Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
Join us as we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, proving that even after the mission changes, the call to serve and thrive never ends.
Security Halt!
Jay Fain | Veteran Storytelling, Post-Military Purpose & the Power of Community Connection
In this heartfelt episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero is joined by Jay Fain to explore the vital role of storytelling, mentorship, and community in helping veterans navigate life after service. From the creative challenges of content creation to the emotional journey of military transition, this conversation offers real talk about the ups and downs veterans face when redefining their identity in civilian life.
Jay shares his passion for uplifting veteran voices through media, the importance of nonprofit resources like the VFW, and how sharing personal stories fosters resilience and connection across generations. They unpack the realities of post-military life, emphasizing gratitude, growth, and authenticity—not just the highlight reel.
Whether you're a veteran, creative, or supporter of the military community, this episode is a powerful reminder that you’re not alone, and your story matters.
🎙️ Like what you hear? Be sure to like, share, follow, and subscribe on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts for more veteran-driven conversations that inspire purpose and connection.
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Chapters
00:00 The Juggling Act of running a small business
05:12 Navigating the Transition from Military to Civilian Life
10:52 The Importance of Community Support
16:18 Finding Purpose After Service
23:51 Understanding the VFW and Its Role Today
31:41 The Importance of Sharing Stories
34:46 Humanizing the Veteran Experience
37:26 Finding Positivity in the Veteran Community
40:44 Living with Perspective and Gratitude
43:39 Navigating Life's Ups and Downs
46:49 Embracing the Present and Reaching Out
50:36 The Joys of Maturity and Home Life
Instagram: @securityhalt
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LinkedIn: Deny Caballero
Connect with Jay on social media and check out shieldofsisters.com too!
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Website: shieldofsisters.com
Produced by Security Halt Media
Security Odd Podcast. Let's go. The only podcast that's purpose-built from the ground up to support you Not just you, but the wider audience, everybody. Authentic, impactful and insightful conversations that serve a purpose to help you. And the quality has gone up. It's decent it's hosted by me, danny Caballero. It's decent it's hosted by me, danny Caballero To like get to a point where I have like a battle rhythm like established and then like one more thing drops in my schedule and I'm just like juggling 50 fucking million things. I'm like I just want to sleep, for maybe two hours a day, no.
Speaker 1:That's your life. Jay Fane, how you been, man, doing good, doing good, doing good. Yeah, dude, it's um. It's nice to be busy, though it's good for again. Yeah, now I'm finally like again. I'm like searching for, uh, additional team members. I need a video editor, because now I'm like juggling more shows and it's like, all right, I need somebody that's passionate for video editing, but everybody's always like, you know, you should outsource to philippines, and I'm like I don't want to do that I want to I won't just stay an american thing, yeah yeah, well
Speaker 2:I know there has to be people out there that would, yeah love to help you out man yeah yeah, it's finding the right.
Speaker 1:I want passionate people and it's like I've talked to a dude I found on linkedin and I'm like, yeah, you know, just started talking. I'm like I see your video editors. Yeah, I had a video. Okay, do you like what you do? Fucking hate it hate it.
Speaker 2:Why would you say open the work and then you're the video editor? You know, I give it to the video editors, man, because that's, I mean, that's like tedious work, that's a lot of work. Ah, dude, it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1:I constantly feel like like fucking a hacker on the Matrix. It's like multiple screens Okay, cool, All right. Splice here. Subscribe button here. Graphic Overlay Filter Okay, LUTs Correction.
Speaker 2:And then, like after you're done with it, you got to like review it all just to make sure you didn't miss anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, review it all just to make sure you didn't miss anything.
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, dude, and with you when you're already operating with a fucked up brain. It's like god damn it, I put. Why is everything misspelled like and subtract? The amount of shit that you like brush to produce and hang up on like on youtube and you go back like, oh fuck, no, no, no, no, no, no fucking delete, delete.
Speaker 1:Look, it's like my groover or like there's a glaring error in the fucking in in the subtitles. It's like look if you're. I know you're watching and I know some of you have seen it. I get it. It's there's a lot of spelling errors. It's like I just have to rely on ai, so please forgive me. There's so many times where, like I put soft professional, it's just like soft, like it's like on target with soft penises. That's what it gives the viewers impression. We need hard, hard operators, not soft. What are you doing?
Speaker 1:yeah, the best is like like and subtract.
Speaker 2:What the fuck.
Speaker 3:It's a professional endeavor.
Speaker 1:Oh man, yeah, dude, it's a wonderful world of content creation here. Here's a look to behind the scenes. I just need interns again. I was able to get interns for a while. Yeah, that's dried up.
Speaker 2:How are you getting them?
Speaker 1:So through a great organization freaking, a nonprofit that helps our soft wounded veterans or anybody that goes through and uh is transitioning you apply from SOCOM care coalition, enter their uh intern program and then you can like go through their entire Rolodex of different businesses, different entrepreneurs that might align with what you want to do on the outside, and then you'd be like I want an intern for them. And it was great. I had enough that I was doing a digital magazine for a while, which is fucking awesome, were like you know, I like writing, I want to explore that. And uh had some great dudes that loved to write. So I was like fuck yeah, dude, like let's get out there. I'll be able to talk about the podcast episodes as they're launching, be able to talk about veteran issues.
