Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
Join us as we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, proving that even after the mission changes, the call to serve and thrive never ends.
Security Halt!
Healing Together: Jay & Kaila Fain on Veteran Trauma, Love, and Resilience
What does it take to heal together after trauma?
In this deeply moving episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero is joined by Jay and Kaila Fain—a couple who have faced the raw realities of trauma, military service, and recovery together. Their story sheds light on the emotional toll of mental health struggles, military sexual trauma (MST), and crisis recovery, while also offering hope through resilience, advocacy, and love.
Jay shares his personal experience as a veteran battling trauma and the journey toward healing, while Kaila opens up about her role as a supportive spouse, navigating the complex emotional landscape that comes with veteran care. Together, they unpack the importance of communication, trust, community support, and mental health resources, while calling attention to the urgent need for systemic change in how we support veterans and their families.
From battling broken systems to building strength through faith and friendship, this episode is a testament to the power of vulnerability and the strength found in standing by one another.
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Chapters
00:00 The Journey of Healing Together
09:55 Navigating Mental Health Challenges
19:58 The Importance of Advocacy and Support
30:01 Overcoming Crisis and Finding Strength
27:07 Navigating Crisis and Support Systems
30:01 The Flaws in Mental Health Care
34:03 Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships
38:02 Advocacy and Nonprofit Work
42:58 Bridging the Gap in Veteran Support
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Website: shieldofsisters.com
Produced by Security Halt Media
Security On Podcast. Let's go the only podcast that's purpose-built from the ground up to support you Not just you, but the wider audience, everybody. Authentic, impactful and insightful conversations that serve a purpose to help you. And the quality has gone up. It's decent and it's hosted by me, danny Caballero, kayla and Jay Fane. Welcome to Secure Podcast. How's it going, guys?
Speaker 2:Doing pretty good Welcome everyone.
Speaker 3:And how are you doing? Doing good man.
Speaker 1:It's great to have you guys. It's one thing to highlight our veterans and active service members are doing great things. It's one thing to highlight our veterans and active service members are doing great things. One thing's one of the things that I don't get a chance to do is have a couple on that can talk through us the journey of evolving, getting better and, you know, stumbling and staying together and forging something. That is life and it's long lasting, because we fall apart and we tend to think that we fall apart by ourselves and we build ourselves back by ourselves. But the reality is we build each other back as a family unit. We overcome things. And, kayla, you're the other aspect of this calculation, this equation, that we don't really focus on the spouse. So today I want to dive into your journey. Both you know your independent journeys, but together how you're able to navigate you know. You know the marvelous recovery of Jay, oh man, yeah. So take it away, guys.
Speaker 2:Um, dang, okay, Uh, I I we're going to have. I always I'm like we're going to have a conversation Cause I'm like I don't have anything like sitting in front of me where I have to read right yeah, no cheat code and and I cuss a lot, so I'm like perfect, okay, good yeah, no fucking censorship here good, good.
Speaker 2:We're going to be great friends. I'm just no, uh, so, um, no, uh, um. My name's Kayla. Uh, I've been married to Jay for three years. We're going on about. We're going on for this year. Um, we met working at, uh, black rifle coffee. Okay, um, uh, we have been able to kind of figure out our life to where we can be together all the time, travel together, all the time, work together, and it's been super fun. People are like you guys don't get tired of each other. I'm like actually, no, not really. I have four arms, three legs and a robot leg Like that is us, that is us Like we. So we are each other's advocate, like literal service person, especially when we're out in public or, you know, we're around other people. I've committed myself to reading this motherfucker so that I can love him.
Speaker 1:Good, that is such a powerful thing and I want to. I want to pause and highlight that what we normally see is a amazing support system, an amazing spouse, but doesn't come from the world. So they don't understand what their husband's feeling and going through, even though because a lot of times we don't do we have a poker face. We would carry a mask at all times and we can't really you can't really pierce through that. Oh, he's stoic, he's looking through that and inside he's just fucking falling apart with anxiety of being in a crowded space. But having a spouse that is also a veteran, also understands what's going on, it's like, hey, it's like a chill pill, let's, let's leave, let's go grab lunch somewhere else Like that is insane.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I served six years in the military. I did not deploy. I was actually at Fort Hood when the Fort Hood shooting happened. And so we were just like, no, we're getting, we're got out of the military and uh got my disability was just working and whatnot and kind of like I've had my own, like I'm. So we're on, we work with a nonprofit where we, where we fight military sexual trauma and I help other female veterans uh overcome that, um, that sinking ship, right, like that's in their mind.
