Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
Join us as we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, proving that even after the mission changes, the call to serve and thrive never ends.
Security Halt!
From Ranger to Redemption: Cameron Fath's Journey Through Identity, Struggle & the Power of Communication
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What happens when the uniform comes off—but you don’t know who you are anymore?
In this deeply honest episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero sits down with Cameron Fath, a former Army Ranger, to unpack the complex realities of post-military identity, mental health struggles, and the long road to personal growth and recovery.
Cameron shares:
- His journey from a strong, supportive childhood to elite military service
- The internal battle with identity loss and imposter syndrome after leaving the military
- How family dynamics and poor communication contributed to personal and legal challenges
- The critical role of counseling, accountability, and community in his healing
- Why self-care, purpose, and vulnerability are essential to long-term growth
This episode is a candid reflection on the highs and lows of the veteran transition experience—and a reminder that you're not alone in your struggle. If you're navigating your own recovery, searching for purpose, or learning how to communicate with those you love, this conversation is for you.
🎧 Available now on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts
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Produced by Security Halt Media
Security Out Podcast is proudly sponsored by Titan's Arms, precision Wellness Group and Pure Liberty Labs. You get to sit down and brush elbows with some of America's greatest warriors, but on this show I get to do it every single day, cameron, welcome to Security Out Podcast man.
Speaker 2:Thanks, denny, I appreciate you having me. Man, I'm excited to be here, absolutely, man, you're somebody that speaks, I appreciate you having me, man, I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1:Dude, absolutely, man. You're somebody that speaks directly to the veteran that's getting out and is like I want to do something. Great, I know I have it in me to do amazing things, but where the fuck can I start? Where do I go? And seeing somebody from our special operations community on fucking TV, on one of the biggest fucking platforms, doing cool? You didn't go there to do an American bake off. You weren't on America's who's got talent. No, you're like, I'm a badass fucking ranger and I'm going to show you these cool fucking things I learned over my career. And I'm going to do it 100% with my full identity of who I am, what I'm here for, and I'm not going to fucking try to cookie cutter. I'm going to show you who the fuck I am. So, cameron, I want to dive into your story. Dude, that's just like we're going to get into the great TV stuff. But, dude, where did you begin this, this life of like? I think I want to serve Like. Where did this all begin for you?
Speaker 2:Well, first and foremost, do they teach you how to flatter people in special forces, because you're really good at it. Thank you so much. That was a killer intro. I really appreciate that. You know, I'm flattered really. But you know, just diving in of where it all began, my mom and my dad met and then kind of fell in love with each other. I'm kidding, that's a little too early, but I was pretty much. I was born in Los Angeles, californiaifornia. I grew up in a two-parent household, you know. So pretty pretty standard childhood, right, not a lot of adversity. I know you were telling me a little bit about yourself, you know, and your and your scenario there, and that's. I went to a suburban school. I had, you know, I got a car when I was 16 granted, it was a scion tc, wasn't my mom?
Speaker 2:yeah, well, yeah there. So you know, there's that.
Speaker 1:That's a little. I'll put a picture of that car, because Scion TC was ahead of its time folks.
Speaker 2:It was great. I had a little rice axle bag exhaust on it. You can hear me coming from miles away, man, it was great. You know a two-parent household. They divorced when I was in middle school but I had a really good childhood. I always had a roof over my head, I was always fed.
Speaker 2:My mom was very encouraging in the aspect of try stuff. Just go out and try stuff, know, that wasn't the recipe for success, but basically played almost every sport I played I picked up and, you know, learned about six instruments growing up. My dad was a musician and a hairstylist, my mom was a fashion designer, so I came from a very creative household. So they were very encouraging. In fact, just go try things. But the one thing that like stuck because I'd pick up, like you know, I'd pick up the guitar, play for about a month and I've always played the guitar for a little bit but I put it down try something new, pick up drums, you know, pound around a little bit, then pick up the saxophone trumpet, but it never really stuck. The one thing that always stuck with me was the interest of military. So yeah, I remember, you know, going back being 12 years old, I go into the World War Two museums that they have, like these little pop up museums in the valley in Los Angeles of, like you know, they have some Korea memorials.
Speaker 1:They have some.
Speaker 2:World War Two memorials and I'd go there and I've always been obsessed. My fifth grade project was on General MacArthur, you know. So it's pretty heavy for a fifth grade no-transcript. When he was in his twenties. My mom was of Latin descent. Her parents were immigrants, um. So you know, I always thought I was first generation military. My. My grandma passed about a year ago, um, and my dad went over there like brought back all the belongings and stuff and I was going through some pictures and I was like who the hell is this? He's like oh, that's your great-grandfather ss uniform.
Speaker 2:I'm like god damn it, he was fucking awesome though yeah, I was like jesus man, I always thought I was the only one so. So I always say I'm the first volunteer, oh yeah, but anyways. So, yeah, no idea where the interest came from, but I always had a massive amount of respect for service members. You know, anytime I'd see him in public, you know the recruiters running around my it'd always be like thank you for your service. So you know I do anything I can to be really close to these because in my mind these were what, like you know, these were what men looked like. At least that's what I saw myself, or when I envisioned like what a man, a strong man was.
Speaker 2:I saw a service member not trying to be exclusive to the genders here, but you know that's what I saw. But so when I was 16, I went to the arm, I started going to the recruiter's offices Cause my mom was, she was pretty supportive. Supportive. She knew this was like my, my dream and I would. Just the first stop was the marine corps, because obviously they have the best market.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everybody believes that the marine corps is the best, until you join the army and you're like dude, yeah, yeah, they, they got us on the uniform man and the commercials, like the slaying of the dragon. Commercial fuck that closed. It almost got me like wait a second. The moment he fucking slays the dragon and the the dress uniform magically appears is like all right, I want to be cool exactly I got you, um, but I first job was a marine recruiter.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know, I had my like marine hat on my marine lanyard and I want to tell the future marine like I was deft in the marine corps. And then my mom was like you know what? You need to really be smart about this. She's like I know. She's like how much have you really researched about the different branches? And I'm like, ah, I watched like a youtube video about a dragon. And then she's like just look up the budgets. And I looked up the budgets and marine corps had the least. They're like it was on the bottom of the totem pole for budgets.
Speaker 2:And she's like you're a big gear guy, right, because I was like super into airsoft and I collected gear and I was super into like chris cost and travis haley at the time. Yeah, you know we all have the bvds, bro. Yeah, you know, they revolutionized the training they did, they did absolutely. And so I was super into gear. And she's like you know, if you're doing the Marine Corps, chances of getting all this fancy schmancy stuff is slim to none. And I was like I'm gonna go talk to the army. So your mom's smart that's a smart lady right there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like her manipulation on her part. Yeah, so I walked into the to the army recruiter. You know, and, and these, luckily the two recruiters that I dealt with were just savages. You know, they were infantry guys, behemoths. These are the guys that I thought they were like all, both over six, two drove book and v8 mustangs jacked up, you know, and they're like what do you want, kid? I'm like, you know, fucking sitting there looking up at them and I'm like I want to be infantry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're in a buck, so, uh, but they were excellent mentors at the time. It was sergeant walls was like my mentor, but now, uh, you know, he's first sergeant walls, he's still in, you know. Yeah, well, you know, big shout out to you know, putting me on the path of like you know what a good infantryman should be. But, yeah, when I was 16, boom, signed my contract and I was in the future like delayed entry program. So the second I got my high school diploma. I was literally on a bus to Fort Benning, georgia, to do OSIP. So, yeah, I didn't have a summer that didn't have a summer that year, have a summer that year. But I was kind of right in, yeah, dude, right in. So and that's what I wanted.
