do one. And finally I realized when we decided to move forward with making it a business, um, that we need to have a for-profit side and a nonprofit side to make it accessible for those who cannot afford the for-profit stuff.

unknown 51:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

Um, and then of course, like if we're gonna invest this much time and money, there's gotta be some type of a profitable aspect to it because again, number one in my life is my family. And same for the other ladies here. So if you're doing all this work, yes, we'll do the purpose stuff that gives back to people who don't have access. And it also gives you access to different pots of money, different avenues of uh revenue streams, and et cetera. Um, but uh the for-profit side, it has to also give back to us and protect and take care of our families. So um that's early on. Like we're not really quite there with the for-profit side, but the nonprofits take it off. Um, I mean, it's we've gotten so much support and it's just so reflective of how much people have needed this. It's reflective of the demand that we already knew was there, right? Like there was a little bit of market, uh, not a little bit, a lot, a lot of market research, but then a lot of just living the experience of the demand, right? We were all doing these things already and sharing, you know, hey, girl, hey Sylvia, can you talk to this girl? She's uh close to you. She has a similar uh lifestyle and she's experienced some of the similar things. You will you will you talk to her? She just needs someone to guide her through life. So yeah, pass her to her to Sylvia. Hey, Tony, uh, there's uh a girl, my daughter, uh, she's about to go to college, she's already got issues, and you know, I know your your history and you've been in the military. Like, will you talk to her? Yeah. And so that kind of kept multiplying and scaling to the point where I was spending more time uh doing this volunteerism for others, and it was taking away from my family and my my other livelihood, you know, my livelihood, my earning money for my family to support them. And I said, okay, I can't, this is not sustainable. It's not sustainable for you ladies either. We need to turn it into a business so that if this is what we're truly passionate about, then this is our primary function in life, our primary mission, and that's it. And then it just does all the tasks, right? Like it meets all the requirements. It helps support your family, it helps give you your purpose, right? Or helps feed your purpose, guide you in your purpose. And then um, it also invests in the next generation. And that's kind of like we're killing several birds with one stone with this mission. And I think we all love that because we're all so busy and and and divided amongst a million initiatives and family and stuff like that. So I think uh the model is going to be successful, especially with the demand. The man demand has not slowed down, yeah, it's only grown.

Preparing Women For Hard Transitions

SPEAKER_01 53:33

I will say uh any thoughts about expanding into maybe like a transition program and making it part of like the the pipeline on your way out? Because I I will say this like you've lived it. You lived an experience of like, hey, I'm gonna be leaving the military. I'm I need to figure something out. It is so much easier when you're talking to somebody that understands your entire lived experience. Like when I talk to guys, as they're coming out and they're dude freaking out, I'm like, dude, don't be worried, don't don't freak out. You're gonna land a great job. It's gonna be scary for a second. But I think that there's there's a place for this in in Fox Force's future. Because I think it'd be great for for a woman from special operations to be like, oh fuck, what do I do? And there's Tony right there, like, come here, sis. I got you.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

