Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
Join us as we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, proving that even after the mission changes, the call to serve and thrive never ends.
Security Halt!
Eric Tansey on Life as a Veteran, Cop, & Author
What do late-night patrols, police academy chaos, and laugh-out-loud storytelling have in common? In this episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero sits down with veteran, former law enforcement officer, and author Eric Tansey to explore a journey packed with grit, growth, and unexpected humor.
Eric opens up about his transition from military life to policing, sharing his early struggles with report writing, the unforgettable moments from his first day on the job, and how he turned those experiences into a successful comedic book. Through candid storytelling, he reflects on identity, purpose, family, and the healing power of humor.
This episode is a powerful reminder that vulnerability is strength, growth comes from failure, and your story—no matter how chaotic—has value.
Follow, share, like, and subscribe to Security Halt! on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts for more raw and real conversations that support the veteran community.
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Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
02:58 Transition from Military to Law Enforcement
05:58 The Journey of Becoming a Cop
09:03 Writing the Book: A Comedic Perspective
12:01 Finding Identity and Purpose
15:00 Reflections on Leadership and Self-Awareness
17:45 From Soldier to Green Beret: A Journey Begins
20:08 The Transition to Police Academy: New Challenges
22:30 First Day on the Job: A Wild Introduction
30:07 Navigating Chaos: Early Experiences in Law Enforcement
38:31 Learning to Write: A Cop's Journey to Improvement
42:18 The Journey to Publication
44:04 The Impact of Vulnerability in Storytelling
45:55 Chronicles of a Cop's Life
49:06 The Power of Authenticity
52:02 Lessons from Failure and Success
55:59 The Importance of Family and Legacy
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LinkedIn: Deny Caballero
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LinkedIn: Eric Tansey
Instagram: erictansey_official
Produced by Security Halt Media
Security Odd Podcast. Let's go the only podcast that's purpose-built from the ground up to support you Not just you, but the wider audience, everybody. Authentic, impactful and insightful conversations that serve a purpose to help you. And the quality has gone up. It's decent. It's hosted by me, danny Caballero. It's decent. It's hosted by me, denny Caballero. It's perfect. Oh man.
Speaker 2:It's like Tom Cruise and Will Ferrell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, had a baby, and that's you, eric Tanti. Welcome to Security Out Podcast. How are you, good sir? How are you?
Speaker 2:I know it doesn't seem like I'm doing good, but I'm doing great.
Speaker 1:Sorry yeah, no, it's perfect uh for you listening. You just missed uh, two adult men confused by technology it was very embarrassing.
Speaker 2:We thought there was a ghost in my studio and it happens that it was in the computer the whole time the files are in the computer, it's okay, but trust us, we know what we're talking about.
Speaker 1:We're professionals. Dude, you're an author now You're a veteran. You were a service member, then a law enforcement officer. Done a lot of big things, man. Um, to serve after serving, that takes a take some guts, man. And uh, I want to dive into your story. How does one go from the military into law enforcement and then write a book about it?
Speaker 2:Uh, the book was not part of the plan, by the way. Um, that was like sheer accident. Um, I was probably the guy that would say I would never write a book. You know, they say never, say never. Yeah, true, right, never. I grew up like I would never be a cop. That's the dumbest thing ever, because I was a skater and a surfer and, um, you know, I don't know, kind of like anti-cop I guess yeah became a cop and then I also wrote a book.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of kind of weird how life works out for you. But uh, you said, how does how do I go from being a veteran to being a cop? Um, well, I was a terrible salesman and realized that, uh, so I got out of the military to sell wine. Believe me, really, holy shit, okay. So, yeah, we gotta, we gotta dive into that. We're having fun.
Speaker 2:So when I was going through, like when I deployed, when I got home from deployment from Afghanistan in early 2005, 2006, I tried out for the Green Beret program, went selection, got selected and then started my journey in the Q course and at the time I happened to be like best friends with a combat controller who was going through the combat control pipeline. And you've been to Bragg, obviously, you've been through the Q course and you know that it's really hard to date girls or find any girls in the Bragg area and I don't know. At that time all the dudes were filling up the bars and we were like, let's go to a wine tasting. And so we started going to wine tastings and I actually really got into wine Again. It was like 2006.
Speaker 2:So when I got out of the military in 2010,. I was like I'm going to get out and become a wine salesman. I want to hunt the sommelier program and the certified specialist of wine program, which, like nobody really knew about back then the netflix documentary psalm hadn't come out yet, or anything like that. So this was like you know? Still still, people are like what is that you know? And, um, so I I got out of the military and started working as a wine salesman and, uh, a wine educator, and was terrible at it. Oh, it was awful, and so I did. The only other thing a student can do without college education, that's become a cop. So they're like wait, likely move.
Speaker 1:It's a it's a most likely pivot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man. So I didn't make it through the Q course.
Speaker 1:I got in some trouble uh, in the Q course, investigate that what happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're more than welcome. It's actually a pretty famous story. You might even know the story, but it was kind of legendary at the time. But there was a group of higher enlisted dudes that were going through the Q course. I was a lower enlisted guy going through the Q course and they bought a house and were subletting all the rooms for max BAH. So I was paying the max BAH.
Speaker 2:But when you get in front of CID and you say I was focused on my area of responsibility and they're like that doesn't work. Here you have to tell us who are you writing checks to. We have the copies of the checks. You just have to be honest with us. And then I was like, oh, I was focused on my area of responsibility and they're like you understand that's unethical, right, but I just graduated c or two and like you know, when I was 23, I don't know man like is it dumb? Yes, should. I just said who I mean, they already knew. It wasn't like I was right. But in my brain everything is a test. You know everything. You know. And it even came down to the sergeant major at the time of being like dude, what are you doing? Like just go in there and cooperate, or you're going to be caught up in this too, and I was like man, I'm not saying anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Look at the street. Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:Like little did I know. So I got sent back because I was a 20th group in the guard. So I got sent back to a unit and without my green break on a probationary status to return, and so I had to do all these like probation stuff and I, you know, went to tdy and all these things and and like. So people were like, who are you, what are you doing? You're on a team, but you're not on a team, you're, you know. So, like my whole, the last four years of my military service were very, you know, it was like two years at brag and then two years on a team without having a green beret, yeah, and then, uh, and then when they finally got me back up to brag, they said I had to start from selection and I was like just not going to do it, let me, take it dog, not going to do it, not for me.
Speaker 2:No, because I already did Smollett Tactics twice, all the way through twice. So I finished Smollett Tactics but I failed leadership. So I peered really high but they were like every time we put you in charge of something, you just pawned it off on somebody else. But I was 23 years old and I don't know. This was in the middle of GWAT and so everybody, there were snipers and brawn stars.
Speaker 2:There were two Apache pilots that landed their Apache in Fallujah and the gunner jumped out and loaded up a wounded Marine, landed their Apache in Fallujah and the the passenger, the, the gunner jumped out and loaded up a wounded Marine and both these dudes lost their commissions as officers and lost their pilots licenses, I guess, whatever because they did this and they were told not to. So the Blackhawks couldn't land because of this firefight and so these Apache pilots was like fuck it, we'll land. They land the back dude kicks out, grabs the Marines gun, loads them wounded Marine into the Apache and they take off. So both those dudes ended up getting like silver stars and like both those guys were in my class. Fuck, you know, like one of the lost boys. I remember the, uh, that documentary, the lost boys with those like.
