Security Halt!
Welcome to Security Halt! Podcast, the show dedicated to Veterans, Active Duty Service Members, and First Responders. Hosted by retired Green Beret Deny Caballero, this podcast dives deep into the stories of resilience, triumph, and the unique challenges faced by those who serve.
Through powerful interviews and candid discussions, Security Halt! Podcast highlights vital resources, celebrates success stories, and offers actionable tools to navigate mental health, career transitions, and personal growth.
Join us as we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, proving that even after the mission changes, the call to serve and thrive never ends.
Security Halt!
TEDx Speaker Garret Biss: Navigating Identity and Growth After Military Service
In this inspiring episode of the Security Halt! Podcast, host Deny Caballero sits down with Garret Biss, a retired USMC veteran, TEDx speaker, and addiction recovery advocate, to discuss the emotional and mental challenges veterans face when transitioning from military service to civilian life. Garret opens up about overcoming identity loss, mental health struggles, and addiction, and shares how vulnerability, mentorship, and self-compassion became vital tools in his recovery.
Through candid insights, Garret highlights the importance of finding joy, building connections, and taking practical steps toward personal growth. He shares his experience preparing for a TEDx talk, the power of peer support, and how veterans can create fulfilling lives filled with purpose and resilience. This episode offers actionable advice, resources, and hope for veterans navigating post-service challenges.
Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation that will resonate with veterans, advocates, and anyone seeking growth and empowerment.
Don’t forget to follow, share, like, and subscribe on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts to stay connected to impactful stories that inspire change.
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Chapters
00:00Introduction and Background
10:17Finding Hope and Resilience
15:56Understanding Self-Compassion and Addiction
21:51Advocacy and Helping Others
27:22Navigating Post-Military Life
32:41The Importance of Joy and Connection
40:43Resources for Transformation
Instagram: @securityhalt
Tik Tok: @security.halt.pod
LinkedIn: Deny Caballero
Connect with Garret and check out his website today!
Website: garretbiss.com
Instagram: @garretbiss
https://www.instagram.com/garretbiss
YouTube: @ThrivingRecovery
https://www.youtube.com/@thrivingrecovery
X: @GarretBiss
Produced by Security Halt Media
security hot podcast.
Speaker 2:Let's go, you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare with a man who's the best with guns, with knives, with his bare hands, a man who's been trained to ignore, ignore weather to live off. The land job was disposed of enemy personnel to kill period with nutrition garrett, welcome to cure that podcast brother, how you doing I'm doing great man, how you doing today doing well.
Speaker 1:Doing well cannot complain. Uh, looking forward to the holiday season, ready for thanksgiving, ready to relax for a little bit. Man, it's like non-stop over here I get it, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, today I'm, I'm hitting the road tomorrow, but today I've got my you know full uh calendar filled up. I'm like what was I thinking? I still got a pack and yeah, I get it I did the same thing, man.
Speaker 1:I I told my wife it's like I never. Uh, for the last couple months I'm like mondays just for me. I have to remember I got tons of stuff to work on pre-production and post-production stuff and then I wake up this morning. I was like I did it again.
Speaker 1:I loaded up monday, yeah man, it's for next time yeah, that's right, we'll re-cock and, uh, we'll take it to the enemy tomorrow. Man, it's, um, it's awesome having you on today. You have an amazing story and it's important for us to remember that. We often look at our veteran leaders out in the civilian world and we tend to think, oh, their pivot must have been perfect, they must have exited and had a perfect career, perfect plan of action, and more often than not, that's not the truth. So today, my man, I want to bring you on to share your story from start to finish. So, garrett, welcome.
Speaker 2:Hey man, I'm grateful to be here. I've been excited about this and I really appreciate this opportunity. So where do you want me to start? So, when I was born, when I oh yeah, all the way to the very beginning, all right, so real quick. Born in Wilmington, delaware, in 1981, joined the enlisted in the Marines in 1999. I went to Okinawa, came back to headquarters Marine Corps, got selected for an officer program, got selected to fly C-130s, spent some years doing that and then took an early retirement in 2015. And then, unfortunately, like a lot of veterans do, started a slide into a pretty dark place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's often that pivot that brings up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's often that pivot that brings up so many issues with identity, a new mission, a purpose, and it happens to everybody, it's not just enlisted, it affects our officers too. And what was the first void inside? I didn't really understand what it was, but it was certainly affecting the way that I felt and the way that I was showing up. And really, when it kind of came to a head and I think probably the pivot point for me, I had a friend that was visiting. It was shortly while I was transitioning out of the military I had this buddy. I hadn't seen him in a while. He came for a visit. I had a great chance to catch up. But I also recognize it was a very welcome reprieve to all the things that I was thinking about contending with.
