Security Halt!
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Security Halt!
From Soldier to Songwriter: Michael Allen on Fatherhood, Music, and Mental Health
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In this powerful episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero sits down with Michael Allen to explore the intersections of fatherhood, music, and military life. Michael opens up about the challenges of becoming a new parent while navigating the struggles of mental health, addiction, and the pressures of military service.
Through his journey, Michael has turned to songwriting and music as a path to healing, resilience, and personal growth. He shares the inspiration behind his upcoming projects, the importance of being present for his family, and how creativity has helped him stay grounded during difficult times.
This heartfelt conversation dives into the realities many veterans face—balancing personal battles with the responsibility of family and service—and highlights the power of community support, vulnerability, and self-expression.
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Securepodcast is proudly sponsored by Titan's Arms. Head over to the episode description and check out Titan's Arms today. Michael Allen, how's it going, man? What's up, man? How you been? I'm good man, fucking. I have Dealing with a burnout cold Every once in a while. You're working super hard, staying up super late, burning multiple fucking things down and your body says you gotta slow down, but I can't stop won't stop. You gotta keep grinding man you have no fucking idea, man dude, how you been man I'm good man.
Speaker 2:It's definitely been, I think, what we talked in february last time, right, it's been a roller coaster. Since then, man, a lot of things have happened, a lot of things have changed, so let's go, man, let's dive into it.
Speaker 1:Man, we're. We're both new dads Getting up very straight.
Speaker 2:Oh, we can start with that. That's crazy. That was your first right. Yeah, that was our first. Yeah, Dude, nobody told me about the newborn trenches. Yeah, dude, we had this baby and we always were like all right, finances are good, career's good, marriage is good, everything's good like we're ready to have a kid. And then the baby got here and we're like, dude, we were not ready. No one's ever ready yeah, and that's that's what everyone said.
Speaker 2:But I was like no, that's bullshit, you know, like we're good, like we're ready for this, and then we figured out real fast that we weren't ready. So we're just making shit up as we go. Man, she's still alive, so I think we're doing pretty good. Yeah, oh shit.
Speaker 1:Girl Dad Congrats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1:Do you have a boy, girl, girl.
Speaker 2:Nice yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's, um, it's amazing man. I read and everybody sends you their favorite books on what to what to expect. That'd be a better dad at a moment, and I'm blessed, man. My wife does all the research, she does all the crunchy granola mom stuff. She figures everything out. I just sort of just have to focus on being present and finding every little moment that I can to really just hold on to her, because they grow fast, dude. Yeah, they grow so fucking fast man. Yeah, the crying thank god for peltors I didn't, I didn't think of that that's a good idea.
Speaker 1:That shit works, dude. Um, she was. She's a great baby. She's always slept good but like the first time my wife left, and you know she she's breastfeeding, so she gets it straight from the source. She takes bottles now but like she's, she's a stop. She prefers the real thing. And the first time my wife left to go do something, you know it was just me and her. It was like it was the, the idea of like I'm gonna put on my baby harness and go do some production edit some stuff and take care of the baby.
Speaker 1:That lasted like 15 seconds before she shit through her diaper and then immediately fucking, just fucking, did not want to deal with life with me Wanted milk and we hadn't tried the bottle yet. So it was like all in the span of 45 minutes. Yeah, like it. Talk about like breaking under pressure. I'm like this is I can't fucking do this, oh my fucking god. And fucking trying to get a bottle ready, trying to warm up the milk, trying to figure it out. And we figured it out. Yeah, it was. It was like then. It was just like just just long enough for mom to get back home and be like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I, I thought I could figure this out, yeah, but now we're six months and you know, she's fucking amazing dude. Like there's nothing.
Speaker 1:I have an amazing new beard trim because her favorite thing is to pull chunks that's funny Of my beard out. Nice, she raps on. That's brutal. But it's like that cartoon we grew up with, the old warner brothers looney tunes, but there's one where the little kitten is like clawing on the back of the dog. The dog doesn't do anything, he just takes the pain. That's me with her. Every day she claws my beard or pulls on my hair. I'm just like it's fine, yeah, that's fine, I'm loving this nice. But yeah, yeah, she pulled it completely out. I had a bald spot and I'm like I have to go get a trim. So, yeah, if anything you'll, you'll get used to maintaining short hair and short beard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, it's a, it's a blessing man. So what about you, man?
Speaker 2:What's been the biggest hurdle for you as a new dad man, I think? Having to come to like the realization that my home is no longer a place of rest and relaxation, because I'm so used to like getting home and just like chilling or grabbing my guitar or doing whatever, and now it's like it's always like helping my wife or helping the baby, and then, like when I have a second, I can do whatever I want to do. And I'm still on baby leave for like two more weeks. So I took all 12 weeks, which has been good, and we were able to like iron out our new like battle rhythm, you know, and like kind of figure out the new normal and navigate that together.