Speaker 2:It was funny because nobody that knew me you know, if you I was, I didn't have any of like the, the precursors of this guy's going into the military, because the one thing I did in like middle school and in high school was I was a dancer dude. I was on a really yeah, I was on a professional adult hip-hop company and we would travel around the west coast and compete, like you know, I got to meet like the jabberwockies and all these guys that were on like america's best dance crew. And it's funny because you said america's got talent. I was actually on america's got talent when I was in high school.
Speaker 2:Get the fuck out of here granted, we did not make it, but uh yeah I did my research. I did not see this yeah, no, I've done my due diligence and I have buried that footage. It does not exist a cool 45k.
Speaker 2:It does not exist yeah, no, it was funny because, like, yeah, I was, I was a professional dancer and they put us in like before I joined the army, they put me in this boy band and they're like we're going to try out for America's got talent and I was like you know, okay, if this works out, maybe I'll delay my enlistment and see to be rich and famous, but it did not work out and I'm like we're on a bus. That was it, man.
Speaker 1:So I mean, we, we gotta dissect this a little bit. Sure, you know, we, we hear, we hear mom is supportive and she's smart enough to be like, hey, look, look at the budgets, like, let's, let's look at how who's get the most funding. But what about your dad? Like a lot of us that you know, I didn't have that experience, but I've talked to a lot of friends, family and guests that did have a supportive father. Yeah, I would imagine that he that he would have, you know wanted to have a sit down with you and talk to you about this decision because you're, you know, you're his boy. What was that?
Speaker 2:like, yeah, so you know dad actually had way more pushback than mom, really. Yeah, so my dad wasn't as supportive as my mom. He, you know, he's's german, he comes from a completely different culture. You know where his view of the military had always been negative. Just because he's like, why would you I remember multiple times he would tell me why would you go, you know, put yourself out there in a dangerous environment to die for like politicians, and I'm like you know, shut up, yeah, no, but no, my dad like, he's always been really supportive, but that was the one thing he ever like push back on and because I would bet money that it was just because of his upbringing. You know he had a negative experience with the military which you know came later to find out.
Speaker 2:You know my uncle was diagnosed with schizophrenia when they were younger and my uncle in Germany. At the time it was like mandatory service, so it was like volunteer. Either you volunteer, do two or three years in the German military or you can do. You know. You know help geriatrics. That's what it was explained to me as when he was growing up and his uncle went or at least my uncle went and his brother joined, and I remember he used to tell my father that, like you know, we didn't know at the time that it was schizophrenia, nobody knew. But he would like imagine bombs going off during training and be you know. So he would tell my father, whatever you do, don't join. And so my father, like, did everything he can not to join.
Speaker 2:So I'm pretty sure that, like you know, experience there, and it was till, you know, a few years ago now, to have been out for you know, six or seven years of active duty, a couple of years from the guard, like that, I kind of understood that was like his, his reservations, but at the end of the day, my father's always been a really good man and a great father. So you know he would. He might've not always been like my ideal version of a man. Maybe that's why I looked at service members as, like you know they, you know they were tough, they had, you know they, they lived by a you know a creed and they showed up every day. Like you know, it was the beginning, the first thing they ever did every time. Um, and my dad, you know he was a musician and a hairstylist, so complete opposite. But his strengths were things that I didn't recognize at the time.
Speaker 1:You know which now I'm like after and reflection in hindsight, I'm like those are aspects that made me the man I am today so absolutely like, yeah, yeah, we have to understand that strength, masculinity and and being a good man. It doesn't have to be defined by one linear path. It doesn't have to be defined by one linear path. It doesn't have to be defined by just being a service member, by being an infantryman. No, everybody deserves the opportunity to live the life and follow the pursuit of happiness and we have to be able to respect and see the greatness that everybody has, especially our parents, man, especially if we got good parents, but're they were. They weren't exactly what we thought, because we grew up and we, we idolized one thing, but it's great to see that you were able to recognize it and maintain, like that, the understanding of like, hey, my dad's still a great individual, yeah, my dad.
Speaker 2:It took work too. That's the thing it's like.
Speaker 2:You know, when I got out of the military and I guess I'm jumping around here like i- had a perfect thing for us to do here, yeah no, but when I got out of the military I struggled with identity like a lot man and I I can't name one veteran that just got out smoothly and was like that was cool, you know. On to the next thing. But no, I really struggled with identity and not in the fact that, like you know, being a ranger, that's a great to have and it's not the fact that struggle with the loss of identity, because every single day I still am a ranger. Every single day I still live the ranger every single day, at least the good parts of it, which to me is every part. But I'm biased, but you know this the identity is, you know, not just doing ranger things, but you know there are the negative correlations with that, which could be extremely destructive behavior.
Speaker 2:And that was the identity that I struggled with, because I was trying to do this still in the civilian world, you know, which might've been acceptable in ranger regimen and oftentimes encouraged. You know, the drinking, the work hard, play hard. You know that type of aspect and it, you know, when I got out, it fucking bit me, it bit me and I'm just like I'm just doing what I've been doing for years, you know, and that was also, like you know, crushing weakness, which you know, at the time I saw in my dad. And not like taking a setback, because, like you know, you respect, you're enlisted because it is an extremely competitive environment and you won't make it that far unless you were this exact model. Right, you have to fit that mold perfectly or you will not last. It's just statistics and it's facts. And ranger regiment the biggest killer of rangers are rangers. Right, because they're the ones that kick you the fuck out if you can't make the standard. Yeah, it's brutal, it's brutal, man, brutal. There is no room for slacking, there is no room for like.
Speaker 1:I think I'm going to take it easy today, because you will just get absolutely chewed up and spit out the hardest thing I've ever witnessed and I saw it with some of my teammates, because some of the best dudes you'll meet are the guys that mess up and have like there's not even that much room for mess up. Literally you mess up and you're gone, and your next thing, next thing you know, you're on a you yeah, you got orders of fort hood, so fuck that I'm gonna go to selection.
Speaker 1:So I got plenty of friends, plenty of green beret friends that have that story of like, I fucked up one minor thing and one day I go from being a hero to being a fucking zero and I found myself going to Fort Hood and I got there and I went immediately straight to fucking selection. But the worst ones are the guys that don't get that opportunity and it does lead to fucking loss of identity, loss of family. When you got, you get removed from Ranger Regiment where you're a fucking professional athlete and then you get orders of Fort Sam Houston.
Speaker 1:It's like alright, well, I'm done, I'm fucking done, I'm out of here.
Speaker 2:I'll check out hang up the tape yeah, hang up the cake.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so that was so. You know, I'm sitting here when I get out thinking that's who I still need to be like. You know, I mean great things as an individual, right, because you're always maintaining your physical appearance or your, your, your ability to perform. Right, being a protector, being doing the best at all times that you can, giving 100 every single day. So those are the great things that came out, but you know the negative things are.
Speaker 2:Now I'm comparing, like you know, my father and my and my peers in the civilian world to the to. I'm holding them to the same expectations that I would hold my squad to or to my platoon members, which is no, no, you can't do that. It's not, it's not fair and it's wrong because that's a completely different lifestyle. So, you know, I get out and I'm like holding my dad to these standards, thinking like I need you to be strong, I need you to be tough, I need you to be able, I need you to be decisive, I need you to be violent, I need you to be, I need you to be a ranger.
