Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
Join us as we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, proving that even after the mission changes, the call to serve and thrive never ends.
Security Halt!
Doug Kiesewetter: Veterans on Fitness, Emotional Health, and Mentorship
In this transformative episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero sits down with Doug Kiesewetter to explore the intersection of mental health, mentorship, and the challenges veterans face in life after service. This powerful discussion highlights the importance of emotional regulation, fitness, and accountability as key tools for personal growth.
Doug shares insights on navigating emotional challenges, including the impact of divorce and the necessity of building strong communities. The conversation also delves into the evolution of the Softlete Program, the role of storytelling in character development, and the science behind dopamine regulation. They further discuss the healing potential of psychedelics, the importance of quality sleep, and how self-awareness can drive positive change in relationships and life.
Join us for an engaging discussion packed with actionable insights on personal growth and resilience. Don’t forget to follow, like, and subscribe on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts!
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Chapters
00:00 The Mustache Chronicles: A Nostalgic Start
03:11 Navigating Life Changes: Divorce and Family Dynamics
05:59 The Importance of Mentorship and Teaching
08:57 Mental Health and Emotional Challenges
11:50 Finding Purpose Beyond Military Service
14:50 The Evolution of Softly: From Concept to Community
17:56 The Role of Fitness in Mental Well-being
20:59 Accountability and Growth in Personal Development
23:51 The Value of Failure and Learning
27:07 Redefining Success and Identity After Service
30:00 The Need for Male Mentorship in Society
39:23 The Dopamine Dilemma: Seeking Fulfillment in Extreme Sports
40:27 Emotional Regulation: The Impact of Relationships
41:54 Character Assessment: Friends vs. Enemies
43:20 The Art of Storytelling: Truth vs. Narrative
44:48 Accountability and Reputation: The Broader Implications
46:43 Adaptability: Balancing Strengths and Weaknesses
49:34 Sobriety: The Journey to Better Choices
51:54 Self-Awareness: The Key to Personal Growth
54:30 Psychedelics and Healing: A New Perspective
57:11 Sleep and Health: The Importance of Rest
01:01:11 Owning Mistakes: The Path to Improvement
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Produced by Security Halt Media
Security Odd Podcast. Let's go the only podcast that's purpose-built from the ground up to support you Not just you, but the wider audience, everybody. Authentic, impactful and insightful conversations that serve a purpose to help you. And the quality has gone up. It's decent. It's hosted by me, danny Caballero. It's decent. It's hosted by me, denny Caballero. It's foreplay we lube up the conversation yeah, I admire your mustache. And then we get into the deep stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I shaved a beard today just to give you the full mustache experience.
Speaker 1:That's one of my favorite things Since I've started following Soft Fleet. Since I you guys came into my life as a young green beret that's how I've always known doug, so this is like the perfect way it's. Uh, I'm giving me that feeling of nostalgia.
Speaker 2:I'm still so I the mustache is not something that I ever wanted. Uh, when I went to, like I went to iraq in 2011 and I we were told we had relaxed grooming standards so I thought I'd have a beard, like I did in Afghanistan. And I got there and realized no one had beards, everybody had a mustache. So everyone was telling me I had to shave. So I was like, fine, I'll shave to this crazy mustache and I dyed it pitch black like a Saddam mustache and, like all the story, all my guys are like this is a very strong mustache. So, like you know, teaching in Africa, deploying in Iraq, it was always the big mustache. And then now, when I'm in, I'm in the conventional side of the guard. Now I left the special forces I don't know almost two years ago now. Really, yeah, and it's funny, I a lot of people will never leave. I mean, you go to all the trouble to get in. And for me, the big play was um, in 2014 I went through a divorce. Uh, well, no, not 2014, 2014. I had a bad time. Then I stayed married for a while. I got divorced in 2020. And the problem was a lot of it was work and just being fragmented everywhere and just always being gone, and so when I got a divorce, I was like, man, I've got to be around for my family more. So, when we started talking about more rampant deployments over a 20th group, I was just like I need to be here.
Speaker 2:In 2014, when I was going through a bad time, my oldest daughter didn't have me around and so she kind of went off the rails a little bit, and my youngest daughter now is 13. And I see the writing on the wall. I mean she's lovely and got her head on straight, but this is the time. So I was like I can't be gone. So I was trying to figure out what was going on. I was at like 18 years in service and I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 2:So I took a job at Joint Force Headquarters in North Carolina, just because they're not going to deploy, and it was depressing and sad. And being around I mean just was an accountability formation every morning, and then sitting around an office staring at other people and going to a bunch of briefs and things with a bunch of colonels and generals, and I think I was there three months and I told myself I can do this for two years. I just coast to retirement, try to lend some value. And I was not loving it. And one of my old team sergeants, who's a sergeant major now, called me and was like hey, you want to teach at OCS. And I was like I'll come over and talk to somebody. So I went over. Yeah, my old sergeant major was like you want to teach? And I was like sure, I love teaching. Teaching at the Charlie Committee was one of the best times I had in the Army. And so I went over to just do an interview and he was like oh no, I didn't bother, he's like you're already on the books. And I was like, all right, so and you know, the funny part is like you say the team time is the best time you ever have.
Speaker 2:Everybody wants to stay on forever and the guys that I'm with, the guys and girls uh at the OCS committee, are as good as any ODA I've ever been on. Uh at the OCS committee are as good as any ODA I've ever been on. Everybody is super motivated, everybody fills the gaps, everybody is interested in turning out a better product. It's a wealth of experience. It's a wealth of just very motivated people and, you know, molding soft clay and trying to put out better officers and give them a sense of how to actually lead is very rewarding. So I'm happy. Um, you know, I I just enlisted to 21. We'll see are extended.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, you know we'll stay in. But one of the points, one of the hot points at joint force headquarters and at the committee was my out of regs mustache. And now it stays. You know, I told them, I said my, said my ex-wife, she would, uh, she wouldn't have sex with me when I had this mustache and I kept it then. So I'm pretty sure you're gonna carpal tunnel writing counseling statements about this mustache, uh, and it's not going to change anything. And they were like fine, fine, the mustache stays. I am dying on this hill.
Speaker 1:There's one constant about SF guys is that we will die on really?
Speaker 2:stupid hills. Oh yeah yeah, the mustangs are nothing.
Speaker 1:I've never been there. I was a proud member of the first mustache club. I brought it back in my battalion on my way out Nice. I wasn't going to get it. It's one thing to do it for fun, have the standard mustache that the military allows us to have. It's just ridiculous. It's terrible. And it gets fun for a little bit, but then it's like no, I'm. It gets fun for a little bit, but then it's like no, I'm going full hispanic, full-blown mustache, and no one's gonna say anything this is I'm dying on this hill it looks good.