Speaker 2:So I'm super grateful I had the opportunity to do that because I think, had I just went back to work, like I was going to, I was going to take like two weeks of leave and then she came late. So originally I was like, okay, I can take a month, then it's three weeks, like okay, now they're inducing her. It's like you can, I'm going to take two weeks. And I got to go back to work and I'm glad that I ended up just shifting gears in the work aspect so I could prioritize my, my wife and my baby man kind of focus on that. So I do.
Speaker 1:That's the real team. That's that's the real thing that matters.
Speaker 2:That's what's gonna it may not seem like it now but it'll, it'll become your respite.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm so close to retirement man.
Speaker 2:Like I hit 18 years in january and it's like anything that I do now in the army is like I'm not chasing any promotions, I'm not trying to stay longer, I'm just trying to get to 20 and, like you know, like focus on being a husband and a father and there I just didn't really feel like they had much left to do. You know, so it's easier now. Now, if I was earlier in my career, younger in my career, it'd be different. I'm like, yeah, one week's good Good luck, babe, I'm going to be done with the army and they're going to forget all about me, but I have my wife and my kid for the rest of my life, hopefully, you know.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, you know, we learn a lot from the mistakes and decisions of our friends that came before us and I was fortunate enough to have good friends that gave me that solid advice of like look, I fucked everything up at the very beginning, with both my kids staying in while I was still in. Like I didn't prioritize being there in those first few weeks. Like it's really important for you to be there, be present. Like I took that advice really, like that went straight to the heart, because those guys were speaking from a point of like regret, of like hey, make sure you're're there. All the little milestones, be present for those first few weeks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's and it's it's hard fought information that it's good to you. Know, we, we have to pass that on. We have to live better, be better fathers and and promote that man, because it was lost on me as a guy on the team, being a father being present, and it truly is like the most important thing, like being there and heading back into the team room, even though it's going to be the end, like this has got to be. Like this is changing your, your mentality, is like changing and evolving each, each day as you move forward. Man, yeah, but, um, dude, let's take it back. Man, uh, let's give the, the audience, a little bit more of intro and michael allen before we dive into yeah, you know, more fatherhood stories. Like let's dive into the the musician and, uh, the tactician after, as, uh, they would say, man, like, how did you find yourself in music?
Speaker 2:man. So I started playing when I was young and I I guess I don't give my, my dad credit for much, but I'll give him credit for like guiding me into music because he always like had this rock star dream uh, got me a guitar when I was younger. I started playing, write music and stuff, and then from there, like I joined the army, played off and on a lot, honestly, never really stuck. There was, you know, like in the barracks we would get drunk, we play guitar guys like play that song man. So there was a lot of that inconsistently. But then two, two years ago I quit drinking and I was like man, like I'm struggling with, like what do I do with my time? I used to drink a lot, just so I was bored. You know, never really saw it as a problem, just saw it as like killing time. So I Googled one day I was like how to be more present and the first thing that came up was playing instrument. So I was like man, let me blow the dust off this guitar and start jamming again, started playing. It was like a year and then I started writing a lot of music again. Now, like I have this mental clarity, you know, like that I never knew I would have.
Speaker 2:So I'm like writing songs that are service related. I'm writing music just about life in general. They'd bought a cheap guitar. We're sitting on the roof of the team house and the guys come up and they hear me playing. They're like man, like that's really good, you know. And then, like my company star major and uh, the company Warren and stuff, like man, like you really should share that stuff. You have a gift, you know. So like having the guys in my corner and you could tell like if they're being genuine or if they're like, yeah, man, like that's that's good. They're like no, like were like no, like that's really good.
Speaker 2:So I came home and I had some downtime and I was like you know what? I'm gonna fucking fire up some social media and just start sharing it. Everyone's saying it's good. Let me see, because I've always been so insecure about it, I never really thought it was that good and I'm not like a great singer or a great guitar player, but I think I have a good message and like I have a brand. So I'm just kind of going with that. But uh, started playing, playing open mics, released the single, my first single, war Machine, which did super awesome. And now I'm like playing writers rounds and like little gigs here and there down in Nashville, like people are booking me up here in Clarksville, oh shit, yeah, and I'm about to release another EP at the end of August. So, yeah, man, I think it's something I've always been passionate about, which there's not much else outside of the Army that I've ever been passionate about besides. Like exercise and playing guitar and writing, music brings me fulfillment. I get a lot of good feedback out of it.
Speaker 2:But also I don't really feel like I was meant to live an ordinary life and as I creep closer to retirement, I'm like who am I going to be when I'm not Master Sergeant Sandia, you know what I'm saying. Like. Like who am I going to be when I'm not Master Sergeant Sandia, you know what I'm saying. Like. Like who am I outside? I have no idea.
Speaker 2:So I'm like trying to figure out my identity now and, like the music thing, good things keep happening, like just small wins here and there. Like you know what I'm going to pursue it. I'm not saying I'm like trying to be a rock star, but I'm going to continue to pursue it. And like put in the work that I can with the time that I have, and see if it turns into something. So at least when I do retire, like if it is a way to bring in revenue, great Cause, it's something that makes me happy. If not, at least I tried and I can show my kid or kids, hopefully someday, that, hey man, like this music will be online forever. Like this is. This is something I was passionate about, something I did.