Speaker 2:And my dad's a small german musician, hairstylist and it's just like, okay, after a lot of work and thought and me going through this identity crisis. You know it took therapy, it took counseling, it took me being in jail, like shit, yeah, and I happened to get into that because that was like you know, I hit a low. It hasn't all been peaches and cream for me, it's, you know. So I sit here completely open to be like yo, just because you know I'm on Netflix and I've managed to appear like I'm super successful. I've had my own trials and tribulations that got me here and that's important to understand too.
Speaker 1:Like it's important to understand and humanize this process of what it really means to to leave a high achieving environment and struggle with it. Like there's the ranger standard. Every freaking day you wake up and it's like I have to meet the standard from unto lieutenant colonel. That is a standard and you're gonna fucking abide by it. Or in the moment you slack, you're done. Get out of here. What?
Speaker 1:the fuck do you do when you get out? What happens to that ranger when he gets out and there's no, there's no, there's no squad, there's nobody there with you, it's just you. And and when you share it so far, it's like it's a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you, I'll give you a good story here. Everyone in special operations, even the army, even the military, you know you work super hard. In my opinion, the military is one of those jobs that's 24 seven, even though it's the weekend, even though you take off the military and you grow a little. I mean you take off your uniform, you grow a little stubble on the weekends. Everybody knows you're in the military. And not to mention, they don't say, oh, you work as a soldier. It's like, oh, you are a soldier, oh, you work as a Green Beret. Oh, no, you are a Green Beret, you work as a ranger. You are a ranger. You're that 24-7 until you get out. Or you stop claiming it or you just give up.
Speaker 2:The work hard. Play hard was a big thing. You work Monday through Friday. I'd get in at 06, work out 09, work starts. We'd get off 6 pm when we weren't doing a range. Sometimes we'd get off at 3.30 in the morning, 4 in the morning, because whatever you do during the day, you do at night and Washington summers the sun does not go down until like 10. So like you are truly working, that was the hardest job I've ever had in my life. So on weekends, you know, even maybe sometimes starting on Thursdays we'd all go out to the bars and fucking go crazy. And that was just habitual habit. That was just habitual, you know. So that was the SOP. You work really hard and on the weekends you go drink with your boys. So you know, I literally ran an FMP on the last day that I got out of the military.
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Speaker 2:So, like a lot of guys will like, when they start ETSing they're done. You know, like six months out, if they call you, you're not even picking up the phone. They're like I'm getting out. I actually ran an FMP like like the day before I packed up my U-Haul so I was working the entire time. Holy shit, yeah, they actually gave me my E5. I was pinned E5 on Terminal Leap and that is like not a thing. That happened. So I like to think that was like a good. That was a good signal of what I would put into the organization, because they don't waste that slot, you know, especially for dudes getting out. So, yeah, I got pinned on terminal leave. So, yeah, I ran an FMP as a fireteam leader and then I picked up my basically FMP Wednesday, packed up my U-Haul Thursday, hit the road on Thursday, got back to Los Angeles oniday friday I went out to celebrate with my family dui friday night oh shit, yep.
Speaker 2:so I literally always make a joke that I rfs myself, yeah. So so I'm basically here, it's, it's. Uh. I got out november 11th, officially started terminal leave in october, so I went to a hallow Halloween like party and here I am, sitting in the drunk tank, dui, dressed as a sailor no, yeah, dude. Yeah, my buddy works for LAPD. And I was like, hey, can you send me my mugshot? And it's me in a sailor costume. And I'm like, damn, that's rough. But yeah, dude, laugh, it's. Looking back on it, it was funny.
Speaker 2:But like at the time it destroyed me, you know, because I was like duis were the biggest killer of rangers, like those killed more duis kill more rangers than bullets, you know, because that kicks them out. Um, so I'm like god, what do I do? And I just enlisted in the national guard too. So I basically went from ranger yeah, I did a transfer. So I did because I didn't want to get fully out, because I was I still was in love with military, but deployments were coming to an end. You know, I started realizing, when we're not deploying entire battalions at them anymore, like the chances of me getting to do my job are getting slimmer and slimmer and like I'm glad I made the decision to get out, because it pretty much did and other than like the Afghanistan withdrawal, and I also wanted to pursue other things like my education and whatnot. But I joined the National Guard, just in case. Is that door, that like go back to the military, that safe place that we've been in and we've excelled, that that's still an option. So the DUI made things a little rough in the National Guard but I still had a really good time on top of the DUI.
Speaker 2:About like eight months later I get a firearms charge, I get a carrying a concealed gun in my car charge, and that was because I had my Washington CCW, uh, and I was working executive protection, just like every good infantry guy does. That doesn't go police, you know. So I, I leave my pistol in my car, I'm doing an overnight static and I leave for annual training the next day. Didn't put my gun away properly in the trunk with like all the California things Left for two weeks of training. Came back was driving my car around on probation from the DUI for search and seizure. So basically I got pulled over for no front license plate because I bought my car after I graduated from RASP in Georgia, which doesn't have front license plates, so I don't even have like mounting brackets for it. So get pulled over, for no front license plate.
Speaker 2:He's like, oh, you're on probation, you know, for DUI. I'm going to check your car and I like take my feet off the clutch, because I drive, stick like a man and I kick something. You know, I kick something underneath my seat. I'm like what is that? And I like reach down, I feel my handle of my little my little P shield, my handle of my little my little p shield, and I'm like uh-oh. I'm like, oh, just chill, no shit, it's fine, he's just, and yeah, and then he comes back.
Speaker 2:He's like you know, you're on probation, I'm gonna go ahead and search your car. And I'm like he's like, is there anything in there that you want to tell me about? I'm like, yeah, I got my firearm. Like trying to be super cool, you know. I'm like, yeah, I got my gun in my car, man, uh, like you're gonna find it anyway. Anyway, why be? Why be a POS and lie? So it's like my pistol's underneath me, like my hands are right here. Let me know what you want me to do. And it's okay, get out of the car.
Speaker 2:So I get out of the car and another unit rolls up and we're like talking and uh, you know, I'm basically supplementing work because I moved in with my dad, right, which is another like I just used to be a ranger and now I'm in california and I can't afford rent because I don't have a job, you know. So that's another little hit to the ego, uh, which made me, I think, worse, because I'm like I'm a dad and uh, yeah, I'm talking with him and I have a ranger sticker on the back of my car, but it's not like screams ranger, it's like the ranger dui, pretty much I don't know if you could see it behind me with the neon sign. And he's like what is that? And I was like, oh, it's the unit. I used to be trying to be mysterious and cool, you know. So basically, the guy comes and he's like I think he's just gonna be like all right, dude, you know, veteran, I didn't have my id on me because it expired, because I got out of the military and I couldn't even get on post anymore because it was expired.
Speaker 2:Big problems Like this is a long story. And he's just like all right, put your hands behind your back. You know I'm like, oh, what it's basically expecting. Like, oh, you know, in Ranger Regiment, you know, sometimes cops would take you back to post if they caught you drinking and driving. You know, because they're like, this guy's a special operations dude, we got to give him the respect he deserves. Who cares if he's drinking and driving like a piece of shit? You know he's like we're going to thank him for his service by not ending his career and you know that didn't happen all the times, but it's happened in the past Thinking that's the treatment that I'm going to get right, almost like here in my ego, my toxic ego, and I get put in cuffs and spend three days in jail and I'm like dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now I'm like what society would consider the lowest of the low, when, you know, a few months ago, I used to be what society considered the best of the best. Best of the best. Yeah, exactly. So like I'm sitting here in oranges who am I, what am I doing? And like that absolutely crushed me, so I finally got out of jail. You know, I'm sitting here with twenty five thousand dollars worth of loss like retaining lawyer fees and I'm just like dude, I'm going to school. What? Like this? I don't know what to do. Yeah, I'm not sure.