Speaker 2:And so I've had to deal with all of my own things. You know, my entire life and it's just been kind of like all the time, right, and my mindset has always been what's next? I'm not gonna be a victim, I'm not a victim. I'm not like, don't even look at me and be like, oh, you know, that's not a victim. I'm not like, don't even, don't even look at me and be like, oh, you know, that's not, that's not something that I do. And so, um, when Jay and I got together, um, obviously we were uh able to travel and help people and the world was changing right, the world was changing around us and, um, jay went through an awakening in the beginning of 2023. And like to say that his cup runneth over I mean that was kind of like an understatement Like he he was. He was like rocking back and forth, he was crying, some stuff he still doesn't remember. Like there's a lot that you know we went through.
Speaker 2:Well, during that time I was like what's wrong with you? Like why are you treating me like this? Why is this happening? Like what's going on? Like nothing's happened, Like you know and and you know, day after day, I was like man, I'm feeling attacked, like I am like we are fighting all, like I'm trying to help you, but he wasn't wanting to accept my help because of things that were happening and it was just like this big mind fuck for like four or five months solid.
Speaker 2:And then, when I got put in, I put myself in a therapy and my therapist was like look, it's not you. Quite, literally, it's not you. And I'm like but I'm not doing it. He's like, exactly, you're not doing anything. So why are you? Why are you responding to the things that he's doing to you or around you and taking them personal, where it's putting you in this stupor of like, oh, he's being so mean to me. No, he's getting attacked. His mind is attacking him, and so one of the things that he had said to me was you know, I feel like I got blown up yesterday.
Speaker 2:And I was like fuck, like okay, okay. So what do we got to do? And there were so many things that happened, so many things that happened, and ultimately I had to get out of my own way. I had to make it to where the things that were happening to him weren't affecting me, because it wasn't me, I wasn't doing anything, I was just to support right. Once I did that, oh man, once I was able to exist, apart from what J-Lo was at the time, we were able to team up and get through it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was team up and get through it. Yeah, um, I was, I wasn't, I was, I was, I was a, standing in my own way, it in my own mental way, like you know. And then, once we got him kind of back to a solid foundation, I had to turn everything back on right, my, all my emotions, all of the things that I had to put down. And I went to turn everything back on right, all my emotions, all of the things that I had to put down, and I went to into like full rage monster, like I was, a, I was fucking mad, right. And then in myself, like, look at this man, he's always smiling, smiling, he's always happy, like, and I'm like why are you, why are you being so mean? Not to him, to myself. I had to say that to myself because I was being mean.
Speaker 2:And one day I started treating myself like a science experiment. I had to do something, like. I remember screaming and crying and I'm like, ah right. And then one morning I wake up and I remember being very aware that I was so angry. I just woke up like I was coming out of REM sleep and my eyes were still shut and I was like bro, we just woke up. Why are you so fucking mad?
Speaker 1:right, been there Right.
Speaker 2:And so then I had to hunker down. We hunkered down. I started like every day, like I quit my job that I was at at the time. I was actively figuring out okay, does it control you? Do you have control over it right now? No, okay, well, then you need to get it out of your mind. So it's.
Speaker 2:And so I've been like on this active mindfulness journey this last year and now I can see like all of these illusions around me and all of these people that are standing in their own way, and I'm just like man, once you get out of your own way, I mean your marriage works, you work, he works, I mean it's all it, just it just kind of this big cohesive unit now, and all it took was it's your fault, get out of your own way Like it's you, it's on you. You can't be, you can't allow other people to dictate how you feel and how you react and be so responsive. And obviously we all have bad days and if you fuck with me, I'm going to fuck like I'm going to tell you about yourself, but then I'm going to be like, oh man, I'm not going to stay there very long. I apologize, I'm sorry, I did not mean like I'm very more aware that I'm sorry that's on me and I need to. I'm actively trying to change that. You see that right. I will not do that again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's. That's a powerful perspective to finally have in life and I take it takes work, it's not going to come easy.