Speaker 2:Who cares, right like the little ones, it's it's so dumb.
Speaker 1:Yeah, more men need to do that. Let's, let's let's rock the mustache a lot more. Uh, and I was lucky. My wife liked it, she enjoyed it, so it was more of I was. I was happy at home. I loved getting the the side looks from everybody at battalion leadership. It's like fuck you guys. I am on my way and this brings me a little bit of joy while I go down here to work the tiniest bit of joy is everything you know.
Speaker 2:So yeah, exactly, I get it.
Speaker 1:When you look back at your career and see this lineage of being able to work on teams, it still sounds so foreign for people to understand that are still in, still on the active side, still loving the team life. It's important to move outside your comfort zone when it's time to look for another place to have professional growth. Man, we can't just stay stagnant. Anything that stays stagnant doesn't grow. You die At some point. You have to leave the team or your platoon and develop yourself in another format. And being a coach, being a mentor to the next generation of officers, that's got to be incredibly rewarding, man.
Speaker 2:It's great, it really is.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's weird because, I have to imagine it, it's not just in the military. People struggle figuring out what they're going to do when they leave. And, yes, I one of the things that really got me. So I chased a disability rating. I started probably four years ago and, um, trying to get a psyche valve for something that's not ptsd, because I mean I don't think I had ptsd, uh or but I did have trouble dealing with emotional things that I just never touched. Um, you know, like losing your friends, no matter how much you can compartmentalize it and put it in a box and be like, oh, this, this is not, this doesn't bother me. Well, I feel like one of the only emotions that guys can touch is anger. So a lot of the time anger comes out and you're just like I might be frustrated but I'm going to be angry. I might be sad but I'm going to be angry. You know, like, cause anger is a thing that I know. I'm like I'm going to show you my emotion. It's anger. I'm like I'm going to show you my emotion, it's anchored.
Speaker 2:And so when I was going through the disability process, you know you answer the questionnaire the way you know it should be answered for your psych stuff. Because you're like okay, I'm chasing a rating and the first time I did it I got like a 30% rating for generalized anxiety disorder. Well, the second time I went through I was trying to get it raised from 30 to 70. And the psych who was coaching me was like you need to answer these questions honestly. And I was like yeah, yeah, fine. And then you start looking at the questions and you're like do you work well with others? Yeah, I work well with others. I've been on a team for years my boys like me. And then you're like years, my, my boys like me. And then you're like but I probably haven't held down a regular job with regular bosses ever like I mean, I worked in the oil field, I worked in sf, I've been in the army, I started a company with friends who are all also solid guys and we all understand each other.
Speaker 2:So, like when we have outbursts or like express our feelings as anger, everybody just takes it in stride. Like you can say the worst things to another team guy and he's like man, maybe I deserve that, or he's going through something, and then tomorrow we're cool again. It's not like that in the regular world. If you hurt somebody's feelings, they remember it forever. And it's not to say that they're right either, because I think we have learned a lot about taking criticism.
Speaker 2:Some of us, um, but, um, in general, like it's worth looking at the fact that, like we guys who are in the military have very unique experience and a very unique way of expressing themselves and sometimes it's better for us to find things to do on our own. It's not, like you know, get out and they get a GS job and they're not fulfilled because they're doing the same thing they did with less impact. And it's like hey, man, do something that you think is impactful. Um, I've got buddies that are doing like. One of my buddies is a director of security internationally for mercy ships who would have thought that he'd be doing something like that. You know what I mean. I I get more satisfaction doing volunteer work for Samaritan's purse than I do doing almost anything. And it's like you wouldn't think if I wrote a list of things I wanted to do, that wouldn't be on.
Speaker 2:But with the hurricane it was like a reunion out in Western North Carolina of SF guys who were like I was bored at home, so I just put a pin in my job and I came up here and I'm camping in a tent and I'm like cutting trees with chainsaws and bringing food and helping people and you're like, yeah, it makes you feel like you're a team guy again. I get it. Yeah, being a person of service again, yeah, guys need to be honest with themselves and that's the nature of the military is there's so many social benefits, there's so many economic benefits of being in the military that I think guys forget. But the real thing that they did was service. So if you're trading on, like I mean I still have a ton of pride. I mean, obviously I got an SF blanket and my soft fleet flag, that was in Syria and you know all this stuff.
Speaker 2:But like, really and truthfully, the pride that I feel about that isn't about being in the SF regiment, it was about feeling like I made a difference while I was in that place, on that team, and that should end at 40, 45 years old when we retire from the military, because I don't think. I don't think that there's this huge gap in service. I know that like there's the classes of service and people who are conventional will look at a soft guy like why didn't do what he did and you're like no, you did a different kind of service, but I couldn't have done my job without you. Like, the infrastructure of the military is necessary for me to do my job, and so those people I mean. Service takes different shapes, like being a good mechanic, being a good plumber, doing things around the house for your family. Those are all service and are rewarding and as men, we get a lot out of those things.
Speaker 1:We shouldn't act like they're nothing because they're something Dude, absolutely yeah, we need to kill this myth that only soft guys have the great impact and they're the only ones to do great things. Man, some of the greatest warfighters that I know, some of the dudes that put in so much time in Afghanistan and Iraq and did amazing things, are conventional guys like infantry dudes, paratroopers that fucking took the fight to the enemy, 88 mics. I've got a great friend, retired sergeant major from the marine corps, and he was so ashamed of his service when we were talking about what we did and then come to find out he was in like the invasion of iraq manning 50 cows, like fucking really getting after it. And you hear these stories of valor and service and it's like, well, it doesn't matter because I was a logistician by by trade. It's like, yeah, but in the moment when they needed a rifleman and a gunner, that was that was your job, that that's what you did. You.
Speaker 2:You are just as much as a hero as these guys to get elevated on platforms we've lost the sense of duty in our country because we are trying to figure out how to take care of ourselves in a place where we're increasingly isolated, where we don't experience community. And I think one of the things that people I think the thing that people see in SF that they don't see in their regular life is this brotherhood and this sense of duty and obligation to each other. And you know, one of the things I love the most about Softly is like we didn't recruit all soft guys to be on the program. We were a magnet for people that wanted to make themselves better and still do. Um, I mean the boys are still cranking it out.
