Security Halt!

The Human Side of Heroes: A Navy SEAL’s Journey Through Grit, Addiction & Recovery

• Deny Caballero • Season 7 • Episode 380

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In this episode, Deny Caballero sits down with former Navy SEAL Zack Ferguson for a raw, vulnerable look at the realities behind the Trident. Zack shares his journey through BUD/S, the grit required to push through adversity, and the hidden struggles that followed—addiction, family challenges, identity loss, and the difficulty of transitioning out of the Teams. Together, they break down the importance of community, asking for help, and finding purpose after service. This conversation is a powerful reminder that even elite warriors are human—and healing starts with connection.

 

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SPEAKER_03:

Board before we uh approve this mission is like fuck. Paperwork PowerPoint. If only people knew like the amount of shit you had to do to get on target. Like Yeah, this con op. It's uh it's great, but we just want this graphic move to smidge to the left. I was like, Do you have a fucking lieutenant on the jock floor that could fucking do that? No, cool. I'll do it. Thanks. Zach Ferguson, welcome to Security Hulk Podcast. How's it going, man? Danny doing super well.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks for having me on uh Security Halt.

SPEAKER_03:

So to be here. Dude, I am I'm thrilled to have you on. Um, you know, a lot of us uh on the outside that never served, they'll um they hear stories, the accolades of guys from from our community, and they're like, fuck, dude, Navy SEAL, fucking sniper, fucking deployments downrange, engage the enemy. These fucking guys, they're immortal, they're invincible. And the reality is like you're a human being, and the lessons learned come from living a life that's filled with fucking ups and downs. And that's something that I love bringing to the audience. Individuals such as yourself that come from our community that can say, yo, brother, like I'm I'm not master chief from Halo, I'm I'm a human being. And to tell you the truth, I've struggled. I come from a very, very similar background. We've I've gone through this, I've done this. Being able to share those stories and that background gives people understanding. They're like, fuck, all right, like if that guy can do it, if he can rise above, then fuck, maybe I can do the same. So uh yeah, today, man, I want to dive into your story because you've you've got a very similar story to a lot of our our brothers who have uh come on the show and shared.

SPEAKER_00:

That's interesting. You see that I did like a QA on my Instagram, driving home from work right now, and someone asked me, What's the most what's one thing that people misinterpret about you? And I'm like, I haven't replied yet, but I'm like, I'm not superhuman. I'm just like an average dude with an uncommon desire to do great things and give back.

SPEAKER_03:

That's it. Yeah, absolutely, man. That's uh that's the truth, man. There's a passion and a drive that maybe is a little bit superhuman, maybe it does dip into that, but other than that, like we're flesh and bone. Like we we we fall victim to some of the same things that our brothers fall victim to. But it's being able to have this discussion, these these conversations where we don't focus on you know what was it like when you're an objective fucking hunting down the Taliban, it's like, dude, like those stories are great. And fucking Jack Carr can write some great fiction based on a little bit of reality and truth. But I think what our our audience and the people out there need to know, just like that individual sent you that message, like they need a truth. That A, if they choose to, they can follow this path and they can do this. And B, if they're also facing things like homelessness, addiction, pression, these are all things that are common to us. And we can share our vulnerable stories of how we overcame these things and give them hope. So, brother, please, how did you tell us a story, man? Take it all the way back to the beginning. How did you find yourself having this dream of wanting to be a SEAL?

SPEAKER_00:

So, yeah, growing up, my parents are from Boston, I'm from Orange County, and my dad, my dad left like a drug and infested arm rob banking like lifestyle to raise his children out of state. He's a rock stars, my hero for sure. And was my baseball coach growing up. Then I I shifted. I wanted to like I started like diving into warrior cultures. It's like UFC fighter, but like that's a warrior culture. And then but it's like a selfish goal. It's like you're not really necessarily protecting anyone, you're just it's like a it's a sport, but also like you have great great skills to go with it. And then, you know, my dad growing up, the Boston Marathon, he finished and he finished across the finish line with his timestamp and like a photo in our living room. I see it every day in and out, right? And then I'm watching the marathon with him in 2013, and then I watched like the terrorists pull up the race at the end, and that was like the shift who which made me the goddess like turn around and go like a 180-degree direction. You need to protect your homeland, your friends, family, country, loved ones. And I said, okay, it was such an easy yes. I just didn't know like, okay, what I want to do in the Navy or in the military. I've always like had big goals, dreams, ever since I was, ever since I could remember. And I said, okay, well, like found out what Navy SEALs were. I wanted to fight at the highest level to protect at the highest level, go to the hardest training. And so I did it, and I just went and it was very cut and dry. It was like six months of thinking in my room about okay, what does it take? What does this entail? This training, I had to go to the death. I'm like, cool. So the getting that headspace is like was sick, demented, tormenting, and hard and draining. But once I like said yes fully after six months, it was very freeing. It was like almost I was reborn, or like I'd already died. And then I was okay, there's nothing else left. I'm already dead. Let's do this. Then I left in 2015, November. Yeah. Actually, this month, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Damn. Yeah, it's it's funny, man. Like uh hearing the the call to action. Like for a lot of uh the GWAP veterans I talk to, it's like 9-11, that's a concrete moment. But equally as impactful is is the bombing at the Boston Marathon. Like, that's another polarizing event that's like sparks that fire within a lot of young men that was like, I need to be defender. Like I need to, I need to be on the other side. Like, take us through that. That it's one thing to prepare, it's one thing to like work on that mindset before you get there. And uh what was it like getting that first punch in the face, that first you know, punch in the face of being out there and actually being cold, being miserable, being in the sand, like, oh fuck. This is real.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's a good question. Uh day one of BUDs, we're waiting like 3:30 in the morning to do grinder PT, and then I had the bell ring, and I'm like, I don't understand. Like, we just we haven't started yet. So I'm gonna quit like just check the weather that morning. Nah, bro. Done. It's just uh psychological warfare they the instructors have waiting for the evolution to happen is worse than the evolution itself. Like your mind is just fucking with you like mad, and it's just you have to like put it in a box and be like, I don't give two fucks what we're doing next. What matters is in this moment, like I'm doing these five push-ups I had to do, or these hundred push-ups. And it was kicking the balls for sure. And especially the first week, like we did um the underwater swim 50 meters. I drowned like during that. I remember like kicking off the wall and then hitting the other side, and I'm like, there's no chance in hell I make it to the other side without coming up. I'm like, well, coming up is not an option. Hopefully they saved me, and luckily they did.