Speaker 1:It's not going to be handed to you. It's not something that, yeah, I want to like. Go back to how you viewed yourself as an experiment and you were willing to do things that were radical. Radical change I'm willing to. I'm going to quit this job. I can't do this anymore and continue just living in small spaces of small wins, small little victories, of being happy, being able to function for one part of my day Like. No, I want to live my life better, be more focused, be mindful. It takes that radical change. You have to view life as this amazing adventure that could be great or it could just be mundane. And if I want to be great, I have to take radical change. And sometimes it means, yeah, I'm going to walk away from this high paying job, take a step down from this position, focus on me.
Speaker 1:And one thing that we don't do, one thing that we don't do because social media only shows us a small percentage when we see Jay, we see Jay as this remarkable veteran that overcame this horrific injury, and we see him and we hold him in that same time and space forever. Injury. And we see him and we hold him in that same time and space forever. The first time a vast majority of us saw you, jay, was as this fucking badass recovering amputee. I'm going to show you every little bit of my life getting better, getting my new prosthesis, doing big things. You're awesome.
Speaker 1:What we don't show, what nobody sees, is, on the backside, a young man who's having to adapt to a life-changing injury, and we don't see the bad. We don't see the bad. We don't see the nights where you're not sleeping. We don't see the failed relationships. We don't see the friends that you no longer talk to because, fuck, I'm just angry, I'm a ball of pain and hurt. And we don't see this. We don't see the relationship that it takes two people to heal and recover. And in your journey, like where you're at today, looking back, like at any point, at any moment, did you feel like, fuck, I am wearing a mask. I am wearing a mask and nobody really knows real Jay.
Speaker 3:Oh, absolutely, bro. Yeah, so for many years, especially before my breakdown that happened a couple years ago, I mean I was doing great, feeling great. You know, didn't really like let the externals bother me too much, that makes sense, and life was good. Let the externals bother me too much, that makes sense, and life was good. You know what? I didn't realize what was happening during all that time. Like I was trying to one like, especially what I was putting out on social media, like, you know, to be a true influencer to the community that I'm trying to help or serve in, or whomever's watching. Like trying to show, like, hey, this is who I am, you know.
Speaker 3:But also, at the same time, I was being, um, uh, what's the word? Maybe steered in the wrong direction at times, you know, and I let it get too far, you know, I gave too much trust or too much compassion towards something that I really shouldn't have and it built up. So, yes, when I started having my breakdown, I put on a full mask. Yeah, you know, I had to become something. I wasn't just because I thought that's how I needed to survive. Once I realized what that meant, what I was going through, and I can actually see the world for what it is. I can take all that off and throw it away. It really boiled down to just remembering who I, who I really am. Yeah, um, and not letting uh, yeah, not letting the external influences in my life dictate who I who I really am yeah, I think it's.
Speaker 1:It's easier to do that when you have somebody that is in your corner and knows you and it's like kayla, that's right there to keep you sort of like hey, you're my bullshit thermometer.
Speaker 3:Whenever I'm getting too much into the bullshit realm, like, call me out yeah, because I was doing that for people for years, like, all right, this is a lot of bullshit you guys are spewing and a lot of us can see through it. If we could see through it, other people can, you know. But then I started playing at that game at the same time. But then I started playing at that game at the same time, which I didn't realize I fell into, and that's when my cup started running over and it really messed me up. It really did.
Speaker 3:And when I was going through all that stuff I didn't know how to vocalize it or show it or whatever. I just needed somebody or someone to listen to. What I had to say Be like, this is what's going on. I, this is what I need help with. It's just and it was just really hard to trust, like humanity in general, because I was just getting, like you know, there was just failure coming in all directions. And then when I got over myself and we really hunkered down and, you know, just kind of got rid of the things that wasn't necessary in life, it really everything got very much clear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it, it, it. It helps immensely when you can see clear, like what I need, what I don't need, and it's, it's harder now. We, we, we have great ambitions as veterans for coming into the, the, the in our second chapter in life, whether you retire or just ETS, and you want to do great things and you maybe take on, uh, more than you can handle and then you can ride that ship. I'm in that right now. You can write, you can ride and you can carry on so much, but at some point you need to stop taking the reevaluate and be like, hey, is this worth a so much? But at some point you need to stop, take a knee and reevaluate and be like, hey, is this worth a mental breakdown? Is this worth like? You can't do everything for everyone forever. At some point you have to take a knee, man. Um, in your new life, in this new chapter, after you know, post breakdown, how are you both balancing life together?