Speaker 2:I sold my equity in Softly over a year ago and I mean I'm still involved, still best friends with Brent. You know it's a good group of guys and they're still doing a great thing. And people ask me like, hey, what should I do to get in shape? I'm like man do Softly, like I still use Softly. I think that the program is the best.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the thing that I love about softly and if you could take us through that journey, it's it's watching it grow from the very beginning and like getting that first paper program in afghanistan and I was like, okay, I see these guys online, they're, they're from my community, that's what I'm going to go to for a workout. I remember downloading that first workout plan and just fucking destroying myself in afghanistan and got into the best shape of my life and it's one of those deployment things. I'm on this program right now.
Speaker 2:I love that program.
Speaker 1:That's when we ever wrote I still think it's it's, it's, it's amazing. But like we don't. We don't often hear the stories of how these, these opportunities came to go. These people came together and created these amazing programs and you know what softlyness? Today it's still a freaking beacon of like hey, I can get out and I can create something of value to not just my community but to greater frigging American populace. Like, how did that? How did Softly come to exist?
Speaker 2:I'm not sure we ever saw it being what it was right, Brent, I mean I know I didn't and Brent to this day still picks on me about it. When he started it, we were both GORUCK cadre and it was like a moonlighting thing, you know, like, uh, jason at goruck had put together a crew of soft dudes that were like irreverent and, you know, poorly behaved and we basically, like we were throwing physically demanding parties in cities all over the us and, you know, trying to get on bully pulpits and talk about what service was to us while we smoked people that wanted to do tough stuff. And I was a partner in a CrossFit gym at the time. Brent owned a CrossFit gym in Wilmington and you know, like, at that point CrossFit you know, I mean, when we came in, CrossFit was just starting. So, like I came in 2004 and it was was the first real focused fitness I'd ever seen. My cadre at Special Operations Preparatory Course put us through CrossFit workouts. It was like, okay, this is hard science at the time. But then we started to, you know, gravitate more to the fitness side, get gyms realize that we needed to write programming because even though crossfit was good, the constantly varied aspect of it wasn't necessarily conducive to maintaining a good general baseline of fitness for guys in our career field. Um, because you know, crossfit became a sport. It became a gymnastically focused sport, which wasn't good for operators unless you were genetically gifted, at which point I think anything works for you. Um, that's a kind of a rabbit trail. But, um, brent wrote a program, forgot, brent and bill wrote a program for guys that were going to get selected and a program for guys that were going to be on teams. That was it. They sold PDFs and I mean, I think in the first week they sold something like 12,000. It was insane. They were like this isn't going to work, Like, yeah, it was insane. So they, we migrated over to a third party like kind of programming hosting platform called Trainer Roit, and then by the time we got to like two or 3000 members, we realized we needed to build our own app.
Speaker 2:Um, my gym, like the. The segue was that Brent sold his gym and didn't have a place to film content and I had a gym in the in the pines. So I was like you can film content at my gym? And he was like well, do you want to be a 50% partner? And I was like, uh, no, I don't think that thing's going to take off and I'm already too busy, Like I'm doing, go ruck, I'm contracting, I'm in the guard. Uh, I had this gym and you know I got a family, so I'm not going to put another thing on my plate.
Speaker 2:And uh, I think I split ways with my partner at the gym maybe six months later and I was the first full-time paid employee at Softly and I worked for nothing. I think I started $34,000 a year. I didn't have equity. I worked there for I don't know two years and we kept growing. So I kept getting raises and eventually Brent came to me and was like hey, uh, you're a real value add here. I want to give you some equity. Um, and there were some nuances in that, uh, but it it worked out really well. And I mean we had a good I don't know six year run where we were. Just that was our, our sole focus developing more programs. Just that was our, our sole focus developing more programs, building a community. Um, you know it's, it was very rewarding. It still is rewarding.
Speaker 2:I mean, to this day, I don't get paid anything by Softly and I probably spend two to four hours a week counseling dudes that message me on Instagram asking what program should I be on? Why do I feel like this? Uh, you know, hey, I'm going through a divorce. How do I deal like this? Uh, you know, hey, I'm going through a divorce. How do I deal with that? And being like, hey man, it's the hardest thing I ever did Hands down, going through divorces like the most emotionally and physically taxing thing I've ever gone through. And you know, all you can do is take care of yourself and try to do the next right thing. And you know I didn't have that.
Speaker 2:You know, when I was getting divorced, I you know everybody just kind of uh, a lot of people who should have given me accountability during that time didn't, and so I never want to be in that place where I'm like, hey, man, you're, uh, you're screwing up, You're you're getting what you deserve right now because you haven't been a good husband, you haven't focused on the things that matter, and so for me, it's like, if this is important to you, you have to put work into it, Same as anything else, and if you're complacent, you're going to get it. You're going to get out what you put in. So, you know, work on yourself, be a better dude and if you know, if your wife doesn't want to be a part of that, then you know. You know what the outcome is going to be. But you can look yourself in the eye and you can look in the mirror and not feel bad about what happened. You know, yeah, Stop, Because you know it's like the enemy gets a vote. You know, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Divorce is something that will rock you to your core and some individuals are very lucky it's very amicable. Others have years and years of legal fights and pain and just suffering. But one of the things that you can always access is that physical like, being willing to like, tap in to like. It's like I always say there's three domains we have to focus on mind, body and spirit. And if you can focus on the physical workout while you know, take a few moments, take some time out of your day and just work out. Give yourself that peace and freedom from the anxiety and everything you're going through. That's going to help.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm glad you brought up the anxiety, because I don't think people realize but as men as a whole, we suffer from a lot of anxiety because there's a lot of things on our plate that we have to deal with. I mean, hey, it's stressful to think about taking an hour a day to be in the gym when you have all these other things that are going on, all these people who expect things from you, all of the deep seated expectations you have for yourself that you can't articulate. You know, or it's like, hey, you know I and you know softly, we started integrating meditation and a lot of other things that people kind of poo pooed. At first we had to put you know, like when we put yoga in for post-hab At first we had to put you know. Like when we put yoga in for post-hab, we had to rename exercises, so they weren't yoga names. So the guys weren't like, oh, I'm doing yoga. You're like, hey, man, do it, because telling a guy to sit down and clear his mind and focus on breathing is hard, but doing it through movement with yoga, where it's like, hey, you can't think about anything else because you're holding a position that's uncomfortable and now you're clearing your brain and your focus on is on your breath.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, all of a sudden, now you're meditating, now you're clearing your mind, you're releasing a lot of the stress. It's called an allostatic load. I guess we're all. Yeah, the allostatic load, the cup is only so big you're filling it up all the time. If you don't have a release valve on the cup, it overflows all over the top and it makes a mess. So we're trying to figure out a way to keep the level of your cup more consistent.