Speaker 2:And I don't know what to do. Yeah, I'm not sure. And yeah, that was really hard, it was super hard. But that that was kind of my turning point when I started thinking like, hey, things need to change because obviously what we're, what we're doing here, isn't working. And I think to me I would owe that, or at least 90% it, to my fiance.
Speaker 2:I met my fiance at the time and she was like really straight edge and she was like dude, you're a fucking loser. You know, essentially on our first date I remember I like who tells their date that, oh, I'm actually on probation because I just got out of jail and I'm on dui. Yeah, I had a DUI, I'm on probation now for gun charge. You want to meet up again? Usually people say like no, yeah, but for some reason I think she saw something in me and yeah, she was just like dude, you need to change your shit.
Speaker 2:And like it took a lot of work, took a lot of arguing, took a lot of like dropping the ego, dropping the armor and being like you know, there are good rangers and there are good men and oftentimes the two aren't. They don't cross, yeah, you know, because you can be really fucking good at your job. But you can, you know, be an alcoholic, you can beat your wife. You can be just a terrible father, and I saw. You know, be an alcoholic, you can beat your wife. You can be just a terrible father, and I saw it.
Speaker 2:You know, I saw amazing operators that you know needed to be at work because if you put them to their own devices they could not function, and I think that's what happened to me. So you know, I owe it to my fiance, to you know she, she turned me around, she gave me a good taste of reality, you know reality. I started going to counseling, started doing a lot of internal work, a lot of reflection, and I'm like I think that's what. I wasn't suicidal, but I will say it saved my life Because if I didn't Change behavior, the chance of me being in jail or incarcerated Just due to stupid shit yeah, it sounds like it was the chance of me like being in jail or incarcerated just due to stupid shit?
Speaker 1:Like, yeah, it sounds like it was. That's exactly where. If you didn't stop, if you didn't have an intervention, if you didn't meet your fiance to have that wake up call, it really sounds like you were headed towards even more issues. It doesn't seem like it was ever going to be like oh, I'll straighten out, like sometimes we do need that, that hard reset issues. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it was ever going to be like, oh, I'll straighten out, like sometimes we do need that, that hard reset, that lowest of low being. You know there's so many of our brothers don't get that, or they don't even see it as being like you're rock bottom. I can continue going.
Speaker 2:I'll continue going yeah, it's like let's go run a really fast five mile, yeah, yeah I'll be okay, still fucking crushing, crushing it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:What was when you, when you look back and you reflect like at some point you know, I always say like it's not, no provider can make us do anything, nobody can come in and make us change. What was the definitive line where you woke up and you're like okay, I'm going to take this action today to start living better? What were some of the things you started doing to change course?
Speaker 2:Ooh, that's a great question because, like, I don't really think there was like a definitive switch. I mean, ironically, I was just like that. I woke up one morning like, okay, something needs to change but it takes work right. So, like there was. You know, I think doing cutting small achievable goals was like the the main thing, and it wasn't always clear cut. You know, there is, there is no path and it's like, okay, well, one inch forward is better than two, one inch back, essentially. So it was just, I think communication was a big thing because, you know, I feel like there's this huge operator syndrome, I call it, where, like you keep everything inside and like you don't talk about anything.
Speaker 2:Or you know, even, like you don't really need to talk to your fiance about it. You talk to a counselor about it, you talk to a battle buddy about it. You talk to, you know, somebody who's still in, somebody who's out, but just communicating something. And I think that's what I found value in when I was going through counseling through the VA, and it's just like sitting there and like talking Because, like I'll give you an example, I still go and I've been going like- Good man, good man yeah and this happened in 2020.
Speaker 2:It's five. I've been going for five, six years and it's all. Back then it was reactive counseling, now it's proactive, right. So just staying ahead and just communicating out. You know, it's really funny.
Speaker 2:I have an amazing counselor. He's an infantry guy too, and uh, so I feel like I can like be myself around him and uh, he's like we're talking about something that's you know what's going on. And he's like how do you feel about it? And I'm like, honestly, I don't really feel anything about it. And then, 20 minutes later, he's like you just talked about 20 minutes about shit, like how you feel about it, and your first answer was I don't really feel anything about it. And it's like, obviously that was incorrect.
Speaker 2:So I feel like communicating, or just like in my fiance, we'd sit down and something I never did before would be like just literally talk. And it's like I'm so used to sitting there, stone cold, watching the TV. And I feel like so many people do this in their relationship, where they're like on their phones or like and I'm still guilty of going back to that too just being on my phone, because terrible social media sucks, but it's part of the job. It is Just saying, talking about what you're thinking about. I'd never do that because, like, military mindset was just like, who gives a fuck what I'm thinking, it's about the mission, so it's like you know, it's like following the orders. So I kind of I still think like a military guy, even though I've been out for you know, years now. Well, officially out at 2023, but I was for some reason I always think about like active duty is my line, but, uh, it's like, okay, everything we do is is team oriented. Gotcha, as an individual, my feelings don't matter, my feelings don't matter. It's all about what's going to benefit the organization, benefit the team, become an asset, right?
Speaker 2:We've, we've heard all these sayings. Some say they cliche. They have truth behind them, otherwise people wouldn't relate to them. But I, I started thinking more individually and I'm like starting to prioritize myself and that's always I think that's been the hardest thing I've done is like, okay, well, like, the reason I keep myself up to these standards is because you know it'll make me a better teammate or make me a better partner or whatnot. But I've seen it now enough times in like people that I've either I work with or people that I've encountered veterans I've encountered that, like they're still focused on the team, that they're not taking care of themselves, and then ultimately, like that absence of self-care detriments the team, you know, so that's so. It's just like they think they'reriments the team, you know, so that's so. It's just like they think they're being team oriented by you know, putting everything on their back and basically giving themselves shin splints with all the weights and you know, but they're ironically destroying everything.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. We put on this mask of everything's fine, I just need, and we hyper-focus on the team, your platoon, your company, at whatever leadership level you are. You focus on the men in the mission and you're like, if I can just take care of everybody else, magically, I'll be fine.
Speaker 2:And then you fall the fuck apart and then it's like, yeah, dude, we could see you're struggling, but you didn't say shit yeah, so I mean that that is 100 true, and I think that's what I was doing, like I'm like, well, I'm going to the gym, I'm going to school, I'm in shape, you know, I'm being a leader of men, you know they I'm good and it's just like no, you're, you know, you just got out of jail, you're far from good, you're not good, you're not doing what you need to do right For yourself.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, I guess those you know. To answer your question a little bit more directly over communication, you know, whether that's with a counselor, with a partner, with a buddy, it's just reaching out and talking, not internalizing. You know everything, because I think there's a lot of value in feedback, whether you're asking for it or not, and that's something you can communicate as well. Right, it all comes down to communication where it's just like hey, I don't want to hear, you know, I just want you to listen for a second, or I just want to talk about this for a second. You know, sometimes, you know, communication can be one way, but understanding, you know, communication as a whole, it's not just you, this is me, it's not just you, this is me. There's a lot of different ways to skin that cat.
Speaker 2:So I think that's what's been a big help is like now I've emphasized over-communicating to my partner, because when I was under-communicating or internalizing everything, that's when conflict would happen. Right, a hundred percent, and that conflict adds, you know, turns into stress and those stressors turn into toxic behavior and essentially we regress and it's like okay. So I need to take a tactical pause here and be like self-analyze. What am I doing? Because everyone's just like it's somebody else's problem, it's somebody else's problem, but now I've just we're so good at that. Yeah, it's just like dude. My rate of fire was every three seconds. It's just like dude. Yeah, my rate of fire was every three seconds. Boom, I hit it. Yeah, and it's just like dude.