Speaker 2:African kids that were like one of the Lost Boys from that. What Diane Sawyer special, he was in the class too. So it was like you had all these like epic people and then you just have me this, you know, 23 year old, one deployment nerd uh, e4 at the time and um. So every time they would put me in a leadership position, I would be like you know what? What? I'm really good at carrying heavy shit, but I'm not good at being a leader. So let's just like, give me the radio batteries and you guys you know, you guys take this portion of the upward and I'll take the carry heavy shit part.
Speaker 1:You know, dude, it's really hard to find your own and find your own voice when you got dudes like that. It's really fucking hard. And you're 23 man, you're a fucking kid yeah, there was this like first sergeant.
Speaker 2:That was like going through the course at the time, you know, and and um, and I was the youngest guy on the little training, oda, and this guy just like hated me. I'm sure he had good reasons to hate me, um, but he just hated me and that made my life very hard because, you know, there's no rank, but he is a first sergeant and it was like I don't know, like I don't know if he was like trying to teach me stuff or what he was trying to do, but it just like. So that whole small tactics phase was very rough for me but I appeared very high. But again they told me like at the end they were like hey, if you were, if we were to tell you at the murder on Monday, would you start over from the beginning? And I was like, yeah, of course you know, cause I was thinking like they're testing me. They're like great, we'll see you next week. And I was like wait. And so they sent me. You know how they say, I don't know like for those of you haven't been, when you finish the course, they like send you to two different.
Speaker 2:Well, back then they did, it was tent city. But you went to two different tents, so people who didn't make it through the murder board would have to go to one tent and then the people who made it would go to the other tent. And so, after they told me I didn't make it, I was like, going towards the other tent, they're like no, no, no, you're coming back, go to the tent that, you know, with all those guys that made it. So I was like, oh, okay, so this still could be a game. And I get in there, everybody's like yeah, chancy, you know, when you walk in, they're like you made it, you know. And I was like no, no, no, no, no, hold on. Like I don't think I did make it. And they're like no, they're fucking with you, man, they're fucking. So I've got like these high spirits and so that you everything. But I'm like still like I don't think I made it, you know. So I'm trying not to celebrate.
Speaker 2:And then, of course, saturday morning, uh, email with the packing list shows up in my inbox and I'm like no, it's true, I spend the rest of the weekend like repacking, you know. And then I get there and then they're like class leader is corporal tansey, and I was like wait, what did you just fucking say yo, because your class leader is like a captain or above or a captain. And so I ended up being the class leader and I appeared like almost dead last and they made me the class leader of the whole class. But so then at the last murder board I come in and I mean I suck too. I mean, aside from like I never got us lost. So that was like my only redeeming quality. Like land nav was always solid, but like everything else, like dude, we, I would have us infilling by doing like 18 click movements, because I didn't request that a bird or a truck and they're like well, all you had to do is request a platform and you didn't request any. So now you're just going to infill by walking. Why didn't anybody request an info platform? Request an info platform. Everybody's like yeah, you idiot. I was like I didn't know. It's awful.
Speaker 2:And so I got to the murder board the second time and they're like man, first time you were here it looks like you weren't a leader at all, but you were really friendly and you had a lot of friends. You peered high. And then this time you were a leader the entire time and you peered really low, like what's your deal? And I was like, man, I don't. I Like what's your deal and I was like man, I don't. I'm just gonna be honest with you guys. I like broke composure. I was like I'm just gonna be honestly, like I tried my best. This was a great learning opportunity. I mean, I'm a better man for it, but obviously I've not cut out to be a green beret. But thank you, and they're like well, hold on, if we were to send you on to the next phase of training, you think you could find yourself to peer somewhere in the middle and I was like a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:And they're like okay, congratulations, you've made it through this iteration and I was like like I like tears like coming down my eyes and the one guy I just remember him saying uh, I think you're the first person to be that excited to go to seer like that we've ever had in here.
Speaker 2:So then I, yeah, I graduated CID and then I was sitting in language school and I had no idea this investigation was coming down the pipeline, and got called out and they were like, are you living at this address and everything, and I was like, yeah, and then CID got involved. I knew it was kind of crazy and I didn't really know what the extent was. But yeah, I think those guys got UCM, you know, ucmj action, um, the guys that were that own the place and um, it was, it was a really big deal, man. A lot of guys lost. You know, I think it went before Congress at one point like cause one guy was like an E seven or something, but it ended up being you know, I put that on my resume that I got in trouble because I really I received like a training general letter of reprimand oh shit a training gomar well, that doesn't go with training wheels.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't exist so it's like they didn't keep it in a file. So the police bar it took me a year to get hired as a cop because they couldn't like I was honest and they couldn't find the paperwork. They're like, well, we know you said you got in trouble, but we don't see anywhere that you got in trouble. I'm like, yeah, I made it up, I made it up. I made it up like I made up this whole thing about fever on the government because I want to be a cop, that bad, like you know. So but yeah, they ended up finding it through a sergeant major who I'm still friends with now.
Speaker 2:Um guy worked for black rifle coffee. I won't say his name just in case he doesn't want me to, but he's still currently a Green Beret and he's a Sergeant Major. And yeah, I think he somehow, through the I don't know, through the annals of the pipeline or something, someone was able to verify that yeah, this guy was involved in an investigation and he wasn't in trouble for anything. So, yeah, so then I became a cop and then that's, and then that was the shit show in itself, man, and it was just worthy of writing a book and it was like my career was hilarious, it was like the funniest. It was like you know and you know, you probably know yourself. But there's just, you can't make it up. And people would say Eric either has a black cloud that hangs over his head or he has a golden horseshoe. Nobody can figure it out out yet. It's either I have the worst luck of any man on the planet or I have a golden horseshoe. It's.
Speaker 1:It's like we don't know, because everything I do is awesome and epic, but it ends epically terrible too yeah, sometimes uh life can give us uh quite the epic ride, only to watch it fall apart mid-flight yeah so, like leading up to the book.
Speaker 2:So I, I, I and I wrote the book. It's called pig latin, a seriously funny true story, and it's a comedy. It's like the first cop comedy like ever written. And so I signed this huge book deal with simon schuster and again had no idea this was ever going to be a book. It wasn't. That wasn't the goal. But how it became a book was.
Speaker 2:I was really struggling, dude, like I joined the department and I'm like going to the academy and I had just come out of the Q course lifestyle. I'd only been out of the military for like a year. So you know, I knew that like quiet, professional, like I knew how to play the game too, like I knew how to be the gray guy. I'm a team player, i'm'm a cute like. That is me. If there's heavy stuff to carry, I'm your man. If there's the bathrooms that need to be cleaned, I'm your. I'm the guy that will be the last person to sit down and the first person to stand up. I'm the guy that fills up everybody's water bottles. I'm the guy that you know like helps you moleskin your feet, but I'm not the guy that comes up with the plan they like. I'm not the guy that, like, builds your apparatus, I'm just the guy that carries your fucking apparatus. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:A hundred percent, but it takes a. It takes a real human being that understands who the fuck they are to admit that I, you, you know it. You've seen the guys to get up on here. There's, there's. There's people out there that make themselves out to be like captain America and not everybody's captain America. I'm not fucking Captain America. I'm not going to give you the quarterback speech that you need. I'll take care of you. But it takes a person of different caliber to be able to admit what they're good at, what they're great at, and what they're fucking dog shit at. And there's so many people out there in this space that's like I'm Iron man.
Speaker 2:No, at best, aunt man, just admit it, just fucking admit it. I'm like like why can't we just be great at being mediocre? Like why is that not okay? Like I'm a mediocre guy but I could be awesome at being mediocre. You know people like don't say that, bro, you're manifesting bad. You're like that's not you. I'm like no, like I know that, that's where I'm, that's where I'm at, and like let me succeed. You found greatness, though.