I got your back. Yeah, uh, no, there is. We're actually so yeah, like right now, the the place for transition for us is through our mentorship program. So mentoring people through not just military transition, tra transition, transition, but major life transitions. Yeah, right. Because uh, you know, I if you know just soft see the joint special operations forces special senior enlisted academy, the Sour Major Academy, during that time, uh, you know, you have to write a lot of papers, do a lot of research and stuff like that. And we found one of the topics we were given for my group was suicide. And uh one of the the things that in our studies we found was that the precursors to suicide are either one or a series of negative life transitions, if you will. So dude gets in trouble, maybe he gets a DUI. He probably has the DUI because he had a negative life transition that he just didn't recognize or deal with, like the death of a friend or something like that. And or even just transitioning home from a deployment and your life has changed because your wife left you, or uh your kids don't know you anymore. And that's that's a transition in and of itself that we don't deal with, I think, appropriately. Um, so we mentor people through just life transitions, period, uh, because we understand that uh life transitions, especially negative ones, directly correlate to other major negative life events like suicide or drinking to the point of DUI, you now kill the family of seven in a van. You know what I mean? Like, so uh we recognize that, but I think um what we would do for like a transition program would be to partner with one of the existing ones that are already there to leverage the resources that are there and just offer to collaborate on something, or maybe eventually we'll do our own. I think where we're gonna prioritize, however, um, before a major transition program or initiative is gonna be preventative. So our concept is if we arm you with the tools that you need to navigate a major life transition, like joining the freaking army or joining the Navy or just going off to college, uh, that's a huge life transition that if you're not prepared for, you might assimilate in very unhealthy ways, or you might not assimilate at all, which leads to very unhealthy behaviors. So um the idea is kind of a preparatory course where we teach you healthy communication, right? Like how do you, uh if somebody is micro-harassing you, for example. So these little like things that aren't direct, like majorly recognizable forms of harassment, but they're just little things here and there, like how do you address that? Most often we don't address it. We just kind of, oh ha ha ha, or like what whatever the reaction is, uh, until it escalates into a major thing, which either involves you isolate yourself so much because you just don't know how to deal with it, you eventually just get out of the military. Or in some instances, I've seen like young women, this is horrible, but I will tell you this. My early what year was this? This is probably like 2006 time frame, maybe later. Um, I was in the headquarters company of my organization. And, you know, we had a new supply girl, 18, off the streets, never lived life outside. And her first real world experience with life was joining the arm. And uh, you know, she was um her way of assimilating was by seeking the attention of men in the right, they paid her attention, and she thought, oh yeah, I need someone to talk to. And then the dude probably leveraged it for uh some action, I guess you'll say, and she ended up pregnant. And I didn't know she was pregnant yet, but I had my first sergeant, and he said, Hey, Vermilio, you know, my name was Vermilio at the time. Uh, so-and-so is waiting in your office for you. I'm like, why? Like he's like, I need you to talk to her. I'm like, why? She's not my soldier. She's supply, have her supply sergeant talk to her. Um, you know, like he and supply sergeant was a dude. And he's like, She's waiting in there, just please talk to her. Like he didn't even want to tell me. So I go in my office and I'm like, what's up? What's going on? She wouldn't spit it out. She's basically like, I need a medical procedure and all this. And I'm like, okay, go to the hospital. Like, what why are you talking to me? I'm not a medical professional. She's like, well, no, I um I need someone to take me. I'm like, all right, there's your supply sergeant. He can take you. She's like, well, no, I um I'm pregnant. I'm like, oh, congratulations. And I didn't put two and two together. She's like, no, I need a medical procedure. And I was like, oh, that's what we're talking about. Okay, now I see the awkwardness here. And um, I guess long story longer, I won't tell you how the rest of the conversation went because I probably had a very brash response. But um basically they were asking me to take her on medical TDY to get an abortion, and um, and and and I had asked her like who's the father, she didn't know, and she's like, it could be this guy or this guy. I'm like, Jesus, you've been here at like a month or two. You've already done this with this many people. And you know, at the time I was too young to to really dig into it and realize why or how, but looking back on it, it's like, well, she had nobody, and she was already a single mother, unfortunately. She was already a single mother at 18. And, you know, her she um that was I think her weight of trying to assimilate and not being very successful at it. She did it in the wrong way. She didn't, in fact, assimilate, she just coped, she was trying to cope more more than assimilate, and um, it led to that situation. So I had to take her medical TUI to get an abortion. And then not even six months later, new supply girl, hey Fromelio, so-and-so's waiting in your office. And I'm like, Okay, oh, I go in there. And she's like, didn't even wait. She's just like, yeah, I heard what you did for this person. I need you to take me to a medical appointment. I'm like, geez, Louise, ladies. But it was that, you know, it was a pattern, and it was showing me that, like, if you're not armed with the the tools that you need to to go through that very, very drastic life transition, you're gonna fail. And um, failure surfaced in the form of uh another huge life life circumstance. An abortion is a huge decision. Um, and you know, that's could not have been easy on those girls. And I call them girls. They were, they were just that they were 18, 19, they were so young, and their kids expected to go. And uh again, you think someone like that is really advocating for themselves in the medical system you and I just described? Hell no. They didn't even have the guts to to um, I don't even remember how it was discovered that they were in the situations they were. I think someone had to pull it out of them uh because they were afraid to talk about it. And then of course they were acting, they were making the decisions they were making in who they were hanging out with and what they were doing with those people because they didn't have the tools they needed to know how to communicate. Hey, I'm not fitting in. Hey, um, I don't know how to act around this. I don't know how to respond when somebody walks by and they say, Oh, your hair's long, and they like grab your hair. Like I've had that happen to me. Um, you know, I've had CSMs um ask me if they could pick out my lingerie for me on Victoria's Secret website.