Speaker 2:I was facing health, financial challenges, my marriage was falling apart, but the biggest thing for me was taking off that uniform and really not knowing who I was anymore and feeling like after I served the military. I lost that identity and now the life that I was left with felt like it was falling apart. And before my buddy, ed, left that weekend I said hey, man, you do me a favor If you go into my bedroom closet and you reach up on the shelf you'll find my box with a pistol and some bullets in it. Would you mind taking that with you when you leave? I didn't tell him. I didn't have to tell him exactly why I was asking this. I'm pretty sure that he could feel it from the look on my face. But the truth was I no longer felt safe being home alone with my gun. I knew that 22 veterans a day were taking their own lives and I couldn't tell you with certainty that I wasn't going to cross that line. I didn't think it was going to happen that day or that week, but I knew that as a population, veterans were more than 200% more likely to struggle with mental health challenges, suffer with addiction. One in five post 9-11 veterans is going to experience PTSD and 57% at least and unfortunately the number is increasing but at least a 57% greater chance of experiencing suicide, the anxiety, the depression, a lot of the things that I was experiencing. I was like damn, I'm one of those statistics and I needed to figure out why.
Speaker 2:Fortunately, I found some great coaching and mentorship and found a way out of that darkness. But all along I was looking back like what the hell was that? Why do so many veterans struggle the way that they do and really what's going on? Because the stuff that I'm hearing out there is not really making sense, it's not hitting home with me and what I became really clear on through that journey and through some of the growth and training and everything that I'd had after that was that all the struggles that veterans experience often stem from deeper, unmet human needs. Specifically in my case and what I think for a lot of veterans the need for connection, the need for that authenticity or positive self-identity and that need for meaning and purpose. The way that veterans have experienced that and fulfilled these basic fundamental human needs while we wore the uniform that's stripped away from us and I wasn't prepared Most veterans aren't prepared for the emotional, the mental, health and even the spiritual challenges that come when the way that we've met these basic human needs is ripped away from us.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. This is something that I know all too well. I suffered with that but we're not aware and it's not in the front of our mind while we're serving. We don't understand that we belong to a warrior tribe. Sebastian Younger and his book really puts it together and it drives it home. I constantly send that book out and give it away because it is so important to understand that you belong to a tribe.
Speaker 1:The moment you pivot out of the military, you are alone for the first time. For a vast majority of us, it's the first time. We are no longer in a squad, no longer in a platoon, in a team, and now we're trying to figure it all out. We don't identify with our family at home being our collective. We don't identify with them as being our tribe.
Speaker 1:We're always looking back at that team room, that company area, and that's something that we cannot talk about and advocate enough that we have to understand the importance of coming back into the fold, understanding the importance of being part of a contributing member of your family and, when you pivot out, building that larger network of support, and when we're not thinking of it as soon as we pick up that TD214, walk out or drive out of the gate, the wheels are in motion, it's a ticking time bomb and it's one of the things I want to reflect back on.
Speaker 1:Is that moment of vulnerability you had with your friend, even though you didn't say anything, you didn't clearly identify it, that vulnerability was the the key to saving your life right as it was for so many of us. That, fine, I found myself in the same way. I found one moment of being vulnerable and nobody talks about the importance of that being willing to take a knee and say you don't have to be emotional if you can't access those emotions in a moment, but being willing to say, hey, I need you to do me a favor and come to my house and collect my rifles, my pistols. Please do that.
Speaker 2:I want to normalize that. I want that to be the go-to thing, just like we'd call somebody to go for a run with us or go to the gym with us. We need to be willing to have those conversations too. And it's not a sign of weakness. It's not like, hey, I'm defective, I'm such in a bad spot. It's not saying hey, I'm always going to be broken for the rest of my life. It's like yo man, you can come over and just hold my guns for a little while. I appreciate it and also for me it was that moment of vulnerability. Absolutely. It helped me really contend with and recognize what I was facing. But also it was one step and once you take one step, it's easier to take the next step. It's like all right, I'm in the game, I don't have this thing beat, but I just took a swing and now I can take another swing and I can continue to move forward. So it's extremely important to recognize even the smallest first steps that we take.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the other thing that you brought up that's really great, that we need to talk about more and we can't share enough is mentorship and when dealing specifically with this problem set. At first many of us are very hesitant with speaking with a mental health professional, but we can always identify one person that we look up to or one person that is a close friend that we can reach out to and start talking. Coaching and peer-to-peer support is immensely valuable in this problem set From the VA to local state collaboratives. It's now so easy to get that peer-to-peer certification and if you're able to walk, if you're on your journey and you're just a little bit better, be willing to spend some time at night getting that certification, be willing to ask hey, how can I become a peer-to-peer support group facilitator? Go to your local vet center, being willing to speak on behalf of somebody, being able to hold space for somebody. That's an important thing that not enough people are sharing and I know it takes a lot.