SPEAKER_03:

Were you did you have were you a swimmer before that? Had any experience at all?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I I dove around in the ocean a little bit, but I was by no means a swimmer.

SPEAKER_02:

I could like not drown in the pool, but I couldn't swim pretty good.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So it was it was uh I got asked this quite a bit, like, what's your like worst way of dying? Growing up, I always thought like drowning or shark attack for whatever reason. And after drowning, I'm like, I might rather get eaten by a shark. Is that bad? It is such a weird out-of-body experience, like knowing like oxygen's like 10 feet above you, but if you go up there, you quit. So I'm like, yeah, life is there, but I'm not gonna be committed to this.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, people that never experienced that, like that guppying effect of your body, the physiology, your body telling you, hey dipshit, I need to expel this gas. I need I need off guy, I need, I need this out of my body, and I need fresh oxygen, and you're just sitting there like, no, just like trying to fight through it. Like, it's it's hard to explain to somebody like if you're listening, please don't go to your bathtub right now and dunk your face in the water and try to hold your breath underwater. Please don't do that. I don't need to be sued. But if you've never felt that, next time you're in a pool, just you know, do your best impression of hot rod and and go under for a little bit and then hold your breath for as long as you can, and then imagine having to fight through that feeling for like another length of a pool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's crazy because like when you start to chicken neck like this, you're really only like halfway down with your oxygen tank, and you're like, there's no way I could hold it longer, and you keep going, and you're like, and then you start to see the blackness come, and you're like, oh, there it is, and then boom, snooze it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, fuck water. Um, yeah, not my thing, dog. But man, you made it, you made it through that, you made it through the crucible, man, and you you made it onto the teams. So like where did the experience and where did the resilience and grit come from? You talked about watching, you know, your father set that example, but growing up, you know, if we put a pin on where we're at in this timeline, you make it through buds, but what was where did that resilience and grit first start as a kid?

SPEAKER_00:

It's a great question. Discipline discipline over time. And my dad taught me discipline. I started soccer when I was three years old, and I can't remember a day where I didn't work out. And he built a habit with me through discipline, and then and then he let the training wheels off and he said, I don't need to teach you anymore about discipline. You got the discipline, and I've never lost the discipline. So it's just when I didn't want to work out, that's when I would work out harder, even if I like overtrained, because I wasn't trying to become more fit, I was trying to callus my mind harder. And so yeah, I would I would suffer a little bit of like overtraining, but my mind callowing is growing and like just building those blocks of resiliency, and then going through like just like any kid, like hard times, like being bullied, like I was scrying, skinny as fuck, um, being bullied by big dudes, but I wouldn't take no shit.

SPEAKER_03:

Dude, it's funny you mentioned that. Um if you look up Zach Ferguson on Reddit, that's one of the that is the one of the first comments on the Reddit page for like Navy SEALs that are out there, and it was like some guy's like, this dude's really fucking skinny to be a SEAL. Is he an anomaly? I'm like, it's funny that you mentioned that because fucking people are mean online and they they fucking poked on that right off the bat. I'm like, I gotta bring this up. This has to be. I will clip this into there. I'm like, fuck, dude. Like we come in different shapes and sizes. Not everybody's built like Captain America, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02:

Actually, someone sent me that not too long ago. I started laughing.

SPEAKER_03:

That's nothing to do about your size. So it's fucking ridiculous the way people think, and they're like, oh, they're all like 450 pounds of just straight muscle, just massive necks. And I'm like, dude, no, not at all, man. Not at all. Fucking the uh the ultra marathoner uh operator is fucking that's like the more common type of dude you'll see is the fucking ultra runner, the dude that's like fucking supple leopard. Thank God I was a free fall guy because those motherfuckers, dude. They're like under 200 pounds. They can lift, they can, but they can run for they're fucking gazelles, man. It's fucking um, so yeah, you guys uh you guys have a leg up on everybody else with your cardio.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I tell you, now just jujitsu, and it's hard to do jujitsu when you're super big. Harder. So I'm like a 179, 178 cyclone away from me.

