Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
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Security Halt!
War, Grief, and the Bond That Heals: Alfred Brenner on Combat, Canines & the Power of Storytelling
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What happens when the strongest warriors choose to be vulnerable?
In this emotionally powerful episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero sits down with Alfred Brenner, a Marine Corps veteran and dog handler, to unpack the raw realities of combat, grief, and the healing power of sharing your story.
Alfred opens up about:
- His journey through the Marine Corps and deployment as a combat dog handler
- The unbreakable bond with his dog and how it carried him through the battlefield
- The pain of loss and trauma—and how writing became a lifeline
- The importance of vulnerability and mental health in the military community
- His upcoming book, a tribute to those who served and struggled in silence
This episode is a tribute to the quiet strength it takes to tell the truth about war—and a call to all veterans to share, connect, and heal.
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Produced by Security Halt Media
Yeah. Dude, welcome to the show. To all of you listening, you might notice that my voice is fucked thanks to COVID. But the mission continues. We're going on making it happen. Because I've got a great guest today, Al Brenner. Uh, always once a marine, always a marine. But the unique thing about you and your journey is that you're turning your story, your worst day, your most painful moments into a mission of purpose to help others with your book. And uh, like we were talking a little earlier, this is something that I absolutely love because we heal and we recover when we hear stories from our own warrior tribe. And who better to help somebody guide them through their journey of coming to, you know, coming to their grief and meeting it face to face and understand they have to process it than a fellow warrior. So today, Al, we're gonna dive into your story and uh let's let's dive into where we were actually talking about, man. Like, how did you find yourself in the Marine Corps?
SPEAKER_01:So I just I always say maybe like other guys, but you get lost, you know, everyone has to go through high school for the most part. So you go through high school and it's like, all right, what do I do as an adult? And uh went through a high school that pretty much pushed college. Yeah, we had like this 100% like rate thing, and I was like, I don't, I really don't want to do it, you know, I don't know what I want to study and all that. So I decided, like, let me just entertain this recruiter thing. You know, I never was a military guy, didn't come with a military family background. You know, my dad always wanted to do it, but you know, he wasn't able to. So it was like kind of split. You know, my dad was like, go do it, go do it, I want to do it. And uh my mom was like, no, you know, you're losing your firstborn, the whole thing. And uh, but I was like, let me entertain it. So the guy, you know, they pushed travel, they pushed, you know, you know, all this stuff, benefits, skill set. And I'm like, yeah, I'll do it. And I'll push myself. I was always someone who like jumped outside the line. Like I said, blame it on that Catholic school upbringing, that you know, guarded, sheltered thing. But uh I was like, let's do that, not really understanding what I was getting into. Did the Marine Corps 13 weeks. I had a lovely girlfriend at the time. So basically it was like, all right, we're gonna be pen pals for a while. And uh, you know, did that, went right to MCT and then did uh mil I did military police thinking, hey, if I'm gonna do anything in the Marine Corps, I want to do something that's gonna transfer my skills when I get out. You know, it's hard to put on a resume that I like went over and killed people for four years. You know, it's it's tough. You know, I wanted to do something that could at least transfer, learn. Everyone loved, I always loved cop shows growing up, you know, was always interested in that. So it just made sense. Yeah, yeah. Everyone everyone wanted to be that guy chasing bad guys. So um, yeah, and then when I was at MP school, I said, like, hey, who wants to do canine? And I'm like, I have no idea what that is. Never had a dog before, but let's give it a try. So did canine and uh got accepted to the program and then got sent down to dog school there in Texas, and that's all she wrote. Yeah, man, dude.
SPEAKER_00:What was it like? We we hear about dog teams and the soft community has their handlers, everybody has their military working dogs, but what was it like getting down there and actually getting paired up with a bona fide fur missile, man?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I love that fur missile. Yeah, well, that's what it was to you. Those things were explosive. I mean, I mean coming from someone who'd never had a dog and like didn't understand like that bond and like what the animal could bring. Like it to me, they were always just scary and like hard to handle. And when you go down there and there's hundreds of dogs in these kennels, it's like an eerie feeling, but you're coming in close to it, they're getting fed or something, and you just hear a roar. Like the building looks like it's shaking, and like it's just crazy. And I'm walking through, you know, this boot handler just getting shook to the core, and like you see these like tags on these doors, like red tags, you know what I mean? Like, don't go near them, like they're gonna bite your hand off. And it was definitely a surreal experience for me because I was scared out of my mind, and it's like something you have to get over that fear. So, you know, they kind of teach you the basics right away. Um, you don't get thrown on the craziest dogs, you know, they kind of pair you up, whether it's size, personality. And in dog school, you handle dogs that have been handled before, so it's like all basic stuff, you know. Um, but yeah, you go through the however long week programs and then you learn, and then then you get attached to your dog once you get to your duty station. So it's a whole other story. But yeah, it's definitely interesting, man. It's it's an experience for sure. And anyone who's done dog stuff, or even people who have dogs at home, you know that they could definitely be like the best thing in the world, but at the same time, you want to kill them. You know what I mean? Like whether you're on a walk and they just like whatever it is, you you get there. So it's a it's a love-hate relationship, but it's the best job in the world.