Speaker 1:You found your own, like, yeah, you found your own talents, your own skill sets that you can amplify. Like going back earlier when you were that young corporal hey, we're going to make you the class leader. That's an old way mentality of thinking. I'm going to force you to be a leader. I'm going to force you to be a leader. I'm going to force that leader out of you. Some people don't have that. Some people, especially that age, it's not, it's not in you. If you've never actually like been grown or molded and developed over and over, some people need like a deployment or two to get those reps in. It doesn't always happen like through an SUT class.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean like for me, I I joined the military, like 19 too, and like I was a surfer with long hair, working on a deep sea fishing boat, like I was the last person that should join the military and had no, like no ambition in joining the military, but I was. I was going to get on the boat because I worked on a deep sea fishing boat right out of high school and, um, and I was living in an apartment with two of my best friends and, like we surfed and fished all day, every day. We all worked, like one worked on the dock and the other two of us worked on the boat, and so, like we went to work together and we came off the boat. I was like it was like this awesome life at 18, living like like three blocks from the ocean, you know, in saint augustine, florida, and it was, it was great man, everything was going awesome. And I'm on my way to get on the boat and they're playing this thing on the radio of fallujah and it's like, and they're like, oh, our troops are now entering fallujah, and it's like they're playing, and I just like, I don't know man, like I had like long hair and I was just like dude, what I'm a piece of shit like I'm, like I'm gonna go. Why am I not there? Dolphins man? Like there's dudes my age, like fighting fallujah right now, this is like 2002, you know.
Speaker 2:And so, uh, I got off of the boat that evening covered in fish guts, and went into a recruiting station. I didn't know what the national guard was, I didn't know what anything was. It just said like now, hiring 25 an hour, you know, or something. So I walk in, I'm covered in fish guts and, like you know, sticking, they're all like, what are you doing here? You know, because it's, you know, g-wad, like. So all the security was, you know, like tsa level security at these armories at the beginning of GWAT.
Speaker 2:And I was just like I'm just here to see a recruiter, you know I only I can't imagine what they must've been thinking, like this long hairdo was fish guts all over his t-shirt and board shorts and flip-flops on. You know, and you know I just said I want to go to war, I don't want to be in the military, I just want to go do basic training and get all that stuff done. You know you should be able to deploy pretty quickly, and so that's what I did the minute I deployed, this cream beret unit rolled through and they were like, hey, we need a gunner who's got the highest shooting score in your little group. That I was with the squad that I was on, and they were like, oh well was on. And they were like, oh well, tansy shot expert, you know, on multiple platforms and got an r-com for it, so take him.
Speaker 2:And so now, um, I'm I'm surrounded by green berets that I don't know. I didn't even know what a green beret was, dude, I swear to you, I didn't even know what they were, just like, we just called them the bearded dudes, you know, because, like, gee, what was the first time we saw that stuff? So 2005, like that, like that didn't really exist. You know, like, you read, like the red team, red seal books, like you know, whatever those books were back in the day.
Speaker 2:But, um, so, yeah, now I'm like, and none of those guys ever talked to me, but I was with them for months, like four or five months, and, um, they were really nice to me, it was really cool, but I wasn't getting like mentored by them or anything like they. They were in some serious shit. They were doing like serious mission planning. I mean, like you know, at one point, like I remember one point, like when I first got with them, they were like how many hand grenades do you have? And I'm like they wouldn't give me hand grenades, like, dude, you have to have at least four hand grenades. And honestly, and the guy was like what you need? And I was like, oh, they said I need to come in here and get some hand grenades. And he's like, yeah, how many you need? He's like he told me to come in here, get four.
Speaker 2:He's like, yeah, sure he like four, those things are heavy too, you know. So they can't say four grenades, I don't have any pouches. Like you got any pouches. I was like now he's like I've got, I've got two, so here's two pouches. I was like what I do with the other? He's like put them in your cargo pockets, I don't know. Still, like walking around these swinging fucking hand grenades, you know, like that's how, that's how green I was bro. Yeah, well, you know, at the end of that four or five months, I knew that's what I wanted to be. I was like yo, these, this is a different breed of humans. Like, if I'm gonna stay in, this is what I need to do, and I I would tell people like I think I'm gonna go. Like. When I got back, I was like I, I'm going to be a green brain. They're all laughing. They're like bro, no, you're not.
Speaker 2:No, you're not, You're an idiot. And um, and I trained for like six months. When I got home and I went to selection and you know I got selected, which was crazy. But um, you know, so when I was 28 by the time, I went to the Academy and I and at that point I was mature, right, and I'd been through a lot of the stuff through the Q course and and TDYs and works, and, like you know, I worked with a SEAL team for a while out in California with the Green Beret unit and I was doing some counter surveillance training with a SEAL team that was gearing up for an op and so we were helping them train for a month or so. And so, you know, I got a lot of great experience under my belt, like maturity level stuff and just being a mature human being really. And so when I came to the academy I was like I'm gonna be like the gray man, I'm just gonna be the guy that helps everybody.
Speaker 2:And man, I get in there and there's this like ex-navy seal in there that like did his homework. He's like where's my green beret? Yet? And I don't raise my hand because I wasn't a green beret. So I was like, oh, there's a Green Beret in a class. That's cool. And he's like I'm going to ask one more time Where's my Green Beret? Yeah, it's a big old black dude and nobody raises their hand.
Speaker 2:I'm like you're right, I'm staying out of attention so I can't really see all of it. But I'm like who is this guy? And then he was like oh shit, motherfucker, I know you in here. And he was like where are you? I'm going to give you one more chance. And he was like you've had some problems with integrity in the past, in your past. And I'm like man, is this guy talking about me, possibly. So I'm like I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2:So finally, I'm like are you talking to him? Are you talking about me? And he was like are you dancing? And I was like yeah, of course he goes in this whole tirade like why wouldn't you raise your hand? But I was like I wasn't a great. And then, you know, so he had it out for me from day one, and so he called me sf the whole time, which was not true. And I kept telling everybody I'm like freaking out. I'm like, guys, I'm not, I'm not a green beret, like not a green beret, and uh, but you know that he would like tell all the other instructors, and so then at all the shooting courses they'd be like where's that, where's that little brain? Where's that little special forces guy at? And I'm like God damn it.
Speaker 1:It's such a pain in the ass man.
Speaker 2:So I make it and then, um, I get sent to the hardest beat in the hardest district of being a police officer in Raleigh and I'm telling you, like I show up day one and again like I'm back to ground zero. I barely I make it through the Academy. It's very hard, it was tough. You know all the academics and stuff. I wasn't used to all that stuff. I make it through, um, and I get to the unit and I get to the squad and I show up like an hour early sitting in this parking lot I got my fucking everything is shined to the day. I get the haircut dude like I am gonna be gray guy academy sucked. I got my shit pushed in the entire academy. Dude like class leader made me be the flag folding fucking guy for the americans like I mean all of the things, dude, you name it. I was like getting it put on me. I felt like I was back at sut again so it was awful. So I I'm like, okay, not going to be that guy anymore. Like it's behind me and I show up and the guy's like are you Eric? And I hadn't heard my first name in forever. And I was like yes, I am Eric, thank you. And he was like we got a call, go get in the car. And this is like I don't start shift till 6am. It is five, 30, brother. And I'm like okay, like okay, yeah, we've got a call.