Speaker 1:Maybe you want to get into music, you know, yeah. So yeah, we don't do a really good job of promoting dreaming, like everybody, like the uh, the uh, the. The thing that I always run into is the um. There's two the crab mentality. Somebody has a dream, somebody has an idea. That's not going into contracting or defense tech and, uh, people want to shit on it. Maybe not right to your face, but in the in a, in a, the hater threads. Yeah, you'll see. You'll see that. And I want to say, man, like it's. If it's not for you, that's one thing. If you don't want to play music, that's fine.
Speaker 1:But if you have somebody that you know like, what's it cost you to be positive and support their dream? Absolutely nothing doesn't cost you to be positive and support their dream Absolutely nothing. It doesn't cost you anything except a little bit of positive energy to call us around somebody that has a bigger dream that's different than yours, and and and to help champion that promote a post. You know, just share something like that's. That's one of the easiest things you can do.
Speaker 1:Just be positive about somebody and help them. You know, stay on course. It's see it through If it happens, if you're a hundred percent committed and, uh, you know, fizzles out, it doesn't go the right way, but at least you try it, at least you gave it your a hundred percent effort. And I think the proof's in the pudding when, when you look at your military career, man like you, you achieve something that few people were willing to embark on. It's not an easy thing to go to selection. It's not easy to go through the q course and then continue having a career. So if anything that shows you that the determination and and the grit and the resilience is there, it's, it's, it's been built.
Speaker 2:That's just up to you to figure it out, to continue doing it and pushing it, man and I think, like my military career and the route that I took gives me the confidence that I need to pursue something like music. Um, yeah, because I mean I went to selection I think I was like 34 made through the q cores at like 35. So like if I was like if I can become a green beret at 35 years old or whatever it was, why can't I maybe be a musician when I retire at 41 years old? You know, like I don't feel like anything's off the table. I mean I will say that about like selection and the Q course and becoming a green beret. I truly feel like I can do anything I put my mind to, like because I overcame probably one of the hardest obstacles known to mankind for the most part, you know.
Speaker 2:I mean obviously there's some other tiers above us that you know you can try out for, but I'm way past that point so what I did was good enough to give me the confidence so that when I get out of the army I know like all I got to do is put in the effort and work hard and like there's really nothing off the table. If it's something that I, that I am willing to make the sacrifices to do, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was, fortunate enough, one of the other shows I produce, uh, the asset mindset.
Speaker 1:We had scooter Brown on there for a recent episode, this week's episode and uh, one of the things he tapped into in that episode was a lot of his friends were suffering and going through things and he wasn't really understanding, like, like why he didn't have the identity in the crisis and and and sort of the same pitfalls and transition as his fellow marines were doing, and it was one of his friends actually pointed it out to him. It's like hey, bro, you got your music. Yeah, and uh, as you're going in this journey, I mean pretty soon you're going to be in transition, pretty soon you're going to be going into this next phase in life, like going through your music right now. Do you find it as being cathartic as you're able to maybe tap into some of the things you've experienced? Like you you talked about the first song you released, war machine. Do you feel it's easier for you to process maybe some of the pain, some of the things you've experienced, since you're able to flow and tap in that creative outlet?
Speaker 2:100% man. There are things that I feel like I can say in a song, that I feel like I can talk about it now, like I'm a big advocate for behavioral health and stuff, so I do that once a month. But there are things I can write in a song that I used to never be able to just like have a conversation about, and the crazy thing about it is like I would go and play this song in front of a whole bunch of people that I don't even know. So I'm like sharing all these deepest, darkest secrets that affect my life with all these strangers, but to them, like, they probably don't really know, they think it's just a song or, you know, they related to it in some aspect. But the other veterans out there, like they know they relate to it, you know, and with that, so that helps me. I feel like it helps me heal because I'm getting it out there in some form, whether it's having a conversation in a, in a room, on a, on a couch, you know like with the behavioral health specialists, or on a stage, sharing it with a bunch of people.
Speaker 2:I've gotten such good feedback from some of my live sets Like I had a one dude come up to me, he's like hey man, like I was a combat medic I did four tours in Iraq. Every word of that song that you just sang, I felt like it was my own, you know. And like he's teary eyed. Now I'm teary eyed and I'm like, dude, like that's what I want, you know, like if my music can help me and help other people like realize that they're not alone, like I'm just, you know, I'm just putting good out there I feel like so yeah, and that's that's honestly like something that that I think the world needs more of.