unknown 1:01:50

What?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:51

I've had CSMs invite me to their rooms and I I was dumb. Like I didn't know what they were asking at the time. I was like, Sergeant Major, why are you saying if I need a shoulder to cry and I can cry on yours, why are you still in the office at 11 o'clock at night? You know, this is on a deployment. So like I'm no hours are are weird. They're, you know, we work 24 hours. But so I asked him that as he's asking me this, you know, we had our little ops phones, and uh he says that to me, and I'm like, oh, he cares about me. He cares about his soldiers. He's asking how I'm doing after this very tough thing that happened. And um, and then he said, you know, if you need a shoulder cry on, just you can cry on mine. Like, that's a weird thing to say as a professional NCO to another professional NCO who's never opened that door. And then I I I get my wits about me, and I'm like, wait a second, Sergeant Major. Like, why are you up so late? You're usually out of there by this time. It's like, oh, I'm not in my office, I'm in my room. Oh, so now you're inviting me to your room to cry on your shoulder? Like, that's weird. Okay. And then, yeah, no, I'm good. I'm not coming to your room. And then again, he doesn't give up. He's like, okay, well, in case you change your mind, the doors open. This is my room number, and this is where I am on camp. I'm like, are you're not serious right now? This is not how, but that's that's what gets a lot of these young girls that have, you know, they look up to these people in positions of authority. Um, and it is like, I think it is an evolutionary trait, right? Like we women like a man with authority and uh that that, I don't want to say like father figure, but that like protection, the the that thing that we're looking for in a mate. And those these young ones that come in unarmed with what it looks like to be like groomed essentially or uh taken advantage of, they don't recognize it for what it is. And in the moment, it feels like it's giving them what they need, which is that comfort, that protection. Um, and I think the dudes know it and they take advantage of it to get what they want and think they need at the time. And so, and that same deployment, you know, we did see girls fall for that, and they actually fell for it with that guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:57

Jeez.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:57

Um, and to the point where it ruined their marriages um when it was found out. And so, yeah, it's it works. That's why, that's why guys do it. I know you've seen it, especially in separate. It's predatory. It's predatory. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:09

Um, but it it's the reality of the matter. And so I said, okay, knowing that that's a thing, you know, I understand it. I do. It is a very evolutionary thing. I understand it. It doesn't mean we have to accept it. There's a difference. So we will not accept it. And so if we can arm women with the tools they need to not only go into that in the military, but just in any major life transition, then that is what we're going to do. So uh a long, long way to answer your question. No, but the program is on the docket.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

It's important because when a young kid shows up to an infantry company, he's or or anywhere, uh, a young man gets mentorship and has a pathway. And I don't think we do a good job. And and I, you know, I I know things are changing, at least since my time, and I did see some difference. Uh there, there's a lot of initiatives that have pushed the envelope, but it's still something to be said about having somebody that looks like you with a career that you admire and you look forward to that can say, hey, come here, like you're gonna kick ass, you're gonna have a great career, but you need to watch out for this, this, this, and this. And this is gonna test you, and this is gonna try you, but you need to stay on the the straight and narrow and follow through with this. Uh mentorship is needed on both sides, not just it's not relegated to just men. And it's lifelong. It's lifelong. You don't you can have a mentor in your 40s, you can have several mentors, you can have a but the most important part of it is when you've gotten to a point in your life where you're doing great, where you're having great success, be willing to look over there where you were just at a few years ago or a few decades ago, and then reach out and help somebody else because that's how we make our communities better. That's how we make our great nation actually better by helping everybody around you to achieve success. It doesn't have to be a great competition with everybody. You can help. Other people succeed. Tony, before I let you go, please give us