Speaker 2:So I go out. It's a sea of cop cars. So I just stand there like I got all this gear my fucking hand like shotguns and shit, and the guy's like the guy's like what are you doing? And I was like uh, which car do you want us to go in, sir? And he was like, uh, the car parked right here out front. And I was like, okay, well, I guess it might have been common sense, but not really, not for me first day. Yeah, like I have no fucking idea, dude, I don't even know your name yet.
Speaker 2:So I pop the trunk, I start putting my shit in the trunk and then I just stand there at the back of the truck and he's like what are you doing? And I was like, okay, so I go to get in the cop car. And he's like what are you? You're driving. And I was like I'm, I'm driving. I'd never driven a real cop car, like even in the academy. They're not real cop cars, they're like pieces of shit. Junker crown vix, but like this has got the computer shit. You know all this stuff, dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't even know how to turn on the sirens oh, so anyway yeah, so I get in this thing and I'm like it's like it might be the cockpit of a c-130, bro, I'm like all these buttons and switches, man, like it's not a regular car see, I would assume, just you know from somebody has no, no understanding, no background in it.
Speaker 1:I just assume, like the Academy would teach you all those computers, all that stuff, and that could be further from the truth.
Speaker 2:No, I mean you do like really great shooting in the Academy, lots of shooting like way more than the military does. I mean we shot a lot and all sorts of really great. I mean I was so impressed by all the shooting stuff that we did. I mean like three gun just. I mean it was.
Speaker 2:It was really good training and, um, you know, you do get good driving training, like it's just you're not. You don't have all the computers and stuff in the car and of course you're learning the law mostly. I mean it's mostly learning the law and learning how to deal with all autistic people and schizophrenic people and all the drug recognition and all that. You know what I mean. So it's a lot, it's a fire hose of information in a short period of time. But yeah, so we get in this car and he was like all right man of town and he's like, well, I'll show you how to get there.
Speaker 2:And so now it's like 5, 35 and we pull up and this black kid comes up to the car and he's like my mom's out for meds and she's acting crazy. You know, he's like 14 or something. This guy's backpack on and shit like ready for school, and I was like okay. And so I look over at the training officer and he was like I was like oh, okay, and he was like go ahead. I was like go ahead. And what he was like take care of it. And I was like take care of it. It's like five, 40 in the morning now, Like my shift hasn't technically even started. So I get out of the car and there's this 400 pound black lady dude standing at the top of this set of stairs on a porch.
Speaker 2:And a porch and she's got a, a turban wrapped around her head like a jamaican lady, you know, you know. So I walk up and I'm like you know, I steeple my fingers and I'm like hi, ma'am, I'm officer tansy with the raleigh police department. What's going on this this morning? And she takes her teeth out of her mouth, sets them on the railing and gets into a perfect fighting stance I mean shoulder width, feet, shoulder width apart squat down on her knees, kind of weight up on her heel, on her toes, and she's like 400 pounds, rocking back and forth. And I'm like I've got some fight training. So I'm like yo, this bitch fights like what's up, like she's got great. Her elbows were tucked in. I mean, it was like I'm just like taking it all in. I was. I was like, wow, this is awesome. And so I was like I'm definitely not going to fight her, though, and I was like hey, like what's going? Like tell me what's going on, what's the matter?
Speaker 2:And she tears down the stairs in my direction, running full speed, this massive lady. So I move out of the way like a matador and she's like a bull. Right, she whips past me, she runs out in the yard, takes this turban off of her head, which is an American flag, fluffs it out on the ground, gets down and she's wearing a sundress. She gets down and she starts to grind on this flag and she's like you like that big boy, you like that. And I'm like not, not really. And I'm looking over at my training officer and he's like this, he's like like unamused, he's just like whatever dude. So we, we go through this, this ordeal. And then she's like are you gonna arrest me? And I was like no, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna arrest you. Well, why don't you just stand up and talk to me? She reaches back, undoes the dress from the bottom, gets on one arm right, great athleticism here and starts to peel this sundress up over her head, freeing these massive 400 pound titties out. Like now she's butt naked.
Speaker 2:A school bus pulls up to pick up the 14 year old. So now there's like this school bus of kids that are like you know, she's butt naked on the yard. I'm like, I'm like losing it. I'm like what the fuck is going on. So she was like you're going to arrest me now? And I was like yeah, I think so. And I look over at my training officer. He hasn't moved, he's just leaning up against the car, watching with his hands up on his face, doesn't care. And so she's like what are you going to arrest me for?
Speaker 2:And I was like oh, lewd and lascivious acts. I was just making it up. I didn't even know if that's a real charge. I seen her on TV. So I was like lewd and lascivious, I don't even know what the up to like a half burpee.
Speaker 2:Now she's on her feet again and I'm like how the fuck did she just do a burpee Like this is a big ass woman dude. And she turns around and she's grunting. She's. And I'm like what are you grunting at? But my mind can't keep up with what my eyes seeing. So I'm seeing this chocolate starfish open and she grunts and then it closes when she stops grunting and then she starts to grunt again and a little turtle head starts to poke out and then she stops and the turtle head goes back into the b-hole and she's like ugh and the poop's getting in. Finally my brain's like she's trying to shit on you. So I just say it out loud I'm like she's chasing me with her butthole, grunting like I don't know, I don't know what's the issue.
Speaker 2:Then she takes off running again. I'm like how the fuck is she this fast? Like what is she on? Like it's like peptides, what is it like, I don't know? She runs back up the stairs and disappears into the house. So I turn around at the stairs and I look back because I'm like I'm not going in this house by myself. We're in the military, you don't do that. And he goes go get her. He's so mad and so disappointed in me and I'm like she's inside now. He's like go get her. So I'm like fuck. So I'm like all right. So I start going up the stairs by myself.
Speaker 2:She comes out of the darkness of the house the sun hasn't even come up yet. She comes out with a pain. She's like my president's black motherfucker and she slams it down over my head. Now I'm wearing a picture frame of something around my neck and I'm like what? Like a cartoon character, and this SWAT guy just pulls past me. I don't even know where he came from, but this big old, giant guy comes pulling past her, grabs her by the neck, slams her up over the railing, pulls out his parachute. He's like you want to get sprayed, bitch? And she's like no, I'm good. He's like well, turn around, put your fucking hands behind your back. She's like all right, all right, chill, chill. She turns around. She puts her hand behind. He hugs her. He cuffs her up. He looks at me. He's like was it that hard, brooke? And I was like, oh shit, I didn't even know you could hit a bitch like that. Like I didn't you stairs.
Speaker 2:I put her in the cop car and I turned off. She was like you're just going to take her to jail naked and I was like I don't know, dude, like what do you want me to do? He's like why don't you? How about you go get her dress and put it back on her? And I was like, okay, sure, so I go back. And she's 400 pounds.
Speaker 2:Trying to get her in a back of a crown Vic is like extremely difficult because her legs won't even fit in the back because of the cage. So I try to go. Badly. Now she, I open the door, she's kicking, you know doing the whole thing and I'm just so. Finally, I'm just playing like horseshoes with the dress. I'm trying to like throw it up over her head, to just like try to land it on her, like reeling it back and like trying to cast the net on her. I finally get it on her.
Speaker 2:We get her down to the jail. And he's like now, go, don't take you to jail. So I'm like fascinated by jail. I'm like holy shit, this is jail, this is all. It's crazy. And he's just like go, type out an affidavit. And I'm like yeah, all right.
Speaker 2:So I walk over and there's like this row of laptop or computers and one state trooper at the end and so I just walk over there and uh I I turn on the screen. It doesn't have. I don't have. It says like login and password, which I don't have. I'm just kind of staring, but I don't want to be that guy. And I'm just kind of sitting there and I'm staring at the state trooper and so he finally like looks over at me and I'm like what's up? And he's like what's up? And he's typing and I'm still staring at him. He looks at me 25 fucking minutes.
