Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
Join us as we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, proving that even after the mission changes, the call to serve and thrive never ends.
Security Halt!
Nick Jones on Healing After War: Addiction, Resilience & the Power of Purpose
In this raw and powerful episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero sits down with Nick Jones, a military veteran who opens up about his deeply personal journey through trauma, transition, and transformation. From combat deployments to battling alcoholism, Nick reveals how he confronted the invisible wounds of war and began the long road to recovery.
This candid conversation dives into the emotional challenges of leaving the military, the isolation many veterans face, and how setting goals and finding a supportive community can ignite the path to healing. Nick shares how Talent’s Reach Foundation and spiritual exploration helped him reclaim his purpose, while also breaking the stigma around mental health in the veteran community.
💬 You’ll hear about resilience, the importance of reaching out, and how vulnerability becomes strength. If you're navigating your own challenges or supporting a loved one who is, this episode offers real talk, real hope, and real tools.
🎧 Tune in now and be part of the mission to break the silence around veteran mental health.
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Chapters
00:00 The Role of Chaplains in Mental Health
02:57 Understanding Trauma and Spirituality
05:57 Experiences in Ukraine: A Filmmaker's Perspective
09:00 The Importance of Brotherhood and Love
11:54 Identity and Transition After Service
14:51 Storytelling as a Healing Tool
17:59 The Impact of Love in Valor
21:02 Advocating for Mental Health in the Military
27:01 Brotherhood and Support in Recovery
28:44 The Struggles of Addiction
30:52 The Burden of Guilt in Caregiving
33:30 Finding Peace in Acceptance
35:36 The Role of Storytelling in Healing
39:47 The Call to Action in Conflict
42:45 The Fight Against Evil and the Importance of Family
Instagram: @securityhalt
Tik Tok: @security.halt.pod
LinkedIn: Deny Caballero
Connect with Nick on social media and check out Talons Reach today!
LinkedIn: Nick Jones
Website: https://www.talonsreachfoundation.org/
Produced by Security Halt Media
Security Odd Podcast. Let's go the only podcast that's purpose-built from the ground up to support you Not just you, but the wider audience, everybody. Authentic, impactful and insightful conversations that serve a purpose to help you. And the quality has gone up. It's decent. It's hosted by me, Danny Caballero.
Speaker 2:It's decent, it's hosted by me, danny Caballero Dude, we share a DNA. Raiders and Green Berets oh yeah, we're like stepbrothers. One of my good friends shout out to you Tim Molesky, also a Raider. Dude, it's like we were on the same detachment. It's like, dude, we would be really good. Bravos together.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've worked with a lot of good green braves man. I definitely they're. You can tell all the similarities. And then it's funny because marsoc just like mirrored everything that you guys did. So it's like you're not going to go to 18 bravo anymore, we're going to create our own course.
Speaker 2:Okay, no way, dude, like I want to go to bravo course it's literally like stepbrothers yeah yeah, oh man, nick jones, welcome to the show, man yeah, man, thanks for having me man, I love seeing guys that are getting after it in this space, non-profit space, getting involved in helping heal our brothers, because that gives us that.
Speaker 2:I mean not saying that we need that every nonprofit needs to be led by a soft member or, you know, a former combat veteran, but yeah, it does give you that the instant, like G check, like you know, it's like OK, if I go there, they know me, they know what we're about. So, dude, I want to dive into your story. I want to know how you came into this world and how it became a possibility for you. And I want to dive into your story. I want to know how you came into this world and how it became a possibility for you. And I want to say that I was doing my deep dive, checking in on you, and you put something on Instagram that was really powerful and I think more people need to understand it. It was a simple picture that you had written out your plan for this foundation and said you had a timeline and you were going to execute this, and I think that's something that we forget.
Speaker 2:If you dream of something, if you want to see something be created, write it out, put it on a piece of paper. Take that first little step, that little action step. It doesn't have to be to start your own business, it could be go back to school, but something as simple as writing it out, put it on paper and making yourself accountable for that dream. Like just looking back to that, I think that time has also said like 2020, I think that's the I mean. And then, a few years later, boom, here you are. Man. So, uh, yeah, one of the. Let you know that, uh, your journey is inspirational to so many people out there, not just our brothers and sisters in the military, but our civilian brothers and sisters as well. Man, so kudos to you.
Speaker 3:Well, thanks, man, I appreciate it, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I appreciate you having me on, I appreciate you giving me a platform to continue sharing the story. And you know, it is something that I was having a conversation the other day, kind of about the, the like a victim mentality, right, like we, as as special operators, as even just military in general. Like you know, you take that, that oath right off the bat. You're committing to something higher than yourself, you're committing to a life of service and then, whenever we take selection and go to the, the militaries, the United States, or even the you know the world's hardest schools, you know military, you go to free fall, you do all these cool things sniper school, breacher school, like things that civilians can't even fathom, right. So we, we take the charge, we go to selection, we go to the qualification course or ITC or whatever you know pipeline you're going through and then fast forwarding to transition and when things get hard, we kind of just like expect stuff to get better, we expect these certain circumstances to just come about, rather than understanding where we came from. It's like wait, we worked this hard to get where we wanted to be and we set those goals. We constantly drove to meet those goals and expectations that we've already set and we've held ourselves to the highest of standards throughout the entire like duration of those courses, the pipelines, the team times, the deployments, so like what changes when we get out? There is like that chemical type of imbalance. If you've got the ptsd or or traumatic brain injury or you know these, certain things do happen, these signs and symptoms can arise and you know, are. Those are the things that we are trying to help to identify and to educate on and then combat.
Speaker 3:But I've been toying with this thing lately is, like, you know this, this victim mentality that we kind of fall into. Um, I think it stems from not not having a goal anymore, not having a purpose, not having a vision or a mission, and not just putting the thing down on paper Like how did you get where you wanted to be? You know, like having a goal anymore, not having a purpose, not having a vision or a mission, and not just putting the thing down on paper Like how did you get where you wanted to be? You know, like I don't. I don't know what drove you to join the military, but you know, for me I had Marine recon posters and photos and I had the recon creed up on my wall. I was like 13 years old and I'm already like dreaming about this stuff.