SPEAKER_00:How fast was it when you built that bond with your dog?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think it depends on the person and the dog because for me it took a while. And I don't know if it's the same for every handler, but I think it is on some level. But I always like watched, I tell the story of how I used to look up to the other veterans coming back from deployment, and you know, they got the salty camis, you know, they're shaking the dust off, and the dog is just walking right next to them, you know, perfectly on leash, sometimes off-leash. And I'm like, wow, like that dog loves that dude. And it's because they spent every living second over there and they went through stuff that you can't even imagine. Like, think about it with your brothers. Like, when you do that, it's like this bond that you create for life. And like with an animal, it's almost like times a hundred. So they had that, and I was like, what is that? Like, what's this mysterious thing that they have? And for me, it definitely clicked when I went overseas. Like, whether it was the time spent together 100% to you on the experiences we had, whatever it was, like that's when it clicked for him because then he like listened to everything I said. I'm like, wow, you know, that's so interesting how it just happens like that. So like in the beginning, it was horrible. Like he didn't understand, like we thought I joked, I didn't think he understood English. Because we buy dogs on buy trips. He came from Germany, so I'm like, oh, he just doesn't understand English, you know. And he I'd like to let him go, I'd be like, come, and he'd take off running, do circles, and I was just the worst, man. He didn't listen to me, and it was a lot to do with the fact that I didn't know what I was doing. You know, he didn't know, he didn't trust me. You know what I mean? He's he's bouncing around from trainer to trainer. So it was like it's this whole process you have to go through, and every handler has to do it. Um, but yeah, once that happens when it clicks, man, he snuggles up next to you on the side of a dirt road in Afghanistan, and it's just like, wow, like this is that moment, you know. And what was his name? Grief. Oh wow. Yeah, like the emotion of losing somebody or whatever. Yeah, dude, it's the worst dog name in the history of the world. Horrible. And like it's be I we didn't think it was his name, you know what I mean? Like, because one, he went listen to me. I'd be like, Grief, come. And he's like, nope, like like deaf. Yeah, I was just blamed it on his stupid, stubborn German personality or whatever it was, but he uh yeah, horrible dog name. Everyone agreed too stupid. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And take us to that deployment with him.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so he uh did so, like I said, we were all trying to get to Iraq. It was uh like the 2008 time when I got to the kennels, it was standing up this big unit, which the unit was only gonna train and deploy. So in the past, they would have units that like we'd have the MPs on base and they would do the cop car thing, but then they'd send them to Iraq and they get attached to infantry units, you know, they're working with the soft community, whatever they're doing, they have to do like cop stuff and then they go overseas. So there's like a weird transition there. Uh so with the global war on terrorism getting so big, they created a unit that only trained and deployed. So that's all you did. So like I didn't get to sit in a cop car the entire time I was in the Marine Corps. Yeah, so it was pretty interesting. I was the first handler in this unit, then they brought it up to like 60, 70 dogs. It was this huge group that was just gonna rotate with all the other meths across the country, and we would just train and deploy the whole time until the war ended. And uh anyway, we're supposed to go to Iraq in 2009, but anybody who's listening kind of knows like Iraq was hot for a while, and then like seven, eight, and nine is when it starts to like dwindle down a little bit, and then we see this transition into Afghanistan, like behind the scenes. So, like we were supposed to go in on Tuesday. Like, I had my wife booked flight, we had moved out of our apartment. We're all standing there in the dark, and they're like, guess what? You're going to Afghanistan in six months, you're not going to Iraq tomorrow. So we're like, all right, well, let's change the mission, you know. And we all kind of split up. They did send four guys over there, but we all got ready for Afghanistan. So in 2010 in the summer is when we all went over there and replaced our first 12 group that we sent in December. So that's when that rotation really started. We had to build up the kennels, it didn't even exist. You know, Land of the Neck was already getting big over there.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:In Kandahar. And so we had to build our little compound. And, you know, we get there, we try to give each other like a week or two, you know, when we get to our spot, do some training and then acclimate to the weather, the whole bit, and then you get attached to your units, you know, because unfortunately with us, we don't have the ability to like go work with the guys that we train with and live with. You know, we go out there and get attached to these other units. So after a week or two, you start simming out, and then we all get attached somewhere and go out and do work.
SPEAKER_00:And it's uh it's one of the most magnificent things when you're watching a handler and his dog on a combat mission, whether you're a conventional troop or special operators guy, like you you see these miss, like they're it's just phenomenal watching the dogs work and they're handlers, and it's pretty much an extension of a human being, man. Like those teams, those guys and gals, like the job is monumental, the task is fucking insane. You're leading the front, you're clearing for the rest of the troops, and at the end of the day, everybody wants to be your best friend because they want to be around your dog.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's that's the one thing I had going for me. Like, I personally, you know, I didn't think my dog was the greatest. Well, I would you know, because you always have like these things, like, oh, he's great, but like I knew there was other dogs that were better. And like we had dogs, like I said, we had dogs on radios going out like hundreds of meters, like they were doing things that people can't even imagine. But I I saw that what you're saying is like just being around people, like you know, I sometimes he was like the best emotional support animal just in combat. You know, we'd be having a day, and then they'd just come up and they'd be petting them and just talking to me and laughing, doing they'll make them bite his arm and stuff, and people are just like joyous in the middle of a combat patrol, you know. And yeah, yeah. So it definitely brought an extra layer of you know fun and excitement to the to the day. Yeah, it's awesome. You know, and then there was this flip side to it. Like, we struggle with sometimes having to sell yourself. Like, for instance, sounds like a bigger deal than it actually was, but I was attached to a sniper platoon down in like the southern part of Kandahar, and um initially I'm like, what am I gonna do with like this sniper platoon? You know what I mean? Like I envisioned them just like sitting in a bush somewhere ready to kill somebody. But they had like this small little group and this little you know fob thing, and it was this tiny patrol base, and all they did was go out and do their little talks and walks and all day long. And I was there to make sure to clear the way and check out little shady things, but they had such a tight-knit group because they were, you know, the platoon, you know what I mean? And I had to come in there and sell myself, and the other dog just left. So, like that's a little hurdle that we have to do. It's a challenge that we kind of love because then it taught us to you know be professional. You have to go in and introduce yourself, sell yourself, and then the guys have to like learn to love you, they gotta learn to trust you because it's tough to just jump in and I don't trust you, man. Like, I'm not gonna trust that you're better than the last guy, or you're not a part of our clique, you know, whatever it was. Um, so it took a while, but like you definitely break it. Like it's about a week or two, you go on a couple patrols, and then like the guys start to learn who you are and you you fit right in. So it's like a bittersweet thing, right? You go to like one unit, you work with them. Some guys are fortunate enough to stay with the same unit the whole time, and then other guys kind of bounce around. Like, I was in that position where I bounced around the whole deployment. I worked with several different units and uh different locations. So you just go where the mission puts you, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00:So that's one thing I did notice. It's a there was a big difference. Like our green beret side, oftentimes our dog handlers are coming from internal, they're coming from you know our group. You have a green beret that steps steps away from a team, goes to this uh be be a canine handler, and it's just like another green beret with you. And you're immediately like you have a bond that's one of our guys from but you know, he's a he's a green beret, he's a G V. But in the conventional side, when you get paired up with a conventional dog handler, like there is that sense of like the vetting. You gotta get to know this person and selling yourself from element to element to team, to platoon to platoon, all the time. It's like you gotta constantly be like at your absolute best. You've got to make sure your dog is at the absolute best, and you gotta always be like sitting there, like letting people know, like, guys, I'm an acid, I'm not a liability, I'm here to work, I'm here, like use us. That's one of the hard things that I noticed too. It's like the working with the soft guys, we immediately understand what you bring to the table. Whereas conventional forces, you still gotta friggin' fight to like let them know, like, hey man, like I'm a useful member of your organization. Use me. Like, yeah, you should be happy to have me on your table.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. I because I know it happens sometimes. Have you guys ever ran into that where you're like working with other conventional units and they're like, ah, we don't want them here, or you know, they're just they don't do their own thing, like whatever.
SPEAKER_00:Like, have you ever had yeah, yeah. Conventional units, depending on the command structure, that's really the the big hurdle. Is that if the command really understands the assets they have at hand, it can be really easy to work with them or it can be really extremely difficult. Yeah, I guess you're you're an additional, you know, mouth to feed that you can't control, you can't regulate. Yeah, and oftentimes, you know, come with your own swagger, get your own cool stuff.
SPEAKER_01:I could see that. I think I forget where I read it. I want to say it was Jocko's book, The Extreme Ownership, where he wrote that. He said that he had an issue with that where they were going to a section and they didn't like them because the last unit just walked around like they were too cool for school, and then yeah, I think that's where it was, and that becomes an issue. And like you said, it's very similar to, I guess, these units who are these specialty units who have to jump in with people. And it sucks, right? Like, we hate that where it's you feel like it's a part of it, but it is, you know. Like I experienced it hard when I was with the army.