Speaker 2:Dude, it's the worst day of my whole life. Like I'm probably gonna quit at the end of the day, but like I gotta type out some kind of an affidavit. I don't even know what the fucking affidavit is. I can't even log in on the goddamn computer. Like can you just get me on this fucking thing. He's like no, I got you. So he pulls it all up for me. And he was like there, all you gotta do is justcha. So you know I'm typing like a fucking neanderthal.
Speaker 2:She tried to poop on me, you know what I mean. And so the training officer, he like, walks behind me and he's staring over my shoulder. I'm like I'm about to get roasted for my fucking inabilities, the type. And I hear like a clapping and I'm like what is that? And I look up and homegirl is on the bench in front of my computer, butt naked, standing up and shitting from like three feet up in the air, and the poop is just splattering onto the marble floor. And I sling back and I'm like holy shit. And my training officer's like you're so lucky she's not throwing that at you right now. And that's when I knew like my training officer would have let her throw shit in my face.
Speaker 2:So then I type like this from now on hey, no one's shitting on me like you know, and then that was my first fucking call, my first five minutes in my dating. I went to jail two more times the rest of the day and both guys were naked at the end of that and it was just like this crazy start, uh to training, and then it never got better. Dude, he goes on um, he goes on leave because he has a baby, and I get stuck with a special unit squad and these guys don't like me and and I mean dude, it gets to the point where I'm like almost gonna get fired because I fuck everything up. Dude, like I fuck everything up, like I've tried so hard to be a good helper that I was just fucking up like I'll give you one more just to paint the picture for you. But like they all went to breakfast on Sunday morning and I was like, okay, so like everybody hates me, I'm in the way. These guys don't want me on this special project because I'm a fuck up and they're going to break.
Speaker 2:So here's, I know they want to serve this warrant on this very dangerous guy. So here's what I'm going to do I'm going to look this guy up and I'm going to find everywhere he's not. So when they're done with breakfast, I can be like, hey, I know we're going after this guy today. He's not here here, here, here, here. Like. I looked on his Facebook, I checked his Snapchat. Like I'm going to impress these guys with like just grunt work, right.
Speaker 2:And so I know it's Sunday morning and I'm like he's got a mom's address Probably not there. So I'm going to run by, because if he's there, he would just be, or he is there, his car will be there. And then I'll call these guys. I'll be like I got him, but I go there and the car is not there. But I know that if I got to talk to mom, maybe mom will give me some information on where he's at. So I'm not telling anybody where I'm doing. And again, it's like seven in the morning and so I get out of my cop car and I knock on the door, you know, and this like 25 year old chick opens the door and she's like hello. And I'm like is someone so there? And she's like, what, what you need from him? Well, he got worse or something. And I was like, oh, it's like some driving shit. It's like it was not. It was like like stolen firearms, assault with a firearm like I mean, this is a bad felon, this is like a bad dude, like going away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's got like indictments and shit for like drive-by shootings. And I'm like, oh, he just. And she was like, oh, I told him to pay those tickets. I was like it's a failure to appear for like some kind of like bullshit, uh, registration violation. She was like man, I told him he needed to fix his shit and I was like, well, um, are you his mother? Knowing she's not the mother, because she's like 25 years old, she's like, yeah, I'm his mom. And I'm like, oh shit, why is she lying? Like I know she ain't the mom. I was like, oh, you're his mom. And she's like, yeah, I try to raise him right, he just, he does his own damn thing. And I was like, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 2:I was like, well, he's not here, is he? And she looks back behind her, she looks back at me, she's like no, and I'm like that's indicator number two that he's here, you know, you know. So I'm like oh shit. And I was like, well, I'll just ask her if I can look. She's gonna say no, and then I'm gonna call them at breakfast and be like I got him and I'm watching the house like, get over here him. You know, I'm about to be a hero, bro, I'm about to get in the good graces of these guys. And I'm like well, could I come in real quick and look and just make sure he's not here. She's like sure, come on in. I was like, oh shit.
Speaker 2:So I walk in and it's like a long hallway, all the doors are closed. And so I go to the first door, I open it up and it's like there's nothing in there and I shut the door. I'm scared, I'm like I don't want to be in this fucking house. Like now I can't pull my gun out or anything, because I told her it's a driver's registration. So I'm walking around this house by myself looking for a violent felon. I'm there, no backup anywhere coming, because they're at breakfast anyway by the time they pay their bill and shit. It's probably gonna be like 10 minutes, 15 minutes at the most, and so I just want to get the fuck out. So I'm not really searching, I'm just like opening doors, I'm like not in there, not okay.
Speaker 2:And I opened the second door and there he is, dude, like balls deep trying to get the window open and he's looking back and I'm like stop police. And he's like and so I tackle him, you know, and he dives up underneath this. Uh, it was a, uh, you know, one of those two-story beds, you know, bunk bed, you know. So he crawls up under the bunk bed and I jump over it right like I go through the bunk bed and he goes. So now we're playing like cat and mouse, like I'm trying to get a toddler to bed, you know, and he's going. So I grab him by the ankles and I yank him back.
Speaker 2:Girl home girl comes back behind me and smacks me in the back of the head with a coffee mug and I turn around, I blast her in the face with my fist or something I you know, and then he's like calling back. I'm there, I just let go a whole can of pepper spray up underneath the bed. Now, real, mama, she's come out of bad. She's like what's going on in my house? Get the fuck out my house. Now she's throwing fucking coffee mugs. Dude, I'm pepper spraying. Mom, who's like 60 years old, you know. The other bitches running around like oh, my fucking nose. Oh, he punched me, you know. And this dude, I've got him by the dreads and he's swinging on me. I jump on the radio. I'm like Raleigh, I need help, and I just like let go of the radio and I'm fighting, everything. They're like where are you 420, david? Where 422? Where are such and such apartments? And I'm just fighting and everything. And they're like we got you.
Speaker 2:So I ended up getting all three of these people in handcuffs and I mean like everybody's covered in pepper spray, I'm covered in pepper spray, he's covered in pepper spray. I've got like half of his dreads like stuck in my, my watch. You know cause it got all tangled up handcuffs. And you know, here comes the squad guys. You know, boom kicks in the door and they're like where the fuck? What's going on? And I'm like I got them. And they're like you, fucking idiot. And they're like and I was like I got you know, and I named the guy and I'm like I got them him. And then this other guy just looks at me and he's like leron, jacob, and they all leave and it's like bro, yo, I got the bag up.
Speaker 2:So then you know, I have to go to the sergeant's office and he was like dude, you're a reckless, you're a liability, like you gotta fucking chill. And I was like dude, you guys just don't know me, like nobody. Just you don't know. Like I'm not trying, like I'm just I'm not trying to go get a bad guy. I was trying to like be this, like have all the organizations you guys could go out and be like real hunters, like you know, and so and that's so I. You know I I ended up writing some reports for a homicide case and then I I had my wife read the homicide case where I went to trial and she was like, oh so does the jury get this?
Speaker 2:Does the jury get what you wrote, your report? And I said yeah, and she's like, but they get like the first draft, there's like a rough draft Right. And I was like, no, no, no, that's the copy you can't right, like somebody edited this, right. And I was like, no, I just type it. And she's like, do not know the difference between there, there and there.