Speaker 3:He's a little bit radicalized. I had no idea what a vision board was, but I created it in my room and, um, you know, it's setting those goals at an early stage. And now it's like, okay, I, I keep, I gotta keep doing that. I have to keep doing something hard every single day to to keep moving forward. So I kind of just went on a little ramble, but thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:We need to hear those things, man.
Speaker 3:We forget.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it happens to a lot of us. We get out of the military, whether we do 20, 30, 40 years in. Or you do a couple, a couple of pubs and you get out, uh, years in. Or you do a couple, a couple of pumps and you get out, uh. When you're removed from your rank and file, from the high achievers, from the frigging Eagles, you can be bombarded by messaging of hey, take a knee for a while, relax, sit on the couch, don't dream, be comfortable, seek comfort. And it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And that message continues to get pumped into your brain piece and you're like, yeah, yeah, I was once a high achiever. I don't have to do that anymore. I can just be the fat body guy that gets out, plays a couple rounds of golf on the weekend and talks about the best years of his life and how far they are back there. But that's not the reality. That doesn't have to be our life. That doesn't have to be our life. That doesn't have to be our truth.
Speaker 2:We can get out, we can heal, we can recover, we can get back after, we can do great things. And it goes back to that childhood mentality of like, what do you want to be, what did you want to go after? And we forget that we can have that same sort of enthusiasm right now, today, about what we're passionate about. We can have that. We don't have to let go of that. It's not going to be fun, it's not going to be easy. But when in your life have you gone after the easy and the fun? At no point in any of the Q course, in any of like going into the Marsoc Raider training, was it ever like wow, this is fucking amazing and fun. Maybe moments, but for a vast majority of it it was hard, it was miserable, it was extremely difficult. But you knew that it was the buy-in. It was the absolute fucking buy-in to that greatness that we were all trying to strive for. And the same things on the outside come to find out.
Speaker 2:You just have to fall in love with the process. Nobody wants to stay up till 3 or 4 am to get stuff out, but it's getting you closer to that end goal and it's going to. It's going to. You have to believe in the process. You have to fall in love with the ugly stuff. That's the unfortunate side, yeah. So when you got out, man like, tell us that. Take us to that journey. Like you went through something ridiculously painful, brutal. How do you go through the process of getting injured and then saying you know what, like I want to. I want to turn all this into something of purpose to help others.
Speaker 3:Yeah, um, so it was. It was very challenging. Um, you know, coming from peak performance, peak capabilities of my military career, having goals, aspirations within the military, I did not expect to get out. When I did, I had proposed to my wife in January 2019, up on top of a peak in Montana and said, hey, in 10 years, when I retire, we're going to move out here and raise a family. And I had no vision of coming out any sooner than that and then fast forward a year and a couple months, get injured. The first thing that I told my surgeon when I saw him I was like I need you to get me better so I can go back on deployment. I was only there for two months and he's like, okay, like, so, we'll try everything that we can. And so, complication after complication, it just started to come in physically, but then, like all all of this mental struggle, started to come in that. So it was the height of covet. It was so march 8th 2020 when we did that cave clearance operation.
Speaker 3:Um, you know, I remember rolling through checkpoints in iraq and we were in big armored vehicles and they would be spraying our vehicles with freaking water and bleach solutions as we roll by. It's like dude, this is madness, this is wild. They're all in their asbestos suits walking around. They don't know what the hell they're doing. It was the funniest thing, and we didn't realize how much was happening in the States either.
Speaker 3:So then, finally, when I make it back home, it's April, april timeframe, and I get up to Walter Reed, and if anybody's been to Bethesda or DC on a normal functioning day, that place is a hustle and bustle. There's traffic everywhere, there wasn't a car in sight. It was like a zombie apocalypse. Weird, super weird, eerie feeling. Um, so that's kind of where things started to set in. I was like holy crap, there's nobody around. Um, I get into walter reed and there's uh, we didn't get any visitors. Um, the marine corps didn't come, barsock, socom wounded warrior project, like there was nobody to be found, and I was like you know, they're taking this very serious or they forgot about me, and so I think it was a mixture of both.
Speaker 2:So this is what it feels like to be an injured Marine. Awesome man, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yep, they definitely, they definitely. Uh, you know, I could have at least had some crayons or something.
Speaker 2:I'm hungry you get a 24 pack yeah.
Speaker 3:So, um, you know, that was that was. It was the start of it all. Man, I felt super alone. I had my wife there and when things started to compound, it was it was. It started to set in. I was like the community's gone. This physical injury took me from the highest highs to the lowest lows, but now all of this mental struggle is catching up with me. So I finally got a couple more surgeries and then the Marine Corps told me hey, you're disqualified from special operations. You have an option to get separated or retired, whichever one you get qualified for easy coming to these decisions.
Speaker 3:But I was like, hey, let's, let's just let's make our dream come true and go out to montana now. And so she said screw it, let's do it. So we were scrolling zillow, like we scroll instagram, you know, and it's like trying to find a place out here, and we ended up finding a beautiful spot, kind of pretty much sight unseen, and we purchased the place. And so now it was like, okay, we've got a location, leaving north carolina behind. So now what do I do? I'm about to go and I'm freaking at sea level. There's no mountains around. Now I'm going to go to a place where there's mountains, rolling hills everywhere, and I can't even walk like I don't know what happened.
Speaker 2:What was the nature of the injury?