Speaker 1:We don't need more more trauma on TV shows, movies or podcasts. We need somebody that can help us like walk it back, process it, and if we can do that with music, through songs, I mean, it's it's. It's not reinventing anything, man, it's people been doing it for eons being able to connect through music and and and lyrics. We did it all yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the crazy thing is like everyone's like man, like that song. Like if you tried to get the army or someone to play it, I I'm like, honestly, man, my, my music doesn't glorify the army, if anything. Like they don't want people to hear my message because it's going to make people think twice about like going to combat or taking a combat role, cause it really highlights the toll it takes on you mentally and physically. And then, like I have songs about addiction and the heartbreak that comes with being gone and lost and all that stuff. Like I'm talking about the things that cause me pain. Like maybe I'll write some happy songs here and there. Like I have some that are fun, but then they're just talking about partying and getting drunk and like being reckless. When you were young, you know like they're. They're raw and unfiltered. So I don't think the army's ever going to put my music on a reel, but I know there's some content creators out there, some that already have. That's been super helpful. So yeah, man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, let's let's dive into that. We have to understand that behind every powerful song there, there's a lived experience, there's, there's pain that you know more often than not isn't influenced by a fictional story. It's fueled by lived experience, man. So, specifically with war machine, man, like, break it down for us, like what was, what was it like writing these songs? Or specifically war machine, like, what'd you take from from your lived experience to put in the? You know, take it from the pen and put it in the paper man.
Speaker 2:So I wrote I actually wrote that song when I was in the Q course. I started it. I didn't really finish it until you know, like I've released it probably probably about a year ago is when I finally like got what I wanted to have, and I attribute that to quitting drinking Cause again. Like to quitting drinking Cause again. Like I gave me that clarity, but I was trying to be like more poetic and like unique with my songwriting. So I tried to use like some metaphors and stuff and like taking you through the story of like just being turned into a soldier, you know, but almost like into a robot. Like you're built in this factory, you're desensitized, you know. Like you know they're giving you all the ammo you need mentally to go out and kill somebody without asking any questions or which. We could deep dive into the whole g-watt thing and all the skepticism around that, like what were we really doing there, you know?
Speaker 1:yeah, bro, like abso-fucking-lutely. You know, when you're, when you're a young man, you think that, in terms of science fiction, you tend to think that you're the good guys, you're the rebel, rebel alliance, you're going in after the bad guys. Bro, this, the sad reality is we were the empire, we, we were stormtroopers, and that is, whether you want to admit it or not, like when you peel the layers all the way back. What the fuck did we do? Like there's? There's no denying that. The greatest feeling you can have is the thing you have to rationalize is you were there. There were some bad people and, by and large, you were there. There were some bad people and, by and large, you were there to protect the guys and gals next to you. The greater strategic objectives of our nation were pretty fucking misaligned. This episode is brought to you by Titan Sarms. Head on over to titansarmscom and buy a stack today. Use my code CDENNY10 to get your first stack. I recommend the lean stack too. Start living your best life, titan's Arms. No junk, no bullshit, just results.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, man, and that's like we would do the same thing if a country came over here and invaded us because we blame them on a terrorist attack on their soil. And you know like it would, we would. We would rally and form our own militias wherever we needed and fight back, like every country would do that. And I don't know that there's no good answer. You know like it's been, that's been the story since the beginning of mankind. That's been the story since the beginning of mankind. Like your people will go fight when you tell them to, whether they were volunteers, like we are nowadays, or back in the day when you were voluntold, like it doesn't matter and it's never going to change.
Speaker 2:I had this conversation not to pivot from the song, but I had a conversation with someone a couple of months ago. He's like, yeah, like well, why? Why do we have to have these wars and this and that? Have you ever heard? Like diplomacy? I'm like when has that ever worked? Dude man has never figured that out, because they don't want it. At the end of the day, there's too many profits to be made off of war, and that's my opinion on it, right, bro?
Speaker 1:I agree with you. Just look in the last 10 years, how many defense defense companies have popped up and here in the near in the in the present moment, how many insanely well established and very, very wealthy and backed companies are pushing the envelope in tech and drones and like defense tech man, yep, like, it's literally like, yeah, the amount of money gets poured in there, yeah, and their commercials are like they have the same budget as a marvel fucking movie.
Speaker 1:It's crazy, real, yeah, better more labs fucking making insane money, figuring out how to kill people with cool tech and cool robots. Look, I'm a fan, I'm a fan, but at the end of the day, let's not muddy the water as to why, uh, these companies are doing so great. It's because we we have developed a very profitable, very successful, yeah, economy that uh does well with war and yeah, yeah, yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 2:So there's, that.
Speaker 1:Which brings me to my next point. Why do we drink so much? Right, man? That's funny, yeah, man, yeah, but it's good to see that in your journey, you're also made the decision to walk away from alcohol. That's something that I talk about. I don't think there's any value to it. I leave it up to you audience. Uh, if you, if you think it's great for you, All right, cool, yeah, I just, I just think that it's something that everybody should have a conscious moment and make a decision. And in your journey, in your life, how did you come to that point, man?
Speaker 2:Man. So I was born into a life of drugs and alcohol and partying. I was raised around it. It's just kind of what my old man did. I didn't have the best upbringing, as is common with most people who join the military at least enlisted side you know what I mean. So it was just normal Growing up as a kid, partying and doing drugs and drinking and then joining the army and then just drinking, like it was such a huge part of the culture I never once second guessed it. I'm like well, it's legal because I'm 21. Certainly it's okay, you know. And then as I get older and I start to realize like why is it legal? But it causes so much harm and death and destruction. But something like marijuana, which I'm not, I mean like when I retire I'll probably self-medicate, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Let's pause there. Let's, let's just, let's just say this it is one of the greatest medicinal substances out there, full stop.