SPEAKER_00:You know, can you imagine Mitt Nolly just mixing I know that very well because when I was in Iraq in uh 07-08, we had a marine handler attached to our platoon, and it was crazy. Like he had relaxed grooming standards from his command, and our first sergeant hated that. It was like, Man, and it was just like you need a shave. Actually, I I don't need a fucking shave.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Dude, that became an issue. That's what I was getting at, is it became a huge issue for us because we had the first big one was a uh my buddy of mine, he worked with like British special forces. So, you know, they hey, I don't think the Brits have grooming standards at all. Like I got to work with them for a week and they had their shirts off, like they walking around like it's tropic thunder or something. And uh my buddy was with him for a while. He's got the you know, the weird multicam pants, he's got like a weird shirt, he's got this scruffy beard. I mean, he looked like he was literally straight out of like Afghanistan himself, and he got lit up everywhere he goes. And it's the problem because that's our SOP too. It's like we have to blend in with our unit, you know, we're jumping around from place to place. Then it happened when I was with the army. I was wearing their stuff, and I had one we were there was a tanker unit that we were with, so it was like some master sergeant from like a tank unit, like these guys who man, he saw me across this little chow hall tent, and he I felt the whole room like get cold and dark, you know. Like I was like, buddy, we gotta go. It's with one other handler, like, we gotta get out of here. And I stepped up and I jumped my trash, whatever. I just took off and I hear him from a distance. Like, hey, I'm like, oh my gosh, dude. Because he noticed I had some marine gear with mixed in with army stuff, and he went off. And I don't even I didn't even have like a full beer, I just had I just had a mix up with gear. And he's like, Yo, why are you wearing that shit? Like, we're better than them, and that set me off so hard, dude. Like when he said we're better than them, like we just I learned the canine guys know this anyway because we were with different units, you know what I mean? It's a multi-service thing, we respect everybody, so we learned that early. But like when you're next to somebody on patrol and they're human beings and some kid just died, I don't care what uniform he's wearing. You know what I mean? Like the weird that mentality is out the window, you know what I mean? Yeah, when he said that, I just wanted to blow up. But you know, you have this corporal master sergeant thing, you know what I mean? So I was just like, uh, you know, we're not we're not better than anybody, you know, we're all shed in the same blood here. You know, I'm just here. And when I said that, he went off. He's like, Who's as soon as he said who's your commander? I was boy, that's it. Yeah, that's the wrong side. Yep. The emails were sent. That's all I can say. The BFTs were blowing up. Yeah. Anyway, that that's the story on that. But yeah, it sucks, man. It's I wish that we all just uh and no like knocking that dude either, because like again, like the esprit decor, like he's motivated, you know, like you've that you get it.
SPEAKER_00:You know, yeah. You also gotta understand that you're you're in combat, one team, one fight, man. And you need to be more intelligent. As a mass sergeant, you should have been able to read the room, read the in this the situation, understand, like, oh wait, this guy's a Marine. He's a dog handler, he's different. He's he's having to incorporate with another organization. Like, yeah, but even here too, they don't care.
SPEAKER_01:Like, sometimes they just don't care. Like, they you oh, you think you're special. Like, you know what I mean? It's like that mentality. It's like you want to be like, hey, yeah, I am. Like, I remember my staff's trying to be like, Yeah, we're 100% special. Like, fuck, you know, screw you. But you know, it's that sucks, man. It's mentality sucks. Um, but yeah, I don't think I'd ever have the balls to yell at anybody ever. You're right in combat. I don't care what rank they wear, like I wouldn't go up to somebody being like, Why are you wearing that?
SPEAKER_00:You know, it's more important shit going on, man.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I was gonna say, like, have you been out there recently? Have you checked the climate here?
SPEAKER_00:Have you realized there's people trying to fucking kill us out there?
SPEAKER_01:Do you know what's going on? Because yeah, that's crazy, man.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Another crazy thing about combat and warfare, and we hear we we it's it's really brought up to the to the forefront nowadays. Um, as young men, we're constantly chasing that idea of like, I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy unless I actually meet the enemy on the battlefield, unless I actually get engaged, unless I actually do my job as a combat medic, as an infantryman, as a dog handler, I'm not worth anything unless I have this moment of like fucking movie star glory, fucking combat. This episode is also brought to you by Precision Wellness Group. Getting your hormones optimized shouldn't be a difficult task. And Dr. Taylor Bosley has changed the game. Head on over to Precision Wellness Group.com, enroll, and become a patient today. Did you feel that pressure as you were going through that deployment, as you're working with your dog of like fuck? Like, do you fight? Did you have that young man's hubris of like, I need to get this fucking, I need to get something big, I need to fight a bomb, I need to, I need to fight through something, I need to experience warfare.
SPEAKER_01:Definitely. I mean, initially, like I said, the first time out of the wire, you're just worried about not dying. Like you're just figuring it, figuring it out. But then you get like kind of complacent and then you just get used to it. And I was like with this little group, and all we did was like walk arounds. Like I said, walking talks, like meeting people, apprehending one dude who was hiding weapons in the ground, like whatever it is. Um, but then yeah, you start to like get comfortable, and I'm like, all right, this is a cool deployment. Like, I'm gonna find something one day. Like, I'm out here doing my job. No one died yet behind me, so clearly, you know, we're doing a good job. Then I bumped in, I they pulled me back. It's a very long story, uh, but they pulled me back to do like some retraining at the big base, and I ran into one of my buddies, and then he said, Did you hear about Max? And I was like, No, I didn't hear about Max. I'm like, then he started to think, like, well, who's Max? Like, what dog was Max? Like, no, I didn't. And then he said it again and again, and I realized he was talking about my buddy, Corporal Max Donahue. And he was on a patrol, found three IEDs, the one went off, and he was severely, severely injured. His dog was okay, but they flew him out there, got him to Germany, and unfortunately passed away three days later. So that was the first handler killed in Afghanistan, our first brother who we lost. It was like two months into the deployment. And uh as he's telling me this, I'm just like hit with all these emotions and the flooded. Because I, you know, again, I'm comfortable. I'm with my unit, we became buds. I'm having like a good time, you know. I'm like, this is not bad. I can do this for the next four months. But then like that reality hit, you know, and when he said that, did you hear? Like, you know, in the back of your head, like we don't go over there and tell war stories to each other. You know, we might do it now around a campfire back home, but you do not say, Hey, did you hear all the people I killed or how much shit I found? Like, you don't talk about stuff. Um, so when he said that, it killed me. And anyway, I started to feel all these things and to just rush to the surface. And then you realize you can't deal with it. Like, I wanted to call my wife and tell her everything. You can't. Like, I wanted to talk to the guys I was with. They won't understand. That's not their brother. You know, I mean, there's so many things you deal with, you suck it up, you bury it deep down. And then my other buddy came up and he's talking to me, and he's telling me stories about the first time he got attached to the recon unit, jumps off a helicopter, he's getting shot at, like, you know, bullets whizzing by his head, and he said it was like that for like eight hours. And meanwhile, I've only experienced like three pop shots from a building once, you know, and so that hit me so hard. I'm like, what am I doing here? Like I thought I thought I was doing my job, but like clearly I'm not doing enough. Like, I need to go out and do more, or like maybe, like you said, I gotta kick more doors open or you know, overturn this rock that I missed. Like, but there's gotta