Speaker 3:so, um, I ended up getting shot in the the right shin, um, and it basically went in and severed my superficial peroneal nerve, um, so it's one of your main sensory nerves in your leg and it was like on impact. I basically developed this rare syndrome called complex regional pain syndrome. So it it takes over the nervous system and it basically goes haywire. But it's, it's stuck in my leg from my knee down, so my leg would like swell, get discolored, get um, like super painful. I couldn't even wear a boot, I couldn't wear a sock. It was, it was wild. So when I came back and got my first surgery, they tried to. So they amputated a little section of the nerve and then they put in a cadaver nerve. I had these actually two sections, so they snipped them both and then put in cadaver nerves and it was one of the longest cadavers for nerves that they have tried. Well, they ended up growing together, fusing together and creating this huge neuroma, so like a ball of a nerve. So then my leg swelled even more and this symptom got even worse and now it's like my leg was like going to pop. It was, it was just wild. So now the pain's even worse. Now I really can't fucking walk um. And I start toying with other other um interventions.
Speaker 3:I had like a stimulator that hung out of my leg at one point with this battery pack that kind of taped to my leg. So it was supposed to stimulate the sciatic nerve, the main nerve in in the leg, to kind of calm things down that way. But that didn't work. So then we went in um, it actually amputated the nerve. So cut the whole whole neuroma out, cut all of that stuff out, and just they. It's called a targeted muscle re-innervation. So they basically took some muscle and my nerve gave it a point to call like it's new home. Cause if a nerve doesn't have it's it's what they do mainly for amputations, like full blown amputations. So then the it. It is supposed to help with that ghost, the phantom limb pain and things like that. So we tried that for that one nerve.
Speaker 3:But I guess I had some residual stuff going on. Pain was still out of control. So then we installed a spinal cord stimulator. So I had this stimulator the size of a dip can in my back, stimulator the size of a dip can in my back, um, and then I had eventually I had to have it, I had. So the original surgery, I had three wire leads installed. Um, they have to do a trial. They only put in two and they're like okay, well, when we do the full install we'll put in three. So we put in three wires and at this time during my recovery I'm very much a raging alcoholic.
Speaker 3:I'm trying my hardest to. I even told myself right off the bat because I was sober during deployment and I was like I'm going to ride this out until recovery finishes. But when I had all these complications, I remember asking my surgeon at one point I was like hey, I know I'm on a huge cocktail of medicine, but can I drink? And he's like I'm not advising you to do one way or the other. He's like but you are on a lot of medications, he's like if you would like a drink, you can try to have one.
Speaker 2:I was like there it is, I'm gonna start, that's always us, it's always yeah, so I can have one right one bottle rather than that.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna put this to the test yeah, we fall victim to that real fast oh yeah, and that I did, man, like, I started to drink more and more, um, and then it turned into just what it used to be man. I fucking started drinking my life away and I couldn't do anything else. I was drinking pretty heavily, man, and I started to hide it from my wife and, um, I would try to find excuses for her to go out of town or leave for a certain amount of hours so I could just try to get as drunk as I could. Well, I got super drunk one night and I ended up falling because I can't balance very well, I can't walk very well, and I fell and it actually made my wires slip out of the normal spot. So now it's like this stimulator is constantly going and I, I didn't know, I I just knew that my back hurt really bad. So now I had to wait for the incisions to heal, for them to go back in to adjust things, cause, like something's not right, like I feel like it's just all fucked up and my leg is hurting really bad. So they took x-rays and, sure as shit, like those wires are all like moved and tangled in there and uh, like what happened? I was like I don't know, I couldn't tell you. Uh, and I knew exactly what happened. So they ended up having to go back in, do the whole surgery over, and then they added in an extra lead. So, anyways, I had several different surgeries and then finally I kind of got sick of it. My pain was still really bad, and this is fast forwarding to June of 2022.
Speaker 3:My pain was still really bad, my back hurt really bad and I called my surgeon and said, hey, I'm done with this man, I don't want the leg anymore and I don't want this stimulator anymore. If neither of them are working, then let's take them both. And so he's like no, we got a couple options, let's try something else. And it's just like I'm just done being a pincush, I'm done with the experimental stuff. We know amputation works. He's like the only problem is this complex regional pain syndrome. It can jump. We cause more trauma. It can travel up to your thigh and where your injury is. We could try to go below the knee, but we just we don't have enough room to work with, so we might have to do above the knee and I'm like called the sural nerve it's another really major nerve and then one down by my shin or my ankle.
Speaker 3:And then, on the same surgery, he removed to the spinal cord simulator and dude, I woke up and was like that's, when I started setting those goals, I was like this is it for sure? I would say that after every surgery. But I could feel different man. I was like this is it for sure? I would say that after every surgery. But I could feel different man. I was like this is it for sure? Um, I ended up throwing the, the Walker, away, like three days after surgery.
Speaker 3:And then I was, I was walking, I was, I was moving, this is it, I can feel it. So I just ditched the cane entirely too and I was like I'm, I'm going to learn all of this over again, like I'm, I'm ready. And then it was like he was there, man just just kept incrementally getting better and I was like no fucking way like that, this worked and sure as shit. Like I just kept on moving, setting these goals. And I remember looking out of my window one day and I saw the highest peak in the mountain range. I was like I'm going up there on the one year anniversary. And I saw the highest peak in the mountain range. I was like I'm going up there on the one year anniversary, and then I fucking did it, man, and then I just started setting these goals. After that it was like it was great.
Speaker 3:So that was a very long way of telling you what my injury was.
Speaker 2:No, that's perfect, man. That's yeah, it's called storytelling. You're doing a great job of it. Yeah thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no it, you're doing a great job of it. Yeah, no, it's. Um, it's remarkable, man. A lot of times, you know it's when you can see the graphic injury of somebody that's gone to war, it's like, oh shit, like man dude's missing an arm, he's missing a leg, and those are. Those are powerful stories, powerful testaments.