Speaker 2:But yet it's demonized.
Speaker 1:It's demonized, abso-fucking-l, absolutely it's. You utilize it for sleep? For I was amazed when I went in and had my consultation with my doctor that prescribed it for me, yeah, and literally said well, I can give you a strain for you to focus for work, and I'm like wait a second yeah, this is to like zoom zone.
Speaker 1:It's like, oh no, no, like this can help you and I shit you not when I'm traveling down tomorrow to get a new prescription. I shit you not. The strain for focus was insane. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:When you have a due date and you're working on something, how stressed out are you when you're like very yeah, dude, take a hit of your pen with your prescribed amount for a for clarity and focus and you literally are sitting at your desk doing what you need to do. No stress, yeah, just simply focused. Got my music going on. It was a complete. The same amount of work, the same amount of stuff I had to do without the, the, the pressure, that feeling of pressure, and then sometimes it builds into like, am I about to have a fucking heart attack? No, yeah, okay, here's all my do-outs focus and it's not the frantic energy.
Speaker 1:So, just if you're listening at home and you're questioning about it still, I'm telling you please go get informed, go get a consultation, get yourself an amazing pen or, if you want to do it the old natural way, however you want to do it. It's one of the best medicines out there and I really wish that military had access to it, because I would rather have troops that could smoke on the weekend than get drunk and get into violent car accidents that destroy. I mean how many times in Fort Campbell these young private's lives are being ruined for DUIs Because we promote that shit all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't see any difference. Like don't show up to work drunk, don't show up to work high, and there's plenty of on the spot tests they can do nowadays to tell if you're under the influence of marijuana. I had a conversation with someone a couple weeks ago. I was like 90% of the things I did growing up that were just dumb as hell was because I was drunk. The other 10% was because I was just an asshole. But most of the time the bad decisions I made were because I was drinking and I either thought I could get away with it or whatever. Like and it also alcohol is the ultimate gateway drug. Yeah, any other drug that I ever participated in not that I ever participated in any throughout my military career was because I was drunk. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Like, and you make bad decisions when you're drunk. I don't care what anybody says. Like, especially in a culture where, like, let's pregame to go get more drunk and then let's after party. Like, let's just get as drunk as we possibly can on the weekends, like I don't know dude, and I, yeah, my eyes finally opened up to that shit and it's not like I was drinking that much. That made me feel like I I needed to quit. There was so many other things going on in my life and in my head that I didn't wasn't dealing with well, and like I actually went to behavioral health at that point and I hadn't, like, made the decision to quit drinking yet. And then we kind of had talked about it, and then I was training for a little triathlon. I was like, well, I'm going to try and quit drinking, just to prep for it, you know. And then I did that prep and then I was like I never, I'm just done with that, I don't want to ever drink again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's. I wish more people would follow along, but it's such a big, powerful influence and, um, yeah, it's. I think everybody just needs to have a pause and reflect on why they drank and they realize a lot of it's just the culture we're brought up playing sports, thinking that, oh yeah, can't wait till Friday night, go drink. It's like it's fucking worthless man, it doesn't do anything, it's not a benefit and I think it exacerbates all the symptoms of, you know, operator syndrome syndrome. Everything that we're dealing with, all the stress that we're dealing with, it doesn't help, it doesn't make it any better, it makes it worse. It makes it worse.
Speaker 1:I think we need to have a larger discussion with how we're dealing with stress and our mental health. Man, like, and yeah, like, the thing that's really difficult is we're you're still in the profession where it's getting better, but still, by and large, it's difficult to talk amongst our peers about the things that we're we're dealing with. Yeah, it's difficult to advocate for others and be able to sit down with the younger generation of green berets and be able to say like, hey, man, look like it's not about just staying quiet, it's not about just trying to ride this out like. You have to be able to come up to your leadership and talk about it. If you're stressed out or you're dealing with something, for sure you can overcome this stuff like you can. You can heal and recover this stuff. You can let it.
Speaker 2:You can resolve this and be the best version of yourself and stay in the fight and I mean I have got to that point but it took me living through it to get there. Had I never had like the traumatic experiences from whether it's deployment or just you know, life in general, things that happen like yeah, and then getting to that point I would probably still be more younger. Me like don't be a bitch mentality, you know like man suck it up and drive on.