Speaker 2:So you know, for me, um, the anxiety, the stress levels that we all experience, like I have to take time to clear my mind, and you see people doing it like, oh, they block out time. I don't do that anymore. I use Headspace at night before I go to bed and I mean I sleep like a baby because it's like a breathing drill and they talk about something stupid and silly and then I'm asleep. But for five to 10 minutes before I go to bed I'm dumping all the bad stuff from the day and when I wake up it's a new day. And you know, we don't, we all think that we're redlining all the time. You know, like when you're in the gym you're trying to work out as hard as you can. You're trying to, and that's not good for you.
Speaker 1:Um the no, it's horrible.
Speaker 2:It's absolutely horrible, man, yeah, trying to program zone two days where guys are like, hey, you're going to do a thing, but it isn't going to feel like very much because we're using this day to download all the other heavy days that you've had and give your body a chance to heal, process some lactic acid off your muscles and keep you functional. But guys, crossfit as an example, I mean you go into a community, the community is great, you know you're working out, but every day at CrossFit is a punishment. You know Like you're getting wrecked.
Speaker 1:You can't do that, you have to.
Speaker 1:Dude. I tell guys all the time like, if you don't have a professional program, if you're not plugged in with the community, where you have somebody that can do the checks and balances, I don't have a degree in working out, I don't have a degree in putting up a program. I got a coach. Again, I'm plugging him in because he's amazing and he's part of our community. He was actually my star major, Terry Wilson Nice. I'm plugging him in because he's amazing and he's part of our community. He was actually my star major. Terry Wilson Nice Puts together amazing programs that let me know exactly what I have to do and I don't second guess it anymore because I see the progress. The days of working out like you're a gym bro, the days of working out like you are in Afghanistan in your 20s they're not here anymore for a lot of us.
Speaker 2:Those days are over. You have to train smart. Think about how bad we were to ourselves in our 20s, like you know. It was volume on volume, on volume, followed by drinking, followed by no sleep, followed by volume. Volume volume yeah, buy a goat. Volume volume yeah, I mean like a, you know. I mean I'm grateful that we've normalized testosterone therapy now for people, because it gives guys a chance, a fighting chance to recover.
Speaker 2:But, um, like I, I wish that I knew what I know now when I was in my 20s. Now, I mean I'd like to think that I would have had the perspective to slow down a little bit at that point, but I probably wouldn't have. And a lot of that is just a mindset, and the same mindset that makes us successful is a mindset that kills us, which is we all feel like we're outliers. Um, the normal things don't affect me the way they affect other people, and I will do something stupid multiple times because I'm expecting a different outcome. It's the definition of stupidity.
Speaker 2:But because we keep getting back up and we keep trying again and again and again, and it's a, it's just a gradual, azimuth change every time. Eventually, you find a path and you go down it. I think that one of the things that we've done a disservice to ourselves on culturally is we've kind of shied away from hard things, hard conversations. We tried to make everything padded. I guess you know we're we're babysaving everything for everybody and it's like look, growth doesn't happen in like in comfort.
Speaker 2:It doesn't happen in the easy right, like I was going to say. I was like, yeah, good sleep still matters, but also like real growth as a human doesn't happen in comfort, and like life is tough and I mean I've had daughters, um, most of my adult life. I got remarried and I acquired four sons in the marriage and uh, yeah, so there's six kids now. Right and um, it's awesome. But what's funny is when I was dating Heather, I told her I was like, oh well, I don't need to be a dad to your sons, I just need to be present. You're the parent You've been raising them. I don't need to go against you.
Speaker 2:And I realized really quickly that raising boys is totally different than raising girls. Hugs all the time is not the answer, and they're testing boundaries the same way girls are, but in a different way. And they're not growing from being told yes all the time. They're growing from being told no, from being redirected, from being, from having like potentially damaging things explained to them, allowing them to get hurt a little bit, but then being like, hey, the thing you're about to do is going to hurt you, I'll dust you off when it's over, but like, don't be stupid. And they're still going to be stupid. We were, we all you know. But like they, it's a very different experience with boys than girls and you know I I sometimes think I'm being too big of an asshole, but also I look around and I'm like. Every single male figure in my life who matters to me, who made a difference in my, in my growth and existence, was a dickhead to me, like I strove to impress.
Speaker 2:So true man Like you know, it's like hey the guys who were nice to me.
Speaker 2:They didn't accomplish anything. The guys who were mean to me were out there getting it done and they expected a lot from me, and so I expect a lot from my boys. I'm like hey, and she's like no. No, they almost did it. I'm like I don't care. They know We've told them 17 times now they're going to do it right and when they do it right I'll tell them they did it right. But until then I'm going to tell them how bad they're screwing up and it works. I mean, and they may not like me, you know like they're, but the reality is that it's like, as guys, it's what we need, and whether it's from your dad or it's from another male mentor that you find you need people who hold you accountable, not people. People who push, you know, and it doesn't have to be a jerk push.
Speaker 2:My climbing mentor is one of the nicest guys I've ever met in my life and I had COVID during a climbing thing we do like with the team and he was like hey, today's the day you're going to trad lead. And I'm like wait what he's like. Hey, today's the day you're going to trad lead and I'm like wait what he's like yeah, that's it, You're going to trad lead this 100-foot pitch. And I was like well, first of all, I'm petrified of heights, so just sport climbing alone is a big accomplishment for me. Secondly, you're going to make me lead trad today. And he was like yep, you're going to do it.
Speaker 2:And having all the guys around looking at me waiting to make a judgment about me being like I don't want to do it, I feel sick, I was like okay, I'll do it. And sending that was a huge breakthrough for me in terms of understanding. I got Don huge accomplishment. He came up behind me and cleaned it up and I was like how was my placement? And he's like, oh man, half of those things would have come out. You probably would have died if you'd fallen.
Speaker 2:And I was just like I just wanted your validation and love but I mean it's good to know, it's good to know that my place is, you know, and he walked me through every placement. He'd taken pictures of everything up as he came and cleaned up behind me.
Speaker 2:I mean that's the kind of feedback you need if you didn't do a good job absolutely even if it was success, having somebody do an aar and be like, hey, man, you didn't do it well, but you got it done. You know that doesn't mean you should do it that way every time, moving forward um.