Speaker 1:And then it was just like the season of like people that wanted to be artistic dried up and it was like I want to go into fence tech. I can't help you with that. It's like I get what you're doing super cool. I'd like to do podcasting, but I'm gonna make like 150k over there. I'm like I can't fault you for that, yeah, yeah yeah, but hey you know, give
Speaker 2:them an opportunity for sure.
Speaker 1:Exactly. Yeah, it's like poop and cum. Jokes are fun, but um, I want to make real money.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, all right. Well, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1:I've been able to explore like all aspects of this, from like doing it with, like as a hobby with friends, like doing it on my own, getting like interns come involved, dudes that wanted to, and like it's. It's. It's a nice like way to like explore like the whole process of it with uh, you know the understanding that I'm a dog shit entrepreneur like I. I just like, I am just horrible at this, but if I can figure it out I know that you guys watching going into the transition like you can figure it out too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how about you man.
Speaker 1:You know, like being in the philanthropy space, like that's not easy. How are you navigating it?
Speaker 2:I mean from my experience I I guess, because I've been out of the military since 2008 and like from then to now, like a lot of different variables have changed, like especially within the the like the culture of this country and dynamics of how things were then as they are now, because then, like obviously, where we're still like very heavily in the g-watt and now it's not really a thing, and so then there's a lot of people that are still still trying to think about it from a philanthropic aspect. It seemed like then there was a lot more veteran-like pride Just because there was wars going on. It was a popular topic back then. The big popular topic, I guess now is, like my peers and people that I know, or people that served during the GWAT, are starting to get out, retire or whatever it's changed us to now. So, like now it's just like some of the people that I served with have I've I've been more in contact with, because they're trying to figure out now, like what's the next step. So it seems like, speaking, speaking from a philanthropic aspect, it's like hey, what like some of these, some of the guys that I've like personally, that I've talked to recently, they're like hey, what like some of these, some of the guys that I've like personally, that I've talked to recently, they're like what now?
Speaker 2:Like I was like, well, you got to think about it from a different mindset now. Like you're not donning a uniform every day, where you're in command of a bunch of soldiers or whatever, and now it's you, and now maybe this person has a family or whatever. Now you got to think about it from your perspective and their perspective. What do you want to do next for you, what do you want to do next for your family? And what do you want to do next for the rest of your life? And if there's something, a mission or an organization or whatever that you want to apply for or work for, do you believe in it? Can you? Can you? Can you invest your time, your energy, all your efforts to it and feel comfortable in that space? If you really don't, then maybe you should look elsewhere. But it's just just that's what I've noticed recently as compared to years ago yeah, yeah it's.
Speaker 1:It's more complex now. I think the our current veteran that's getting out now. I think there's there's a general lack of like, feeling like they can accomplish anything greater, like there's a lot of guys that I'm coming to contact I feel like like I just I just need to go for the easy thing. I don't need to worry about my feelings, my purpose, my passion, push all that down, and I'll figure it out later. It's like, well, yes, maybe, but what if? What if we could find the thing that you love to do and you can go straight into that? I don't know what it is with the um like a sense of hopelessness or like a sense of like I shouldn't be entitled to Like it's. It's like I feel like I had a great career. Now it's like I need to just dedicate myself to like just a mundane.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I understand that. Um, I don't know just how I try to. I guess for me, like how I try to help, um, you know the, the veterans coming out and transitioning, is like I try to think about it. I try to be think about it from their perspective, but like I try to live about, like if they are seeking the help or support, how is the best way that I can point them to that I can trust as well. That has maybe helped me or I know does great work, like, say, some dude's getting out and like is looking for a video job. And yeah, I was like hey, I know this guy that runs this amazing podcast. You know you should talk to him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah yeah, it feels like we need a a more grassroots approach of like helping any way we can as a community and there are a lot of good nonprofits out there and even that can be a resource of itself. Just like if you would just take the time, like if you're in the space or you know you, you mind it. Just collecting information and passing it off to your friends, like that in itself is like a huge fucking burn off somebody's shoulder. When they're like fuck, I don't know who to turn to. Like honor foundation, I shout them out all the time because like hey, it works, it's proven. Like that's sort of like being able to arm somebody with tools like they can figure it out. As long as they know where to go, they can start figuring it out.
Speaker 1:It's a thing that and man, don't even get me started on uh tap, the transition assistance program. Boy, it's like the biggest. The biggest pet peeve I have with like this program is it's, by and large, just being ran and operated by people that never transitioned themselves. They they were like a senior sar major got out and then just went right into talking about transition as if they did it and it's like dude, you never had a corporate job. You never had a job as an operations manager, so why are you telling people to go get a scrum certification and PMP certification if you haven't done it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and one thing I've noticed is like, especially if people like are reaching out for the help, they're not. You know, the one of the common things I've ran into is, um, they're not like when they, well, they're looking for someone to help guide them through this.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know it's, it's not just, oh, hey, okay, Go to this website, hit this link, fill this out. Yeah, it's like they they need like a mentor or a someone that's just just help them, guide them through that process and get them to a certain point. Point and it seems like as if you know, like we're all at fault, this where we kind of kind of like divert them elsewhere, so it's off our hands. But if you can identify a person that really needs that true guidance, it's just like okay, like let's, let's, let's, let's like establish like a, like a meet up every once in a while or a call every once in a while and like update and see where you're at and you know, and just like those little things, like it helps.