Speaker 2:And I was like, cares, she's like this is the most embarrassing thing I've ever read in my life. And my wife is so sweet she would never say anything mean to me at all. She's never told me to shut up or like she is a sweet one. Like I've never called my wife a bitch, I've never called my wife a name. Like we are like we're just real kind to each other. So she's like this is embarrassing. So I know it's bad, because I'm like man, this is fuck, she's being mean right now. This is serious.
Speaker 2:And she was like you can't this. You gotta like learn how to write. Like this is like, this is like first grade level writing. And I was like, yeah, but it tells the whole story. She was like like you didn't spell like anything correctly and like run on sentences and blah, blah. So I was like, all right, cool, I'm gonna learn how to write, you know. And she's like I'm gonna help you. She's got a master's degree and everything and I didn't go to college. So she's like we're gonna work on a paper. We didn't have kids at the time. We have five now. She's like six months, of course.
Speaker 2:They're like man, you're getting so good at your report writing. This detective says he's like, hey, dude, like did you take a college course or something. Like he's like you've gotten exponentially better. And I was like, oh, dude, my wife's helping me write my reports and they're like what? And I was like, yeah, and they're like dude, what? And I was like, yeah, like I write them and she helps me. You can't. So then we had to get the da's involved. You know I'm like, you know I'm in, like I think I'm gonna get fired for this. You know, and they're like, how many of these reports?
Speaker 1:I'm like hundreds like I don't know that's like six months worth.
Speaker 2:You're gonna be thrown out because, you know. So it's like everything I tried to do is just bad, bro, and it's just and uh, you know, I, I obviously I didn't get fired. And so then they were like so, like what, I don't know, some, some, some sergeant or some. You know they really wanted to keep me on, you know, because, bless his heart, you know, he tries so hard, yeah, and so he was like look, what we're gonna do is you're gonna write every single day. When you get home, you're going to write what you did at work for the day and then you're going to turn it into me, you know, and we're going to go over this and we're going to learn, you're going to teach you how to write, and so for the course of like six, you know, six, seven years, I would start writing and I would get home and my kids would go to bed and everything. My wife would go to bed and I was on night shift, so I was still wide awake and I would start taking.
Speaker 2:But you know, everything was so bad because I, I worked on shooting or stabbing every week and I was starting to depress myself, like reliving someone's like oh, she was pregnant, her boyfriend beat her stomach in with a baseball bat and she was shitting baby parts. When I got there, you know what I mean? Like I'm writing all this stuff, but it was like so depressing and I was like, well, I'm gonna just start right. And these were my own personal diaries. I was writing it like that, like, oh, he bashed her stomach in and she was shitting baby parts, you know, like blah, blah. But it was only for me, it was for nobody else. And, um, I was like you know what? This is so dark and grim and I've wrote so much. I want my kids to read this. I'm starting to have kids and I was like it'd be cool to have. So I started writing it more funny and less disturbing, yeah, and psychotic, and I started making it like more palpable, to, to, to do the consumption, and so I just started writing like the funnier stories.
Speaker 2:And then I had all these like super hilarious funny stories that I found myself in and, uh, I like, after I got done being a cop, my wife, um, encouraged me to, to email them to a, to an actual writer, nick Palmashano, and, um, he called me back in like 10 days and he was like dude, I usually people send me hundreds of books a year and I maybe get to like five paragraphs. And he was like I'm on chapter five of your book right now and I was like, oh great. He was like this is the funniest thing I've ever read in my whole life. Like what are you doing with this? And I was like, oh great. And he was like this is the funniest thing I've ever read in my whole life. Like what are you doing with this? And I was like nothing, I just emailed it to you. And he was like we're going to get this thing published. Like this is awesome. And so, yeah.
Speaker 2:Then Simon Schuster offered this huge, like once in a lifetime book deal. They fell in love with it. They were like this is so crazy easy. And so they gave me like a massive book deal. Like never saw it coming. And um, yeah, dude, now I've got the number one release for fall of 2025 for simon schuster, bro, and it's a cop comedy. It's like what in the world, man? And so like we're talking to there's a whole bunch of people right now that are involved in the book, to do other things with the book, that are sending out contracts and, like my whole life has just changed completely over this reason.
Speaker 2:Daryl at the ball and actually I emailed these guys that were in contracts with now that that we're signing a contract with something else, and they were like we're so excited to be a part of this journey. But on there it's. All these like these are big names, dude, like you would know if I was allowed to say them. And then, like, I write back and I'm like you guys read the book. So you know how retarded I really am. I don't want to hear any complaints about how big of an idiot you are. And then they, like they didn't respond. I called my agent back and I was like, was that good? He's like not the best response, not the best response, but not the worst.
Speaker 1:So how does it feel, coming through this journey of your life and have somebody just like the first person believing you in your story so much like? How does that feel hearing that?
Speaker 2:um, you know it's. It's so nice man, because I've been a c-minus student my whole life. Dude, my seventh grade teacher said it would never amount to anything but a trash truck driver. Um, which I was like. I heard they make a lot of money. Um, you know, I've always been the clown, and not like necessarily the clown, um, because I'm not really like a class clown, but like when I speak people laugh. Um, you know, for example, going to seer school, like we were getting on the helicopter to do the final training exercise and I didn't know anybody that I was with and they were like everybody ready to go and everybody's like yeah, yeah, I was like let's suck this dick. Everybody was like what? And I was like you know, you know the helicopter.
Speaker 2:This captain's like did you say let's suck this dick? And I was like I was excited, yeah, I mean, I guess. And he was like that's so fucking weird, like why would you say that I was like it just came to me right now in the moment, really Really excited about this, like our faces are all painted you know like how excited you are, I was like, let's talk this dick.
Speaker 2:You know they're like dude, you're like a weird guy, you know, and it's like I hadn't said anything, I had been like just a regular gray guy, like just this rando guy, and now all of a sudden kind of personality. So yeah, the first time, and that somebody was like um. And then just to see the net galley reviews of these arc readers who are advanced readers for simon schuster, that are, you know, probably predominantly liberals, um, and have no idea what military or police life is really like, to have them putting these reviews like how the book's changing their life and how they'll never view cops the same, and you know, they laughed and cried and were angry in the same paragraph. And you know, this one person's got like 700 book reviews and said it was like one of the best books I've ever read, you know, and it's like it's just such a powerful book because it's so truthful and honest and it's like, and it was cool when I cause I had of the book.
Speaker 2:Those stories are pretty terribly written but by the end I'm like a really good writer and it's I didn't even realize that. But these art creators like, it's kind of cool to follow his journey because you can even tell his immaturity in his writing style at the beginning of the book versus how mature it is towards the end of the book. Because it's years of writing, right, it's years of stories compiled into one big story and I was like, wow, I didn't even kind of see that leads into the development of the story itself yeah, because I become a training officer, I become a senior, I become officer of the year.
Speaker 2:You know, I come from this like worst fucking cop to being, you know, officer of the year and I get like the second highest award you can get in in Raleigh PD and like I get, you know, I ended up having, you know, a pretty great career and I get fired the same year. I'm officer of the year, uh, and I get a lifesaving award the day that I get fired Um first cop to be fired in 20 years because I opened a distillery and they, they told me I couldn't.
Speaker 2:And they said can you resign? I said I think it would be funnier to get fired, because I've never been fired before. And so I just was like let's just ride it out. And so I opened up a legal distillery and then they were like sure you're not going to resign? I was like positive, and so they fired me. Um, but it was, it was fine, you know.