Speaker 3:Well, we came to a decision to where we're living now to take care of the family that we are in together. You know Kayla has a son, is a teenager, he's going to high school and all that Lives with his father and his family's. From here, life makes very much a lot of sense. When I married this woman knowing that's what she wanted in life, when I married this woman knowing that's what she wanted in life, it's like how am I going to make that possible for not just her but me and everyone else in our family that made everything.
Speaker 3:So you know, like you said, it balanced everything out Once you. Once I really realized that's what's the most important right now, that anything else going on in our life, and then we can build from that.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think that you know when, when we, as veterans, go through a hard time, we're always say lean on our battle buddies, reach out calm. You know, boy, I and boy were there fucking crickets, um, and not only crickets, but like literal people that are in a um, that have a platform, that have resources right, that are actual friends. Oh, he's just going to have to get over it, like the rest of us do. The fuck did you just say to me?
Speaker 1:That's so much bullshit.
Speaker 2:Do you know that I can fucking see you? Do you know that I'm watching everything that you're doing now? Oh, you're advocating Suck my big, big, fat black dick, bitch, because you're not fucking picking up the phone when real motherfuckers are actually trying to get a hold of you. I called everyone and then to find out that they didn't even fucking believe me. There were some that were like they didn't believe me because on the offhand they'd call him, and of course he's like oh, everything's fine, everything's good.
Speaker 2:Because he was having his own day, right, and he's wearing his mask and I'm sitting here on the other, literally on the other line, being like can you please talk to him? Can you please call him? Can you please get a hold of him? Can you please help me find someone that can help him? Like I was walking around a VA trying to get him to walk inside with me and he kept walking away, just walking away, and I'm like, bro, bro, we have to go inside, please, right. So then I finally get him inside and then I get him sat in front of a fucking psychiatrist, psychologist or whatever it was, with a battle buddy. There was like a student, teacher, nurse, person there, and me and jay are sitting there, and he's just sitting there fucking with war in his eyes, and I'm sitting there next to him with desperation in mind, being like, do you see him sitting in front of you? Like you see him? Like you see him, he's sitting. I got him to be in a chair, I got him to come here. Can you please help me please? Oh well, you're gonna have to go to the ER if you want to get some medication or something, and I'm like what, what? So then we go to the ER and we're trying to get help, and he ended up saying yes to a couple of questions that they first asked you, but it was like my mind's under attack and I don't know what to do. They fucking locked his ass up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Baker.
Speaker 2:They took him from me and I'm listening to him.
Speaker 4:in the background in the ER, my husband, the person that had just told me that he felt like he had just been blown up and that I'm trying to get help for him, was ripped from my grasp. He was taken into the back room and he was screaming bloody murder.
Speaker 2:like calling for me to help him and I'm like is this real life, like what is happening, like I'm the advocate, I'm telling you what's happening, I'm the caregiver, I'm telling you. Like we have have? This motherfucker didn't even smell the same, he smelled like bleach. He was not my husband anymore at that point and I needed to help him and no one would help. I did that shit. I got him back. We hunkered down. I had to get out of my own fucking way and we had to get him back and ourselves back and realize that no one else fucking mattered. It was us against the world, literally world.
Speaker 1:Literally. Yeah, I am so sorry that people didn't show up in your time of need. That's one of the the hardest things that any veteran, anybody in crisis, can go through. Um, having that reaching out, having family member reach out, and not getting a qrf, not getting a, a group of friends to come in, that is hard, that's you know, I got told.