be something about this diploma that I missed. And it wasn't more so the fact that, like, oh, I need to jack up my war story inventory. It was just like that sense of I want to do more. Like, I feel bad that this guy's dying, he's get you know, he's doing whatever. Um, yeah, and it definitely eats at you a little bit. And then I think that is the feeling that festers and then gets people down the road, you know, like a virus that explodes 10, 15 years later when they're sitting at home going, I could have done more, my story wasn't worth it enough, like I didn't do a combat deployment. You know, how many guys have you talked to where they're like, yeah, I was in, and immediately followed up with, but I didn't see combat. I would have, but I didn't. Or, you know, I I wish I did, but I didn't. I'm like, and I say right away, don't wish you saw anything. Like you should be grateful. I'm happy that you went and I'm happy you missed Vietnam. I'm happy you didn't get on that flight. You know, don't don't feel like you didn't do your job. You did your part. It was just for a different mission. You just didn't understand it yet, you know? And uh yeah, it's just something I struggled with for a little bit, but then the reality hits and you're like, man, what did I ask for? Because then it just happens. And you know, you never you never can get that mentality because it's gonna hurt you one way or the other. You know, you just gotta be grateful for the position you're in and just know that whatever you're doing in life, you know, God put you there for a reason. You have a mission and purpose, dive well into that, and then you know, you won't feel this sense of regret or like, you know, whatever that you're getting beat up by.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. Well said, brother. It's important to understand that we we are living in a world where we're hearing stories from individuals that tell stories that feel larger than life, and it can make you feel some type of way about your service. It can make you feel like I didn't do enough. And man, let me tell you like 20 years of war, it's not like black hawk down every single day for every single combat member. There's only so many pivotal moments in war where you have these larger than life battles. Like, not everybody had that, and it's okay. You shouldn't you shouldn't measure your success, your service against other individuals. What you went through is your hardest day, your worst day is your worst day, your hardest day. And you don't you don't need to feel like you didn't do enough because you weren't part of fucking some great operation to happen in some far-off place in Afghanistan. It's okay you didn't have that. It's alright. Like your life is still amazing, your service still needs to be talked about, like you should still be able to share your stories. And I am really glad that people are being held to the standard and being brought out to the light when they're telling stories that are come to find out, just extremely full of holes and and full of lies because it's made a lot of people feel less than because, like, well, I was only an infantry guy during the fucking GWAT. I'm like, let me tell you something. The the the rank and file, the combat infantryman, the combat mortarman, the combat medic, those motherfuckers were doing amazing jobs for 20 fucking years for the entirety of the GWA. Those fucking guys and gals were getting after it. And that's important to remember. Not every fucking war story is going to be like a movie. It's not a lot of times in deployments, it's a vast amount of fucking mundane nothing, and then one moment, if you're lucky, if you have it, if you experience it, one moment where you get to shine and do something fucking great. And you just have to remember like, do your job. Be proud of what you do. And remember, like, your shining moment to be able to do something great can come at any moment in time, whether you're still in the military or outside of the military. You can be of service to others in so many different ways in so many different capacities. If you feel like you didn't get that chance to be great or do amazing things in service, there's still a huge amount of opportunity on the outside. You can still do amazing things. Be a good person, be a good human being, man. Yeah. Like stop thinking that your greatest moment had to occur in combat. Maybe it's being a firefighter, maybe it's being a nurse practitioner, maybe it's just being a good dad or husband, man. That's what we were forgetting.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. No, I love that that you brought that up because it's exactly what I've I struggled with all of that stuff, you know, as far as like I did have this story. I was blessed enough to remember and live through it. You know, there were some interesting things that I was able to put down and be able to share now. So like I was able to do it, but then I struggled myself being like, well, I could still do better. You know, like initially when you get hurt, like it's all like physical stuff. It's like push through, learn to walk again. Cool, I'm I'm there. But then then like you don't care about the emotional things. You know what I mean? Then I'm like, well, I'd meet up with my buddies and they're having like these great jobs, you know, they're being successful on the outside, but like you don't know what's going on deep down. Just like I didn't share what was going on with me. And I still struggled with it. I'm doing a lot better now because a lot of things happen for a reason and changed your course of your life and you have to realize things. But it's something I think every single person struggles with. It's like, I didn't, I'm not doing good enough. I could have done better. My story doesn't compare to yours. You know, and then we deep down we just forget the fact that like we were in the suck together. Like we all started at zero. We all were something, we all accomplished something. Like you had to finish boot camp, like you had to finish your training, you had to do like you shot whatever on the range. You know, these are those little moments. That's the times that we look back, being like, oh, those are great. But then like we catch ourselves and all this other stuff, you know, as far as like I'm not good enough. And I was comparing to my to my own brothers. I was comparing myself, and then I start getting down on myself, but then you can't even be honest. I can't be like, man, like I wish I could do better because then they look weak. So you don't want to talk about it, you know. So like the only thing I can say is like you have to talk about it, and it doesn't have to be with them. I talked about it with my wife, and then she you get some encouragement from her. Like, are you kidding me? Like, look what you've done. You know, tell tell somebody else, like tell a priest. I don't care who you tell, like tell somebody. Because like opening that up, you'll feel better about it. And then that honesty, like letting it off your shoulders. That's why people go sit in rooms and talk about you know the drink last drink they had. You know, that's why they do that. You know, they don't even know those people. But then it gives them the ability to maybe open up to the people they love at home. Or maybe maybe now next time I see my brothers, I can hug them be like, yo, dude, I just wasn't in a good place last time. I thought I was silly enough to compare myself to you, but I'm doing way better now. How you been? I'm happy to live in your success, brother. Like, this is what I'm doing. And then it's mutual, you know? So like you gotta go off. And I think it's something that we just have to do more of is just be honest with ourselves. And I'm just saying that because it's something I struggled with. Like, I lied to myself too much. Like, oh, yeah, you have a cool story, but then it's like, no, it's not good enough. Or like, you know what I mean? Like, you just this back and forth. But yeah, I'm telling you, it's a lie, man. It's that that's the devil's voice, you know. Like you said, that's that whole inner demon thing that you gotta fight off every day, man. It's a struggle.