Speaker 2:And uh, so you know the book. Um, when, when I go back to these stories in chronological order, because I hadn't seen these stories in like five or six years, and I'm going back to these stories and it was just like man, it's so crazy how much a cop goes through and how many traumatic acts, traumatic incidents you have like in a week. So when we were putting the book to actual together as a book dude, this could be like three or four books. It could have been like 900 pages. If we put all of the shit in there, we had to narrow it down to 300 and something pages. So and it was just kind of like, and every one of these stories has a police report to pack it up, and so there's they're not exaggerated, uh, or anything. It's like you can go and read the report, like this guy really got his nuts ripped off. Or like this guy really had his you know nuts ripped off. Or like this guy really had his you know arm ripped off when he hit this telephone or this. You know, these three girls died on a school bus, uh, when this guy running from the law hit them. You know, all these stories really fucking happen and there's police reports to back it up.
Speaker 2:And having some of the senior officers, uh, raleigh canine for instance, he read the book and he called me at like chapter 15 and he said dude, I've been a cop for 25 years, a dog handler. He was in the dog, a dog handler in the Marine Corps first and then was a Marine Corps or was a dog handler all through RPD. And he was like dude, I'm at chapter 15. He's like I just finished bawling my eyes out for five minutes Like my wife came into our room, sat at the edge of the bed and I just held my wife for the first time in my whole 25 year career being a law enforcement officer and I just sobbed. He was like I don't know what happened, but I was laughing hysterically at your book, crying at how side the store is, and then I was crying that I was laughing and then crying that I'm crying at crying at laughing, and he's like I don't know, I just got lost.
Speaker 2:I feel he's like it was like 25 years of therapy and I just wept and I was like whoa, are you serious? And he's like dude, and it's just, you know, and it's just a very dark comedy. So I'm really excited about the book and I think, I think everybody's just going to appreciate it, because it's nobody's really written a book making fun of themselves. I guess really, um, you know, and I think that's pretty much what the book does. It's just I just kind of highlight on my inner dialogue, um, my self-doubt all the time, like should I fucking shoot this guy, or should I not shoot this guy? Or like you know what I mean, like am I tasting this?
Speaker 1:real, true, authentic vulnerability it's missing it's missing from our veteran space. It's missing from law enforcement space because, you know, as men we're told we can't be vulnerable, that we can't share our, our weaknesses and the things that we're not sure about. But when we read those stories you know just like you shared. This gentleman probably identified a lot of his own journey within yours and that's probably the first time he's felt that and of course, it's going to be an emotional roller coaster for anybody man.
Speaker 1:So, kudos to you for doing that, man. You may not see it right now, but when it's released, when it's out there, you're going to help a lot of people finally identify a part of themselves that they've been told to keep hidden for a long time. There's a power of vulnerability, and you putting that into a book for other people to read, that's fucking awesome, man.
Speaker 2:Kudos to you and then, you know, like I said, it was like more of an organic, it was like never planned. I wasn't like, oh, I'm gonna write this book and going to be like all this stuff, like it was literally just like a diary really, and I wanted my kids to read it. And I think when I wrote this I told all the senior editors that were working on the book at the time. You know, I was like, when I wrote this, I wanted to kind of like tell my kids that your dad was a huge fuck up like his whole life, and you're probably going to be fuck ups too. You know what I mean. And if you've seen my kids instagrams, they're like they're sponsored skaters big, long hair. I mean, they're pro advanced like uh, uh. What's his name?
Speaker 2:ryan sheckler, I don't know if you remember yeah, yeah he took my kids to woodward for a week and like paid for it. You know, like tim pool has had them out to his house like twice to skate with richie jackson and cody mcintyre like bro, they're phenomenal. Like don't call him duke tansy or tansy fam. Like he has his own podcast and shit like that. He did like he's been with tony hawk and bucky lasik. Like met all these guys. Wow, you know they're like 7, 12 and 10. I have five total, but my daughters are too young to skate. But, um, sheepdog holster just sent my kids like skateboards, you know. And they run rodeo pools. Dude, like real level. Like they're nuts, bro. And they're like my son, my oldest son. He's 12, his duke tansey. His instagram page is unhinged. Oh, he's got like a million. Like a million, listen, uh views on some of his posts and shit like it's, they're crazy.
Speaker 2:But at the time I was like they're probably a lot like me when you know, before they became a lot better than me and uh, and I was like so I should probably write a book to let them know. They're like hey guys, it's okay to kind of be. You know how I was, where it's like I've never been good at anything, like I've never just shown up and been the guy right like I'm third string, everything bro. Like I could play football but not first string. You know I could play baseball but you know I wasn't in the the initial lineup. I played rugby but I played flanker and hooker and whatever else was needed. You know it was never like that's eric, he's our flanker, you know.
Speaker 2:So I've never been like good at anything. I've just been mediocre at everything I've ever done in my whole life. But I've tried my best at whatever it is I'm doing, um, and and I think I just I put myself in situations that are extraordinary situations, but I wasn't an extraordinary person to rise up to the game and I just kind of want to like, and I just kind of say you know, the reason why I guess I am the way I am is because I put myself into very difficult situations and you know my parents had a hard time of, you know, thinking I'm an absolute failure. My dad's always. But you know like after he read my book he cried, he was like crying his eyes out. But you know he says, you know I never realized until I read your book that the reason why you are just all over the place all the time is because you put yourself in the hardest situations and you're not even the guy to be there, like I'm definitely not the guy that should have been at selection, right, but, but I made it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and I and I, but and I, I, I should have been the guy at the Q course and I didn't make it. But like I learned way more from just trying, then if I would've just been like yeah, I'm a skinny surfer idiot, I shouldn't even try.
Speaker 1:You know absolutely, man. Um, I think we need more of that, dude. I think there's a lot of people that aren't willing to try. A lot of self-doubt gets in, but from your journey, for what you shared today, like that's the overarching lesson that I want people to take away is just fucking go out there and try it, send it, do big things. Yeah, maybe historically by the definition, maybe by the big pages in the books, you're not the guy to go do it. Who knows? Because the stereotypical guy that can do it doesn't always get selected, doesn't always make it.
Speaker 2:It's a little fucker that's willing to show up and try yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I got my sommelier diploma, I got my certified specialist of wine diploma. Was that's like a 70 fail rate for csw at the time? And you know, it's like you know, and I studied harder than anybody on the csw. I thought in my brain and I scored a 77 and a 75 is passing. So I passed by like two points right, but like that's the story of my life. But I forever get to say I'm a certified specialist of wine. It's like, did I do anything with it? No, but like I don't know.
Speaker 2:Like I'm now that I'm in my 40s and I have five kids that are just rushing it through life and I in their homeschooled and like I mean brother, like survivalists, they sleep outside by themselves like they're like my son was eating a squirrel the other day behind my shed like an illegal snare. I'm like, go to their instagram. It's unhinged, bro. You'll be like what? Like why is there not a movie about these? These guys, like these guys are gnarly. But you know, like now that I'm 41, it's like, dude, you get to live here once, that's it. You're here one freaking time, dude, on this planet, one time, if you like, if you could fathom, if you were. If you're gonna go to disney world, right, what do you want to do? It's like you're only. You're only gonna go to disney world once in your life. What are you going to do when you get to Disney World? You're going to do it all, right. You're not going to ride one ride once and be done with it. You're going to try to do all of Disney in your first try. Why aren't we doing all of life on our first try? You want to open up a distillery and make rum and you haven't been doing it and you want to do it then just sold it in january.