Speaker 2:You know, be a man. You know, like that was the mentality and that got me so far in life and I had a successful career with that mentality. But personally it was just destroying me, like internally, you know. And then finally, you know, like when I was like all right, I'm going to get help for this, like too many people I know from deployments, you know past, like I don't know how many guys I was in that unit with that have committed suicide since then and that was like the red flag for me. I was like man, we were all there together, we all shared similar experiences. Maybe I'm not too far off, you know, like let me just go talk to somebody, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was kind of the start of it, but yeah, what are some of the things that's helped you Like? One thing that I really want people to understand is same the resources that I use, resources that you use, like you, the audience at home, the individual listening to it that might be suffering, might be going through something like it's not about using every tool, it's not about using every single thing that I use, but maybe by highlighting some of the things that work for you, we can give them options. Like, if we could just dive into that for a little bit, what are some things that you really leaned on or utilize throughout your journey?
Speaker 2:So, again, like I'll say, like, especially in group. I feel like we have a lot of resources and the behavioral health specialists that we have, you know, available to us. That was the first thing that I went toward. Physical fitness or like things like strenuous working out, running, all those things were always the number one, like that's what got me, probably helped me, survive to this point without actually seeing a professional. It's trying to stay busy, you know, and like having being goal oriented to write, like something to focus on, because usually it's like idle hands that end up with a beer in them. You know what I mean. So that's a T-shirt, right?
Speaker 1:there, dude. I just came up with that, dude. This episode is also brought to you by Precision Wellness Group. Getting your hormones optimized shouldn't be a difficult task, and Dr Taylor Bosley has changed the game. Head on over to PrecisionWellnessGroupcom. Enroll and become a patient today. I won't steal the idea. I won't steal the idea.
Speaker 2:That's yours, man yeah, so staying busy, man, and just like trying to distract myself in the beginning talking to people and then not, not making it public, right, like you don't have to tell anybody that you're quitting drinking, because then there's this awkward pressure because now you're the weird one, because it's normal to drink, it's not normal to be sober.
Speaker 2:no-transcript this I can't be friends with you because you drink and I don't. So not publicizing it, man, like keeping it to yourself, like it's your own internal thing anyway. And there are people you can have to talk to. But on the flip side of that, like you need a good support system. Support system. So, whether that's your wife, you know it was great, my wife, not that she ever drank that much anyway, but I quit drinking. So she quit drinking. She's like, well, I'm not going to drink by myself, you know. So like it's much easier to have that. So it's like now, when we go out to eat, it's like I'm not getting a glass of wine. Well, she's not getting a glass of wine either.
Speaker 1:it, man, certainly is for us man we in my household that the only thing that, uh, I tell people is just, if you're not married, like it's easier, but if you are, have that discussion with your, with your, with your wife, with your family. Yeah, let them know like that way that yeah, it can, it can just be a solid effort across the board. And then they don't look at you weird when all of a sudden you don't drink anymore and yeah, she's buying fucking a trunk, a caseload of fucking alcohol, bringing it to the house yeah, now I have a an unhealthy obsession with la croix.
Speaker 1:Like sparkling waters, dude funny thing you say that mine's liquid death.
Speaker 2:I did la croix for a long time but uh, I love liquid death man but it even like, like I can still go out in a social setting or go to a bar and I just order soda water and no one bats an eye. But because the anxiety of not knowing what to do with my hands, initially, dude, I was like freaking out. I was like I'm never gonna be able to be in public again. I was like let me just, let me just hold on to something you know. So I started ordering soda water. So now I'm pissing as much as everybody else at the bar because I'm super hydrated but I'm not spending any money and drunk people don't know that you're not drinking, dude, and you would turn down a shot. Most of them like, okay, cool, you know. Like you just keep drinking your soda water, man, like no one bats an eye. So that was helpful.
Speaker 1:Uh, yeah, I haven't had a weird interaction with somebody once they found out like I do the same thing or I just order um cokes, like especially if I'm overseas. Like I noticed that and like in, uh, in france like they still have the, the good cane sugar coke. So I was like hell yeah, I'll drink some coca-cola. And people I'm like, hey, just put it in like a mixed drink glass. People think I'm like really drinking something. Just be like the, really like annoying cheesy dude. Like I get a Jack and Coke, hold the Jack. Yeah, just be a boner Completely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what else, man, go ahead, I was going to say, to like getting off social media man, the stress and anxiety that this shit causes, and like I use it. Now I'm back on because I'm at a stable place and I'm trying to promote my music, but before that it served me nothing other than just giving me anxiety and constantly comparing myself to other people, but never, ever helping me get to a point where it was going to help me be successful dude. So I got off that for a long time and then the most helpful thing for me again it's been playing guitar and write music.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and speaking of music, you got um, you got a new, um new song coming out right yeah, I got a whole ep coming out, man, so there'll be four songs on it, all done with like a full arrangement in the studio. Um, I'm gonna call it the war at home, and it really highlights a little bit of everything, man.
Speaker 2:Like there's some stuff about grief and like reflecting on killing someone in combat, and then there's a happy song about going home on leave and just partying with your boys, but ultimately, like it's all things that they kind of happen at home, so that'll be out around labor day, okay, but yeah it's coming up pretty soon, pretty soon, man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just sucks, man, because you know somebody won't be able to really understand what that's like, tim Kennedy, that song will not help you Tim man Dude, so that whole thing. I had to throw that one in. That was perfect. You served it up on a platter. But yeah, unintentionally. Another one, no, but um, it's. Uh, it's awesome to like, have something to look forward to, like this, so we can all like support. Is it going to drop on spotify? How do we get it?