SPEAKER_03:

You're going into uh you know, going back now in our timeline, you know, you have this grid that's developed, but you also had a little bit of prior, you know, mixed martial arts as a kid as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so I started fighting when I was like 17. I was training at the rain training center with Mark Muniz. I was fighting like Cheryl Sun and freaking Mark Muniz. I'm like a 17-year-old kid with 150 pounds. Holy shit mocked by them.

SPEAKER_03:

But like just raised by wolves. Yeah, that makes sense. That's uh it's a good way to build resilience and grip by getting in a an octagon with those dudes. Holy shit, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

So I started, yeah, 17. I started fighting, and then I did a year of wrestling in high school or two years, and I've just been sports my whole life, and I just was like, I got burnt out of baseball, and I wanted to like have physical contact and just like learn how to like be super capable with my hands and the R8 lens, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And I have to imagine, man, like with this background, everything that you've done, having like a wonderful gift to having a father that was present there and giving you the building blocks to go through something like buds, even if you didn't know it as a kid, like that type of parental figure there to push you and guide you and and then walk away and be like, hey, it this is on you. Build this discipline. When you got to a team, I have to imagine it felt like you finally like had better, like, I'm home. These are the individuals that like belonged with.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you nailed it right there. I wanted to be surrounded by high-caliber men who just like want to be experts, experts at their craft and like have purpose greater than themselves. Like, I didn't want to be a Navy SEAL, I wanted to be a team guy, I wanted to serve my country, I wanted to be with a brotherhood that would take a bull in the head for you. That works ultra hard and just be like the epitome of a protector.

SPEAKER_03:

That was it. Yeah. And that's uh and that is not an easy thing to do and do it for as long as um a lot of us get a chance to do it, man. But uh, it is the adventure of our lifetime. And um, dude, take us through that. And so this episode is brought to you by Pure Liberty Labs. Quality supplements designed to elevate your health and performance. Check out their full line of quality supplements, whether you're looking for whey protein, pre-workout, creatine, or super greens drink. Pure Liberty Labs has you covered. Use my code security hall10 at checkout today.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I finished BUDS. Checked into SEAL team seven. They were on deployment Iraq with like two months left. So they sent me to communications and JTAC school joint terminal era, like attack controller school. So I went to those two schools, and then my platoon got back and they went to post-deployment leave. So my chief asked me to go if I wanted to augment team three to Iraq. So I did in 2017, December. And that was good, good experience. It was only it was short in duration because I got um, I was with another new guy medic, and I started getting sick. And I'm like, Oh no, okay, no big, no big deal. And then I got like really sick, and I didn't tell anybody, I just was like, no, I'm a new guy, I can't like be a pussy. And then I was like, I can't fucking breathe really well. And I was like, hey, uh John will call him. Can you look down my throat and see like what it's like? And he's like, You need to go to the ER. And I'm like, no, dude, I can't. And he said, You have no egg white. Uh I had mono infection that completely swelled my esophagus. Like nothing. And had one nostril from fighting because I had two no surgeries, deviated septum. So I was like, okay. So they life flyed me to Baghdad, and then I recovered and went home. So that was 100%.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude. Not fun.

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_00:

I dropped 20 pounds because I couldn't eat or drink for like 10 days or so. It's good.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and of course, you know, anytime you get sent home early from deployment, you have to deal with the uh the the peanut gallery and the jokes and uh walk with your head down for a little bit, like what the fuck happened? Like, it's your fault you got sick. It's like, fuck, dude, I can't help it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And then it was like, dude, guys get shot and blown up. Like, I don't want to go home. What am I complaining about? Exactly. You're not effective anymore, not an effective operator, you have to. I'm like, fuck me. Yeah. Can I say?

SPEAKER_03:

That's not the way you want to end your combat experience, but yeah, you know, it's a reality, man. Like, and you said it, like you're not combat effective. Like, that sucks. But the reality is, like, once I'm I'm sure it finally set in. Like, once you got to the hospital, and they're like, dude, you're fucked. Like, we we gotta get you out of here.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it wasn't that I see you for like six days. I was like, okay, it was worse than I like got yeah, it was worse than I thought it would be like okay, I don't feel that's bad.

SPEAKER_03:

No, that's God telling you, like, hey, no, there's something else. But like any young anybody that's you know getting on a team first deployment, you're gonna have that feeling of like fuck, I'm letting the guys down. But dude, you can't do anything about that. Recoup, get back home, and then uh you go back to uh team seven.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep, so now we're gearing up for um ULT unit level training. So now I'm with my platoon, uh getting to know everyone, working together. It was awesome. Just like, oh my god, I felt like home. Like these are the these are the boys. Like I wanted to just do work my fucking balls off and be the best asset, best teammate I could be possible. The best like ordinance rep, eventually, you know, get to other schools. But I just wanted to be a high performer and not letting the boys down. That was like my biggest fear in life is letting down my teammates, my loved ones. It sucks. And I've done it plenty of times.