Speaker 2:Like a veteran in transition get to a point. You know it makes them feel one like they're not alone, like they, they're like okay, this person actually truly cares. There's people out there that care, that want to help. It's not just like they. Some people get into a mindset where I've noticed that, like you know, they just see me as like a number or another person or something to fill a seat here. You know, like I'm not a human, it's just you know they really like that, that connection they got because we had that when we're all in the military, with people that help guide us, because we have all had our mentors, people we looked up to. They're looking for that same thing when they get out absolutely, dude, there's a power.
Speaker 1:People don't want to admit it. Man, like we get too, I don't know, we get too callous. Like I don't fucking matter, you can call me whatever you want. And it's like no, like being treated like a decent human being is important. Like we act tough, like wow, fucking, don't need to worry about me. It's like no, like just having a common like just respect of acknowledge you as a human being, saying your name, not addressing you as like just respect of acknowledge you as a human being, saying your name, not addressing you as like just another fucking individual in the room, just saying like hey, man, dave, great to meet you, welcome and excited to have you here in this transition brief. But it's like we also need to like understand that some people need something. That's completely different.
Speaker 1:Man, like I'm starting to talk to a lot of veterans that want to go into agriculture. I never once heard about fucking agriculture going through like any of the transition shit like, and that's crazy to me. That's like this is a big need. Like fuck, shout out the freaking uh one of my buddies that's uh just going into it. Just like fuck, dude, I, I just want to do this. I have no family background in cattle ranching no background, never did it himself and he's like dude, they just. I have a passion for being connected with with animals, being right there at the front line of feeding america. I'm gonna get involved in this.
Speaker 1:And he took a just that beginner's mind approach to it, reached out, started talking to people like hey, man, I'll work, I'll work for free. Uh, I've got no wife, don't have kids, I can live in my frigging RV. Like. I will learn how to do this If you teach me people where, like are. A lot of them are out there doing the same thing. Dude In in your, your own journey. What was that transition like into? Once you got to the point where it's like, dude, I gotta get out in the workforce, I gotta do something. How did you go about figuring out, like A, what you were interested in, like, what were you passionate in? And then, like, how did you approach it from that beginning mindset of like dude, I was one day I was just a kid in the military. Now I'm like okay, now I've gotta figure out what I, you know, transition.
Speaker 2:For me, like you know, it's, it's been almost you know 17 years since I've been out and like I still feel like I'm transitioning, like like I feel like I'm just gonna always transition for the rest of my life. But uh, because I mean here a few different reasons why I feel that way, other than me serving my time. And then, you know, I had a short kind of sweet career joined to my training, went to my unit, got deployed, got wounded, recovered and got out Three years of just of all that. But before that I grew up because my dad was a career military, career army guy. I mean, just all the men in the family were career army.
Speaker 2:Growing up I knew I was just going to be in the serve in some way, shape or form. I didn't know anything else else, I didn't want to do anything else. So so when I, when I got hurt and wounded, like it was a weird time for me, 22, 23 years old, and I was like, well, what do I do now? Like what? What do I do now? Like, what do I do now? Like like do I stay in or do I get out, or you know.
Speaker 2:So I decided, um, I decided to medically retire and like try to go back to school and do that stuff. But I, I quickly realized that school wasn't for me and I didn't like do bad, I had good grades and stuff, but I just it just wasn't for me. Um, and then after, like that's when I started like looking into like you know different, like veteran type groups and stuff you know, like like the VFW, for example, and so like, okay, what are? Like, these guys have been around for 100 years, you know, and they've figured something out. Let me see what's going on there, and understanding like that, because these guys served in wars that happened decades ago and now they're living a life prosper, prosperously. You know they have, and it's just like they figured something out. I can learn from that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dude, that's, and uh, it's actually a solid fucking point, yeah, and you know, just reaching out to these veteran groups, being part of some of these veteran groups, it opened doors for me, like I kind of started putting myself out there, getting to know the community, like not just where I was at, but just kind of all over the United States and wherever, and people were reaching out to me. And then I got opportunities to work at an apparel company for a little while, which was great, I loved it. Then I got opportunities to work as a DOD contractor where I worked within the special operations community, which was a lot of fun for a while, a lot of fun for a while. And um, and then, like I got approached to, you know, with some of that background of working in philanthropy and in that in that space I got approached to work in like some, some other veteran organizations running nonprofits.