How To Donate And Join Operation 82

SPEAKER_01 1:06:05

back. Let us know what how we can help with this mission, how we can help with Fox Force.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:11

Yeah, uh, there's a million ways to help. Uh, right now we're obviously fundraising for the jump to make sure that none of these amazing women have to come out of pocket because right now they pay up front and then they fundraise, and then whatever they raise to get reimbursed, that's the reimbursement. So we need a lot of help with that. And of course, like it's a challenge for them too, because a lot of them are very private because of how we were raised in the military or law enforcement or the intelligence communities. So they don't have a lot of social media. Um, so we need help fundraising for them all day long. Uh, we have a Zeffi link. I'll send it to you so you can share. Also, you can donate on our website at foxforce55.org, www.foxforce55.org, foxforce55.org. Um, you can check us out on any of our social medias. They all have the links to donate and support, which also take you to our website, and it's Fox Force on all of our socials LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram. We just got an X account. So you can find us on there. Um, and then we just started another really fun fundraiser that I would uh encourage everyone to participate in it in if you can. And it's called Operation 82, and it's basically like that ALS ice bucket challenge where you do the challenge, you call somebody out, um, and then you donate, and then that person continues to call other people out and it is keep the challenge going. And it's just like a fun way to bring awareness to both it's so it's it's Fox Force versus the Green Beret Foundation, and um, whoever gets the most uh donations gets a larger chunk of the funds raised. Um, and then we're gonna face off in Normandy with them with like something on the beaches, like a major workout and a little competition to kind of highlight it and make it fun. And um, that is at 82.heropics.org is where you can go do that challenge, or you can go to the Operation 82 Instagram page and just join in. It's it's really fun. You just do 82 of something, whether it's like 82 minutes of meditation, 8.2 miles, uh 8.2 minutes of no devices and just like floor time with your kids, uh, 82 push-ups, which sucked for me the other day. Like whatever you want to do, try for the pull-ups. I don't know. Nick Nick Nick did pull-ups the other day. So um there's multiple ways to to find us and uh participate. And then if you're interested in supporting in other ways, just contact us through the website. There's a contact form, and we'd love to hear your ideas and your thoughts on how we could do better, what ideas or initiatives we could we could improve on, uh, ways that we can incorporate people who just want to help. We're always looking for that.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:42

Awesome. Well, guys, do me a favor, pause the episode and uh just screenshot or scan this QR code right there. That's that's for my editor to worry about, not me. So we'll do it again. Put a QR code right there and uh do another one right there. Scan both or scan one. Please support this initiative. Please, please, please. Um I again, I've got some connective tissue, somebody that I think is incredible, that has been part of my own healing journey. We were friends, uh, but we were both going through some challenges, challenging times back in the day, and we're both fellow warrant officers. So I have a lot of love and a big, big, big mark in my heart for Ingrid. I think she's incredible. And if we can help her on her mission to get there and jump, please scan the QR code, donate today, or even better, go to the clink or go to the episode description, click those links, follow them on Instagram, on Facebook, send them some positive feedback. But please get behind this mission. This is an important thing. And if you haven't gone to Normandy, figure out a way to get there. It's one of the most impactful things I ever got to do. Uh, shout out to Best Defense Foundation for uh making it happen last year. That was an incredible uh trip and one that I will uh not forget. But uh, Tony, I can't thank you enough for being here, but more importantly, for the work that you're doing to elevate these voices because it's not about just taking care of one side of the equation, it's both people. When we highlight that the impact of war and service impacts the entire household, it puts a lot more focus on what we need to do, which is rally around these families, rally around these individuals and the women that are quietly keeping it all fucking together. Like my wife.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:25

We're really not.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:28

Stony again. Thank you so much for being here, and we'll see you all next time. Till then, take care.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:34

Thank you so much. It's been awesome.