Speaker 2:Communication and accountability We'll simply put it as that right, over-communicate, and also there are chances that the chance is very high that you are doing something wrong. And it's like change of behavior. Change of behavior because, like we can't control other people, we can't control the scenario. We can't control the scenario. We only can control how we feel about it and what we can do within it. Um, so that's it, man. That's that's been, that's been the whole sole reason that I've been able to make it, uh, to where I'm at now.
Speaker 1:I think yeah, no, that's. It's valuable insight and that's something that enough people that not enough, not enough people are being willing to like. Come on the show or a video or just share that testimony of what it really means to go through your life and deal with these stressors. Because it's not just us. This is something that happens to nearly every human being. Everybody's dealing with their own issues, everybody's carrying a different load, and sometimes we're not willing to ask for help, we're not willing to sit down and take a knee and be like, hey, what do you, how do you manage it? How do you manage it? Like, help me, give me some of your resources. Dude, it's a journey. Nothing, nothing that you go through in life is going to magically get rid of all the problems and issues, and if somebody's telling you that they have the answer to it, they're full of fucking shit.
Speaker 1:Life and mental health is a fucking journey. You're going to have great days. You're going to have bad days, but I will tell you you want the bad days because it gives you perspective. On the good days, you're able to say like, hey, you know, the last few years have been pretty fucking good and I'm not where I used to be. Life is about continuing on this journey and figuring out the tools that you need, figuring out which ones work, which ones don't, and continuing the process. Dude.
Speaker 1:And there's something to be said about that identity piece Not enough people are sharing. It is a jarring. Nobody walks out of those gates and says I'm ready to be a corporate fucking psychologist, I'm going to work in operational psychology, I'm going to get my degree, it's going to be perfect. Well, life's going to be great. No, everybody stumbles. But there's an important aspect of once you get through that journey, once you find your new identity and rebuild it to be uniquely who you're meant to be, incorporates all aspects of your life, everything that you did and everything you're going to do. You turn around and you help everybody else Like. And another piece that I want to dive into is finding that purpose. One of the biggest struggles is individuals get out and they're like fuck, I'm this great infantry leader. Now, where do I find the same calling? And the reality is sorry. I hate to tell you this. You're not going to be an infantry leader out in the civilian world.
Speaker 2:You've got to find a new purpose, a new mission. How'd you go about building that Great question? And I think I cheated the system. Because I think that my transition to the National Guard fulfilled that for me because, like I was still in a position of leadership in the quote unquote, civilian world Right Once a month, I would have, you know, joe's underneath me that I could teach and you know I would like to think that I did a good job and you know so I feel like that fulfilled me. But when I got out, like fully out, then it was like okay, start over again. Where where do I go from here?
Speaker 2:The word community is a powerful thing. Right, because I think you know fulfillment and community are synonyms, even though they're not. But in in the sense of like, finding that feeling inside, that like makes you feel like you're part of something. Right, because that's where I got fulfillment in regiment is. I felt like I was part of the grading, one of the greatest light of a tree fighting forces this planet has ever seen. Right, and that was a feeling.
Speaker 2:And then I essentially went over to the national guard, still was able to like keep that scratch, that autism of my military interests and uh, but at that time I was working on, you know, finding a community and luckily I was able to totally do that. Um, and it's just by finding not necessarily like I've always been obsessed with military stuff, so big in the tactical world, big into, like, the firearm industry and you know, there's enough of us in this industry to where, like, you can find a ranger or a special forces guy or any type of you know, even a seal if you like them. No, I love them, but they're on every corner and, like we share a lot of the same experiences and a lot of the same mindset. So it's easy to find, like you know, like-minded people. But it's just not about finding like-minded people but doing things together in a positive direction, cause obviously you can find like-minded people and go down a destructive path.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, seen that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no for sure. Yeah, you don't want to do that. Yeah, cause, if they're like, hey, I got a great idea, we all got really good, you know CQB skills, let's rob a bank and it's like that's not good.
Speaker 1:You know that may allegedly allegedly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, take your license plate off. You do that.
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Speaker 2:Yeah, for real. No doing, doing, you know, finding like-minded individuals and doing impactful things in a positive manner. So, luckily, I found that with the training organization that I currently instruct for, defense strategies group. You know, it's like-minded dudes that just love to love to help people and, uh, you know, however that is, there are people there are way too many people in this world. Sorry, thanos quote, but everybody has different likes, interests. Everybody wants something different, right. So I've luckily found an organization that helps people prepare themselves right, and that's something I'm extremely passionate about.
Speaker 2:Even when I was a kid like I had I was super obsessed with the military because I thought they were the most prepared, you know. So now I've still been on that kind of path. So now the fact that I get to, you know, share some knowledge that I've learned, whether it's in the military and in my travels and the Netflix show and just things that I've been, you know, obsessing with and and learning on my own I get to share that with people who are like minded to a similar interests, and that it benefits their life in a positive way. To me that's fulfillment and that's creating a community. So that's the biggest thing for me is just like you don't need. I think a lot of people get wrapped up in the fact that, like, when they're a veteran, they need to do veteran things. You know so I've met plenty of veterans. Also a good thing about communicating, just talking to people. You know, you learn a lot through talking to people and I've met a handful of veterans in different jobs in different places of the world that you wouldn't expect at all.
Speaker 2:And actually I had this idea. I wanted to make a TV show where, like you, would find just these weird oddball locations and jobs and I guarantee there'll be a military veteran doing it and kind of like 100% and figure out why the hell are you here. And it's because, dude, it's just remaining true to yourself, right, because you were a person before the military. You had interests and likes before the military.
Speaker 2:And I heard a very interesting thing from a buddy of mine and it was like okay, well, like, we always talk about loss of identity, but do you feel that you've lost your identity because you lacked one before the military? Right, cause you, you're given, and I don't know if this is true or not, but I think it's worth reflecting on and it's like okay, do you feel like you've lost your identity because you didn't have one in the first place, and it's like you're still finding who you are. And it's like you were given a loaner. You know, staying true to yourself, finding communities and things that you absolutely interest you. I think that is super important, like stop trying to fit this military mold because, like I'll tell you what dude when I did the show with this nose piercing man bro, right here right here hell yeah, bro bro, I will tell you.
Speaker 1:I will tell you this. So I was actually rocking this the entirety of my last fucking year in the military and here here's why, exactly what you said right now. I didn't have an identity. I had to go to a mental health treatment center Like work myself up from the bottom up man, like complete catastrophic place where I was willing to almost do the do something really stupid. I was really struggling and I almost did the one thing that you can't come back from, that's take your own life. Really struggling and I almost did the one thing that you can't come back from, that's take your own life. And when I finally got help, when I finally went to a treatment center, I realized I didn't understand. Or after you dissect and pull everything apart and digging everything every little bit of your trauma, you realize who the fuck am I when I leave this organization? Who the fuck am I when I take away this?
Speaker 1:Beret and long tab were a definitive success of something. I didn't have anything before that where I could be proud of. I could have been. I was proud of what I did in 82nd. I was proud of that, but at the end of the day I was like it was the first time I had achieved something monumental in my life and it became everything. It became everything and I remember I'm hanging out with my wife and her friend afterwards this was just a few months after I got back from that treatment center and they wanted to pierce their nose. I was like fuck yeah, let's do it. Why the fuck not yeah? What they don't tell you is that thing is healing for fucking months Ever.
Speaker 2:And you can't take it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I was like like what the fuck? And then, like everybody took theirs out, like after a weekend, I was like you know what? I'm gonna figure out a way of like fucking from fishing line to fucking the plastic inserts the plastic caps that was because I realized.