Speaker 1:It's so true. We need that and I see that missing in our communities and in our society as a whole. Young men can't develop into their greatest version of themselves without male mentorship. It's the absolute truth and I hate hearing counter arguments as to well, it's not needed. No, dads aren't important. No, they're absolutely important. They're so crucial and so vital. And if you don't have a dad, having an uncle, having somebody within your community, that's a good role model. That's what helps us create great men who go on to do great things in their communities. We need that. It's a different mentality. We can't be coddled, we can't be. You know there's a time and place to hold space for somebody when they're not doing well.
Speaker 2:But when you're getting after it.
Speaker 2:There's no such thing as zero defect, right Like, yeah, whether you want to look at it from a Christian perspective of we're all sinners, or you want to look at it just from a pragmatic standpoint, which is that people are generally flawed, the reality is you look at people who seem to have it all together and I can guarantee you they do not. They put up a good face, their presentation is good because they're selling success, but that's the lie. That is a lie. Success is a lie. It doesn't matter how successful you are. The road to that place is popped with failures and mistakes, and managing those mistakes is what makes you a successful person. It makes you happy Understanding the mistakes you made, mitigating those mistakes, recovering from those mistakes.
Speaker 2:And, as a good SF example, I mean, how many guys have we seen that were golden children? That, like you know, ppp studs shoot really well. They lead, they've got great combat experience within their organization. You know one shot for everything, like one shot Ranger School graduates, one shot Sanger school graduates, one shot soda graduates, one shots of our graduates. And then they go to the long walk and they don't get picked up and they come back to sf after failing. You know whether it's the long walk or otc. They've gone up another and when they didn't level up and they failed, they come back down to their level where they used to be rock stars and they're trash. They're literally terrible attitude. They don't want to work anymore. They think they're better than the people around them and they just start imploding. Their lives become a wreck and it's like that guy never knew what failure was like. He didn't learn how to deal with failure early on, being told no, and so now he's acting like a, like a 10 year old child, um, and it's like we need to create failure barriers for people as they grow up, where it's like it's a no-win. Uh, you're, and that's how we teach in the army right, like, especially within soft, and I've taken it to OCS because it's it's outcome-based training.
Speaker 2:You learn way more from a failure than you learn from a success. If you came into this program and you knew how to do everything to begin with and you just were great, I have very limited hopes for your ability to function outside of a training organism. But coming in and me being like, hey, you're not going to get anything right, I'm going to create a situation where you get everything wrong on purpose, you will do basic things right, and I'm going to introduce more and more stress, more and more conundrums that make you fail, because I don't want you to be successful in this the first time. I want you to learn that if you don't succeed, you try again, and you try again, and you try again. And as long as you're trying different things and as long as you're able to give me an explanation for why you chose to do it this way, to give me an explanation for why you chose to do it this way, you're not in trouble. You're just learning, and I think that we've taken for granted that learning is a process.
Speaker 2:We think that you punch information into a person and you get information out, and every person is different.
Speaker 2:But we're all flawed and we're all making mistakes and we're all doing the wrong thing. But we're all flawed and we're all making mistakes and we're all doing the wrong thing. And some of the most tortured people I know are people that do the wrong thing. They know it's the wrong thing, but then they convince themselves that they're only capable of doing the wrong thing, so they begin to be this person that is a bad person, because it's all they know and it's like, hey, man, just take a step back, breathe. The next right thing is right there. You don't have to do the wrong thing forever because it's your identity. You can just take a different path, do the next right thing and then do the next right thing, and it's going to be really uncomfortable and people are going to say things to you like you know oh well, this is who you are, you're. You know you can't change. I mean, beauty of humanity is that we can change anytime, at any point. Make a decision, go good or bad.
Speaker 1:You know Exactly, yeah, yeah, we don't have to stay rooted in the behaviors that we established in the military or in the situations you were born in. We can continue to grow and adapt, and that's one of the things that I always tell people. Don't get comfortable with who you are today, in this path, this chapter of your life. When you get out, that's a brand new opportunity to do something that's uniquely just for you. You don't have to follow anybody else's path, and that's why the identity piece and the purpose piece that we talked about earlier, before we started, that's such a huge thing for guys and gals. When they get out, it's like fuck, I've just been doing this on automatic mode for so long, what do I do now? It's like, yeah, it's shocking mode for so long.
Speaker 2:What do I do now? It's like, yeah, it's shocking. Well, it's weird too, because I think, after x number of years of being told what to do and functioning inside of an organism that would march on without you regardless, um, people tend to feel like when they move on, they should do something that's for themselves and like cultural, a culture of moral relativism coupled with a culture that really encourages self-care. Now, you know, like, um, it's kind of the temptation is to do things for yourself. Only when you move on, cause you're like why did all these years of doing all this other stuff with people, for people? Now I'm gonna like run a dive shop and it's like cool man, it's not that there's anything wrong with running a dive shop, right, like a dive shop is awesome. But what are you giving back? Like are you, are you actually teaching people or are you just trying to like pay bills and recreate, and that's not very fulfilling, um, but you know it's.
Speaker 2:I think it's why we see a lot of guys migrating to extreme sports, because they're getting a dopamine fix from something that puts their life in jeopardy. It's that they're pushing themselves, but it's for a very like, a very like self-indulgent. Uh, yeah, why? And a lot of that. Like when we talk about, like, emotional regulation, regulating our own, you know uh, dopamine, like not being addicts to dopamine anymore. All we really know is stress. We gravitate towards it, we choose relationships that are stressful.
Speaker 1:It's the, you know the, what is anxious that's one of the first things you can notice when you're on the bound. The other side of healing is you notice your friends and the continued pattern they have for their relationships they get involved in.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and it's maybe, maybe not the waitress from max it's not really, you know, like I understand wanting to be in that kind of arrangement, um, and the thing is being able to say, well, that's not and this isn't. This isn't a cop out, but other people's emotions aren't my responsibility. Yes, how I act is my responsibility. If I'm continually acting in a way that receives negative attention, I might be the problem. However, if I'm making good choices and I'm putting other people's concerns first and I'm trying my best to, like you know, fulfill others before I fulfill myself, well, if the other person's angry about that, they need to deal with that on their own. You can't make other people happy.