Speaker 2:And you know, it's that like when I took that step to reach out to these organizations, the veteran organizations that's been around for a while, it kind of opened some doors for me. So I've just been kind of like riding this wave of like hey, what's coming next, what's coming next, or let me stick with this, or see what happens here. I've never really just I always knew that I wanted to stay within that space because I see it as like, let's say, the World War II generation. They came back and they helped fix this country and helped do a lot of things when they got back. And they helped not just their veterans, they helped everyone else out, and then they in turn did the same thing for the vietnam veterans, the vietnam veterans and in turn, are doing the same thing for like us, and now it's our turn to kind of do the same thing for the younger guys. Yet now we're still in.
Speaker 2:You know, like I, I just feel like that. That's like where I fit in very well with what I'm doing now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, man. I want to highlight that part of your journey you just talked about. I want to touch in on the VFW. But you found a space that you liked and you enjoyed, and a lot of times there's this misconception that our next chapter has to be solidified in one place, one organization, for the rest of your life, till you fucking die. That's it. You better choose carefully. You don't want to end up like Dom over at the cheese stick factory, that's it. He's locked in for life. Yeah, you know, mitch is over at the French toast factory and that's far better. It's like dude, you don't have to stay there, he can go through life.
Speaker 1:And like you go, once you go through that, that final out, you have that D214 and you're struggling to still figure out, like, what you want to do. Like, yes, sometimes you go for that whatever's there, whatever you can get to help support your family, to help keep you going and continue striving. That's, that's the key. Continue thinking and exploring what you're excited about. And then you realize like, okay, I like this space. It doesn't have to be just with this company. Like, hey, somebody else is intriguing, pops up in the scene, be willing to bet on yourself, be willing to bet on your dreams and be willing to look and explore concepts and ideas. The nonprofit space is amazing. Be willing to bet on yourself, be willing to bet on your dreams and be willing to look and explore concepts and ideas, like the nonprofit space is amazing. Be willing to say like, hey, you know, I can help develop and work this and work with this team at this company, help making something that's, you know, added value within the community. And then you understand like okay, I like this, I like doing this. And then something pops up. Or maybe you start up your own nonprofit and you start working that like follow life and where it takes you, man, like that's really important. It helps you maintain that like that spirit of advancement, the spirit of creating something and being completely devoted to, like what your mission and your own purpose is.
Speaker 1:I think like that's something that needs to be talked about a lot more. We, more often than not, not, all I hear is you know, just stick where you're at, if it's, if you're happy staying on a pilot, that works, or maybe it doesn't work for you and it's okay. But, um, I I have to admit I, I don't know enough about the vfw and I think that I'm not the only one what got you at first, like being willing to like go to a place that by and large we have to admit, by and large it just seems like something that is part of a bygone age that you know, we, we see it on the old tv shows. I was like, oh, bmw.
Speaker 1:Like but I don't see a face and often enough I don't see a face or or um well, before, because now I'm old as fuck. I see I see faces like mine now, but like I feel like it's not a welcome place for like, uh, you know a guy like me with long hair, nose ring friggin. Um yeah, like, tell me about VFW and how you know, how does it? What does it feel like to be a part of the organization now? Like, how has it grown?
Speaker 2:Well, um, I recently got back into like VFW stuff. Um, uh, since I moved here and here in Kansas city uh, there's a great veteran, uh, a great, uh great VFW post here and when I first moved here, there was things I needed help with and they helped me a lot with a lot of things. They helped review my wife's claims for the VA, they helped with just things that I needed when I was struggling a bit and they helped they were there, no shit.
Speaker 2:All I needed when I was struggling a bit and they just they helped, they were there. All I had to do was just ask and and they figured out how they could help me out the best way they can, and and that's what the VFW does. They really do all across the board. You know, I know there's the stigma of old, salty, grown, yeah, veteran. That, yeah, that's mean, it doesn't like, it's not like that. You know it's like those guys are around but they're there for a reason because they have the same story. They went through it and they've, in turn, looked to the VFW for help and become part of the VFW to help out the younger generation like us. You know they're not, they're not there to just, oh, you're not or you're not, you don't know, you weren't there. It's not like that. You know, I know we've all seen that and that's like kind of like the stigma or whatever. But it's not like.
Speaker 2:I always encourage people like hey, go, and what I like to do is, whenever I have an opportunity, I like to sit with like one of the older gentlemen and that you know, and just kind of sit there and talk to him. Just listen, here, there, here is story, here her story. You don't see, like what they've been through, like where they're from, like their family, like just get to know them, you know, and like there's so much to take and learn from doing just something as simple as that and that's like cause. That's like kind of what the VFW is about. Like it's it's to help out the veteran and their families and stuff and it's it's to it's to provide that support system, that family feeling, that nonjudgmental zone, like that's what it's about. It's not a compare and contrast like each other's stories and stuff.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, there might be some of that. Just because we're veterans and we do that, we kind of like to talk shit about each other and all that different branches and all that shit. That's what it's about. They've been around for a hundred years, I think Over a hundred years or something like that I don't know the exact historics. That says a lot, just that alone. Like there's organizations that just started within the last few years, that have gotten big and popular, but are they going to survive 100 years? Something like the vfw is going to endure probably forever. You know that. That.