Speaker 2:But when you're dealing with something that's like, oh, you got shot, but the, the, the injury is complex and it involves nerves and it's like people can't see what's going on inside that your leg. They can't see what's the fight that you're in here. You can't feel that pain like that. You can't connect with that part of your body and or it's sending constant fires. Like you know, suicide's a real thing. These injuries can lead individuals to lose hope, to lose that ability to look forward and say it might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but soon I'll figure this out. What kept you in the fight, man? This is not something that's easy when they can say, when there's a definitive answer of like, hey, we're going to take the leg, we're going to take it below the knee, you're done, you can accept that, you can start moving, you can start healing rapidly, you can start moving into that post. You know post-op and start going into that, but when it's like, hey, we're going to cut into your back.
Speaker 3:Now we're going to cut into that's. So that's the hardest part about it is like I was. I was in such a good mindset at the beginning because we've got that warrior mindset. I was like I know I'm going to get fixed, I know I'm going to get back to the team. I know I'm going to be operational again Like we're. We're invincible. You know I I'm going to be operational again. We're invincible. I made it through that. I'm not dead. I'm still here, I'm ready to keep fighting.
Speaker 3:But it was multiple complications and I didn't even talk about all the infections. I got that back one done. I developed this sensitivity to adhesives and the different glue that they used. So every time, dude, I would have these nasty infections on anywhere that the adhesives touched and we couldn't find very many alternatives because we had to kind of seal that stuff up. So it was just gross man like bleeding on my couches and changing my sheets all the time.
Speaker 3:But I still kept as positive as I could. You know I was still with the community. I was very much, you know, tried to get as involved as I could. I was very much trying to get as involved as I could. Teams would invite me out to go to a range or something like that, just to kind of build me up and show me that my buddies are there for me. And then it was. You know, I thought moving to Montana was going to be the cure-all. You know, it's the magic in the mountains, the healing, the hunting, being outdoors and all of this.
Speaker 3:But as soon as I got here man I was, I was completely removed from everybody. I had very little friends right off the bat, like I fell into a community that it was very caring. They were very appreciative of my service, they tried to get me in the mountains to go hunting. And then when I tried to go out there and the pain was so unreal, I was like dude, I fucking can't do this. Like I'm, I'm, I'm falling victim to this, like I'm just slowly slooping down into this fucking never ending cycle of just pain and remorse and shame and guilt and everything. Man was just all trapped inside of my mind and I started giving up. I never thought that I would, you know, say the words like I quit and I started doing things that were just like very reckless and very dangerous. And how much I was drinking was just like. It was absolutely insane. And all the medications I was on, I was like I'm, I feel like I'm, you know, trying to do this without you know, without putting a gun to my head.
Speaker 3:And then I had this opportunity to go to a Legion of Valor conference. So it was for Navy Cross and Medal of Honor recipients or any Cross recipient, medal of Honor recipient. So it's actually one of the oldest veteran service organizations around. I think it was founded in 1891. Wow, all of these valor recipients, they get together and now they hold conventions, they share about stories of valor, they go to museums, they all get together. It's. It was the most fascinating thing ever because, like, there was, there's guys from the korean war, um cross and medal of honor recipients, vietnam, and then, uh, you know, it's starting to grow a little bit into our era, but there was only a couple from oif, oef, and then I was the only one from OIR that has joined that so far, and so, anyways, I went there with this one goal in mind.
Speaker 3:I had my own agenda and I was like how are you guys still alive? How are you here? Because I have these horrible thoughts in my mind and I just want to fucking quit. I didn't say any of that out loud until this one dude started sharing his story and he was like 15 years after the fact I attempted suicide because of how heavy this, the weight of this award and the mission, was on me and I just started breaking down and my wife like was like what's wrong with this fucking guy and um, and so then that night I told her, I told her everything, and I was like look, um, and my wife was five months pregnant at the time with my daughter. I said, um, it was. You know.
Speaker 3:A couple nights after you told me that you were pregnant, after Christmas that I went into the garage and I said I quit, and I put a gun to my head and I pulled the trigger and I had a fucking light strike in my Glock and I had never shared that with anybody, with her, with the world, nothing. I fucking didn't tell anybody because I wasn't ashamed, but I was fucking scared, not of what people are going to say or judge me. I know people talk about suicide as being a selfish act and at the time it was the most selfless thing that I could do because I was fucking struggling so bad. I felt like such a burden that I was like I'm, I'm done doing this to people, like I'm just tearing my wife apart. If my daughter sees who I am, like I'm, I'm, I'm going to ruin her life. And it just fucking tore me up. Man, I was like dude, I've shot tens of thousands of rounds through these glocks and I've I mean, you've had light strikes, but because of a dirty gun. This is a house gun, this doesn't fucking happen. And so, just like it put something into perspective for me.
Speaker 3:And when I finally told her, I had this weight lifted off of my chest and I was like I got to fucking do something like and at this I was running the foundation at this time I was still currently like trying to tell people hey, this is how you get better. And here I am at the, at my lowest of lows, just wanting to quit. And so, um, right after that, I was like I have to come up with a plan. So I called my friends, I called everybody closest to me, and I was like I have to tell you something. And I told them the whole story and I was like I need a plan, I need to know that you're there for me when things get bad. And they're like I've always been here for you, like I've got your back. And so I was like, well, fuck, like I thought I was alone this whole time, but all everybody's here to help me. I just needed to ask. And so then I just started getting off my ass and it was right.
Speaker 3:After, that is when I called my surgeon for the surgeries and a sequence of events happened. I lost one of my best friends on July 10th of 2022 to an alcohol-related incident. He's only 30 years old. He was at home, he was drinking a bunch and then had a pancreatic attack. Well, went into the hospital and while he was in the hospital, they gave him a 50-50 chance to survive this pancreatic attack, and then they said he started to go through withdrawals and immediately when he went through those alcohol withdrawals, it fucking killed him because of how hard his body was fighting. Both of those things Um, that was July 10th of 2022. So I'm in the airport cause I? My surgery was July 12th. I'm in the airport because my surgery was July 12th of 22. Well, as I'm there, I was celebrating for the boys the five-year anniversary.