Speaker 2:If you are focused on making other people happy, you will forever be sad because you just can't make everybody happy, all the time, you know, and that's why one of the things that I tell people like I judge the character of men more on the caliber of their enemy than the caliber of their friend. Like it's easy to be a bar friend, but you know who you choose to be against is a bigger statement of who you are than who you get along with. Um, you know it's. I see a ton of weak guys that get along with everybody. I see a ton of strong guys that just constantly pick fights. Well, both of those are bad, but if you're a strong, good person, you will draw a line against people who are actively engaging in toxic behavior.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter if the whole world likes those people. You have to say X, y and Z are those things people do. I don't want to be associated. I don't want that stink on me. Exactly, yeah, and so when you see people that are like and they can you can be kind about it. You don't have to. It doesn't need to be a vitriolic thing. It's just like I don't want to be associated with that person, as it has been a real challenge for me, because there's a lot of people in the community that have a lot of reach, that everyone wants you to be associated with and be nice to, and you're like I just can't get down with what they're doing. And that's not to say that I'm perfect. I am not, um, you know. I think that it's interesting not to segue too much, but we I think myself included we have all told tall tales over the course of our careers and lives. Yes, I'm from Texas. You never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
Speaker 2:You know, it's always collaborations You're going to tell for the sake of the story. You're going to tell a kind of you know, elaborate version. Nobody is, I mean outside of like a severely autistic person. Nobody is telling a story as it happened. You know what I mean outside of like a severely autistic person. Nobody is telling a story as it happened. You know what I mean Like exactly.
Speaker 2:But when your identity becomes wrapped up in a thing that didn't happen, which you know I went through when I failed out of college and trying to tell this narrative of why I failed out and why I was working in the oil field and I had a really great story, but the cure was going back to college and graduating and realizing I didn't have to tell a story. I didn't have to manipulate the situation so that people thought better of me. All I had to do was do better. You know like, oh yeah, now I'm going to do a better thing, but I had to take pride in and that is the thing that I'm hanging my hat on right now, until the next thing that I then hang my hat on that, and so, like it's not that I think that we're, I don't think anyone's above reproach, but I do think that accepting that you're not above reproach and holding everybody else accountable is important, um, especially when there are people who are your peers who are doing things with you and it affects their reputation and then, in turn, it affects yours. And I think that that is much broader than just the military veteran community. It's everywhere and I think that because we're so inculcated in military culture, we see it as this microcosm. But it's everybody right.
Speaker 2:I could go to a stockbroker drinking session and I'm going to listen to 15 guys there tell tall tales about what they're doing and trying to make themselves look better because they want to look good for their boss, but what they really should be focusing the time on is educating themselves on future trades, understanding the market, developing relationships surrounding a deal, and the guys who understand that are wildly successful. The guys who don't understand that are going to be sitting at a desk hoping that their dividends are going to keep them a job for another year and telling you they're the best stockbroker that's ever lived. And telling you they're the best stockbroker that's ever lived, when, truth be told, they're just not. If a guy has to tell you how good he is, he's probably not that good oh, a hundred fucking percent in any profession, and the best guys I know I mean genuinely the best guys I know are the most self-critical.
Speaker 2:They're the ones that'll tell you it's terrible. Yeah, oh, I'm not good at anything and you're like your splits lie, your splits, those are the the best fucking teammates and you'll never forget them.
Speaker 1:The best fucking teammates and you'll never forget them. The best fucking teammates, the best dudes on the team. They'll always be hypercritical. They'll always be. No, that's not good enough, sarge. I got to do a little better. And that's the reality. And those are the stories that I wish more people would share. The reality of what it really. The guys that really stick with you for the rest of your life, those true legends, true legends on the team. But the guys that really stick with you for the rest of your life, those are true legends.
Speaker 2:True legends on a team. A lot of those guys struggle with adaptability though, too. They may be really good in one area, but shifting gears into another area, their mindset is right in the area that they're hyper-focused on, but then shifting gears and applying that same mindset to family, applying the same mindset to fitness guys who are really really good at one thing, we'll let a lot of other stuff slide because they're so focused on that one thing. So you know, trying to maintain a global understanding of where you're good and bad spider graph as you will of all of the different things in your life. You can't be good at everything else, but I much prefer someone whose spider graph is like is is circular and very close to the center, than someone who has a tiny spider graph and like a couple weird outliers and you're like I know what you're good at, but like you're not good at all this other stuff, which makes you a liability. Yeah, um, and you're trying to tell guys like well, I shoot, move and communicate really well, and you're like awesome, like I get that, but like you miss movement like 50 of the time you drink too much. You are a social hand grenade. Um, like, you're less good at the things you're good at, because you're distracted about things that are going on at home. Um, like, take a little bit of the energy you put into the thing you're really good at and put it in things you're not good at, because when you start to get better at those things, everything gets easier. You're minimizing the band.
Speaker 2:And I just wish as a culture, because what I've found is there's tons of things I'm not good at, but if I surround myself with people who are good at them, they backfill me a lot.
Speaker 2:They'll pick it up when I suck in an area I'm not good at, or they'll remind me that I'm sucking Like hey man, maybe you should do this I'm not good at, or they'll remind me that I'm sucking like hey man, maybe you should do this, you know, um, I, I I've been reminded multiple times in the last year about, and I mean like my attitude is right in a bunch of areas. But I've had people remind me hey, uh, your, your view on this is very myopic. Or like you know, like that's fair, and then take it home and I'm thinking about it, I'm like, okay, maybe I should do better on that, you know, and I'll like I'll apologize to my kids and my wife about something and be like hey, I dropped the ball on this, you know like um I dad was wrong yeah, I'm not just being wrong, just just I've created an environment where it's easy for me to be wrong or or be right in a way that isn't really productive.
Speaker 2:You know, like I, it's hard, because a lot of the crutches we've learned to lean on over the years are things that are bad for us. Um, and you know.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've got some whiskey behind me here. Uh, I'm not, I'm not drinking for the next 50 days. My, my work, which I I love, where I work now. Uh, my boss is a rad dude. He sent out a text and was like hey, uh, we're gonna do this. You know filthy 50 challenge thing and it's silly, but yeah, it's good for me like to be like like. I already stopped drinking at night because I wanted better sleep and because I recognized that when I had three glasses of wine when I was watching hockey with my wife when she says something that a wife says, I'm much more open to being in a fight with her I'm like, oh yeah, you want to argue, I'll argue. Oh yeah, you want to argue, I'll argue. And I told her you know, before this came around, I was like, hey, I'm gonna stop drinking at night just because I feel like we don't have arguments when I'm not like, well, I pick them and I'm like that's being sober, was like one of the best things I've.
Speaker 1:I've decided to do just and I always talk about it because it's it's truly one of the first decisions that I made, where I did the warrant officer thing and analyzed it why did I drink? Why did I find value in it? And I realized I didn't. I didn't find value at all, and if I wanted to focus on my fitness and truly analyzing what I could do to be better in every domain, I realized that I had to get rid of some things, and alcohol was just that easy thing I could get rid of.