Speaker 2:I know it does normalize these struggles, because that and I really encourage anybody who's been in a dark place and you found something that helped for you. Share that with somebody else, because the more that we can have these conversations I love this podcast that you do and I love the, this ability to bring people's stories, because that's what we need to hear. We need to see something modeled for us, to give us the encouragement to do that, and then I love finding some way to take your darkness and grab some meaning or grab something good from it, and that's the beautiful thing about peer support specialists. You know, when there's this, there's this term of something that's not talked about often enough. We always hear about PTSD, we always hear about post-traumatic stress, stress. There are the.
Speaker 2:There's also an opposite side to that same coin, which is post-traumatic growth and a lot of research learned about post-traumatic growth is if you can find meaning for some of the suffering that you've experienced or the traumatic experience that you've faced. If you can find meaning for that, that is what opens up the door and makes it possible to lean towards that post-traumatic growth. But because I did that not despite that, but because I did that now I can lean into and I can provide value to other veterans or other individuals that are struggling. That's where that meaning comes from and that's what's the way. It cuts the chains of everything that's holding us back from the traumas and the experiences we've had in the past. It kind of cuts those chains and lets us lean into it and provide much more than we could. Again, it's not despite the challenges that we face, but really because of those challenges. It empowers us and enables us to do something good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we can't look at the problem and think that it's unbeatable. The moment we give way to hopelessness, that's when everything starts to fall apart. That's where you see people that can't bounce back, where resilience can't be developed. The great thing about us being in the military for a vast majority of our veterans we've seen ourselves overcome so many things. We've proven ourselves that we can do hard things and overcome them. We have to maintain that positivity.
Speaker 1:I know it's hard. I dealt with depression. I dealt with a lot of mental health issues. But the one thing that I realized is if I give way to hopelessness and to the idea that I can't overcome this, I'm just going to wallow. It's just going to get deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and that hole is going to be harder and harder to climb out of. If I can just start vocally saying I can get better, I can get through this, If I can just repeat that positive affirmation on a daily basis and I know I shared it with a lot of people and they're like this is hokey, it doesn't work, but it does.
Speaker 2:The positive affirmations do make a difference and it gives you the ability to understand that this can be beat. I can overcome this. When you were going through your challenges, what was like the first time that you were able to see a little bit of glimmer and hope through your darkness? Do some little things to test myself. But, man, you just shared so much in like two minutes that we get unpacked for hours.
Speaker 2:So the affirmation thing, so that you know one really important thing I've come to understand is that the words that we repeat over and over, these really become our beliefs and they become our framework or the lens through which, with we see the world around us. Yes, if you're constantly saying negative things and you're holding up a lens of negativity and all you're going to see around you is obstacles, challenges, setbacks, mistakes and all of these negative things, you can't even see the evidence of the potential for growth or the potential for change or the positive outcomes in your life. So, though it sounds so simple, just that affirmation, just repeating something over and over, might feel hokey, it might feel a little weird, but what you're doing is you're starting to reprogram the lens through which you see your life and you'll be able to start to spot some of those positive things that come up. So experiment with it, try it, do it long enough and very quickly you'll. You'll experience some change.
Speaker 2:Um, what else did you just touch on? Something else was right at the tip of my tongue. Uh, but so so I guess you know, maybe that was for me. So I used to test myself, you know, just um, I think you know discipline and our ability to act as much like a muscle, and the times that we can put a little test before us and overcome it.