Speaker 1:I was realized. I'm like dude, I have made fun of everybody and everything from my entire life. I I have made fun of everybody and everything from from my entire life. I've been a critic of everybody, yeah, but why? Long hair fucking used to shit on and make fun of people. I'm like what am I so fucking fixated on on all these things? And I'm like you know what this is. This is something for me. I'm gonna fucking keep this thing.
Speaker 1:I did my ears, did my nose, and I don't I hardly ever wear earrings anymore, but this I'm like you know what? I like it, I fucking like it, and I kept it and I realized I'm like that's the first definitive choice that I've made for myself. It was one of those things where it's like, fuck, dude, like this is me, I like it, I enjoy it, I'm going to do that and I think that's one of the most freeing moments in your life. If you were able to go back into that environment, like you said, a flick show would appear as knows like what was it like for you making that definitive choice of like I'm going to pierce this, I'm that's, this is my thing.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll tell you the story was behind. It was my fiance was like you know, you would look really good with a pierced nose and I'm always like I always wanted a nose piercing. But you know, I feel like the guys would make fun of me or whatever. And I think you are speaking a hundred percent the truth that, like when you start doing things that are definitively for yourself, that's the first step towards creating a permanent identity. Right, and just doing things for yourself, not the team, you know, forgetting that but just doing things that make you happy, and that's there's fulfillment in that. So I got it, and it's funny because I was still in the National Guard and we just had been activated for the George Floyd riots.
Speaker 2:So here, I am yeah, here I am in Los Angeles now with a brand new nose piercing and I'm just like sitting on the corner. It was still masks, so I could like kind of like they're like put the mask on and I'm like, okay, but I was like, you know, I was like screw the fucking masks, like I don't care about this, and I like took it out and our CEO came up to me. He's like what the fuck is in your face? And I'm like, oh, do you like it? It was like, to be honest, in the california national guard I want to toot my own horn, but I was very. I was one of very few that had like military accolades right a lot of great people in the national guard.
Speaker 2:It's just you don't get a lot of actual operational experience in that. But so I kind of had like a lot of free reign to like do what I wanted, which was, you know, not the. It was good, it was fun, I enjoyed it a lot, uh. But he's like get the fucking thing out of your face and I'm like okay. So, yeah, same thing like doing like trying to keep it open, because it will close up in like days, or even like one day it'll be closed, and I actually had to end up repiercing it afterwards. But you know, I found out that it's like I really like this thing and I'm just gonna rock it because, like not only does my fiance think it's, you know, makes me look, but also it makes me feel good.
Speaker 2:And you know, when I'm doing the Netflix show now I'm going with like active duty personnel, right, so, and I still have this nose piercing and I think the only time I ever took it out was Sweden, because it was a safety concern, you know, because the thing would literally freeze and the I think it was like negative. It was between negative 40 and negative 30 Celsius every day. So it's like metal in your face, not good, but I still have like a plastic cap in. But uh, you know people would give me shit about it. They'd be like, well, they'd be like, oh, you have a nose piercing, blah, blah. I'm just like dude, it doesn't. For some reason, people think like having body modifications or a piercing or a tattoo makes you a terrible shot and I would just smoke these fucking dudes.
Speaker 2:So you know that that earned me a lot of respect and it was actually another funny story. I've also learned to laugh at myself a lot because, like who, life's a comedy man, not to quote the joker but like 100, life is funny. And uh, I went on. Actually, the shirt I'm wearing is from, uh, as a another project I'm working on, where we 22 22 former Rangers went down to the Philippines and, like, these Rangers talk about loss of identity or we'll call it imposter syndrome. That's another thing that affects a lot of people and has affected me a lot, especially now, and I'd love to talk about that a little bit. Yeah, absolutely, really quick. I'm in the Philippines now and look, I did.
Speaker 2:My initial contract was four and a half years, right, so I did about just under four years in Ranger Regiment, 2nd Ranger Battalion. I went on one combat deployment, didn't even get to shoot my gun, I got to shoot a bunch of mortar systems. You know the SF guys were there. We'd shoot hundreds of 120s a day, which don't know how I want like mortars. Like like the job, it's super boring. Yeah, it'll fuck your brain up. Yeah, dude, a hundred, yeah, so hundreds of mortars, 120s a day, every day and like. So I didn't get to do the like fucking picture. I didn't get to do what was on the advertisement essentially, yeah you know, but I still got to do things that people don't get to do.
Speaker 2:So that took a lot of reflection too. You know, we'll get into that a little bit, but I was in the philippines with 22 former rangers. These rangers have some of the craziest accolades I've ever seen. We had dudes that jumped into panama. We had dudes that jumped in that were literally the pl for blackhawk down we have. We had three retired regimental command sergeant majors with us. We had personnel that had mustard stands, dude, the most stacked old guys and not-so-old guys. We had dudes that were on Team Merrill. We had just epic rangers and you know soft guys, the older ones You'd be like you're a legend Then they'd be like I was just doing that, I'm just a guy.
Speaker 1:Be like, I was just doing that, I'm just a guy yeah, I'm just a guy, it's like okay.
Speaker 2:But no, they were like if you met them when you were in, you wouldn't talk to them because you're like I'm not worthy. And now here I am. You know one enlistment, one deployment guy in a room trying to be accepted as a peer. Uh, they were like obviously he saw my nose piercing and they were like like nice nose piercing guy. And I was just like yeah, man, where else am I gonna tie down my nods? And they just all start fucking and they just start cracking up and after that they're just, you know, never said another word about it this episode is brought to you by Titan Sarms.
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Speaker 2:And I was just like oh, you know what this nose piercing? You don't tie down your nods to your fucking body, you pussy. And it's just like dude, you know. So I've learned to laugh at it On the show. Same thing, man. It's just like oh, you think my nose piercing makes me a worse soldier, check this out. And it's like boom, it's just accepting yourself. Who cares what other people think? Man, it's like, like you said, a lot of people will make fun of other people just because they have their own problems, and like I realize that and I accept that. So when people are super mean to me, I just like look at them and I smile, I say have a good day, man, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1:Dude, hurt people, hurt people. That's, that's the I. I remember. You know there's. No, there's nothing worse than getting out of a mental health treatment center coming back to work knowing that everybody has now heard the rumor that you hear he went to a nut house. He almost killed himself. What a fucking loser fucking faggot what a loser.
Speaker 1:Nobody you know he should have. He should have checked out for sure what nobody like. Oh, the stigma is real and I will tell you, walking in there you feel like a fucking like five, four feet tall. You're just like, oh, fuck, dude, I don't want to be here. But it's like and you hear, like I remember, of course you know you go back and it's like immediately like hey, I'm not fit, I'm not going to be doing this, I can't be a warrant officer on this team. Like I need to go.
Speaker 1:So you go to S3, the dungeon, the cave, and I remember one of the worst moments in my entire life. Somebody was outside of that office and they were clearly making a joke loud enough so I could hear it, about how much of a fucking pussy you'd have to be. And I'm just like fuck dude. Like it took everything for me to fucking in that moment, not just to fucking be like fuck this dude. Like just get out, just fucking leave. Just I'm like you know what? No, no, and I just remember if they're willing to say that comment, if they're willing to be that petty, that mean they're going through some shit too. Yeah, and like I don't, I don't have to sit there, I don't have to internalize what they're saying. I know what they're saying is meant to be a dig at me. That's okay. I know I needed to go there. I'd rather be alive. I'd rather feel this hurt and this pain right now, in this moment, and I just know someday that person will need somebody, yeah, and I hope they have the right person in their life that can be there for them.