SPEAKER_03:

It's that's a very important mindset to have. My greatest fear is letting down my teammates because that's completely it's the epitome of a great mindset of an individual that is there for the right reasons. I'm not there for glory, I'm not trying to be some fucking high-speed badass. Um I want to be with the best of the best, and I want to continue working hard to earn my spot every single day. That's something that any you can take that to any profession. Maybe not with the lethality and hyper focus on specific training, but the same thing, like you should be going to your work environment, should be going to where, you know, your place of work, you should be there wanting to be the best version of yourself, supporting your team. It's not, you know, not every profession's life or death, but that's why a lot of us, I think, seek out after transition, seek out those jobs as a first responder or police officer. Like, they want to be part of that team mentality of like, I'm gonna do my best to make sure I take care of the guys to my left and my right. But um, you know, it it's it's something that few people are advocating for these days, like that that continued life of service, man. Um, it's what we we thrived in the teams, dude. It's it's what made us so successful, man. That mindset right there. Um going back in there, earning your spot, being a normal member of that team, like take us through that that feeling of finally like you know, how long did it take for you to feel like, okay, I've got my spot here, I'm secure. Like I am I am a senior member of my platoon.

SPEAKER_00:

I would say after I got back from my first appointment, and then I got sent to sniper school, my chief asked me if I want to be point man. I said, Oh, that's a big role responsibility. I'm like, fuck yeah. I've been dying to go to sniper school. Especially like a one balloon or like it going to sniper school was so like so grateful for that and kind of showed like the work I put in. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna be the best point man in the world because it's a like my my students' welfare and their lives are like literally at stake. So I took it super seriously. Sniper school was a blast, um, very, very challenging. Um, definitely failed a couple evolutions, took them to like second, third test, ended up passing, it was in January and Indiana. It was fucking balls cold. Bro, same for me.

SPEAKER_03:

I went to sniper school, and having to do stocks in snow is a whole different layer of hate and misery and hell. Um, because yeah, I'm like all decked out in multicam, I'm getting ready. Like, I'm going to the school and I'm gonna deploy. I'm like, fuck yeah, it is gonna be awesome. And then I'm fucking, we had two days where it's like full-on blizzards and blizzard in North Carolina. I'm like, fuck this, dude. I don't have enough cold weather fucking gear. Like, you know, like doing stocks, it's fucking methodical, and I'm like, dude, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna fucking crawl into a hole and I'm gonna fucking die out here. It's just fucking absolutely fucking miserable, dude. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's not easy, and there's a whole hell of a lot more math than you think. Nah, I was not a math guy, but thank God at the end of the day, got my got my go. Same thing, dude. I took how to had to you know do my calculations at night to figure out, like, okay, I need to make sure I pass this final stock, and I need to make sure that I don't fuck up any other thing. I have to get perfect goes on the last last few months of this fucking course. But yeah, it's uh it's a stressor for sure, man.

SPEAKER_00:

I think that's uh we just said like the coldness. It's like it sucks being cold. Being cold, like being surf tortured, it just sucks. You don't have to think about anything though. But sniper school, like you know it's like super well. When you're cold, like your cognitive function just goes to shit. Yep. And you're trying to do math while you're freezing, and you're like, oh, this is way harder than it should be.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and it's wet and cold, and you're sitting there with your fucking like write-in-the-rain paper, like like fuck me. This is you can't really write that well with this write-in-the-rain paper, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you have like hand warming, like in your mittens, just take a shot. Good times.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, dude. And yeah, fun times. Uh 10 out of 10. Would recommend. Would recommend. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_03:

But dude, like we're obviously you can't do the job forever. And the deployments, all the cool guy stuff, everything's amazing. But at some point, uh, for all of us, whether we want to or not, it comes to an end, man. And some of us, it's you know, an injury takes you out of the game, and injury takes you out of the fight. And it's very much forget um if somebody was talking about it. Um, if you look at the the the lifeline and sp expectation of a soft operator, it's it's not that long. It's it's for your prime before you get what serious injury. And now, if you're lucky, you can rehab, you can get back in the fight. But um, but there's also like you run into opportunities, you run, life happens, things change. Maybe you figure out that you rather go in the civilian world. What was it for you that made you say, like, you know, like I'm over here with these amazing individuals, part of a 1% community, but I want to leave. I want to go try something new.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I didn't want the worst problems, I didn't want to leave. Uh my dad, like uh, you know, he left the drug-induced like family addiction. So he has been battling with that his whole life. Was sober up until I left for my last Yemen deployment in 2021. And uh, you know, I had to talk with him in the kitchen before I left. So I was like, dude, if you like, if I have to come back and save you, like if you make me come back, I'm gonna be resenting you for the rest of my life, is what I told him verbatim. Yeah. Those are strong words, like resentment and like talking to my hero saying that to him. It was tough. He needed to hear it, and I meant what I said at the time. And he said, okay, and I left. And as soon as I like got on the plane, I just my gut was like, I'm gonna have to come back early. Which which sucked because you know, and it ended up happening. You know, my neighbor texted me. My sister had uh illnesses, so she was at home and and my dad carried the ambulance. She was bloody in the bathtub, and while he was high, I had methamphetamine. Um she asked me to come back and I said So I I flew home without telling him. My chief said, dude, go home and fix it, fix it. And I just knocked on my door my old house growing up and he was on a five-day methamphetamine bender. Oh fuck talking to like shadow people and burning fires and stuff like that. So I moved my mom and my sister to a hotel. My dad was still up, and then I went back to San Diego to check into the team. Was at the Padres game, just decompressing for a second.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

My best friend and my neighbor FaceTimes me, and then I click my phone, my house is on fire. So didn't want to leave, didn't want to get out of the team, so I was trying to scream for Dem Gru. That was that was what I wanted to do. It's up because I worked so damn hard to get there. You know?