Speaker 3:So July 10th of 2017, there was the C-130 crash that killed 15 Marines and one Navy corpsman. Seven of those guys were from Hotel Company 2nd Raider Battalion and one of them was Talon Leach. So Talon was one of my best friends growing up in Marsauk and I lived with him and his wife and they called me that night and they're like hey, talon just died in this plane crash. You need to go notify his wife. He put you down on his paper. I was like motherfucker, that doesn't happen. Why me? Why now, All of these questions?
Speaker 3:So, anyways, I'm at the airport, I'm drinking for those guys and I get that phone call. They tell me about the alcohol stuff and I knew I just had this flash of the last five years. I was like I know what happens here, like I'm going to spiral down and this alcoholism is going to get worse or I can make a choice right now. And I fucking took another drink of this beer and I set it to the side. I was like I'm done, like this is it. This is where things change right now. So I go get that surgery. And this is where the mindset started to change, because I get the surgery and like I'm going through my own withdrawals of alcohol, I'm also going through all the pains and the struggles of the surgery.
Speaker 3:But then I'm, you know, I, I set these goals, man, and I was like I am fucking fighting, I'm a fighter, I'm, I'm doing this shit like this, it's my time. So, um, I just, I just kept pushing, man, I kept setting those goals. Um, I hit milestones, certain milestones throughout the year and when, like you know, the sobriety was was one of those things that I was chasing. But I wasn't putting an end date on it because I'm like I don't want to make it just to the end of recovery. I don't want to make it to this one, because that's going to put pressure on me. I'm just going to take it day by day. And that was the same with recovery mentally and physically. Let's take it day by day, let's work on today. If something comes up, I'm going to deal with it as it comes, because all of these things created new issues. I would get one milestone ahead with my injury and then something else would hurt, because I add in this or I start lifting, and now my back hurts because of whatever it is.
Speaker 3:So it was just trying to to be adaptable, like, like we do best. You know, it's like if a problem arises, I'm going to figure out how to attack that new problem, and so I just started to readapt that special operator mindset. It's like I I know I can do this. I need the tools and the resources. I've got the the community. I found that out right away when I, when I called for help, I put that red star cluster up and everyone was like I'm fucking here, dude, you give that support call and and they're there, they'll come. I just got the goosebumps thinking about it, because it's like it's real and we've. Every time we're we're in that slump, we think that it's all on us and it's like we're here waiting, we're there on standby. Qrf is a real thing, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. One of the most painful things to witness is when you lose a friend and when everybody shows up for them and those memorials if only they would have reached out. You always ask yourself if only they reached out. How many times do we have to have these discussions to know you're never truly alone, even the worst of us, the guys that just have burned every bridge because of drugs, because of alcohol, and you've turned your back and you've hurt people? Yes, even you. You have people that love you and care about you, and all you have to do is fucking pick up the phone. You're not alone. Let people know what you're going through, and that's the hardest thing. We all struggle through it. And it doesn't have to be just when you're dealing with suicide. If you're dealing with problems at home, if work is getting to you, if you're in a situation where, like fuck man, you just need a friend, pick up your phone and call the same dudes that you were in a platoon with in the 82nd and 75th Ranger Regiment, freaking. Wherever you served, they remember you, even if you haven't talked to them in years. Pick up the phone, reach out, man. That's truly something that we need to advocate more of. We all need to understand that healing and modalities are amazing and what worked for me can work for you. Maybe some of them, maybe not all of them, but some of the things that have helped me can help you. But I know for a fact the one thing that you can always rely on is that buddy, that text thread, elgops, little Groups of Paratroopers the three people you always talk to the most, the people that have always been there for you Reach out, text them. It might be uncomfortable for you for a little bit to say, hey, I'm struggling. Use some dark humor. It's gotten you through the worst. Man, we always rely on humor. Send that meme. Check in on your friends. Rely on humor. Send that meme. Check in on your friends.
Speaker 2:When you look back and reflect on this journey, it is such a powerful thing to hear you describe that moment of going all the way through it, squeezing the trigger and having a light strike. That is not something that I mean. It gave me goosebumps just hearing it now and you're not the only person these stories of going all the way through it and then something intervened. Did you find yourself more willing to investigate that third domain? That spirit? Your mind is not there. Your body's not there, your spirit's gone. But in that moment, any of us, even if you're a devout atheist, you have to see the divine intervention in that. Did you find yourself in that moment?
Speaker 3:being willing to say like holy shit, I hear you, he would just be running around chasing his ball and stuff. But that night he I left the door a little bit cracked just in case he, he wanted to come in, and uh, and he could hear that something was off. And when I when I, you know pulled the trigger and just started bawling my eyes out because I was fully expecting something, and you know when you have started bawling my eyes out because I was fully expecting something, and you know, when you have, when you're on the range, whether you're about to do a sniper engagement or even just you know CQB, and you have that, that light strike, or that, that failure to fire, there's that kind of flinch in some way, shape or form, and they we always say it's the loudest sound in a gunfight when your gun goes dry. It was literally the loudest thing I've ever heard, because my ears started ringing and then, all of a sudden, this pain, this sorrow, this scream came out of my fucking face and I just started bawling my eyes out. I can literally see it still like burned, and I couldn't see my face, but it was like I was looking at me. And then he comes in and just starts fucking, like attacking me, licking me, and was like, dude, you're okay, like come back. And then it just like I set the gun down and was like what the fuck am I doing? Like, why am I trying to quit? And I was like there's, there's definitely something bigger and I don't know what that is.
Speaker 3:It took me a while to, I guess, talk about it to realize it because, like, I mean, it was very much something saying like you're not done, you're, you're here to stay, like you're, you're here for a bigger purpose. And you know I've not right off the bat, but, uh, you know I've started to get more spiritual and really look into into that side a little bit more and ask like, why, why'd you save me? Why, who saved me? Into that side a little bit more and ask like why, why'd you save me? Why, who saved me? Um, and it doesn't matter who or why or what, it was it. You know, something higher power gave me another chance.