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely, man. Everybody, everybody has that moment where they think, man, I didn't do enough. I wasn't, I wasn't good enough. I didn't have this great fucking, you know, prolific war experience, like, you know, this operator, this operator. It's like, bro, dude, like you, you raised your hand and you enlisted in a time of war and you deployed, and you did something that few people are willing to do. That's fucking honorable. That's worth talking about. Everybody's journey in the military is worth sitting down and and discussing and having this ability to share those stories is important because that's how not only how we inspire a next generation to get up and serve, but it's also how we inspire a next generation to think through that commitment, to understand what it means to step up. On the backside of the journey, all of us are are here now that have gotten out and and left service. Now you're thinking of like, fuck man, like what did I really learn? What did I take away from it? Like, what do I wish I would have been able to have known before I enlisted as a young man? Like, now you get to do that for somebody else through your story. But let's dive back in, man. Like we go through in our journey, and and all of us, no matter how many cautionary tales we hear, all of us, every single one of us, are constantly as as young warfighters, like, fuck, I want to get in there. I want to have this kinetic and thrilling experience. Because what we think is we're not a man until we experience A, until we have to do X. And then we go through something in our first firefight, or you get injured, your fucking enemy gets you. What was it like for you in that moment of like, oh fuck, here it is. The one thing I was constantly seeking out and so fucking laser focused on, it's actually happened.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I I um I guess like luckily, and I think it has to do a lot with who you are as a person, your personality, like how whether resilient you are, or how well you respond to incidents, trauma. We try to train that into each other. But yeah, it was more of like a shock. Like, and I was like, luckily for me, it happened in like an evolutionary stage. Like it was like pop shots, then it was like shooting in a distance, then it was like the noises got louder and everything got scarier over time. But then like that first one hits where you know this is real, it's like a switch that goes off. And I realized that that's why people, especially like the first responders. We hear you hear people talk about all the time, but like their trauma and their switch is on so many times that it's hard to turn it off. You know what I mean? You just get so used to that, that numbing feeling of like, I don't care if I get shot. Like I'm running towards the sound of gunfire. Like, you do as a normal human being, you would never do that, you know. Like now I even like guess maybe I don't know. A lot of people probably do this. You're in like a public place, and like you're like, okay, if someone comes in here and starts shooting the place up, like what do I do? You know what I mean? Am I gonna kick the table over? I'm gonna bash them over the head with something, like I'm gonna save the day, but like you really don't know until it happens. Because like I remember and I heard stories of my buddies, same thing. You like freeze, and it feels like an hour and a half that you freeze, like you're getting. Shot at and it feels like the whole world just vanishes, and you can't come up with anything to think about. You know what I mean? Like you just don't know what's going on around you. Next thing you know, like you're on wall shooting, you're squeezing the trigger, like your body just responds. And because that's such an like an emotional numbing thing, and your body is just so responsive, is exactly what happens when we get out, is that the feelings are gone and your body just responds. So if you have something that triggers you, you're just going to immediately go. So the people who have that every day, that's why they struggle with when they get back home because they don't know how to turn that switch off or realize those triggers. And um, I've noticed it, I'm able to speak on it because I remember seeing it. Um I remember I wrote about it in my book where I was like aiming in on this thing, which I thought was a dude's head, and I was ready to I pulled that trigger back like six times, and I'm like waiting for this dude to drop. And then I'm just like, didn't care that he was gonna die. You know, you just don't care. And uh I remember I turned back, I reloaded my mag, I pet my dog's head a little bit, I felt like my heart rate calm down. He's looking at me like, like, what's up, buddy? And I'm like, dude, we're getting shot at. Like, how do you not care? And I just giving him his bowl and his kong, load my mag back up, went in, and I'm like ready to knock this dude down. And then I look and I realize it was a tree. And that's like a true story. Like in my life, I thought I was gonna shoot this dude in the head, and then like it was just a tree behind a building, and your brain just messes with you. And I was very blessed that it didn't happen every day. But I know if it was in that position, I can guarantee you I would be in that position that guys are. So if you feel like that, where you think you see stuff or you don't know how to get out of that, talk to somebody about it because it's a real thing and like it's just something you can work through. It's not, you know, and I was able to do it on the ground in the battlefield. I had a dog who snapped me out of it, like he calmed me down, but I saw that whole transition in real time.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's that's the reality of um modern warfare, man. You get sucked in, one thing sticks out, and you're like, oh, that's definitely that's a human being, that's an enemy combatant. And next thing you know, you're like, wait, there's nobody in that that window. There's nobody there. I'm shooting into an empty fucking room. What the fuck?
SPEAKER_01:That's why, like, my first like you know, war story. I'm like, yeah, I was about to murk this dude, and then it's a tree. And I think maybe like we're talking about before about sharing each other's stories and stuff. I think like if we were more honest, not I don't say honest, I can see you saying that word, but just if we talked more, right? Like told our war stories and afraid about it. Yeah, it's okay. Cause yeah, that was a silly thing. That was a silly story. And like I think most guys would feel embarrassed if they were like talking about it, you know. Like, I wasted a lot of money, you know, shooting at tree. You know what I mean? Like everyone, I we were getting shot at who knows from where, but yeah, and it's just like you gotta relish in those moments. It's okay to laugh, it's okay to joke about it, you know. Like, or like, I don't know, you were stuck cleaning out, you know, poopers the whole time. Whatever, man. But like it was your life. That's your board, that's that was your purpose, mission at the time, you know? Yeah. And uh yeah, and then like I was I was fortunate that I didn't have that every day because I know I'd be more messed up than I am.
SPEAKER_00:You know, I'd yeah, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Pure Liberty Labs. Quality supplements designed to elevate your health and performance. Check out their full line of quality supplements, whether you're looking for whey protein, pre-workout, creatine, or a super greens drink. Pure Liberty Labs has you covered. Use my code security hall10 at checkout today. And then uh walk us through the incident, the uh IED strike.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so it was uh like a weird day. We we just were going on this long mission, and it was apparently a huge deal, more than we even thought. It was a bunch of different units. Like I said, that marine tanker unit was there. We had the Afghans with us, we always had that the presence of the A. And then we're out pushing through this whole area, trying to clear, I guess for they're gonna demolish a bunch of stuff, build a road. So we had like together, we're calling radio, we found an IED. So they did a control debt, got an awesome picture of it going up. And then we go to another spot, waited, and then we're just waiting around for them to do another one. There's literally IEDs all over the place. And I go to get up, and unfortunately, the kid that was sitting right next to me was on top of an IED. So he's hanging out with me. My grief's crawling all over him, he's just playing with my dog. You know, the dude's in a different world, just loving life. And uh, we get up to move back, and then three seconds later, an IED goes off. I turn around, I think grief's gone, and uh, I check on him, he's alright. Unfortunately, that kid was killed. Uh, his name was Steven DuPont. Um, you know, cool kid. He was actually a mortarman. You know, it's funny you brought up before about guys who think, like, oh, my job's not good enough. Like he used to do call for fire and stuff. Sometimes those guys are stuck behind a wall just launching rockets, but now he's in the middle of a patrol, and you never know when it's your time, man. And it's his last seconds on life were just sitting right next to me, hanging out with grief. And uh, we posted up, getting ready to Medevac him out. They're like, hey, look, it's been a long day, found too many IDs, let's just get into this building and like call it a night. So we get to this like building, it's like fortressy looking, like 10 foot-high walls, big doors, and we tried to break in the back. And uh the captain I was with was trying to break in the door, and you know, they were just saying, like, the Afghans was