SPEAKER_02:

So many years and so much like so much sacrifice, relationships, friends. I would go back and do the same thing.

SPEAKER_00:

He was in the house fire when it happened, like he was standing in the house while it was burning. And luckily my neighbor like shouted him out and he had smoke inhalation, went to jail for felony arson. Um yeah, like my sister was like bedridden. My mom lived upstairs in our their room, so they would have probably all would have died.

SPEAKER_02:

Um yeah. I forgive him, I love him, I got therapy after.

SPEAKER_00:

He did as well. And that's life, you know?

SPEAKER_03:

It is, but man, it's um it's hard to have faith and and work on that like that final pillar that I always talk about, which is you know, building your your spirit, your faith domain. We work on our mind, body, and spirit. Spirit's always the last one. And then, you know, how can you even devote any time to talk to God or be grateful for any of the things he's given you when something like this happens and occurs? Like the man that raised you that was such a positive force is now battling the grips of addiction and he's destroying himself, destroying your family. And it can be perceived and it can be looked at from that very beginning in those early days while you were still in it, it can be perceived as he he just ruined my career. How do you build back from that? How do you work back to saying, like, no, like I have to understand like there's there's a greater path. Like I can love something so great, but at the end of the day, like I have to understand, like, I gotta take care of my family, I gotta take care of my father.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a great question. No one's ever asked me that in that in that in that way. Um I never looked at my dad like, don't get me wrong, the first like month I was like, I fucking hate you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But uh after that, I was like, that's not who my dad is. Yep. My dad, my dad, like he like 99% of his life, he was this person, my hero. And he's not a superhuman, just like no one is. He just had a lapse of judgment and then made bad choices. So I never looked at him and like he's a drug addict.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Or he almost killed my family. I think he's my hero, who needs help. And I was the guy to do that because everyone else abandoned him. So I was happy to do that, and I always like I always talk great about my dad because that's who my dad is. Yeah, he's a great person. He has flaws, like just like anyone, but I never look it down on him. I never like talk bad about him. Like I I call him out on his bullshit, just like he calls me on my bullshit. But I look at him in a good light because he's a good human. You know.

SPEAKER_03:

It's hard for people to understand that that haven't seen this or been affected by it, or having s talked to somebody like you with your story to understand that in there's an there's there's something chemically going on in the brain, and the addiction is the problem. The human being is still there. The person you love is still there. They are chemically dependent on something that is so vile and so fucking addictive that it's almost impossible to break free from that. Whether it's alcohol, whether it's you know, methamphetamines, cocaine, you name it, whatever it is, like when it becomes a true addiction, it is a fight for hell. And I want to pause and reflect that. You know, you know, we're talking about, like I said, you know, we gotta be brave, we gotta we gotta talk about faith and and what we believe in now more than ever, and exploring your journey in your life to truly feel that God had this path for you, that God put you on this earth to go do that, to train, to become a seal, to be the man that you were, to experience everything that you experienced so you could be there to help save your father. This episode is brought to you by Titan SARMS. Head on over to TitansArms.com and buy a stack today. Use my code CDny10 to get your first stack. I recommend the Lean Stack 2. Start living your best life. Titan SARMS. No junk, no bullshit, just results. You know, and I really think that anybody else, your neighbor, your mom, you said nobody else could have done it. It truly had to be you. And I hope that that isn't lost on you. I hope that you have the moment to like reflect on this journey of like, fuck, like it's brutal walking away from the community, but he made you a fucking strong, resilient human being, a strong man that could be there for your superhero in this time of need.

SPEAKER_00:

I appreciate that. Uh it took you it took me probably like two years after I got out to like come to that conclusion, is like I was meant for the reasons you just said to be here. Now it's just you like now, it's just share my story. Like I'm a reflection of my father's resiliency.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like I'm just a walking mini version of him. And um, and now it's just like share my story and give people perspective. And like your trauma and my trauma are not worse or less, or if this person happens, it's not a trauma competition. Yeah, it's it's trauma. And we could either let it just crumble us to smithereens, or we could overcome it and then share what we've learned, and then people learn from hey, like my dad fell an addiction and it drowned me, saving him, and I fell an addiction, and like now I'm out of it. Now it's like it's just and like learn from me, like learn from my dad, like learn from everyone you encounter in your life.