Speaker 3:Um, I wasn't, I wasn't ready to be called home yet. So, um, you know I to be called home yet. So, um, you know I, I've more recently gone. Um, it was several months after that I went and did um some other plant medicine, journeys, um and feel, feel like I've really, you know, been connected towards a real higher power and, um, my, my, my body, spirit, soul, everything is, is very connected in line now and, you know, I feel so grateful to have experienced something like that, as fucking crazy as it sounds, but, um, you know it's, I don't know, it's a journey it's an absolute journey.
Speaker 2:That's one of the things I always tell people explore every avenue. You don't go to war with one weapon system. It's just absolutely asinine. You take every weapon, every advantage you can take, and we have to have the same approach when it comes to our mental health, our well-being, and this even if you never got injured in combat, even if you only if you're the guy or gal out there thinking that, well, I made it through my entire service, I didn't have any issues.
Speaker 2:You can have injuries, you can have moral injury, you can have all sorts of things you're dealing with outside of the military. If you need assistance, be willing to explore every modality, and one of the best ones out there is plant medicine. There are so many ways to get treatment in that realm and man, I've seen it in my own life. My experience with 5-Meal DMT like I thought I was well, I'm doing pretty darn well. I thought I was the gem and I walked in with the intention of having addressing one issue. And I go through that experience and realize, oh shit, showed me a whole bunch of different shit. It showed me what I really need to focus on and that's how that, that medicine and so powerful you'll come out of it Understanding so much about yourself and what you set your intention for.
Speaker 3:Did you do um you go down to one of the retreats in Mexico or yeah, so I did, uh, I utilized vets, um nice, and they they sent me to, uh, a different place to do iboga. So I know the majority go to Tijuana and do the Ibogaine and DMT combo. And I got a little advice from a buddy and he said you need the real deal, you need to go do something heavy. You got a lot to offload and I was like all right man, I'll trust you. So I went and I did Iboga. It was in Cancun. All right man, I'll I'll trust you. So I went and I did Iboga. Um, it was still. It was in Cancun, um, but it was. It was amazing. It was an amazing like um introduction to what I really needed to work on. It gave me a lot of insights, a lot of things to kind of focus on. But what it? What it did was open up a whole different, like you were saying, a whole different realm of what I actually needed to work on and what I had no idea I was even struggling with, which was my childhood. Like Iboga is. I'm not going to go into all the whatever the science and history behind it, but it's an ancient African root and they say, like the theory is is, it takes you back to the root of your problems. So, like I didn't see anything from combat, I didn't see anything from the military, it was all pre-military and it was freaking wild. So it was like, okay, like I need to focus on this for a while. But then I had this, like you know, ache inside of me. Still, it's like, well, how do I offload all of this shit? So, um, I waited like several months. Um, I did uh, it's funny, I did a boxing match in between that time. Um, cause I wanted to you. So I wanted to prove myself again. I had all this built up energy and I could finally move again. So I was like, let's see if I can. So I did a charity boxing match. I ended up winning, which was super fun and a cool experience.
Speaker 3:But then I started getting these angry. All of these other high drive violence starts coming out again. So I'm like sizing up random dudes while I'm walking around with my wife and daughter. I'm like, dude, what am I doing? Like I just I just got all this beautiful insight saying work on your childhood. Well, all of that was coming out again. I'm like I'm not a fucking scrapper anymore. I'm not high school. I can't just go fight random people, stop. So. So then, uh, I like I kept hearing about ayahuasca and I was like, okay, I'm, I'm going to apply for this one and go do that.
Speaker 3:So I went back down to mexico, down towards mexico city, um, and I utilized hero cards project this time, um, head down there and had the most profound healing, loving, opening, just amazing experience. Um, I mean, it was, it was hard as shit. Like that medicine is, is not gentle, um, and very much like 5meo, like it gives you what you need when you need it. Um, and it was. It was the most eye-opening but beautiful, connecting medicine that I've done. I had some very profound combat death situations, but also this beautiful, all-encompassing life and love shell-cracking. Without going into all the details, it was very healing, it was very enlightening. I remember at one point like feeling this, like bolt of energy run through me and I like wanted to get up, be like guys.
Speaker 3:I'm healed, like I can feel it, I feel so good. I was saying all this in my head and when I, like, I tried to move and I was like I'm there's, I'm not getting up, getting up, um, feeling it when I can't do it, yeah, and it was. It was amazing, man. I came home and, um, you know, my wife saw the, the jurassic change, and she was like, you know, you're sitting over here like the, the buddha master, and I'm, I'm over here feeling like the crazy one at times now, like it was just, it was wild, like how much of a you know a shift it gave me. But like I tell people all the time, and it's not the, it's not the cure, all it's not, it's not going to be, the medicine itself is not the actual fix, it's, it gives you that time and the space to be able to work on those things that you need to work on, cause, like you were saying, there's a plethora of tools and resources out there that you still have to apply yourself. You set those intentions, you do the ceremony, but then doing the homework is the most important part.
Speaker 3:So I'm sure a lot of people have heard this metaphor of the snowfall. So like, if you can imagine the mountainside you're on a ski slope and you've burned these several trails down this mountain. So now you've got all of these ruts in there and then you go and you do plant medicine, you do psychedelics, and now it's a fresh snowfall. It covers up all of those ruts and now you're standing at the top of the mountain with this very fresh blanket of snow. There's no ruts, there's no trails. You now get the option to pick your trail. You get to go and burn a new trail, find a new path towards where you want to go. And when I heard that, I was like wow, that's very much what it did, because I was falling into these certain habits and this different lifestyle, and I was like now I'm reset. I got a nice reset. Now I get to choose all of these, these methods and modalities and things that I want to actually do. I don't need all the noise and um, the chatter that I've I've carried around so long.
Speaker 2:So yeah, yeah, that's the noise that we uh, we all have to let go of and did it. It's you can't do it without plant medicine. Not saying that you need plant medicine to do it, but it takes active work, you have to be disciplined about it and you have to face it each and every day. So know that it's possible to do it without plant medicine, but it's also out there to help you. And here's the fun fact After you have this great, amazing experience, you still have to do the work.