a bit like, don't, don't break this stuff, like you know, whatever. They were like getting weird, they were breaking into this building. And he was like, Screw that, man, we're getting in this building. Like, I'm not, I don't care. Like, just lost we're gonna stay in this building for tonight. And uh he yanks the door down. I took a picture of it for like evidence, and then uh I go turn around, I took three steps to my left, and just everything went white. Just like nothing I've ever experienced. I try to explain to kids, it's like looking into like the sun with your eyes closed. You know what I mean? Just like shut your eyes and you get that like hot glow into your eyes, and that's what I experienced as I felt like I was flipping through the air, and it just was like this constant twirling, and immediately I'm like, I'm dead for sure. Like that just happened like that. That was no problem at all. And you, you know, that floating feeling almost like floating up to heaven, you know, like it just really felt like that was the end. But then that flipping stopped, and I started to hear voices, and people were just saying, like, you know, screaming, like, who's hit, who's down, and you know, they were starting to patch me up. Uh, luckily, I still just couldn't see, my eyes were shut, so I wasn't able to see anything, which was great. And uh they started patching me up and ripping everything off, putting the tourniquets on, and they made that call to uh get the Medevac in, and I hear them say, like, hey, we have one wounded and one killed. And I was just like, All right, that sucks. Like, someone else died. And again, you're in that position where you're like, don't care. You're like, wow, someone died, like, of course. And then I started thinking, I'm like, Well, I hear everybody talking, so like who's dead? You know, I was only a short little bit of people who were with us, and then I realized that nobody was like calling out to help my dog, nobody was calling his name, you know, nobody was like, go get him. And I realized like he's gone. Like he was standing right next to me and he was killed. And that part, I tell people it was just like the easiest thing that ever happened to me, but the hardest part was losing him, you know. I that that sucked. And uh they uh patched me up best they could. The birds start coming in, I hear the bump of the blades, and then they take off again without getting me. And I'm like, what the hell? And then it's you know, obviously, it's like a hot area, so I guess they can't just like come down smooth, they gotta like pretend a couple times. I'm like, what is going on? I'm gonna die. But yeah, got me out of there. Everything got quiet. They put me in the hospital in Bagram, patched me up, and then they sent the back to go pick up grief. So, you know, they treat them just like every other guy. You know, they sent another helicopter to pick him up and got him out of there. And so did my process. I was in Bagram, made the worst mistake of my life, and the staff sergeant said, Hey, do you want to call your wife? I said no. And that was the first time my wife heard another voice on the phone, you know, with the sat number calling, except for myself. So that sucked because if I picked up, I think things would have been a little different. She got that phone call from a stranger, and that changed her life forever. So that uh that was rough, but did the whole hospital thing was in Germany for four days, then they sent me to Walter Reed, was Bethesda at the time, but you know, did the Wounded Warrior hospital thing for 33 days. It was hanging out up there, didn't get to meet any celebrities. It's kind of a bummer, but they're like, You just missed Owen Wilson, he's an asshole. And I'm like, Oh man, I'm glad I did miss him. I liked him. Um yeah, it was fun, man. It was a good time up there. Met some great people. The hospital was amazing, and uh from that point on, I I decided to go back to my unit, just kind of hang out with the guys before their next deployment that they're gonna go on a year later. Wanted to be like training at CEO, basically tell them like what not to do, you know. Uh hung out with them for a while. Once they left, I medically retired from the Marine Corps. What was the nature of your injuries? I uh lost so it was a lot of like I always say it's a lot of small things. Like that had like injuries, like fractures to my hands. I like my hands stuck this way because it like blew my hand apart. They put pins in it and stuff, and it blew part of my left arm off. Um so it was like a lot of extremity issues, like injuries. My legs are just like burns and strata wounds. I had real legs, thank God. You know, that was something that surprised the hospital a lot. They're like, Oh, you have legs. I'm like, Yeah, I mean, because the common thing was people just were stepping on them and yeah. Um, so I I was fortunate, very, very fortunate. But it was like a lot of little things that kept me there so long. Like I had ear issues that blew my ear apart, my uh right arm was blown in half. So they had to actually do like a Humpty Dumpty surgery where they took like a part of me and patched it back together. Yeah, so it was just a lot of little complications that lasted a while, but overall, completely fine, you know.
SPEAKER_00:You're you're minimizing, man. That's a fucking that's that's that's a lot for a human being to go through, brother. That wasn't too bad.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it was little things. It wasn't too much. It really wasn't. I I was fine for a while. I they I was an ICU for like a week. They bumped me up to the VIP floor where all the celebrities came in and gave you free stuff, and then I had that long surgery on my arm. The guy's like, hey, you might lose your arm after the surgery. I'm like, well, like what choice do I have? You know, it's like, you know, you do it and then then I wake up back in the ICU and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's like five steps forward, 20 back. And yeah, it was a process, but it was fun. Like it was like, you know, you could make this progression. And that's why I was I brought it up earlier. I don't know if it was offline or not, but like when I got hurt, depending on who you are and the support and love you have, it's so easy to push through that because yeah, it's like being in boot camp day one, like you have only an end goal in sight. Like I had goals, like walk again, you know. Like it was like get home, but you have to be able to do this. So, like a lot of it was just easy to set goals and push, not caring about like how it made me feel, you know, because you're just focused on the mission, which is just getting better. Like it's easy to learn to walk again, but then once you do, it's like your brain starts telling you, like, yeah, you can walk, but you can't run three miles anymore. And then you're like, okay, you go bowling with your family and your fan your hand doesn't fit in the bowling ball, you know, so you're throwing a granny style, it's like you can't do that, you know. You try to do things you used to do, and then you start to feel that voicely and like, well, you can't do that, and you forget the things that you can do because this other voice gets louder and louder, and I suffered that for years. So I always admit now it's like definitely was like peaks and valleys, and then like I feel like when you get to those peaks, it feeds a worst part of you, that ego, you know what I mean? Like that cheating thing, you're like it's like it's like I learned it with like drugs and alcohol because I was exposed to it, you know, being in rehab, not like drug rehab, but like rehabilitation. And like it's like cheating, right? Like it's like you're in pain, take this, you'll feel better. So, like I had that same mentality. It's like you're really awesome. People around me were telling me, Oh, you're such a great person. So, like, it cheat me up to this level of like, I am really awesome. But then deep down, I'm like, yeah, but you still suck. Like, you still don't have that job, you still can't run, you still can't do this. And you battle with that forever. And it wasn't until I started to realize and be honest with myself, it's like it's okay to not be this way. It's okay not to have this story. It's okay that you don't have your degree yet, and it took you 15 years to get an associate. Like, it's okay. Now start with it's okay, and now what can you do ahead of that? You know, don't don't don't cheat yourself to the top and come back down because up and down is gonna kill you. And uh yeah, so it's a long road, but like you have to just be honest with yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely, man. And everything in its time, dude. You gotta understand that specifically when it comes to dealing with grief, man. And it's such a man, God has a way of working his magic in things, especially with the name of your dog, and and working through that. When did you finally start processing the loss?