Speaker 2:I got told that, oh well, we can help him, we'll just come in black bag him and we'll take him and he can go to a facility. I was like, black bag him, what? Over my dead body? How about that? We can't just have some fucking camaraderie? He can't have some friends that he knows that actually care about his well-being instead of him being a shiny fucking toy? He's one of the most kind and humble and most just. He just loves life and loves to sit, eat and sleep and spend time with me and spend time with his friends and just just sit in a recliner and be happy and and he's always there when his phone goes off.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was not. It was not, it was not reciprocated, it wasn't reciprocated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's painful. That is a painful situation because more often than not I know this before I got help, I was like the biggest connector getting people to treatment centers, helping people get to resources, and that seems to be what I'm feeling is, jay, was that for somebody, for a lot of his friends, connecting, providing resources, while you're slowly circling the drain and then when crisis happens, it's no one's around, no one's there, and that's incredibly painful. That that's I mean. Those friendships, those that needs to be talked to, needs to be if, if you're gonna heal and recover from that, people need to understand like hey, man, like you weren't there for me, but next time when somebody calls you, when somebody reaches out, be willing to at the very least, point them in the right direction for a good resource. We have tons of fucking resources for situations like this. Mission 22, 22 to zero Mission resiliency at Laurel Ridge.
Speaker 2:Hashtag face the fight.
Speaker 1:There's no need for one veteran or a family with a veteran to struggle and be in a vacuum and in an empty space without resources. And let me tell you, having to put a friend or service member that you're helping out and watching them go through a Baker Act, it is not fun. Yeah, it can save life if the person's in crisis, but not every hospital is the same, not every ER is the same. You could have incredibly compassionate people in one place and a place that's overworked with lack of sympathy and lack of fucking emotion, and they're just there to hold you and, yeah, be assholes. So you never know. I don't want to talk bad about a resource because at the end of the day, it is a resource but still it is not. It is one thing. To get somebody to a treatment center like Warrior's Heart is one thing. To get a treatment center like Mission Resilience at Laurel Ridge is completely different. To go to the 24 or 72 hour hold at a hospital can be extremely, extremely damaging.
Speaker 1:And, yeah, it can come with a lot of baggage to unpack later on for everybody, not just the individual, but the family member. Like you experienced, kayla, it is not easy. It's very traumatizing for a lot of folks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it took that cop that his, that I got in his face Cause it was was. It was him between me and him, like he was between me and jay, and he was like and jay was like please, and I was like yo, I'm about to go through you. And he was like okay, we're gonna have that kind of day. And I'm like yeah, for sure, like I promise, like yes oh, yeah, dude, yeah yeah it's you know I, I think about that time when all that stuff happened.
Speaker 3:I got locked away and all that, and you know it is. It was a lesson to learn, for sure. But not to do what I realize is something I won't recommend for other people. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I remember getting so angry that they did that to me that when I, like finally got to leave, you know, uh, like I yelled at the whole staff. I was like you guys are not helping, not one person doing this. You know.
Speaker 2:Screamed at everyone.
Speaker 3:And I was like. I was like this is this didn't help me one bit. I sat there for 48 hours in my own thoughts in a room.
Speaker 2:With someone on your.
Speaker 3:There was someone in the room yeah, a nurse, there 24-7, just kind of sitting there on their computer doing whatever. I was just like I'm sitting there, just kind of like talking to myself. In my mind. I was like, how is this helping me? I am a veteran in crisis. How is this helping me and how does this help anybody else? This is a system that is supposed to help and the way they went about handling that situation was subpar. It was not to the standard that they should be holding, because there's a lot of men and women in there, in and out of that, in all those facilities every day, every time I go to an appointment. I can just see it in their faces they are looking for the help when they get there or they're just they need something. You could just tell when you're there and it's just like man, you know, like they do a lot of good things but there's just a lot of other things that just don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And we're still in the crisis with mental health care professionals. We're still limited, there's still a shortage. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be trying to make these processes fucking better. It doesn't mean that we shouldn't have a way that if a veteran shows up to your ER that is in crisis, you, you develop a new format that has a little more compassion. It should be a checklist, random fucking individual off the street Veteran. Okay, let's treat them a little differently. This isn't a fucking homeless guy that was just jerking off out in the streets losing his fucking months. Right, got it that individual, maybe by himself.