Speaker 2:Otherwise it's just to get like a little bit of time feeling all this great, wonderful, like new energy, of new you, and then it just goes off by the wayside because you're not actively working towards maintaining that right headspace and being that best version of yourself. So if you go do this and have a journey with it, understand you gotta got to do work, you got to be committed to that new version of you. Like anything else in life, man, it takes work. It's not a magic wand, feels great, it's an experience that will stay with you. But, like anything else, if you come back and you go back to being a piece of shit, you're going to be a piece of shit. You have a great story. You got to go back and be a piece of shit, Dude so what's life like now?
Speaker 2:what are you doing and how? How are you continuing the mission with talent's reach?
Speaker 3:yeah, man. So life is good, um still living in montana lucky yeah, it's, it's beautiful here.
Speaker 3:Man, spring is is in full uh, full swing. Green grass, leaves are, leaves are coming back, like it. It's cool and this is like one of the most beautiful times because there's still snow cap on the mountains, it's warm down here and it's just it's absolutely beautiful because there's so many wildflowers. Like it's funny because these are things that, like I never would have paid attention to in the past, like sure I would have came attention to in the past, like sure I would have came here and been like, wow, this is super beautiful. But like the little, like intricate details of nature and the beauty of life is is one of those things that I really appreciate now. That being said, so, yeah, living out here, I've got a you know, a beautiful family. My wife is absolutely amazing, takes great care of me.
Speaker 3:The other day was the military spouse appreciation day. I'm not much of a poster, but I shared something. It sucks that there's only one day to appreciate the military spouse, because every single day they carry all of this burden for us. Military spouse, because every single day they carry all of this burden for us and they don't get much like recognition for it. And you know, it's like if it wasn't for her, I would not be here, like I would have fallen a long time ago. Um, but she saw something in me. Bless her heart for staying around. And you know, now we've got a beautiful two and a half year old daughter. That is just an absolute savage and it keeps you on my toes for sure.
Speaker 3:So with the foundation, we're about four years old now and it's great man. We have a home now. We've got an office with an attached storage. It's like one of those little things, but it feels so great Like we're making it happen Because, like you said, you saw that post of like years ago. It started on a freaking napkin and a piece of paper in my living room while I'm bleeding on my couch with one of my teammates Like dude. I think this is going to work. This is what we should do, and now it's been so amazing to see the progress. We started one program for the year in a fundraiser and it's like we had no idea how to raise money and I was like I don't have any experience. I have no business background. I have no business doing this stuff. I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 3:Join the club bro.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So it was like a full-blown OGIT, like on the drop training let's figure it the fuck out. So we now have a full-time employee, we've got the shop, we're running multiple programs a year, we're doing multiple fundraisers a year and we're making real community impact because we're staying engaged, we're staying true to ourselves and true to our nature of what we're doing. Our nature of what we're doing. So you know, the whole mission behind this is is we want to be able to help under operators understand that they're not alone. So we help special operations forces, members, um, active or retired, can be direct support. So we still we help like enablers and things like that. So we bring them out here for five days, we run them through a program revolved around education, around signs and symptoms that can arise throughout the career, and then we guide and teach other modalities to help combat those through holistic practices, so like yoga, meditation, mindfulness, breath work, art, music, different things that are outside of the wheelbox of traditional medicine, if you will. So we want these guys to really get in touch with who they are and what they're truly capable of, because we run a completely dry program so they don't have the liquid courage to dig deep. It's like I want you to feel your true potential.
Speaker 3:You come out here and you share what's really on your mind. By being you and by seeing that, you understand like, yeah, fireside chats were great, all of this stuff, but what that turns into is war story sharing. You get deep, then you get dark. Then all of a sudden, all of these demons come out and, like you know that only speeds those things up to then clash one day Like, let's, let's drop that shit, let's, let's end this. You know the, the stigma behind mental health and the, the fear of, like, getting vulnerable without the use of of substances. It's like let's learn to do this on your on your own. You know it's super powerful.
Speaker 2:Dude, it's the most aggravating thing to see guys only tap into their emotion after they drank their hearts out. And then they all get together and they're in their dress, blues after a ceremony, after a ball, and then they're. Then they get vulnerable about their losses, the failures. You don't have to get drunk to show emotion amongst your friends and to help them, help you.
Speaker 3:You can do it sober For sure, yeah, it's a very powerful, very powerful thing, because I've had to bury a couple friends since becoming sober, had to bury a couple of friends since becoming sober, and you know, being able to truly feel everything is is a very powerful experience. And then being able to share my emotions with people right then on the spot, because, like I just remember, you know, it was like at funerals back in the day. It was like I was either drunk, like hungover and probably still drunk from the night before, waiting to go get drunk so that I could share more stories, or I, yeah, had bottles in my socks going into Arlington. I did not know the first couple of times that you can't actually take booze in there. I'm like I've seen booze all over the place in here. How can I take this in here? They're like, no, you can't do that. So I was like, okay, I'll go throw it away and I just put it in my socks and came right back in. I was like I'm an alcoholic to a T and so it was like it was just ridiculous. But so, yeah, anyways, and then the culmination of the programs out here is we get dudes outdoors. We then couple the education with the modalities and the outdoors and it really ties everything together. You get back in touch with nature, back in touch with yourself. You're learning to share your story and get vulnerable without the use of all that stuff. So it's been super impactful.
Speaker 3:Man, we've we've ran um eight programs Now. We've had 44 operators come through and, uh, we've got two more scheduled for this year and then hopefully next year we'll be able to run four and then just continue to keep growing. The capacity is growing, the team is growing and I think it's really starting to get out there, man, the word of mouth is really spreading and we've made impacts outside of the programs as well. It's not just that, because it's like what we're talking about here. You know we've made impacts outside of the programs as well. It's not just that, because it's like what we're talking about here. It's like the collective healing happens even outside of of these programs. You know, people are sharing what's working for them and and it's starting to cause a chain reaction which is absolutely amazing. And I know that there's so many other nonprofits out there doing amazing work and we're actually partnering with a few, which one? Um, you know, at soft week we really solidified a partnership with the special forces foundation. So they're going to help bring out.