SPEAKER_03:

You know, that's um that's the other thing too, man. That's the other thing that a lot of people don't realize how easy it is to fall into addiction. Like, how easy it is for us. Like when I was going through my worst, Jameson. Jameson was a comfort, and that and it came on quick because I told myself, I can just use this to sleep. I I can just control this if I'm just using it for sleep. And you know how fast that becomes. Well, I just need this to relax. Well, I just kind of need this so I can enjoy the day. And before you know it, how many of us fall victim to the idea? Well, I need this to function. I need this. I can't live without this. Like, fuck, like in your journey, when you were going through all of this, how did you fall victim to that? How did it become something that you sought out?

SPEAKER_00:

At first, I was jujitsu, like I save all the time, like jujitsu saved my life because I was using jujitsu as an outlet for like it turned my brain off. I didn't have to think about my dad or fixing things at the time for two hours a day, and it was a healthy addiction, and it still is. Um, and then like the drinking thing, like it feels good, like it's a downer so I can feel better. And then before you know, like one glass, two glass, three glass, four, a few nights a week. Now it's every day, you know, and then you don't realize it, but it happens, it happens over time without your mind even being aware of it. You have to be really mindful of like it's becoming a problem. I need to get some therapy, need some help. I need to my worst attribute like that I'm fixing is asking for help. And it's like hard for dudes to be like, I'm fucking hurting, dude.

SPEAKER_01:

Someone help me.

SPEAKER_03:

I want to pause. I I want to pause and reflect on that because I I realize that um you know people tend to think that like, oh, Denny's up here talking about mental health advocacy and resources and sharing stories of vulnerability. I still struggle. And I struggle with that right there, asking for help. And I'll tell you, here's the secret. Stay plugged in with your friends, especially friends from your own community. The greatest friend I have right now in my in my corner that I know will check me and has a weird sixth sense of when I'm struggling is my buddy Tim, who's a who's a raider. And it's because we're almost almost identical in the way that we avoid asking for help, but we know when we're struggling. If I'm struggling and I'm dealing with something heavy, I know I'm pretty sure like nine times out of ten, right, Tim's struggling as well. So I need to reach out. And he does the same thing for me. So like if you're listening and you identify that and or you reson this resonates with you, just pick that one friend that you can say, like, yeah, I need I need to take a knee, man. I haven't slept for three days. I'm fucking doubting myself, like, I need fucking help. Because, dude, if you just have that one person and then grow it to at least, you know, maybe your family, immediate family, find somebody that you can truly say, I'm not okay. I it takes a lot. I advocate for it all the time. You gotta find your strength in it. Like, but trust me, and I'm telling you, like, that's been like the saving grace, finding somebody that knows us from our community that I can say, like, dude, I'm fucking dying.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you nailed it. Like, we're not mind readers. Yeah, like I could look at somebody like, I don't know what their story is, I don't know if they're hurting. Sometimes you need to like, and I'm learning like asking people, are they okay? Like my girlfriend asked me, Am I okay? And I'm like, not really. My work my my good dad, like my work partner, my teammate, one of the people I most hook up to. Like, are you like always asking? And it's like when I first heard it, I'm like, whoa, what was that question? Yeah, because it's like special opportunities, like you don't get asked that. It's not like like vulnerability or opening up, it's like we sounds was weakness a bunch of bullshit and just opening up, and it's like it's hard, don't mean wrong, it's hard to be like to play it out there, but damn, it's like this is therapy in itself talking about it.

SPEAKER_03:

It really is. Absolutely, man. You know, and you know, you're going back to uh our conversation before we our segue, you know, you found yourself with a little bit of respite in jujitsu for at least two of those two hours. Um how did the addiction creep in? How did when and what occurred? What was the thing that was like, okay, I'm I'm gonna veer off my path?

SPEAKER_00:

It wasn't even an intentional veer-off, it was like I had so much on my plate. Like I was I was like carrying the world. Yeah. And I like didn't ask for help, no one asked me. It's not their job to ask me, it's it's on my own man. I should open up and think I need help, any therapy. So it just happened over time, and it was like this shit's heavy, like my health's declining. Like, I'm trying to fix so much shit, which I would do the same thing over. I would ask for help earlier. Um but I was like, I had to fix because like my family's lives were like just shattering. The generational, like my family like bloodline is about to be gone.

SPEAKER_02:

And I had I had no help. You know, like everyone on the east coast, like no one was helping, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

So I wouldn't change it for the world. Like it I learned a lot from the last four years, especially, last two years especially. And uh I'm happy where where things are at for sure. I can finally smile and be like, this is this is good, this is uh much healthier, more balance in my life. Yeah, you know. So it just crept in over time and now and like being aware that it's happening and then asking for help. Therapy, I have a girlfriend now, it's helped all like a shit ton, balance in my life. Life's stable. It's nice. Not chaotic, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. We don't we don't value stability until we lose control, spiral out of control, and then have to build it back. Dude, I I'm I'm telling you really for you guys listening at home on your way to work, however, wherever you're listening, like don't let yourself get so wrapped up around anything. Like be cognizant of how fast things can get out of control, and then how easy it is to utilize something like a drug, whether it's a prescription drug or alcohol or an illicit drug to help you escape reality. It happens a lot, man. It happens more often than people think. I was shocked when I started doing this, and I heard the stories of people that would turn to hardcore drugs, and it was just to escape, just to have a moment of peace from a chaotic job, from a stressful situation at home. And it's just like, dude, like at the end of the day, you can say no. You don't have to take on more than you can carry. And if it's something where you can't say no, like you're a caregiver, your provider, understand that, dude, caregiver fatigue is a real thing, and you gotta seek out help. Got to find people to take care of you. That's just the truth, man. Like in your own journey, what were some of the things? I mean, we talked about jujitsu, we talked about having people that care about you, a supportive girlfriend. What are some of the things that you implemented into your life to help maintain that peace and stability?