Speaker 1:That says a lot about that organization yeah, no, it's, it's a american institution and you're right, there's a lot of misconceptions. I know I've um. I've judged it not on my own lived experience but what you see on media and what you hear that it's um. It's important to understand and realize that, like it's an institution that was built to serve and provide resources for the veteran. So that includes us, it includes our generation, it's not and if we don't, like you said something powerful about being able to sit down and break bread, just have an afternoon when you're sitting down with the previous generation and that's something that you know. I talk about that a lot being able to have a community, being able to integrate, talk with people, build a support network. But also we need to learn and share the stories, oral history, and hear these stories from our veterans that aren't going to be here much longer. You know our world war two veterans like we don't have a lot left. Like here, the was it. The 81st uh trip to Normandy will be happening uh, with the best defense foundation. I know there's a lot of other um nonprofits to bring our world war ii veterans out back to normandy, back to to see the places where they're. You know they fought and engaged to be able to get that hero's welcome from the people there. And, uh, those, the number of those veterans is dwindling. Individuals were losing them and and it's just, it's normal thing, it's a part of life. But if we don't capture the stories and just think of how enriching it would be for you, the audience member listening at home, if you just took a weekend to go down there and and talk with some of these veterans from these you know different campaigns, different parts of history, what they saw, what what they experienced You're able to keep that live within you. You're able to help promote that and then bring it back to somebody else. Like, yeah, dude, I've talked with so-and-so. He lived and experienced something that we don't talk about as much, we don't highlight as much within our own peer groups. Like, fuck, dude, I hung out with a World War II veteran at VFW and he was telling me stories of what it was like for him on D-Day and what he experienced. And, dude, think about being deployed until it was over, not just like being able to return home on like, hey, we're going on Christmas Eve. No, there's none of that. How long are we here here, platoon sergeants? No, it's done so we win this. Yeah, that's, that's nuts man. Yeah it's, it's insane, it's insane.
Speaker 1:And these american heroes are, are you know? That's where they go, that's where they feel comfortable. They go to vfw, they live. They live in areas where they can go, have access to that. Their families help them, make that a regular part of their life because that's their community. And every time I've met a World War II veteran, they light up when somebody shows interest in their life and being able to like sit down and have you know communication with us Like they, they get so much out of that Like you're going to walk out of there enriched. You're going to have a piece of oral history that few people can say, that they have like be able to say like holy shit, like these stories they have to live on. Not all of them are captured in books, not all of them are captured in movies, and someday that's going to be us, yeah, yeah man that's the weird part.
Speaker 3:That's the weird part like some kid is kind of sitting down like wow, mr caballero, tell about your story. Well, you see, back in my day in 82nd, we used to take piss bottles and hurl them at the kids and they loved it. They chased those bottles down and, oh boy, they had a good time. We'd take candy and then put chewing tobacco dip cans, fill it with tobacco and with the candy. We'd see those kids take those chewing tobacco Boy. They enjoyed it Like wow, you're a piece of shit. Certainly was. Certainly was. Certainly was.
Speaker 1:Brian won't share those stories.
Speaker 1:That's going to be us someday when we get older. Life is funny, man. We're going to get to the point where we're going to want and seek community, seek the comfort of being able to talk and share something Like. Life goes in circles, man. You're going to literally experience this. We're all going to experience this. We're going to see old veterans at some point, stop, if you can't, if you I'm not telling you like, sacrifice your day, be late for work, but if you can stop and engage and talk and ask them about their life, ask them what they went through, it's going to pay back big time because someday you're going to be sitting there. You're going to be that individual hoping and wishing the younger generation would take interest in what you experienced.
Speaker 1:Because those stories, man, they don't belong to us. We have to share them. We have to, we have to get them out there. And it's not just the glamorized Hollywood versions of midnight raids and sexy helicopter rides into forbidden enemy territories. No, it has to be the stories that incorporate the entire spectrum of the GWAT, the funny stuff, the convoy ops where you're just fucking droning on about stupid stuff. Would you have sex with Megan Fox if she also had a dick, but not a big one, just a tiny one.
Speaker 1:Just all the outrageous shit, like all the stuff that we, we don't share enough, like like that movie that's out right now, um, shit, warfare right. Like it's opening sequence. It's something that's so relatable, like the hype, the, the stupid stuff we would do together in a platoon bay. Like that stuff is important to remember, it is important to share, not just within our own little circles, but with the world. People need to understand what it's truly like to be an infantry soldier, an engineer, a frigging 88 Mike. All these things need to be shared and I think we do ourselves a disservice by not talking about it all, not getting it out there, not sharing it and showing people that it's a human being. You have to humanize this, this lived experience. It's not a superhero, I mean. That's why it's so crazy seeing like these stories that get they're they're entertaining, but it's important to understand that. Like that's not real combat, that's not real life. Like the real, the real thing is that 18 year old kid that's about to go on a patrol and he's going to jerk off in the port of shitter before he goes where the fuck is johnson well busy, busy
Speaker 2:they're in the fuck out.
Speaker 3:We gotta go on patrol bro, they're in the fuck up. I'm not going in on the wrong mindset.