Speaker 1:Like we've gotten to this system where I feel like it's left up to rolling the dice in the chance that you have an encounter with somebody that's empathetic, that is human, that will be there, because I've seen that level commitment we have caring mental health professionals and healthcare professionals out there. But we shouldn't be relegated the chance on the chance that we'll encounter them. Like it should be a better thought out process when you're treating veterans in the hospital setting and then, when it comes back to resources, dude, we just don't have enough. We just don't have enough. It's I, I'm really. It breaks my heart to know that you were failed by close friends but that you didn't have a robust rolodex of resources to fucking go through like. Okay, if jimmy and james aren't answering their phones, fuck them, we'll deal with that let me tell you, me tell, and I'm not naming names.
Speaker 2:I taught I called some no way.
Speaker 4:I called some.
Speaker 2:I called some people no, like because of where what I was doing at the time I had some resources. I called like founders of non-profits, like I called like foundation, like people that work like and if I say the name, you'll know who the fuck they are. Yeah, I called them and it was just too much that's it.
Speaker 1:It's crazy. It's funny because I have seen your regular oda member, the guy that has he's worried about money just like everybody else, doesn't have a a robust amount of resources, but are willing to drive their friends four or five hours away to a treatment center, are willing to do fundraising to ensure that their friend can go to a tbi clinic like no.
Speaker 2:I think one of the one of the first uh advice that he had gotten from one of the first friends that decided he wanted to help was that he didn't need a wife. That women were like a get like. He did not need to be in a marriage with some soul sucking person that like. And he he took him away to a different state under the guise that he was going to get him help. Told me he was going to get him help, and then I'm sitting here in Missouri being like, why is he still sitting at your house? Why are we not doing anything yet? And then I'm talking to him on the off chance that I get to and well, no, you don't need to be around these. You need to be with men, you need purpose.
Speaker 1:I get purpose, but just being constantly surrounded by men just sounds like you're trying to be recruited for the other team Right.
Speaker 3:Going through all that and, like you know, leaning on some of these people, like the person she mentioned, I realized that getting away from those types of individuals was the most healthiest thing I could have done for my life, that I should have done a long time ago.
Speaker 4:The narcissism yeah, fuck Gaslighting.
Speaker 3:The gaslighting, the manipulation, all those types of people. I just needed it. I should have cleaned house a long time ago, you know, and when it going through. If there's one good thing that came out of going through what I went through, it got rid of all those types of individuals in my life that I don't have to see, see, talk to or deal with ever again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny when people utilize you as a marketing tool, as a figure person like you realize like wait a second, I'm just a means to an end. Reality is I'm just a means to an end. Reality is I'm just a means to an end as long. As soon as I'm no longer useful, then it's really convenient for you to just pack it all up Like and I see that with so many people in so many different industries, it's like I'm just a tool, like I'm not really a value added person of your team, I'm not somebody you really care about. Is that narcissistic person, that gaslighting that will like no, no, you, you just need me. It's like I've got a fucking wife, I've got a family. Like that's, that's what I need. Like if you're not a close friend and you're not supporting that, like fuck you, I don't need you. Like more people they understand, like sorry, go ahead, kayla no, go ahead like your family.
Speaker 1:Your family, it's like that team mentality that gets us like you come into special operations and they tell you this is the best thing, it's the only thing you'll ever need, this the the sexiest thing. At some point you're going to break down. At some point you're no longer going to do this, even if you're a guy that goes into 32 years. At some point they're going to say like hey, sir, sir, sir, major chief, like you gotta go. They're not gonna want you, they're not. You think they're gonna bring you back to like hang out, fuck.
Speaker 1:No, that family's gonna be there. That wife you neglected, those kids you never were there to watch grow up. They're the ones you're gonna be there for you and if you're lucky, you still love you enough to be there and bring you back into the fold. But a lot of us aren't that lucky if we don't start to realize what's truly important. The real team, the home team, the wife, the kids. That's what's valuable, it's your everything, that's your fucking world and more often than not we're willing to gamble on that. Not, that sucks.