Speaker 2:I was just about to plug them in.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's super cool because, um, like they're going to help and bring out um, green berets to each each program, is green berets to each each program. I was like green berets and Rangers have been our, our biggest clients so far, which is a. You know, it's a. It's a good thing and in a, I'm not going to say a bad thing, but I've only had three Raiders come through.
Speaker 3:And I was bummed about it because I'm like, dude, our Marines still this stubborn. How do we break that? How do we get through to those guys? And we've had a number of other guys, NSW guys, AFSOC. So we are working together to to help, because not one can do it all. And if one tries to say that they can and they're doing it themselves, like that, that's great If you've got the capacity to help, but I know for a damn fact there's wait lists everywhere. Yes, and if we can all work together and be like, hey, I'm full, Can you go here? Like, or if they've got, you know, the capacity to send a referral here, then it's just awesome.
Speaker 3:It's just like in the military man, when we were like, uh, Marsoc unit out out in Jordan, we had a green beret team come in like hey, we don't know anything about VBSS, Can you teach us? Let's partner together and let's learn how to do this Like yes, let's fucking do that, Because that's how, that's how this shit happens is. It's causes that chain reaction. We work together, we grow as a community and that collective healing is going to fucking end the stigma to where. You know, mental health is not a bad thing. It's not going to make you less of a warrior. It's not going to make you less of a fighter, Like I've been in a testament to that, Like I can go meditate, I can, you know, take care of myself. Do all this breath work, come home, be a loving husband and a loving father, and then I can get in, step into a ring and I can beat somebody up.
Speaker 2:Truth is in the pudding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then, like what I've told, like our active duty guys that come through is like if you can learn how to, if you can learn these superpowers now and learn how to kind of control your emotions and take care of yourself, like you're going to be that much more clear and level headed on the battlefield. You take that time that you need to come back, rest and reset. Like we understand that there's going to be times when we kind of have ebbs and flows. It's normal human emotions. Like you look at the St, we understand that there's going to be times when we have ebbs and flows. It's normal human emotions.
Speaker 3:You look at the Stoics and they talk about that stuff. They've literally taken the time to write things down and to meditate on this shit. They're like, dude, I need a second. I have to shake this trauma off of the fucking battle and then I'm going to be right back in. You don't need to bench me, you don't need to remove me from a team. Give me a couple days and I'll fucking be back and I'll be ready to whip it on.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, man. That's the whole thing to teach guys. It's like you can take a knee, process something, move forward and get back in the fight. It doesn't have to end your career, it doesn't have to end your service. You do have to address it, like at one point or another it's going to rear its ugly head. You can either face it and fight it head on right now or take the path that many of us have gone through and deal with it when we absolutely destroy and wreck our lives. Don't recommend it. Zero out of five stars. Please take care of yourselves now, nick. I can't thank you enough, man, once again, if people want to be able to take advantage of your programs, how can we get ahold of you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so best way to do that is go to our website, wwwtalensreachfoundationorg. You can click up there Applications whatever the tab is, find the application section. There's one to volunteer and then there's one for um, the Eagle applications, so all of the participants. We call them Eagles, um, as per the special operations. So, um, yeah, you can go there. You can learn more on the website. You can also follow us on Instagram, facebook, linkedin, um site. You can also follow us on Instagram, facebook, linkedin. We've got amazing social media content and stuff that gets pushed out on a weekly basis. So if you want to learn more about just education around all of these different stuff or get plugged in that way, you can always message us there. You can email me directly. It's just nick at talonsreachfoundationorg. You can email me directly. It's just nick at talentsreachfoundationorg. You can email our info, whatever it is. Please don't be afraid to reach out. I'm there, our team is there. So you know we're ready, willing and able to help out and hopefully we'll have some more guys come out.
Speaker 2:Heck, yeah, you heard right there. Folks, do me a favor, go ahead and pause this episode. Head on over to the episode description, whether on YouTube or Spotify, and click on those links and get connected with Nick and his team at Talent Street Foundation today. And one more thing I want you to understand and take this away from today's conversation, if nothing else that you can dream of doing big things that impact your community, our veteran community. You can put it out on paper, you can look at it and, even if it seems impossible, you can do this. All it takes is a little bit of dedication, some courage and being willing to go back into the unknown. I'm telling you, it's not going to be easy and even as Nick talked about it, he didn't have a way forward. He didn't know intimately how to do it. He just knew that he was going to actually go out there and do it. And oftentimes that's all you need. Just need to be stubborn and you need to be able to visualize just one step forward, not two, not three. Just one Form the LLC. Go, take that class on how to start a business. Do whatever you need to to start moving forward in your dream. You don't have to figure out the whole thing. Hell, I'm not figuring out the whole thing and I've just launched another podcast. That's right. Here's a shameless plug for the asset mindset brought to you by and wait for it, media guy will put it in there Security halt media. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I'm still doing it, folks.
Speaker 2:Thank you for tuning in. It's been a pleasure, nick. I cannot wait to have you back on to share more about your awesome foundation. And again, if you're a soft service member or enabler and you need help, reach out to TalentsReach today. I'm Danny Caballero. It's been a pleasure having you today and we'll see you all next time. Until then, take care. Thanks for tuning in and don't forget to like, follow, share, subscribe and review us on your favorite podcast platform. If you want to support us, head on over to buymeacoffeecom forward slash SecHawk podcast and buy us a coffee. Connect with us on Instagram X or TikTok and share your thoughts or questions about today's episode. You can also visit securityhawkcom for exclusive content, resources and updates. And remember we get through this together. If you're still listening, the episode's over. Yeah, there's no more Tune in tomorrow or next week.