SPEAKER_00:

Good question. Praying more, talking to God more, talking to him more was like bigger than anything. I'm like the most help. And it's like so simple. Like, you don't even know how to you don't even know how to like how to pray. Just start talking to God and being thankful, giving gratitude, and asking for help. Like I can't do this on my own. Like I'm I am literally just flesh and bone, like I'm a human. I need someone greater to like to help me. And that makes you smile because it's like every day I'm like he shows up every day. Yeah every damn day. Yeah, man. And uh it's a very freeing and it's like warms my heart and uh that and like taking stuff off my shoulders. Like I can't save everybody, give someone advice and and perspective, and I need to take care of myself now. I'm at the stage where I take care of myself to be good enough to help more people. Because if I'm not good, then I can't help shit. I can't help myself. Like, imagine I'm gonna die.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, dude. That's that is a true sentiment. That is that's uh a truth that many of us come to understand after hard bot hard hard battles and um finally gaining clarity on life, what it truly means to like show up for people. If I'm gonna be my best, if I'm gonna show up for other people, if I'm gonna mentor or coach and be there for others, then I have to pour into myself. And it means saying no sometimes. It means turning off the phone, it means putting things on silent, it means that you don't have to answer every phone call that comes or take on every project that's offered. You can say no and be okay with that and walk away, knowing that you've saved the energy and your abilities to take care of everybody that you want to help. Like it's just a reality. Um, but I it only comes, like you only come you only truly understand it after living it and doing it the wrong way. That's that's the sad part about it. I can't tell you what to do. I can I can share these stories and hope you learn from them, but at the end of the day, you've got to make that choice. You have to say, like, I can't save everybody, I have to take care of myself and prioritize myself. Because one thing that is true is when we're at our worst, that's when we feel like we can help everybody else. Yeah. It's crazy, huh?

SPEAKER_00:

Growing up, like uh my like fifth grade teacher was like the stove, right? Actually, there's a stove on it there. He's like, if that stove is burning, if you go up and touch it, you're gonna burn your hand. We know that. And sometimes you have to do it anyway. And like I know that I need to take care of myself first, like in the past, because of these reasons we just talked about. But going through actually going through, like you said, I'm like, okay, now I have those feelings and those lessons learned, and like I could talk I could speak on not doing what you should do, and you know that's important to like you have to go through hard shit, you know, to really like understand. And now I'm able to get more perspective and more resilient because of it.

SPEAKER_03:

Dude, man, we we explored your life and looked at everything before, during, like the after service part a lot of struggle with the identity and the purpose. How have you been able to identify like that Zach is still that capable guy? And where is your purpose now in life? Like, how have you found that new purpose mesh with that new identity? This episode is brought to you by Titan SARMS. Head on over to TitansArms.com and buy a stack today. Use my code CDny10 to get your first stack. I recommend the Lean Stack 2. Start living your best life. Titan SARMs. No junk, no bullshit, just results.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, good questions. Uh especially for veterans like your purpose, identity, your brotherhood is ripped away when you leave. So, Mike Modowd, I'm working with Mike Modowd at Defense Strategies Group, and we literally share our knowledge, our lessons learned, tactical skills, self-defense, MMA, shooting, home defense, being able to be a man or a woman and protect your family, your loved ones. That's my purpose, and it's like so fulfilling. I feel like I don't have a job. I just get to teach people cool shit, how to fuck someone up royally if they fuck with you, and just be like a silent killer, and then that's some brings so much joy to my life, so much purpose, and that's that's why I'm here is to share my story, get perspective, give back to the community, give back to veterans, help in any way, shape, and form I can. Yeah. And where are you guys based out of? We're in Los Angeles. Nice. Yeah. We have a fight gym in Beverly Hills, and then some surrounding like shooting ranges we we train out of. Hell yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I think that uh that's like the perfect. That's like the launching pad, man. Are you gonna be doing any work on um upcoming movies? Then uh some consulting.

SPEAKER_00:

It's not out of the the like spectrum. Um not like something I'm super be like in my forefront of my mind, but if the opportunity's there, then sure, why not?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, before we gotta imagine that there's there's gotta be some some projects that you're you know mulling around or something that you you you know, we're guys with goals and and putting big things on the on the vision board. What's uh what's left in 2025 and 2026 for you, man?