Speaker 2:We need to change that culture yeah yeah, which brings us to what we're doing now is, uh, so we're involved with a couple of non-profits um, jay is the chairman of the board for shield of sisters. It's a nonprofit that uh, deals specifically with females that have been affected by military sexual trauma, like I said earlier, um, active duty and veteran. Um, I am the director of mission readiness and programs, and so we're trying to help women via retreats, conferences, camaraderie, resources. But then also we're having a hotline. We have a hotline that we just posted up. We're going to be fighting military sexual trauma in real time.
Speaker 2:So, like, hey, you dial the hotline, you're going to get me, or you're going to get my executive director, shannon, who is the one that founded the nonprofit a couple of years ago. And hey, this is what's happening to me. Hey, they're trying to kick me out. Hey, whatever it is OK, well, I got you. I dare them to do it, with me standing in front of them, holding your hand as an advocate, Because 99% of the time we're demoted, tossed out, general, dishonorable, whatever it is, discharge, chapter of misconduct, whatever it is.
Speaker 2:We don't get to see Sergeant, major Right, and then, if we do, it's because we just don't say anything and we keep on on our on our merry way. So that's what we're trying to fight this. Last week we went to Sanio for the face to fight conference that usaa was holding and down there, and it was surreal for me because I had gone through this experience with jay and so I was in a room full of and so I can say what I want because I'm not on the board. So let me just preface this, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:We'll put a disclaimer up.
Speaker 2:My Shannon knows who she brought on. So we're there at face the fight, and I'm in a room full of people that are the people that are making the policies for these nonprofits, and we're talking about face the fight. The usaa foundation we're talking, uh, shield of sisters was there. We were, uh, help me out. There were more people there overwatch. There were canines for warriors. I mean, there were people there that were fighting veteran suicide. We're trying to figure it out, right.
Speaker 2:And so I'm sitting there and I'm listening to this panel and it's all research and data and I'm like does everyone else see what I'm seeing? I looked at Jay and I was like is this a fucking joke? Am I sitting here in this room with these people that are spewing lies? Now, to me they're lies, right, because I'm jive, I'm a woman scorned by the system, right, it's not lies that I'm not going through it, because I was mad. I was mad man, I was crying, that I was so angry and one of the guys that put the whole event together came over. He's like are you okay? And I'm like, actually, no, no, I'm not. And I told him I was like see my husband over there. And I told him I was like see my husband over there, the guy with the one leg. You know him and I are selling.
Speaker 2:What you hope is what you and you have the passion. We all have the money here in this room to have the passion right. But our foundation and our nonprofits need to hire people right, and so the people that you're hiring that your policies are trickling down to there's no fucking bridge from you to them making sure that these things and the veterans that they're serving are making an actual difference to make your research relevant at all. Like you were telling me what you like by reading. Why don't you come down here and talk with some of these people?
Speaker 2:Why were, why wasn't somebody like, why didn't I not deal with someone like you at your organization when I called? Like it's not trickling down? There's a big divide and they're wondering why everyone's so angry. Oh well, we're doing our jobs up here and I'm like cool, the people that you're hiring and that need that 15 an hour job at the VA or at whatever community center that they're seeking help at, they're not getting the training or they need a job. That's what they're there for. They're not getting the training or they need a job. That's what they're there for. So there's a disconnect somewhere.
Speaker 1:It's incredibly frustrating to see advocacy that's not really in line with your target demographic needs. That's the frustrating part. I saw the same thing going down to several conferences and specifically within the soft community, because it's just all guns and new robots, new drones and it's like, okay, cool, what are you doing to help the guy with this TBI? What are you doing to keep the guys operational? And it's never highlighted, it's never brought to the demographic that actually needs the resources, instead of a whole bunch of resources in an echo chamber of policymakers and higher-ups. Bring in the people, bring it to the people, bring it to the audience. Go have the, have it, have the event at fort cabasso's yeah, cabasso's, not what we used to be forehead yeah, have it there.
Speaker 1:Have it, have the resources readily available so that if, by chance, there's a survivor, there's a victim there, they can go and say, holy shit, this resource is available to me. Yeah, let's talk right now, because guess what? I'm going through this. I need help. They never do it. That's it's.