Speaker 1:I have to relax, be relaxed, it's just so. But that's the fucking truth. Just imagine it. That's a lived experience. I hope someday gets put out in a book or movie. Man, it's, it's just. Life was so different. It was just such a weird, complete, like a fever dream, like of just insane shit within hyper violence, in the worst moments of your life. And you, you fucking lived it, brother, like you. You know it just as much as any other veteran that's lived through it. Like just the the highs and the extreme fucking lows and that.
Speaker 1:How do we move forward and try to like embrace everything from that veteran experience and try to promote like positivity within the community? That's a conundrum. Like how do we get people to share their story? Because it's cathartic in a way and it'll give them a release, like be able to go on a podcast, be able to talk like share, write. That's one of the things that I'm really excited about in the advocacy space the, the songwriting, like individuals are like going through these non-profits to share their stories.
Speaker 1:But from the aspect of a song dude, like that's to me, like that there's because there's a lot of musical, I'm starting to see a lot more guys reach out like hey, I'm a musician in nashville, do a veteran, I write songs and a lot of it has to do my time and service and like you go see their comment sections or you see the stuff that they're sharing and it's resonating with people. Like people are like thinking like wow, do you like the shit you're talking about? Like it's home. It's like fuck, dude, it's almost like therapy by proxy, like being able to tune into somebody that's able to sing your your situation and put a perspective on it. It's like people can hear it, can heal in the most unconventional ways or get a piece of of what. Like rest and, uh, walk away from something and feel a little more restorative. Like start to understand that like pathways to healing come in so many different avenues.
Speaker 1:Man like that's the thing that is uh doesn't always happen inside of therapy. Last session, uh, we have to be open to that. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's looking at what you experienced. We were talking last time. He came on the show, dude, like, how are you moving forward and what are some of the things that you are implementing in your life to stay in that proper mindset?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Okay, okay, you know, just to stay in that positive mindset I guess I'm not going to lie, I have my issues and I have my days. Absolutely Some days are great but some days are just like you know that. Stay in that mindset to where I'm not letting, like, the externals or anything like affect me in a negative way. Like is, like I, just there's things that I in my situation, what I've been through, like that I just kind of remind myself all the time, like you know why I love being alive. You know, like, yeah, because real, like it was for me, like it, like I almost did it, like I, like I, I I'm, almost I was, I almost wasn't, like I almost wasn't here, to like enjoy my day. You know, enjoy waking up I almost wasn't here, like I almost didn't have that opportunity, like I was very close to that.
Speaker 2:And remembering that, you know I get to wake up every day, one next to my beautiful wife. You know I get to wake up every day, one next to my beautiful wife. You know, and enjoy the house that we live in and drink my coffees in the morning and pet my dogs. And, you know, go hang out with my stepson or whatever, hang out with family, like just making a phone call to a friend, like little things that I almost didn't have. I remember like, wow, like I am so very thankful that I can still do that every day.
Speaker 2:You know, and I've had brothers and stuff that didn't make it back. You know, I have them tattooed on my back, you know. That's like a reminder, like wow, like they can't have what I got going on, like I don't have it bad at all. You know, like, and some of these guys were not even. They were teenagers, so they weren't even 18, 19 years old. Like you know that's. And like I have a, I have a stepson that's almost their age. It's just like you know. It's just like I, I like I don't have to go like structure my day out in order to feel fulfilled, like I can just go out and do something and be thankful that I'm just doing that, whatever that is yeah, like, yeah dude.
Speaker 1:It's um, it's a powerful reminder the importance of like, having perspective when you look back at who and what we've lost, like, and then not from a place of like, dwelling and sorrow, but reminder of like. Life is short, this is not an infinite thing. No matter what that weird YouTube guy is trying to do with longevity with his blood boy. Like dude, this this will end, end. You can prolong it, you can try to, like you know, use every tool and resource to age slower and being hyper, hyper health and being that that like, weirdly obsessed about living forever. But you're not going to. It ends, it ends and we have to do everything we can to remember that. Our brothers, our sisters aren't here with us, want us to live. They don't want us to survive, they want us to thrive. They want us to go out there and live a life filled with joy, filled with awe and amazing, beautiful things. And if we can tap into that, if we can. Just, you know, and I know, not every day is going to be 100%. Not every day is going to be fucking sunshine, rainbows and lollipops. Some days are going to fucking suck, but we need those days, we need the shitty days. We need the shitty days so that when we're having a great time, we can look back and be like man. I'm not eating spam out of a can in the back of my truck. Fuck yeah, this is great, this is great, oh, hell. Yeah, we need that for perspective. But we also need to remember and honor our friends, honor our loved ones that aren't here anymore, and know that, not from a sad state of like fuck dude, we can miss them. But the number one thing we have to remember, just like my friend John Wayne Walden says live for them. Live for them, honor them, thank them Like fucking so glad I had you in my life, Even if it was brief. Thank you for being there with me. I'm going to live double for us. I'm going to fucking be happy. I'm going to, even when I don't want to. I'm going to meet the shitty days with grace and a smile and move forward, because I know that it's going to get better. Everything dissipates man. The bad, the pain, it will dissipate. It's going to get better. Everything dissipates man. The bad, the pain, it will dissipate Like dude. That's like the hardest thing to tell people Like this pain, what you're feeling right now. Just be present with it. It's going to pass, it's going. No, but I want it to be going out. I want it to be gone so fast. I don't want it to be here. I want it to fast forward.