Speaker 2:I ran a legal distillery. I opened it and made rum for six years and I ran a rum bar. Never owned a business in my whole life and you know, but I did it and I could say that, like I, I made instill distilling company rum for six years. I owned the, I started it and, uh, sold it and, um, you know, but I've done everything. If I thought that I wanted to do it, I did. It was. It was inst still a successful business by all means. No, no, if credit like that's why I had to sell it, because, like, obviously I'm not that great of a business person either. But, like you know, what I learned from that has carried on to my next business, which you know I run a podcast and it's I don't really now that I'm in my 40s, I don't really see all those things as like epic fails, as like I did in their moments, like right now, like I can sit and I have like dad lore is what my 12 year old calls it yeah, yeah dude, you've got a whole list of dad.
Speaker 2:You've got the best stories. Will you tell us a story I'm like that feels good man that feels bad.
Speaker 1:That right there. That's worth every fucking failure, every opportunity that didn't pan out 100%.
Speaker 2:When your kids want to hear your stories, that's fucking success, man, and as long as I'm a, great dad, like I took all the stuff that I learned from Chaco and everything in the 2016, 17, 18, 19 timeframe. You know when I was going to start my own business and leave law enforcement, you know. You know you're on that grind. You got to be on that grind grind. You gotta get up at four o'clock in the morning, you know, um. But when I started working out kids, I I started taking that mindset and I was like I just one day I was like, what if hear me out here, hold on, wait a minute. What if we all put that energy into raising our offspring? And so, like, I had the six-pack abs and I was doing the CrossFit two times a day, running my way.
Speaker 2:But my kids were like not really being raised. They were being raised by my wife because I wasn't really. I was focused on my dreams and my aspirations and I don't know, I like I felt bad in the moment and I decided to invest all in on my kids. And now my kids are like freaking pro skateboarders and they're not even like they're fully sponsored and they're not even like. The two of them aren't even 10 years old yet.
Speaker 2:And there we got packages of free shit on our porch every single day that these kids get skateboard decks, they get trips, they get, you know, shirts and pants and belts and knives, and I mean it's and it's crazy and that's because I invested, you know, into, into my kids and that's really you know. Now I'm in my 40s and I can say I don't care what happens with the book, I could care less. I don't care if it's a New York Times bestseller, I don't care about how many podcasts I get to go on, as long as every day I get to wake up and hang out with my kids and my wife and my kids have a good relationship with me, then fuck the rest of the world.
Speaker 1:It's true, man, that's the secret of life. I used to say oh man, unfortunately I fucked up and I didn't realize it. Don't be sad If you're like me and you put off being a dad, put off being a husband for a long time. Don't be sad, enjoy it. When it finally happens, be present and cherish it.
Speaker 1:Man, it's the greatest calling, it is the most important calling in life being a husband and being a father, dude be sad I'm telling you it is waking up to the love of your life, to your soulmate, the person that is your fucking rock and being there for them. That is the calling of a man and being a father right there.
Speaker 2:Dude, isn't that the ultimate freedom, though, like I mean, like it's like, once you get to that moment, like your whole life, like my life, was always about trying to achieve the next thing, dude, is like I gotta get the green beret or I gotta be a swat, I gotta be this, I gotta be that, it's like. But once you like really realize it, you're happily married and you, you're doing what you should as a father and you're like no, no, no, this is this, is it, this is what life's really about. This is happiness. Like, yeah, you know, that's that's so cool, man, I'm glad you have that too, and I hope other guys find a man and then just yeah, that's what you should be chasing, right, it's like 100 should be chasing that.
Speaker 1:All it takes is just being able to put that, be vulnerable enough to cherish that. If I'm willing to share pictures of me going out to the bars when I was young and all that stuff, then I got to be able to do the same thing and talk about the real truth. Now that I'm older, now that I'm wiser, now that I have the real information, because I'm trying desperately to reach you, that young man that's trying to reach that endeavor of becoming a Green Beret, it's great, it's wonderful, it's wonderful. Keep chasing that. We need you in there. We need you to get to those dreams. But what if your ultimate calling is to have kids and be a good husband? Maybe all that training, all the Q course, all the selections, all that's just getting you ready to be a really good man for somebody. That's it, man. We need dads. We need dads, we need dads, Dude.
Speaker 2:We so need dads. It's so important, man, and the Q course really set you up to be a good father for sure. All that leadership stuff, man. It's no joke, man, when you can tie a knot like yeah, I might not have passed the Q course I'm not a Green Beret but or eight like with his eyes, you know, strap down the christmas tree. Like all the other dads were out there. Like I can't get my christmas tree down the roof, I'm like you know my kids are like damn dad, that's rad.
Speaker 1:like you know what I mean like oh yeah, dude, eric, when does uh, when does the book come out?
Speaker 2:august 26th but it's on pre-order now barnes and noble books, a million amazon. When it comes out it's supposed to hit target cost Costco Hudson's in the airport. It should be really easy to find on August 26th If you get on the pre-order list and you DM me at erictansyofficial. If you buy one book pre-order and you send me a DM, I will mail you a signed artist rendition of a bookmarker of me allegedly tasing a woman in the vagina naked in the bathtub True story. Allegedly. Allegedly tasing a woman in the vagina um, naked in the bathtub. Uh, true story, allegedly. And uh, I will send you this. Uh, I didn't mean to tase her in the vagina, by the way, it was an accident. I was staring at her vagina when I shot her with the taser, and wherever you're looking is where you're looking is where it's going, not like when you like she was cutting her wrist at her vagina level.
Speaker 2:So I was like stop cutting yourself. She's like did you just tase me in my pussy? And I was like, oh my god, I did, let me call 9-1-1. She's like you are 9-1-1, you fucking idiot. And I was like oh my god. And then like the ambulance get there. Like do you taser in the pussy? And I was like, oh god, yes I did.
Speaker 1:How do we?
Speaker 2:fix this like, let's just get over the fact that I taser in the pussy and get it out. But anyway, everybody loves that story. So I will send you this bookmarker and if you buy one for a first responder, then I will send you the other three of the other three characters the main characters of the book, um and you will get a signed. Uh, all four bookmarkers. That's all my cheap ass has to give you for, uh, pre-ordering a book, but they are pretty cool I love that.
Speaker 1:Go to the episode description. You'll see the links there. Go, do yourself a favor, get the book. I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 1:Uh, there's nothing better than supporting our law enforcement veterans and our authors because, like I said earlier, these stories need to be shared. This, this is the real stuff that we gotta celebrate. We can talk about fictional sci-fi books all day long. They're great. I enjoy sci-fi, I like warhammer 40k lore just as much as any other guy, but these stories that put a human face into a profession that rarely gets enough celebration, and love man, we got to rally behind it.
Speaker 1:Eric, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Bro, I cannot wait for this book and I can't wait to celebrate you and every other, because I feel like the universe is going to continue to make this even a bigger thing. So I'm only, I can only imagine what's to come with this book Hopefully a Netflix series, maybe a movie, a board game, a video game. That'd be fucking badass. But thank you for being here today to all of you at home listening. Thank you, and do me a favor Go ahead and ahead on over to Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Speaker 1:Leave us a five-star review. Put some words in there, I don't know. Put Eric's awesome or taste the vagina, I don't know. Whatever you want to do, I just appreciate you doing it because it helps me with the algorithm. I'm Danny Caballero, thank you for tuning in and we'll see you all next time. Until then, take care. Thanks for tuning in and don't forget to like, follow, share, subscribe and review us on your favorite podcast platform. If you want to support us, head on over to buymeacoffeecom forward slash SecHawk podcast and buy us a coffee. Connect with us on Instagram X or TikTok and share your thoughts or questions about today's episode. You can also visit securityhawkcom for exclusive content, resources and updates. And remember we get through this together. If you're still listening, the episode's over. Yeah, there's no more Tune in tomorrow or next week. Thank you.