Speaker 1:That was a big turning point for me, man, like just understanding. Like people are going to say shit, it'll hurt, it'll be horrible. You know what? Be good, be a force for good and be there for for somebody else when they need you, cause her people are, people do. And I guarantee, back in my day, before I went through my downward spiral, I would have been just as cruel and just as mean, because it's just the environment, alfus and guys that have to be fucking rough and and tough and be the the fucking meat eaters. It's hard to understand that they don't want to see somebody broken, they don't want to admit that. Oh fuck, that could be me someday. It's definitely one of those things where, yeah, man, the best thing you can do is sometimes it's just you know what, take a deep breath and realize, hey, man hurt people, hurt people and and I hope that person gets better and gets help they need yeah dude, it takes work too.
Speaker 2:Still, you know, talking about social media, I'll get a hundred good comments being like love the show, blah, blah, blah. One guy, one ass clown, will be like frag it and I'll be like, you know, I'll be like fuck you. You know it's like dude, egos, man, egos are crazy, say you know, I started.
Speaker 1:What I started doing is I started reaching out on a, on a dm. I remember one of the worst ones. I I had a story and you know, recently there's been a lot of backlash because of one individual that has come out and it's been found out that his entire book, his entire life, was all lies. So now there's just like, oh, every soft operators piece of shit. And one of the things I always share is tell your story.
Speaker 1:Whether you're an 88 Mike, a 91 Bravo, whatever 95 Bravo, whatever you, whatever you did in the military during the GWAT, tell your story. It could help somebody. It could be the next great selling book because, you never know, the combat isn't the same and every story deserves to have its day in the spotlight. You never know what your story, sharing your story, could do for somebody. And it was just simple. Posts like that just encourage people to share the story to help each other. And this guy just had it out and he was just on in the comments boom, boom, boom, just faggot. Fuck, fuck this. Nobody wants to hear this story. A bunch of fucking faggot. Just let me.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get this YouTube censorship for saying it, but it was just like this guy and I reached out to him like hey, man, I just want you to know that I think you're a veteran and I would be honored and I would love to share your story on the show because you deserve your happy story told too. And it was that little bubbles, like little bubbles, like yeah, about to reply, but it was almost like holy fuck, I didn't expect this person to reach back out and say something nice and then, before you know it, I'm thinking the message is going to come through and it doesn't. And immediately it's like you're blocked and removed and it's like shit.
Speaker 1:I didn't it's almost like when you reached out and you caught somebody in a moment of like fuck. I don't even know how to respond to this. I'm just going to retreat and block, yeah miserable.
Speaker 2:Just a miserable dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I get 100% to get it and believe it. It's like how many guys and first of all, I'm a firm believer of being 100% true Because, guess what? There are more people that have served in the military. That can probably relate to sitting on a fob and doing nothing than to hear this absolute nutso. Butso war story right, the guys that have done that. They're slowly fizzling out and I love those stories and they deserve to be recognized.
Speaker 2:But that's not me, dude, I can't. I've had some cool experiences that I think are cool, you know, but they, you know, they pale in comparison to some of these dudes that I've met, but, like, I think it is still worth sharing, and not only what they. You know what I did, but how did I get over, or how, not necessarily how did I get over, but how did I? You know what I did, but how did I get over, or how, not necessarily how did I get over, but how did I, you know come to the conclusion that that was okay. You know, everything I did was okay and, instead of focusing on the people that I didn't kill focusing on like hey, I did everything that was required of me, all my guys that were underneath me came home alive. We accomplished our mission Right, and that's the only thing that matters.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I, there was a, there was a moment on my deployment I deployed to Syria in 2017. And there was a moment on that deployment where I actually felt like I did my job right, shooting mortar systems. This is why I say they're not exciting, because, like you, don't know where they go and like we were working with some SF guys and there was a crazy deployment scene. It's us Delta, sas, sf Rangers, french, you know tier one, we're all under one building and it's like this is crazy. You know, we all have beards and we're dressed in civilian clothes most of the time and I'm sitting there shooting when I want to, or I go to the ccp, the casualty collection point, and I work on live tissue with no certifications, like dude I'm amputating legs with. These guys were literally yeah, it was crazy. I got like 600 hours damn near close to 600 hours of actual or time like underneath my belt, just with, like ranger, first responder and t triple c training.
Speaker 1:Fuck yeah, dude. Yes, that was saving lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know literally, but here I am focused on. You know I shot hundreds of mortars, probably throughout that trip and, like you know, a couple times we'll have a, you know, an isr asset up or like the sf guys would throw their raven up so they can get, you know, bda be able to battle damage assessment and like, see impacts on target. And like I remember one time, and like I've talked about this on numerous podcasts because it fucked me up Cause like here I am shooting like five round fire, mission 120, boom, boom, boom, hanging them. And like the SF guy on the back of the truck is watching the live feed. He's like, he's like bro, you just leveled a building, like the enemy was definitely in there, you just there was. Like you just killed fucking people. And like here I am Finally. You know, like we did it. We did it, boys, we did it. Yeah, and I feeling super proud of myself because I'm finally here.
Speaker 2:I took the fight to the enemy like we killed him. I took the fight to the enemy Like we killed him and I walk back into our like living quarters, which is on the third level of this, uh, the schoolhouse that we took over and like my weapon squad leader sitting there and I was a gun team leader at the time. So I, you know, I had my Ranger tab, I was in charge of people and I walk in, all you know chest puffed out and I'm like guess who just fucking finally did their job. You know, man, man, man, no-transcript, and like dude, you know way to just shit in my pie. It's like I couldn't have anything. And even what I felt like, even when I felt like I accomplished the reason that I joined, you know the reason that I went through.
Speaker 2:At this point I'd been in for almost three years. You know, I went through RASP, I went through BASIC, I went through Airborne, I went through RASP, I went through Ranger School and the reason I put up with some of the most strenuous training in the military was to do this moment. He took it away from me. So that's all I focused on was how I didn't get to do my job, instead of focusing on we accomplished our mission. I did everything that was expected of me, past the standard. We got to save lives in the CCP. Nobody has those like, not a lot of people in the military you know, have life issue if they're not a medic, like I got to do that.
Speaker 2:I got to learn a lot, literally, you know. I have these crazy experiences and here I am focusing on not shooting my rifle system because I am a rifle man or I'm a fire team leader. My primary is my rifle, you know, and I'm just fucking tunnel visioned on it. And I remember I'm on a date with my fiance and we're sitting at dinner and she's like kind of picking and prodding and I'm just she's like I forgot what she exactly asked me. But we're on the topic of my deployment and I pretty much said that I'm like I wish I could have, you know, I wish I could have shot people, you know, and she looks at me. Or she's like I wish I killed more people. And she looks at me and she goes do you have any idea what you sound like right now? She's like you literally were a fire team leader in regiment.
Speaker 2:You deployed, you got your ranger tab, you know you weren't rfs, you showed up every day. You're in shape, you have all your arms, you got your mind, you know. You're still sharp. What's the problem? Yeah, I'm like fuck, yeah, yeah, you're right, and like that was kind of like a moment where I was like, fuck yeah, like I'm like there are people that get to tell a story about having friends pass away or talking about like how many demons they have, and for some reason, there is this like glorification of trauma within the military complex. Right, it's like I need trauma, I want to have problems, I want mental health issues so I can go on podcasts and talk about what fucked me up. And I'm like, dude, why do I want that? Because I've seen you've lived it firsthand how traumatic and just detrimental it can be to not only yourself but people around you. And it's just like, why is this romanticized, you know? Why do you stop that?