Speaker 1:Well, we can't yeah, that's the short answer. We can't fast forward from this pain. We can't fast forward from the trauma. We can't fast forward from the divorce, from the heartbreak and the people that leave us. But what we can do is we can choose to be present in the moment, acknowledge it and understand that this too shall pass. It will like it absolutely. You'll breathe, let go of the anxiety and understand hey, man, in this moment, this sucks. I'm here. I'm here right now. And the great friends, the great friends are going to walk by and be like, yeah, man, that sucks. The great friends in your life are going to crawl down in that hole. They're going to look at you and say, yep, friends in your life, I gotta crawl down in that hole.
Speaker 2:They're gonna look at you say, yep, I'm here with you.
Speaker 1:I'm here with you and this is going to get better. We're gonna move through this, but right now I'm right here with you because that's all we need. We don't need somebody to walk by and be like that, that fucking andy elliot elliot douchebag. But fuck you, get out of there pussy.
Speaker 3:Get out of that fucking hole you, piece shit You're a fucking piece of shit, motherfucker. Look at you, you weak motherfucker. Look at my fucking abs. Fuck you, let's go, no no, some days fucking suck.
Speaker 1:But stay in the fight, stay here, stay in the present, stay in and out. It's going to get fucking better. I'm not going to lie to you. The QRF is not coming. They're not going to kick in the door and be like freeze motherfucker. We're here Sometimes. It's just going to be you. Reach out. Reach out to that friend that's with you, that you know is going to pick up the fucking phone. Reach out and talk. That's your form of QRF. You've got to take action. You've got to take action. You got to be vulnerable enough because you have to understand people live complex lives. There's a chance your friend might catch you on the right time. They'll be there for you.
Speaker 1:But you, by and large, when you feel it, when you get in that place of like fuck, dude, I'm starting to get depressed, reach out to that friend that you know can make you laugh, that can get your spirit back up and then know this shit will pass. Man. It's important to talk about it because a lot of people get the misconception of like well, jay's always happy. Why the fuck can I always be happy? Why the fuck can I be like Denny? Why the fuck can I be like all these other people. Why do I always get in bad moods? Why do I always get depressed?
Speaker 1:Truth is, brother, sister, life isn't always going to be fair, easy and happy. Some days really suck, but that's okay. That's life. It comes with good, it comes with bad. It's a wave.
Speaker 1:I remember that's the first thing I learned about being special operations. I thought it was going to be great every single fucking day and then you get that shitty team sergeant. That's just fucking your mouth nonstop. It just sucks. It's just the worst ever. And I remember I had a senior on the team that was just okay. Man, it's just a wave. I'm like just ride it. It fucking sucks right now You're low man, but that wave's going to come over. You're going to fucking be on the high. It's going to be awesome. And then, when you're up there, appreciate it, because at some point you're going to have a bad day again. But it's okay, come and go. Dude, it's just life and that's the most important thing that we all need to understand. Dude, it's like there's going to be good days. You're going to have that experience. What's your favorite thing to do on the good days, jay?
Speaker 2:On the good days. Like, what's your favorite thing to do on the good days, Jay, On the good days? Well, so I'm fortunate to you know. Hang out with my best friend every day. Oh yeah, you know so, and she's also a veteran herself. You've met her and she has a lot going on and she and I get to help support her through all that.
Speaker 2:And so it's like I like to know what she has going on, because I like to be there to help and support and, you know, makes me happy that I can help her out, you know, because she's she does the same for me, you know, makes me happy that I can help her out, you know, because she does the same for me. But, like, as for fun stuff, I guess, like hobby-wise or whatever, like you know, there's things I like to do. Like I like to say I like to play golf because it's the one sport I've played since I was a little kid. But I'm not, like, a avid golfer, I don't go out and play all the time, but I like to play golf. I like to do that stuff.
Speaker 2:Um, I like to really like what, like how our house, how our home set up is, like this is where I can come and just be myself and hang out and have my peace and be in my zen and, yeah, relax. And I like I love being home so much. You know, like I I'm somewhat of a homebody but I'm also a social butterfly, also a social butterfly at times, but with the right people, you know, I don't just go hang out with anybody. But home is just like man, because we've worked so hard to build what we got. I want to enjoy that and this is my getaway from the world. I walk through the doors of my house and all right, this is my piece.
Speaker 3:I feel that in my core.
Speaker 2:This is my happy place.
Speaker 1:Dude, yeah, I feel that so much. Dude. Yeah, Same sentiment Like I like going out doing photography, being able to get out in the, in just nature. But I like being at home. And now that I'm a dad.
Speaker 3:I don't want to do a lot of shit with a lot of people.
Speaker 1:It's just like my main concern is like I want to be with my wife, I want to be my kid. I look forward to rushing home if I have to go anywhere, just so I can be with my wife, just so I can see my little girl. Like that's, like, that's the difference. Like that happened. Like I like to get out, go to the gym in the morning, get out, could do things, but in the back of my mind it's like can I? Just as soon as I'm done, like I just want to go, I want to grab that little girl.