Speaker 2:man, so it'll be on all major streaming platforms. The easiest way, honestly, is because every like I spotify and apple music are the biggest ones, but it'll be out on everything. But, uh, if you go to my instagram the tactician musician and just hit my link tree Like, you can follow me on all the different platforms so you can pre-save it and then it'll just pop up on a day releases and you're in your saved songs and stuff. So awesome.
Speaker 1:And how does it? How does that work for revenue? How do we support you financially?
Speaker 2:man, Honestly, at this point it's just about exposure.
Speaker 2:So like when, when people actually pre-save. So it's all about beating the algorithm Right and as like an independent artist with very small following to go and follow my, my Spotify page or my artist page and then actually stream the song but then actually add it to your playlist, like all those things, get the streaming platforms to keep pushing it out because it shows that people are interested in it. But if you just go listen to it, like that doesn't do much and if you don't like it, don't listen to it. I'm not saying like you know, like if it sucks, you know honestly, if it sucks you better fucking like it.
Speaker 2:Hey, if you don't like it, tell me you don't like it on my social media so that you can help me out in that aspect. Like I don't really care, I don't expect everyone to like my music, I'm fine with that, but yeah man just following adding to your playlist shit like that.
Speaker 1:that helps me for sure, awesome. And then when are you officially going to be jumping on a tour man? Is that in the cards anytime soon?
Speaker 2:I mean honestly again, I still have two years left in the army. So my goal right now is like branding myself and like building out my network, in which I have done a pretty good job at in the short amount of time that I've been doing this. So I know over the next like two years I can keep doing that. But yeah, that's the goal, man, just hopefully after the army. Yeah, I would like to do that.
Speaker 1:Uh, and I've had shit, leave man, take some, leave, do a summer tour.
Speaker 2:So we'll see. Man, I had a like a small label reach out to me the other day Like hey man, like send me like 10 more of your songs. We want to listen to them. We're supposed to sign another artist this quarter, Um, so I'm hoping to hear back from him soon. If nothing comes of it, I honestly don't care, Like because the fact that people are reaching out to me with even a little bit of interest, that's what matters.
Speaker 1:It means I'm doing something right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. That's what matters, dude. It's. Yeah, we're. We're not in similar sort of we're. We're both in a in a, trying to create something and generate a following, and it's not easy. Not easy when there isn't an exact um you know, fucking blueprint. There's not a big label backing you, but you're in arguably one of the best areas to be doing this for sure, like you're, you're. You're in an area where it's like, bro, if you're gonna get discovered, there's no like if you were a brag, that'd be one thing yeah, and I'm taking full advantage of it, dude yeah, dude, you're natchville's right there man yeah
Speaker 1:you're in an area where it's like fuck, do you like you can meet some heavy hitters and, um, when we get offline, I'll uh, we'll talk a little bit, because I have somebody that you need to talk to to get involved and I know for a fact they're gonna be happy like to, to connect with you and talk to you through some stuff. But there's a lot of veterans in the music space. There's a lot of veterans with origin stories like yours that are successful musicians right now. The g walk created a lot of fucking musicians. Some are pretty well known, some are are in the trenches and they're making money as writers. Dude, that's the crazy part. So I don't think that your dream is as crazy as as as as some people might think. I think it's very realistic. Dude Like, you have the ability, you have the talent. It's just the showmanship and the and the passion behind it. I would argue that every event around the area, man like you should be fucking playing. Dude Like yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't say no to anything. If someone asked me to come play somewhere, like, I'm there, you know and I've had like some some paid gigs and some people that offer.
Speaker 2:But like, at the end of the day, like I'll, I'll play for free if it's a, if it's, you know, if I get one follower or one fan each place, I play. Like that's, that's good enough for me, you know. So I'm driving down the Manchester on Saturday to play with some other veteran musicians for this big like veterans. Uh, the DAV and then the, the American Legion are putting out a pretty big show on Saturday. So I'm going to go down there and like, and I'm'm, like, I'm the opening act, right, like, and that's cool, though like I don't care, dude that's fucking awesome dude yeah, so I'm gonna go play that little guy.
Speaker 2:And then I got a writers like a music songwriters festival in kahuta, georgia. Never even heard of this place but they emailed me. It's in october, it's like four hours away. I'm like dude, I'll, I'll be there, you know, like so yeah, little by little we'll travel yeah, 100, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So for sure, man yeah, dude, these are huge milestones, man, these are great fucking things that we need to celebrate. Man, like they're not little by any means, dude. Like every fucking person rallying around you, every new fucking subscriber, every new follower, that's fucking huge dude. Like, yeah, it's a, you're building something that's gonna let me dude, before we know it, you're gonna be if like 100, you're gonna be fully signed and back musician and I'm going to be hitting you up to get my dog shit podcast, a little bit of promotion, and you're gonna be like who the fuck is this asshole?