Speaker 1:It's the only thing that gets promoted, it's the highlighting, but the reality is like you miss the real encouragement, the real stories of perseverance, like it's not. We shouldn't just be focused on one aspect, one small percentage of our g-watt veterans. Yeah, every single veteran has a story and I promise you, if you sit down, you just talk with each other, you're gonna walk away feeling better. You're probably gonna laugh, because a lot of these stories are involved, some hilarious shit. Yeah, you're gonna walk away understanding that your story matters too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, being able to share and promote every aspect of our veteran experience is important, man, it's. It's not just about trauma, sure, it's about understanding that, like dude, like one of the coolest things you could ever experience is seeing one of your friends doing something remarkable being in an old wall helping out some of the best surgeons, some of the best medics in the world. Yeah, understanding that dude, my buddy you hear the story my buddy tells like he wasn't even a medic and he was out there helping people patch them up, like helping with amputations, like the dude's got like 600 hours under his belt of doing stuff, and those stories are out there. I have a. I have one of my freaking friends. I was an 18 delta kept the dude alive on the back of a fucking airplane. I got shot in the head like holy shit. Not that's fucking insane, that's awesome. We don't hear those stories.
Speaker 2:We don't hear enough of the stories of guys being able to do remarkable things that doesn't involve walking in, being number one man and blowing brain's out like yeah, yeah, dude no that's cool and all, but there's more to it yeah, 100, I mean yeah, that just reminds me of a story from that and like when there's people I look up to like a lot, like I have a buddy, adam, who was our our, who was our medic on that deployment, he went on to actually like liaison over SF and 20th group or 19th in Utah, like didn't have to go through the queues, just fucking went over there, you know. So it's just absolute stud. And like it was me and him in the CCP and we used to have a gym, like a gym in a box set up in one of the rooms Cause we had like two ORs in the gym and a living quarters Cause one of the ranger squads had to live in the CCP. And that was weird, yeah, dude. So so I remember we're like on the bench and we're like benching, just getting beefy on deployment and just the bill the there used to be this little like bell that would go off, like when the casualty would come in. So we're mid-bench, hear the bell and we like look at each other and we're like you want to go help? All right, yeah.
Speaker 2:So we go in and the dude's on the table completely redlining, like we have, we start compressions immediately and it's like adam and I glove up really quick and we just start fucking doing compressions on this dude for like 20 minutes and then they come in, shock them, boom, and then keep going 20 minutes and then after you know, when you're doing compressions on a guy, the chances of him actually coming back from that slim to none.
Speaker 2:Slim to done, yeah, very, very rare. So all of a sudden they shock them after like the third or fourth time, boom, we get a pulse, douche, douche, douche. And we look at each other. We're like dabbing up, we're like hell, yeah, immediately went back in the gym and finished our set of bench. Fuck yeah, dude, dude, I was like. So those are the moments like where I think back and I'm like, you know, instead of thinking about my squad leader telling me how much of a bitch I am because I killed people with mortars and not my rifle, then then thinking about that, where now I feel giddy inside and I like now I want to give that guy a call and be like yeah, how are you?
Speaker 1:that's fucking more cool. Yeah, something we don't talk about like that. You brought, brought somebody back to life with something that has, like, like you said, it is like one percent, one percent shot of coming back, dude. Yeah, that's fucking badass man.
Speaker 2:Those are cool. So, you know, even though I only had one deployment, it was one deployment filled with a lot of positivity, you know. Yeah, and I'm extremely thankful for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we can't dwell on the what, wishing it would have turned out differently, or wishing you would have gotten one more trip, or wishing that you would have had a combat trip, like dude, like, yeah, look what you did get, look what you do have. You still have something to be proud of and remarkable man. And and then, to wrap it all up, man, like being able to look where you're at now. Where are you headed, what's next, what's on the horizon?
Speaker 2:for you, that's a great question are you headed? What's next, what's on the horizon for you? That's a great question. I feel like I've gotten, you know, the whole, where I started off on gamology and commenting on, like video games, and then having my own channel with my good friend israel another green beret and then going to netflix and, you know, being able to travel around the world and train with. You know, continue to do the thing I love, which is the military, without the red tape of like, hey, you have to shave or take care. That was amazing, that was the best part.
Speaker 2:But, man, I just want to continue to create. Continue to. Whether it's motivate people, I don't care. I just want people to realize that like, hey, there's more to life after service. Don't try to nickel and dime opportunities because so many people get like analysis, paralysis and they're like I have to be on this path. I need to. I need a good.
Speaker 2:You know, join this S&P 500 company and I'm like dude, all my opportunities came to me randomly. I did not pursue Netflix, I did not pursue the creating thing, I just was myself and when opportunities came, I took them. See where they led. If they went to other things, fantastic. If it's not, I'm going to keep doing the thing Right. So just be a positive guy, just like when you're in selection. People ask me well, what's the secret to you, know, rasper, I'm going to selection. What do I need to do? What's the secret? Well, what's the secret to you, know, rasper, I'm going to selection. What do I need to do? What's the secret? And I'm like there is no secret, dude, it's like it's selection is simple, but it's not easy, and the secret, if you really wanted me to manifest something, is just be a fucking good guy, you know there he is, that's it.
Speaker 1:That's it, dude.
Speaker 2:Be a good dude, be a good fucking dude, yeah, yeah, and whatever that means to you, right?
Speaker 1:It's subjective. Yeah, dude Cameron, I can't thank you enough for being here, man. Of course, this has been a remarkable, remarkable, fucking deep dive man. Yeah, I'm walking away with a bunch of nuggets. Dude, I can't wait to fucking get the reels up, because there's so many moments where I'm just like fuck, dude, my man, you're speaking truth that people need to listen to and hear, and I just leave it at this, man, for you guys listening. One of the biggest takeaways right now, at the very end, is be good and believe that there's a greater power. Believe that the universe will listen, will hear your prayers and good things will come your way.
Speaker 1:If you're a good fucking human being, man, I said remember if people want to check out your content where can they go?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you guys, you can check me out on Instagram. That's pretty much where I'm most active. That's Cameron C Fath. I also am going to be diving back into my YouTube side, which is Cameron Fath on YouTube. And then a couple projects that I'd love to shout out really quick is Journey to Cabanatuan the shirt I'm wearing right now.
Speaker 2:It's speaking of those 22 Rangers that went over to the Philippines. We're creating a documentary for it and it's just such an amazing like talk about positivity and just wanting to create awesome things. This is one of those projects and we're currently fundraising more for it to finish it. So if you're interested in it, head on over to legends of the 75th and there's a donation, like there if you're curious or want to know more about the project. And then also we have a. I have a documentary coming out with vet tv called rangers leading the way, which is going to best ranger competition and just getting to go inside and seeing just the badass human beings all those competitors were and just following them seeing like why the hell would people want to do this, right? So check that out. Should be coming out fairly soon. So that's, that's all.
Speaker 1:I got dude. Yeah, hell yeah. Do me a favor, guys. If you're listening or watching on YouTube, go ahead and go to episode description. Look at all those links. Put links. Put them there for you To be fair. Just click them. Just click one or two. You'll do it if you want, if you'd like. I mean you don't have to. I'd appreciate it if you did, and Cameron would too, me too, and then do me one yeah, one last favor.
Speaker 1:Head on over to Spotify or Apple Podcasts or even Overcast FM. Leave me a like, give me a follow, leave a review, and who knows why you put that there, but I appreciate it. Thank you guys for tuning in, cameron, thank you for being here, and to everybody out there, be good to each other and be good dudes, and we'll see you all next time. Until then, take care. Securepodcast is.