Speaker 2:It's not easy for a lot of guys Right, like that's the problem. Yes, yeah, is that because they? Because, man, I'm going to say some really unpopular things. But, like, alcohol is a drug and it's a massive difference and it pretty much gets in the way of all of the good things that you want to do in life. And it's not to say that alcohol is bad, because I won't say the drugs are bad. Like, in moderation, yeah, certain drugs have effects that are beneficial for people in different situations in moderation. But with alcohol it's very hard to be moderate about how you consume it because it's so.
Speaker 1:That's where I found myself yeah, yes, social thing.
Speaker 2:And when it's not social it's even more destructive, because then you're drinking by yourself and you're like, oh, it's just a few to help me go to sleep, but it ruins your sleep. I mean, like you don't get your rest. One drink within four hours of bedtime and you've ruined your whole night's sleep. And guys like, well, it helps you go to bed.
Speaker 2:Sure, it helps you pass out, but it doesn't help you sleep well. So why are we doing? You know, like? And everybody who stops drinking feels better when they're not drinking. The initial parts are 100%.
Speaker 2:And I was talking to some people who developed a sleep app just yesterday and I was talking with them about having discussions about the use of nicotine because, like we all yeah, I mean like, whether we were smoking on ops or dipping or whatever well, copenhagen, yeah, dude, I was dude, I did copenhagen from how I was like 14 until I don't know 40. And then these like Zenz this is Zemo Zenz yeah, they came out and he got rid of all the unhealthy aspects of nicotine and it doesn't like nicotine is healthy. In some ways, it's also not good, yeah it's a nootropic yeah, it's not good before bed, though.
Speaker 2:So, like you're just zenz 24, 7, it's like, hey, a little bit's good, a lot is bad. Gotta find what your balance is in using those things. So, like, self-awareness is the real power play here. Yeah, we all suffer absolutely self-pity, and, whether we want to admit that or not, guys like I don't pity myself, like I'm tough on myself, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, why are you drinking a fifth of bourbon?
Speaker 2:a night like what's? You know what's going on, I know what's going on, you're using this as an escape mechanism and like, while I think that like psychotherapy and uh, like, well, not psychotherapy, but like, um, psychedelic therapy has huge value for guys, like ketamine is helping people make massive breakthroughs on just things that they never would have dealt with. Same with psilocybin uh, ayahuasca yeah, that stuff.
Speaker 1:That stuff saved me. I'm big believer in it.
Speaker 2:Uh it that it's changing, yeah but you see the same group of dudes who used to drink too much or used to be drowning in debt, who are doing psychedelics daily, weekly, whatever. And you're like, hey, man, this is another thing, you're doing another thing, it's a coping mechanism, and like it's not helping anymore. Now it's hurting, but we don't, we, I don't say. When I say we, I don't mean me, because I have a really great group of accountability on stuff like that, which is, like you know, I. I did a mushroom journey with my 17 year old when I'm 22 now, man, she was 17. I did one with a native American spirit guide. That that's awesome. That was five years ago now and I've never I've talked about doing another journey, another therapeutic thing. I've worked with a bunch of different nonprofits that do it and like it was such a meaningful experience to me I haven't really thought about doing it again. And it's funny because the same way.
Speaker 1:It's an amazing journey. It's like if the healing is so powerful and the journey stays with you as being one of the most impactful moments of your life. I don't want to rush to do it again. I don't like it's it's not to say I won't. I don't want to rush to do it again. I don't like it, I won't.
Speaker 2:It's just a it needs to be like I need to identify problems or a block, yeah, and I want to use this as a tool to overcome that block.
Speaker 1:And exactly.
Speaker 2:I find that other mechanisms are also helpful in overcoming blocks. Like, if I'm like identifying a block, my immediate knee, jerk, jerk, isn't. Like, oh, I need to go hang out with Mike and Holly and do another mushroom journey. It's like, hey, I need to examine the choices I'm making and make different choices. And you know, I the last two years I've had a few sport injuries that have set me back in my training and I was really quick to be like, well, I'm recovering and I'm not going to train now. And like, post injury, staying mobile, doing the movement but not really working out and training hard Isn't bad, it's actually good, yeah.
Speaker 2:But then, you know, when I got remarried, going through the adjustment period of having more responsibilities and my time is at premium, I just kind of quit training for three months. I was like I don't have time for it and she's in the gym every day, and so she's like, are you going to train today? I'm like, no, I got other stuff I got to do. Well, I just like I realized I was. You know, I was tired in the day, so I was drinking wine, and then I'd wake up in the morning and I'd be tired because I didn't have good sleep. And then I wasn't training because I was being lazy, not because I had a good reason my schedule was too full. So you know, knock out drinking suddenly. Sleep is better. Wake up refreshed. Now going into the gym six in the morning isn't scary or weird. And like I'm like all right, cool. Now you into the gym at six in the morning Isn't scary or weird. And like I'm like all right, cool, now I'm.
Speaker 2:You know, the first week sucked. You get delayed onset, muscle soreness and you're just like, oh God, this is terrible. And the second week it's like I'm so glad I made those choices and I'm back on it, my head's clear, I feel better about. Um, you know, like, but it's a series of small choices, it's not a life altering big one. And when I talk to guys, they're like I can't do this and I'm like I know it feels like you can't, but there are little steps to get there and that's why, like, when I talk to people, my first thing is how's your sleep? Because I think sleep is the biggest deal. Like have you had a sleep study? Oh yeah, you have a CPAP.
Speaker 1:I got. I'm finally off my CPAP. That was one of the greatest accomplishments I've done.
Speaker 2:Nice Good for you.
Speaker 2:I worship the altar of CPAP Like I have one, I feel like an idiot. I mean, I think I've had sleep apnea for a better part of 20 years and getting on a CPAP, you know all of the things that I was being diagnosed with at a doctor ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder they were all tied to like. Even when I was getting eight hours a night, I wasn't getting eight hours a night of sleep. Even when I was getting eight hours a night, I wasn't getting eight hours a night of sleep. And with a sleep pad, I'm like, oh, like, I'm not angry. I can think I don't take Adderall. It's like I would sleep.
Speaker 1:That was it it's one of the things that I saw. It was weird. It was like a moment in the airport and I saw it was weird. It was like a moment in the airport and I started seeing every veteran carrying their CPAP machine and it clicked on me. I would see all these men walking in to my. You know, just next time you're in airport, just pause and look at everybody around you and you'll start noticing everybody carrying their CPAP.
Speaker 1:Yeah, their little, their little, the little bag, cause they give you a little travel bag for your CPAP in case your luggage gets somewhere else. You, you can fucking breathe that night.