Speaker 2:no, I don't have time for this.
Speaker 1:Not a chance dude tell, tell the publicist to delete that fucking email. Dear michael, remember when you were on Security Hall a couple years back? Just saw your music video on CMT. It's pretty cool. Yeah, dude, do you have any dreams of being able to play on the Grand Ole Opry man?
Speaker 2:Honestly, man, I would. I don't really classify myself as like country, but I don't really care about genres neither. Like I play what sounds good and my stuff probably gears more towards like alternative rock and stuff. But if I was invited I would do it. But honestly, like, my dream is more like intimate setting, like think uh, alice in Chains, unplugged 1993. Like that's pretty fucking specific resonates in my head dude. I listened to that every time before I go play a gig. Dude, like that, that setting.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm talking about though, right yeah you know exactly what I'm talking about exactly like if I could play shows like that, like that would consider that a successful, like that's good it's better than saying, like you know, my, my ideal gig is, you know, I, I, before my gig, I listened to the rooster by Alice in Chains as I chain smoke cigars. No, yeah, I do. I do think that, like I, I think there's. I used to hate country, I used to fucking hate country, but one thing that, not like modern pop country, but having friends that introduced me to like the outlaw country, having listened to your music, I feel like there's there's an easy segue for the grittiness and the pain to be really well like to come through and shine through in in that style of music from you.
Speaker 1:I think you have the voice for it. I think that you have the talent for it. I don't know, maybe explore it, man, cause, like I said, you got, you got. You got a lot of talent, man, you got a lot of talent. That you know. There's something to be said about the guy that walks up to a party, pulls out an Like okay, I used to be that guy.
Speaker 2:Maybe in like high school. I think that's one of the first songs I ever learned, man.
Speaker 1:It's what time? Is it 10 pm? All right, yeah, let me go bag a girl real quick. Anyway, here's Wonderwall. Oh my God, yeah, yeah, hell, yeah, dude, but real quick, before I let you go, man, can you tell us about these songs that will be dropping the names? What's the theme, what were the things that got you to write these songs, and to release them.
Speaker 2:So the first one is Jar of Flies, right, and it's just kind of capturing all the noise, right, Whether it's social media, the news, the paper, your boss, your teacher, your parent constantly barking at you. You know, like someone's already telling you how to live and like what to do, and like it's just noise, man, Like you need to just turn it off, and it's kind of like how you're searching for a way to get away from it. So that's the one that'll be on. There is jar of flies. The next one is lingering love. It's kind of a breakup song. You know, you break up, you're back together. You break up, you're back together and you're like you know it's time to let go, but you don't want to do it because there is some love there still, but it's just not going to work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like every G-WAT relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why the album is called War at Home.
Speaker 2:One more deployment, we can do one more deployment yeah, blood is reflecting on killing someone, and then like having guilt and carrying that with you afterwards. And then the last one man, what was it? Oh, two weeks to burn, man. It's about going home on leave and just like, from the time the wheels touched on the airplane to the time, like you're just going like blazing the trail, like having a fun with your boys partying for two weeks, and then you're back at home or you're back overseas, your R&R is over, you know. So it's more of like a fun, happy one.
Speaker 2:And then I'll probably put a slow down on there too, which was a single I recently released, but I didn't promote it very well, and that one's already streaming, so people can go check that one out already on Spotify and everything. But yeah, so there'll be five songs on it. The word home I'm looking at Labor Day weekend release. So you can find me, michael Allen, on all the streaming platforms. But Michael Allen is a super common name, so easiest bet is just go to the Tactician Musician on my IG and then hit the link tree. It'll have you follow it, and so I'm big and famous. Michael Allen is just another dude right now, don't worry.
Speaker 1:Every great artist pivots to a different name. I mean, just look at the greats before you. Puff Daddy, oh man, come on. The artist formerly known as Prince oh, that's funny. Oh man, michael Allen, the tactician musician. It is a pleasure to have you on here, man. If you guys pause right now, go to the episode description. All those links are right there.
Speaker 1:Do me a favor, go ahead and follow on all major platforms. Support my guy. Send him a friend. Go ahead and follow on all major platforms. Support my guy. Send him a friend request on Instagram. Are you on Facebook as well? Awesome, go there as well. Send him a friend request. Look like it's. If it's not your dream, it's not your dream, but we should be able to support our service members, our veterans, with their dreams. Not everybody wants to be a musician, but hey, if your brother wants to go, do that, support him and support Michael. Go over there, give him a like, give him a share, give him a follow and then head on over to Security Hot Podcast on YouTube and give us a subscribe.
Speaker 1:I am in the fucking trenches, folks. Leave me a review. I don't care what you say. Denny's fucking rad. I don't care at. I don't care. Whatever you say, put it on there and then give me five stars. I'd really appreciate it. I'm Danny Cabrero. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you all next time. Until then, take care, boom. Securepodcast is proudly sponsored by Titan's Arms. Head over to the episode description and check out Titan's Arms today.