Speaker 1:Like this morning, like there was a perfect example, I woke up early getting ready for the gym. And it's like hey, you want to wake up with Izzy. I'm like do I? Abso-fucking-lutely, that's like the greatest fucking thing on earth. Like, just like, like a little kid giddy on Christmas day to go wake my little girl up and change her shitty diaper. Like that's just.
Speaker 1:Like, like that's something that you don't understand, like how it changes you. Like I'm just like fuck dude, like this I'd rather be cleaning shit than going out. And like partying and drinking Like that's just, I don't know. Like that's just. That's the great thing about life and maturing and in this season, um, it's just, it's wonderful being able to get to that point where you know what you value and you don't have to pretend because for a long period in time in my life I had to pretend whether it was a hobby to be around people. It's like, dude, I don't even play video games anymore. Dude, if I can just get to bed, fucking, hang out, read a book, man. Yeah, fucking dude, that luxury of getting the bed by like eight, oh fuck, dude, I've made it. Yeah, just fucking my, my 20 year old self's looking at me.
Speaker 1:Like you, you're a fucking loser man. You're a fucking loser.
Speaker 2:I'm like fuck you, I always say. I always say like if my bed could have a cell phone that motherfuckers call me all the time jake, where the fuck you at get your ass in bed I gotta go, man, I gotta.
Speaker 1:I gotta do this thing with my bed. It's just always hounding me. Yep, being old is fucking great man, it's amazing. It's just you take it like. Here's the last anecdote I will tell you about old Denny.
Speaker 3:I hate lawn work, but like one thing I do like is waging warfare on weeds yeah, last week, and I planned my entire weekend around how I was going to decimate warfare on weeds.
Speaker 1:Yeah, last week and I planned my entire weekend around how I was going to decimate the pandemic of weeds in my backyard. I got meticulous in planning. I'm like I'm going to get two bags of the weed killer. I'm going to lay that down and then I'm going to get the spray weed killer. I'm just going to methodically spray 240 all over. I'm just going to methodically spray like 240 all over. I'm just like, and I'm like planning all the work and everything I got to do just to get out there to kill weeds. I'm like I got to get all this stuff out. My wife's like, yeah, we can hire somebody. I'm like, no, don't take this away from me. I got to kill these fucking weeds. So if you're like me, you're going to love killing some weeds, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:That's the season of life that I'm in, I get it. I'm the same way with my yard man. I'm out there, I have a lawn guy. I work with him all the time to figure out what's the next best thing to do Right now this season. Uh, I'm working on like putting new, new growth and grass and like seeding and all that and yeah, I get it, man, you know, get, get getting rid of the weeds and like like no, I get, it's just like oh my fucking god, I literally felt like I was like that's a video game idea, because that's how I felt.
Speaker 1:I felt like I was where I was playing halo wars and I'm just commanding we a brigade of weed killers. I'm just like, yeah, we were strategizing how to kill these weeds. And like every morning, every morning, I look out there and I'm just like, fuck yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna fucking kill all of you.
Speaker 2:Oh, dude, I step out on my front porch every morning with my coffee and I stare at my grass.
Speaker 3:I'm just like uh-huh, oh yeah, the key takeaway from this is that we all become SART majors. Oh yeah, the key takeaway from this it's all become a certain major dude jay. Thank you so much for being here today man, I needed this laugh.
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't care what. I hope you enjoyed it. The audience, I don't. Either way, I don't care, because I have been so stressed and working so hard this week that I fucking this is selfish. This is my selfish episode. I needed you in my life today and I need to laugh this much. Oh, my God, yeah, if, uh, if you want to support Jay, where can they go for to find out more about the foundation that you and your amazing wife work for?
Speaker 2:Um. They can go to the website shield of sisterscom. Um. They can go to the website shield of sisterscom? Um on all the socials field of sisters. Just look it up um and reach out to him from there.
Speaker 1:Awesome man. Thank you so much for being here today. Before you guys leave, go to episode description, check out Jay's web or Instagram and then go to the website there. Also, do me a favor, head on over to Spotify or Apple Podcasts and especially YouTube. Give us a like, share, follow and, dare I say, subscribe, not subtract. Fucking AI Caption maker. I'm going to go Alex Jones on you. Fuck a bitch, son of a bitch, fucking everything up for me. Thank you, Like, follow, share, subscribe.
Speaker 1:I'm Danny Caballero. Thank you for tuning in, thank you for hanging out with us and we'll see you all next time. Until then, take care. Thanks for tuning in and don't forget to like, follow, share, subscribe and review us on your favorite podcast platform. If you want to support us, head on over to buymeacoffeecom. Forward slash setcoffpod podcast and buy us a coffee. Connect with us on Instagram X or TikTok and share your thoughts or questions about today's episode. You can also visit securityhawkcom for exclusive content, resources and updates. And remember we get through this together. If you're still listening, the episode's over. Yeah, there's no more Tune in tomorrow or next week. Thank you.