Speaker 2:And I started digging into it and every time I travel I'm like, oh, why am I doing this? You know, yeah, I want to buy a little rest and I realize they make a yes, on the size of a phone, but it's a thousand dollars. I'm like I spend a thousand dollars on dumb shit all the time. I'm like why don't I just buy one?
Speaker 1:you know like I just need a bottle yeah, but I just realized if there's something that I can control and I looked at all the studies and the correlations like I don't want to have diabetes, I don't want to have hypertension, like I want to be able to be here for my kids, I don't want, like I don't want to just be settling for, like this comfort of having this machine. What can I do? I need to take control of my health. I need to take control of my life and start, like, digging into it. And it started with mindfulness, it started with meditation, breath work and understanding like I can take ownership of these things.
Speaker 1:I can make this goal of being off this machine and I don't snore anymore Because, trust me, my wife would let me know that's one of the biggest indicators If you need a CPAP, how much do you fucking snore at night? But getting off that machine and seeing the benefit of it, uh, and I owe it, I owe a lot of the, the metrics tracking to the aura ring. Uh, I'm getting back with whoop just because now I'm like, okay, now I want to nerd out and see if I can become a better runner, but having that aura ring and figuring out my sleep and seeing how shitty it was. I was like fuck dude, I don't want to be that guy in my fifties or sixties my SPO levels were like 80% multiple times a night before my CPAP.
Speaker 2:And now, like I don't know how you got off of it, cause if I go without it, like it doesn't matter Breath, work, weight, whatever, it's still bad for me. But uh, it's still bad for me. But with the sleep meter it's like, oh well, I don't drop below 95% when I sleep anymore. But guys don't want to get CPAPs, they're annoying. I get it, but it's a big game changer.
Speaker 1:Dude, it's a huge one. It sucks for guys. That's insomnia.
Speaker 2:Deployable. Guys want to be like, well, well, I don't want to do it because I won't deploy. It's the same thing as trt. Like I don't know what's going on at the use of sock surgeon dod, med level in terms of saying, well, you can't be deployable if you have to give yourself a shot, you can't be deployable if you have a c-pap. It's like you identified a problem and you've identified a solution. Guys are going to ignore the problem if you don't facilitate them pursuing the solution. So what's the deal? Like I know you guys are afraid they're going to abuse steroids. Well, if it's doctor prescribed and everybody feels good, who's abusing it? Right? Um, and with CP cpaps, it's the same thing. It's like no, wait, you'd rather a guy snore like go to any team room, man, like a open bay for training. It's like chainsaws, all night nightmare yeah, um all night long.
Speaker 2:but what's the problem with guys having cpaps like I, don't I, I, it's beyond me. Yeah, I understand.
Speaker 1:We have generators, we have we have extension cords, like we. We make it happen all the time. Yeah, um Doug, I can't. I can't thank you enough for being here, man.
Speaker 1:And being gracious with your time, dude, honestly any. I. I want you to know that what you guys created in Softly and what you've created by putting yourself out there and always sharing your fitness journey, not only has it helped me as I've gone through injuries and look for new programs, look for new ways to adapt and get better, but you've influenced and you've helped so many individuals like truly, like truly and and that's something that we all need to understand like we can have a huge positive impact if we're just willing to show a day in a life of like just being a little bit better each and every day, just, and that's something that you've given back to the community so much, brother I, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:uh, I don't know how to receive kind words, so I don't know how to receive kind words, so I don't know how to take all this praise, so I'm just going to fight you, but I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:I think that one of the things that one of the things that Brent and I talked about really early, and I think that it has left a mark. I want more people to take this message away, which is I'm an open book, sometimes to my detriment. I've shared personal journeys that probably I shouldn't have shared with people, but all of my skeletons, all of my junk, is on Front Street, and the faster that people own their shortcomings and their mistakes and just go hey, man, I made a mistake and I'm going to try to do better. I can't promise it's going to be perfect, but like I'm gonna try to do better. Like all of those things that held me hostage years ago, all of the imposter syndrome, the fear that people would figure out that I wasn't as good as I was trying to present Um, like I'm I'm like the most mid middle grade, medium athlete, you know, like I have all the shortcomings everybody else has, but like nobody's going to ever be able to come at me and be like hey, this thing you did, yeah, yeah, man, you're right, that was pretty screwed up. I've also owned it and I don't do that anymore.
Speaker 2:And, like you know, okay, like sorry that you're still mad about a mistake I made 10 years ago, but if people will take that lesson and put their baggage on front street, I think it's very freeing and it allows people to to live a much better life, and that's just. That's a holistic, like you know. Fitness, uh, your emotional relationships, spirituality, all of those things. It's like look, man, we're all figuring it out. We're here for a real short and, you know, nobody just did it perfectly. Um, yeah, they wrote a book about one dude that did, and they hate him so much they hung him on a cross. So, yeah, the other major religions, like you know, if you look at Islam, like Muhammad wasn't perfect, I mean, they own that, he was a man. They make a point of it because you know he was so screwed up.
Speaker 2:So it's like I just think owning our mistakes is step one, and then step two is like, hey, how do I do better? And if that's, you know, getting back in the gym, if it's, you know, spending more time with your kids, whatever it is, the next thing is going to be more clear and I think that, like that's if there's one message that I can give people, uh, through you giving me your platform, which I really appreciate, is look man, one right step is going to lead to the next right step and the next right step. And don't be discouraged because you know things you did in the past. Pop up, just own it and, you know, move on. Yeah, yeah, everybody's been a fat piece of shit at some point in their life. Doesn't mean you have to die one, absolutely.
Speaker 1:We can all work together and get better each and every day, man, yep. So thank you so much, denny. I really appreciate it Absolutely, brother. And again, please check up Doug. Hit him up on LinkedIn. He's a real human being, he's a real individual, he exists in this world and he will respond. And if you're looking for somebody to help you get back into your fitness journey and get you back in your fighting shape, check out my trainer, terry Wilson. Like I said, great green beret, even better human being and his information will be in the episode description.
Speaker 1:To all you tuning in, thank you for being here, thank you for sharing the show and please, please, take care of yourself and we'll see you all next time. Until then, take care. Thanks for tuning in and don't forget to like, follow, share, subscribe and review us on your favorite podcast platform. If you want to support us, head on over to buymeacoffeecom forward slash SecHawk podcast. Buy us a coffee. Connect with us on Instagram X or TikTok and share your thoughts or questions about today's episode. You can also visit securityhawkcom for exclusive content, resources and updates. And remember we get through this together. If you're still listening, the episode's over. Yeah, there's no more Tune in tomorrow or next week. Thank you.