Speaker 1:It's one of the many things we need to change, and I'm certainly not, uh, an expert when it comes to military sexual trauma and how we can make the process better, but I can tell you it needs to change the, the process. Even I mean up just just from when I was in, I know the system's fucking way broken. It's incredibly sad to see how bad it gets. And every base is different too. It's a different ecosystem, but we don't treat it like that. We treat it like standard across the board and I'm like, hey, for example, for hood, that was one of the worst places for it. I mean, we've had tragedy after tragedy after tragedy at that place alone. So maybe we have to take a different approach, a non-standard approach, one that's unique for that base, that demographic, and start implementing real change. But I don't think it's addressed that way. I think it's still the same.
Speaker 2:Our next conference is at Fort Hood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good, it's the place. It should be that place. I don't know why it's such a problem. A problem set that. That's been there and it's historically it's known. People have you know it within the military court culture people have addressed and people like, oh, you're going to forehead, fuck, dude, sorry.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 1:Sorry to hear. Yeah, yeah, what you guys are doing is incredibly important and I am so glad that both you are aligned the same mission, because it helps you. Having the same mission for the, for a family, that's uh. You eat, breathe and wake up to it and go into work together. That's uh, yeah, it's also a fairy tale, yeah and it's.
Speaker 2:And it's really cool because, like you see it, right. So I'm when I'm going to be helping these females like girls. You ain't met nobody like me, I ain't scared of them. I don't have to listen to the. I'm there for you. You don't have to open your mouth if you don't want to, right, I've got a loud enough voice for the both of us, both of us, right? So that's what I really want to do. How freaking cool is it that my husband is so supportive of the mission that I want to do that? He's now the chairman of the board with, with all of the, the uh expertise and and the knowledge that he has it worked out like he had. He he's the best person for it. He's so understanding and he's so just wants world peace. Fuck like bro. I'm tired of all of the, all of it. I just and that's what we're here to fight, and if you got a problem with it, then fuck you you're part of the problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't thank you both enough for being here today. Um, jane kayla, if people want to get a hold of you, they want to follow along your journey. Where can they go?
Speaker 3:um well, find me on the social media platforms. Uh, instagram, tiktok, facebook, wherever I. I like playing on instagram or linkedin. Linkedin's a good connection point. Uh, jay fain j-y-f-a-i-n on linkedin, then on instagram. Jay limp j-y-l-i-m-p, and that's Then on Instagram, j-l-i-m-p. That's where they can find me. What about you, kayla?
Speaker 2:Kayla Fain F-A-I-N or Kayla Fain 13 on Instagram.
Speaker 1:Nice? And what about the foundation? Where can people go to support? Rally around you guys and stay tuned for more upcoming news uh, shield of sisterscom, um and uh.
Speaker 2:for any females, veterans or active duty that have experienced mst, we have a hotline on the website uh 844, uhs-t zero awesome.
Speaker 1:Jay kayla, thank you so much for being here today and to you guys. Take a second, just pause, go to episode description, click all those links. Uh, you can thank me later. I didn't give you any spiel at the beginning or in the middle, but right now I will. I need to do me a favor. Go to spotify apple podcast. I'll wait again.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're there now. Give me a five-star review. Leave a few words. I don't give a fuck what you do.
Speaker 1:Type in Denny's fucking awesome bananas, kick rocks. What the fuck do you want? Type it in there. I actually type that in. Whatever the fuck you want, it doesn't matter. What it'll do is help me in the algorithm and boost my numbers up. So I really appreciate if you take a time and do that. And, uh, you know, if you're on your Spotify and you're listening to this, you can actually send me a text. So go ahead and do that right now. Just send me a text, send nudes, and I'll send you back a link to get some free swag. And if you don't, well, that's OK too.
Speaker 1:I'm Danny Caballero. Thank you for joining us. See you all next time. Till then, take care. Thanks for tuning in and don't forget to like, follow, share, subscribe and review us on your favorite podcast platform. If you want to support us, head on over to buymeacoffeecom forward slash SecHawk podcast and buy us a coffee. Connect with us on Instagram, x or TikTok and share your thoughts or questions about today's episode. You can also visit securityhawkcom for exclusive content, resources and updates. And remember we get through this together. If you're still listening the episode's over. Yeah, there's no more Tune in tomorrow or next week. Thank you,