SPEAKER_01:It was about like two weeks, I would say. I I throw that number out there because it just sounds right. I was in the hospital, I had everything bandaged up. I'm literally just like in a coma cactus thing, and all I could move is like my one finger, like it was exposed. And my wife bought me like the first generational iPad, and it was just like this big hunk of glass, and got on the internet for the first time, and I'm scrolling, and of course, like I have this one picture, and it's just me and him at a training site, and it's just this beautiful canine picture, just of like the epitome of a dog handler, and at the hundreds and hundreds of comments, and I couldn't read one, but I just was staring at it, and I knew the love and support and the people who missed them. You know, it that's where it hit me. Just flo- I just started crying, like tears just start flowing down my face. And that was the first real emotion that I felt with him losing because I knew he wasn't there anymore, you know. Like I was living in like whether it was denial or just focused on myself, but I never cared, like I never thought about like, you know what I mean? I didn't wake up in the hospital being like, Oh, I wish I had my dog still. Like, it wasn't until that moment where it hit me. And it was like the most sickening feeling of just like I I maybe I killed him, maybe I could have done better, maybe whatever the case was. Um, and I missed them for sure. And then you get a little angry, and then you're mad that you're even in the position and you battle through these things, and that's why it's not a real manual to follow. But the stages of grief, they exist, they're real, they hip, they happen in different ways. They don't happen all at once. They could happen all at once, but then there's no steps. It's a thing, and that what really realized was that all these emotions and stages that I felt, like dealing with Max and the loss of my buddy, or like dealing with grief, is like it's not something that you like expose yourself to, it happens in stages, and then you get better from. Like it's something that you learn to live with or survive with for the rest of your life because it was a part of you. That's why it hurts so much. It's like the whole, that missing, that feeling that you're getting is like you're missing it, like it's not there anymore. But then when you realize that like they'll always be a part of you, like if you think about all those memories of like your buddy or your grandma or your dog, those memories that gave you joy and life, like those were real, but that wasn't a physical thing. So it's not like you're missing that. You know, you may not get any more of it, but you had it, so it's a part of you. So every day you can live with that and you're gonna cry about it. Like it doesn't mean you can't cry anymore. If you're like 20 years later gonna start tearing up, it's okay. You know, that's that shows how much you love them. Then they become happy tears. Like, I don't give a talk, get choked up. And people are just like, oh, he's probably struggling with it. I'm like, no, like I'm choked up because like I'm here standing in front of you telling my story because of him. And it's because of him that I'm able to do this, and I'm getting happy tears about it. You know, like it's just it's the heart of you, man. So that's what that's why like surviving with him and living with that is is good. That's why I say good grief. It's what it really is.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, man. It's an important thing to talk about, guys. You know, we're we're very hesitant to dial into that that one thing, which is just emotions. Be able to sit and and process our grief, and and we we love to just push it away, tap it down, but at some point, dude, you gotta feel it. You gotta feel it to heal it, you gotta let it go. You gotta face it head on and realize like, oh fuck, I lost, I lost my best friend, I lost somebody I cared about in combat. What does that really mean? Like, what does it really mean to let go, to go through it and finally heal and go through the process of grief and acceptance and let go. That's a that's the reality of it, man. And the more you push it away, the more you ignore it, the more you're susceptible for things like addiction and and sadly suicide, man. It's just if you're willing just for a little bit, be vulnerable, talk about it, process the entire situation that you went through, it's so much better for you, man. And what was it like going through and writing a book about?
SPEAKER_01:It was a little difficult. I mean, one, because I hate like schoolwork, it felt like schoolwork sometimes, you know what I mean? Especially the editing part. Like initially it's fun. Like, I'm gonna just write all my feelings down, and then I'm reading, I'm like, why did I write that? You know, like it's horrible. So it's a process, it took a long time. There was moments where you're writing about dark materials, so I struggled with should I even talk about this? Like, it's something you should, you know, bring up. Um then it puts you in a dark place. So like I have like cope with that, and then I take breaks. So it took a long time. It was a process for sure. But uh everyone asked me, well, is it therapeutic? Of course it was. I think it was for me more like a task and like a purpose. Like I felt like I needed to do it to share the story. You know, it was more for like the guys we lost. It was more for like I wanted it to for people to understand that, like, hey, a normal kid went overseas and like experienced things. This is how it affected him. But it I wanted to speak for like everyone, you know what I mean? Like all men and women who went, you know. Um, but it was a definitely a process, it was difficult. It took a long time, I'd say about 12 years. Yeah. To help up grammarly and like, you know, reading it three times, like it that was pretty much it.
SPEAKER_00:Man, so you did all the work on your own.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was everything front like front to back, designed it all like whatever artwork, writing it, making it up. Um, and this was also before like AI existed, thank God, because I probably would have just been like, hey bot, write me a book, you know?
SPEAKER_00:Like, all right, chat GPT, here's my background.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, idea for a book, make it cool and add bullets. And that was that was why I didn't do like the publisher route, to be honest, because as you mentioned, like everything's so Hollywood nowadays, and like I don't know, they either would have jacked it up to the point of like, you know, make it sound cooler, or like no, make you even sound even babier. You know what I mean? Like it would they would have messed something up, and I just wanted it to be authentic, 100% real. You know, there's even still like I there's like one bad review, someone's like, Oh, you missed a period or something. You know what I mean? Like punctuation. I brought it up to somebody and they're like, dude, but that's what makes it real. Like, I kind of liked it because it kind of kept it like journal style. Like, for instance, there's one chapter where it goes back to me in launchable Germany, and this was when I'm like four days outside the IED, and I'm like seeing, you know, not legitimately seeing things, but like I had no visitors, my eyes are shut, like I just was envisioning this room. Like, so the way I wrote it, it sounds like someone who's like not a good writer and on drugs or something, you know what I mean? But it's true, you know what I mean? Like I was just laying there, so I didn't change it too much because it was all like supposed to be authentic. So that was the point. I just wanted to make it real enough to where people can read it. And I've had it some people bring it up, but like, I actually like love it because it makes me want to talk about my experiences too, you know. Like I said, whether it's their dog loot, like Cooper they just lost back home, their little golden, or if it's like a buddy a guy lost in Vietnam, you know. It's just uh it's a I think that's what the mission was. You know, I realized deep down, like you said, like we may not know what our purpose is, but I know this has got something at the end of it, whether it's just helping people speak their, you know, whatever they've been through, whatever it may be, but that's what I'm hoping for. And like you said, it's it just made sense with his name. His worst dog name ever just kind of was like such a weird experience, man. When he of all the dogs to die, it was him, and I you know and I struggle with that too. It's like it, you know, I struggled with like I don't want to write a story and like capitalize on my buddy's death. You know, I mean that's another that's a real thing too. Yeah, that's why, you know, it's just that was a tough road to tough pill to swallow too. Um, but then people tell me, like, no, you gotta talk about it, you know, like absolutely, man.