SPEAKER_00:

Man, we have like uh it hasn't released yet, but we have some really exciting stuff coming, probably that we'll announce like end of this year, beginning next year, which can't speak on too soon, but um just keep building Defense Strategies Group, the gym, building members and building like our gym is just a community of members who like want to be part of something, you know, like having somewhere to go to after work and like be welcomed and like learn and to like go eat after and like have UFC fights at our house. Like that's what we're building, a community of people like who are seeking purpose, you know, seeking community.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that's something that we all should strive to like try to build, you know, maybe on a smaller scale, but you're we're all creatures of comfort when it comes to being around like the boys. Like that's that's like really where we find ourselves, like being able to relax and have fun. And uh, I talk to a lot of guys who are like, man, I don't I don't have a community anymore, I don't have platoon mates, I don't have company mates, like just sit at home, play video games. I'm like, dude, go to a gym, go to a CrossFit gym. I don't even if you hate CrossFit, go there, work out for a little bit and meet other people. It's like one of the easiest ways to get plugged back in with a network of folks, man. And it's it's so important, man. Like the community piece. Like, I can only imagine like what it's like to reflect back on everything you've gone through and then go to your gym or go to work and and be surrounded by individuals that are just like your former seal mates, man.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. Like um, a lot of them are veterans too. Like my biggest advice for veterans is like if you're playing video games, like you can play some video games, but go jujitsu, go to an MA gym, go lift weights. Yeah, go to fucking Pilates, like go somewhere where there's a community of people. My girlfriend is a Pilates, works at Pilates Studio. Um I haven't done no class yet, but I don't want to do. And like somewhere where people like fitness is at the forefront, is like that's your baseline for your life. Yep. Good mental health, it's good for your health, mental health. You meet great people, you're surrounded by people who do what you like to do, also. It's like that's like should be like the number one on your list to do every day.

SPEAKER_03:

Dude, absolutely. Um, dude, I tell people get a whoop, join a community, and just get a little bit of competition going. Just have a little bit of friendly competition around some good workouts, man. It's gonna get you back in the fight, feeling better. And before you know it, you'll be crushing your goals. You'll be fucking moving towards a better version of yourself, and you'll be excited. Like, that's the one thing that nobody preaches about enough is the connection between physical health and mental well-being. Like, if you're able to do just some of the things you used to do when you were still in, it's gonna light that fire in you. It's gonna make you feel better. Depression is a bitch, but I'm telling you, if you're depressed, if you're dealing with some health issues, some mental health issues, start working out. Just do a couple push-ups, do body weight stuff, download an app, telling you you'll feel better.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, absolutely. Get off, get off the cell phone for a bit and like working, working out is like your body's gonna thank you, you're gonna sleep better, you'll think better, you'll be happier. That's like he nailed it.

SPEAKER_03:

Absolutely, man. Well, Zach, before I let you go, man, tell us how we can uh get a hold of you, where we can check out uh what you're working on, your social media handles.

SPEAKER_00:

Sure. Um, so my Instagram, I'm out on there mostly is at Zach Ferg, Z A C K K F E R G, and our company Defense Strategies Group, Instagram, and then our website, defensestrategies.us. We have a training center, so if anyone listening want to come like come train, like try free class, like Beverly Hills, it's uh the DSG training center, trainingcenterla.com. Um, or just shoot me a message on Instagram. I tried my best to like at least open all of them, if not respond to all of them. Um yeah, come train and come work out with us.

SPEAKER_03:

Hell yeah, man. Uh any plans on moving out of LA anytime soon, maybe to Texas.

SPEAKER_00:

Hilarious. I just moved to LA like a month ago, my girlfriend from Orange County.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, man. It's uh Gavin Newsom. He's uh boy, he's a special guy. Gavin Newsom, come with a pigeon. Dude, if he did that, well man, his his approval rating would go up.

SPEAKER_01:

Free membership.

SPEAKER_03:

Dude, thank you so much for being here today. But most importantly, man, thank you for being authentically you and sharing your story. Um, these are the stories that help people. This is what we need to share from our community, man. Uh, killing the myth that we're we're not human beings, that we're, you know, Greek gods and uh individuals with without flaws. Like, no, dude, like we were human. We we had a drive, we had the ability to go do something very hard, very difficult, well learned, but at the end of the day, we can fall victim to many things. We can fall victim and we can experience things like mental health issues, we can crack, but most importantly, we can recover, we can heal, and we can end the stigma by sharing these stories. Again, Zach, thank you so much for being here to everybody tuning in. Thank you all. And uh please do me a favor, one last thing, head on over to Special Forces Foundation and donate today. Uh, this will be airing uh here next week. I'm gonna bump this up. Uh, throughout the entire month of November and December, I'm trying to rally support for a nonprofit that is doing some amazing work on behalf of Green Berets and their family. So that's the Special Forces Foundation. You'll see a link in the episode description, or I'll make the editing guide do some work here. Scan this QR code and donate today. Look, it takes a lot to take care of a Green Beret once he's out. Uh, a lot of us are messed up. We have TBI issues, vestibular issues. When you see a lot of doctors and the Special Force Foundation doesn't ask any questions, when somebody submits a request, they answer and they fulfill it, and they get the guys and their families to the care they so rightfully deserve. And also do some cool stuff for our gold star families, the kids and the wives of our brothers who are no longer here. And that's the missing piece that we don't hear about a lot. The wife who doesn't have a husband anymore, who needs that support, the Special Forces Foundation has been at the forefront of helping our Gold Star families and survivors and making sure that they have every need met. So please do me a favor scan the QR code and donate today. All right. That's my spiel. Thank you all for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Take care.

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Deny Caballero

Host