SPEAKER_00:You absolutely have to because, like I said earlier, your vulnerability, the ability to share your raw, authentic, impactful story will help countless other individuals find their strength, find their voice so they can share their story. If not through a book, then finally open up to their family members. Finally let them know, like, hey, this is why for long periods of time I'm just depressed. That I'm still dealing with this. The encouragement we get from others, finding their vulnerability, finding their strength in that, that gives others that fee finally freeing availability of say, like, you know what, if he can do it, I can do it. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be a book, it doesn't have to be a podcast, it doesn't have to be a YouTube series. It just has to be the ability to connect with their own loved ones, to be able to let them in, to finally start healing and show them that, like, look, I don't always mean to be a closed-off asshole. I'm just carrying the weight of this. And that's what's really important, man.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, like, you know what's interesting? I was just, I don't know if you've seen this or not or know about this, but like I saw a video online a little while ago uh where Marcus Latrell posted a thing about him being at Congress or whatever. He's advocating for different therapies aside from the things he's been through, right? And like we all know his story and like what he's done, but like somebody who I always looked up to being like, oh, this hard ass, like you know, he's that, but then to see the vulnerable side. Yeah, to see the struggles that he opened up about, kind of thought about it. I'm like, wait a minute, like I think I'm going about this the wrong way. You know what I mean? Like, because we all struggle with the same thing, it's just in different levels. So, like, if somebody like that, so like you said, encourage each other to just be like open, like the more that we do it, the more other people are gonna be like, oh, it's it's cool. You know, it's like a thing now, you know what I mean? It's like, I don't know, it's like the woke part of the Marine Corps that we're or the military that we're creating. It's like it's okay to not be okay, whatever it may be, dude. Like it's a thing, like it's an actual thing. And like that point of like seeing it, I think it has a double edge to it is this whole the internet. Like it could be as evil as it could be good. Like you said, like it wasn't until like you know, like they talk about all the kids these days have it tough because they're getting bullied in school because the internet, like we're doing it to each other sometimes. Like I'm comparing myself to my bros because they're out doing cool stuff, you know, they're kicking indoors and doing whatever, and I'm just like sitting at home figuring my life out, you know. And I'm not posting video pictures of me playing video games, you know. I mean, that's embarrassing. So I it could be have like a problem. So, like, there we're living in that same thing, like the internet ruined us too. Like back in the day, you only talked about it around the campfire over a beer. You know, now it's like it's all over the place. So use it for good. And I'm I mean, you're a great example of this. Like, you have an awesome mission to be able to like promote good content, and I love that.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely, man. They were not gonna help each other out by highlighting more bullshit stories about fucking combat, our worst days, our worst fucking situations from this pillar and from the soapbox of like, look how fucking great, awesome of a warfighter we are. That doesn't do shit for anybody. Like, we have a real problem of dudes ending their lives, gals ending their lives because they feel like they're not fucking worthy. And if we can just stop creating content that's just fucking trauma bait and clickbait, fuck that. Put something good out there. Put something good out there that can help inspire somebody to stay around for just one more fucking day. Stay in a fight for one more fucking day. And that's something that I've been championing since the beginning of this thing. It's not about fucking glamorizing the G WA. Because guess what? That's over. Fucking nobody gives a shit about that. It's all about how many say how many people can we save? How many of you can we keep from fucking falling victim to alcohol, drugs, and the VA mentality of just be weak, broken, and vulnerable to the point of like you just drink yourself to death. No, vulnerability is a strength if you're willing to open up and share and talk about the things. Not just be disgruntled and broken in the way of like, oh, I'm so fucked up because of the war, because of Iraq and Afghanistan. It doesn't help anybody. You're suffering when you just keep it to yourself and just hold on to it. It doesn't do anything but just make you fucking more sad, more depressed. Share it with from a point of being willing to overcome it, to do something of purpose with it, to help others, to finally be able to say, like, you know what? I went through this. It's not who I am. It doesn't define me. That's where we got to get people to.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And I struggle with it too. Like I said, the whole, like, I've I've struggled with the whole drugs and alcohol thing. I've struggled with the sense of purpose. And I like I had the problem, the reason why I became a problem is because I never talked about it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Like, and that's like, you know, it's the bologna they tell you in these meetings and all this other stuff. It's like, you know, and like you were bringing up things like doctors VA with all that stuff. That's a whole other monster and completely you can do 15 episodes on that thing. You know what I mean? That's nuts. But you have to be able to like be honest with the people like who are close to supporting you, who are invested in you, right? Like who or had previous investment, those bonds and relationships. Like, I just recently said it, and it's so true, and I have to start doing it more. Is like if you see something that you think might help somebody, just do it. If you have an itch anywhere to like maybe should I reach out to this person, just do it. What's the worst that's gonna happen? You know what I mean? Like, there's like this funny video I saw that I think like all vets would laugh and relate to. Like, I just shared it. You know what I mean? Like in the past, I'd be like, would anybody think this is goofy? Like, would it not? Or like I'll send it to my buddy, like whatever it is. Like, if you get that itch, just do it. Because that itch could save someone's life. Like, absolutely just text the dude, be like, Hey, how you doing? Because like, you're afraid they're gonna ask how you're doing too. Like, it goes both ways, you know what I mean? Like, open that door and uh don't be afraid of it. Yeah. But dude, real quick, tell us about the book. Where can we get it? Uh it's on Amazon. I did it because it's really easy for self-publishers and it'll be in your doorstep in like three hours if you order it, you know. So it does take a little longer to print it, but it's like a day or two. So it comes quick. You can get all the different versions. Yeah, to share book, share it all. Uh, if you're part of the Kindle Limited plan, you get it for free. If you reach out to me directly, I'll probably give it to you for free. I I have just been giving these things away. As an self-published author, I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna be, you know, I'll make so much money. And then the next thing you know, you make like one sale in a month, and you're like, I'm just throwing this out the window, like I'm just giving them away. Because the goal is to get the story out. It's not, you know what I mean? Like that was always the goal, right? This is where we get caught up. Like you have like this mission, you get motivated because that was the goal, and then you get lost in the sauce. And then I'm like, you know, all these different things made you get distracted. But yeah, it's on the internet. You can Google uh grief's name, it'll pop up. Um, and uh yeah, so I appreciate you letting me share that.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely, man. Please do me a favor, pause the episode, go to the episode description, click the link there, get the book. Don't wait for you to don't wait for him to send to you for free. Support a veteran, support.
SPEAKER_01:They're like, no, he said it. I'm gonna email him directly. Yep. It's like we said, this internet stuff gets you in trouble, man. That's it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, it's it's important to support our our brothers and sisters out there sharing good, impactful, authentic stories that promote healing, that promote something that's good, and not just fucking the latest fucking gossip from the Mill community. It it's important, man. Like get out there, buy the book, support it. There's a link in the bio, a link in the description. Do your thing. Al, thank you so much for being here, brother. One more time. What's the name of the book? Surviving with Grief. And where can we find you on social media?
SPEAKER_01:Uh, I'll be just on Instagram right now, uh, pretending to be on Twitter and TikTok. But it's Sergeant Brenner again. Uh, I hold that rank near and dear to my heart because I was promoted on terminal leave last five minutes before I got out. So yeah, I did buy it at the PX, though. You're damn right I did. But yes, Sergeant Brenner. Yes. That's fucking awesome. But yeah, good luck to all you guys. Happy September to everybody. And like I said, reach out, send that text, send that message, share that funny video, and you know, keep the mission going.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely, man. Again, thank you so much for being here. For all y'all tuning in. Thank you as well. Sorry about the cough. I'm gonna keep it. I'm not gonna edit the fuck out of it because I'm still fucking I'm fucking dying, man. I'm in the trenches. I love it. Thank you all for tuning in, man. See y'all next time. Till then, take care. Security podcast is proudly sponsored by Titan's Arm. Head up the episode description and check out Titan's Arms today.