Speaker 2:And one thing that I do often and this is a good reminder, I'll get back to this after Thanksgiving is I like to fast from things, not just fast from food but fast, from a behavior for so many positive benefits that come from it Netflix binge that I've been on, or something, or if it's checking social media, or if it's eating sweets or whatever. Whatever, something is that's part of your life. Set it aside for a period of time. Some beautiful things come from it. One you, you, you. You develop that muscle to be able to resist things and it's not constant. You know instant gratification and it also helps you regain an appreciation with it. So when I was still drinking, that was one thing I would do Like, all right, for three weeks I'm not going to drink, and that would help reset and normalize my behavior with the thing. Maybe that's Netflix binging, whatever that is it would help normalize and help you get more joy and gratitude from it when you brought it back into your life. So a tremendous amount of growth and process that can happen there. But as I started to do that in the beginning, that was like okay, everything else might still suck and I'm still might be suffering, but hey, again, I took one more step. I tested myself in a small way and I was able to overcome that. And if you set out to do it for two weeks and you do it for two days, well, hey, give yourself credit for the two days and don't beat yourself up over the two weeks that you didn't hit.
Speaker 2:Another thing that you mentioned that was just something that I think contributes to a lot of the challenges is we do we create this mindset of, and this reality of a relationship between service and the value that we derive from the service that we're providing?
Speaker 2:But this, this bad relationship between service and sacrifice, or service and suffering, a lot of you know when, when we are in uniform, when we are actively engaged, when we're in active duty, there is this sense of value.
Speaker 2:The value that I'm providing is somehow related to the amount of suffering or the amount of sacrifice that I'm willing to make, and that can be helpful and it can help us lean into things and it can help us suffer through some things because we have that kind of relationship with it. However, when we carry that beyond our service, if we still have this relationship, that, for one, my value or my positive identity is tied up with the value that I'm providing, and the value that I'm providing is somehow related to the amount of suffering that I'm willing to and able to endure to find simple solutions and pathway out of it. The truth is that our value is inherent to us and, whether we're suffering or not, it doesn't influence the amount of value that we have or the value that we can provide. If we can disconnect from that and realize that value and service is a completely separate thing from suffering and sacrifice, then this can help us open doors and lead to a much better place.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And one thing that goes hand in hand with that is the importance that again, something I share often the importance of understanding self-compassion, which is very difficult for us to grasp as men, the idea that it's not just pride. Anybody grows up playing sports. We understand pride, feeling good about performance, but when you fall apart, when you're no longer in that military unit, when you're no longer part of the elite, there's nothing for you to anchor that pride to. So you fall apart. And it's difficult to tell people like, hey, it's okay to have some self-compassion. It's okay to tell yourself like, hey, I'm not in my best shape, I'm not in my best performing mindset, but it's okay, I will get back, because being willing to engage with that kindness and that self-compassion and say, hey, I'm not where I want to be right now, I'm fighting a lot of things, I'm dealing with a lot. As I sort this out, as I get better, I'll get back.
Speaker 1:And another thing that I want to pivot to now is alcohol. It's something that a lot of us struggle with and we don't do enough reflection on why we drink. We don't do enough reflection as to why do we feel it's important. I now, you know, being sober, having dodged addiction, knowing that I could have easily slipped into that when I was at my worst, I now advocate for everybody not to go sober. I advocate for you, the individual, the listener, to stop and reflect on why you drink, to reflect on the importance and the value of it to you. There's nothing wrong with having that drink with friends and hanging out, but if it becomes something that you can't walk away from, where you absolutely needed to sleep, to feel good, to make you feel like you can relax, that's something you have to reflect on. How did you start peeling back the layers to understand that this might be something that you're struggling with?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I've been influenced a lot and gotten a lot of great wisdom from a gentleman by the name of Dr Gabor Mate, and one of the things that I love about his work is his definition of addiction. He describes addiction as manifesting in any behavior that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in, experiences as a negative consequence because of, and yet has difficulty giving it up. I love that definition because not only does it describe this short list of like arbitrary substances that we think of as addictive substances, but really it helps us see all of human behavior. I understand addiction as this looking for something beyond us in order to create or synthesize a feeling inside of us, and whether that's Netflix, binging, milkshakes, cigars, alcohol, any other list of drugs or addictive behaviors, it's all a tendency to look beyond us to solve something inside of us. The other thing that I got from Dr Gavur Mate which is brilliant is he says if we ask why the addiction, why the behavior, that doesn't often lead us to a conclusion, that feels like we fully grasp what's going on. If we say why does Garrett continue to drink after two DWIs? Why does Sally continue to smoke weed or use opioids after she's lost her job, lost her marriage. If we ask why that addictive behavior, it doesn't really lead us to something that we can really work with. If we look back at that definition of addiction as helping us relieve pain, well then the better question to ask is why the pain? What's going on that somebody feels that need inside and that's something, through my experience and with the fasting that I was talking about, was really getting a closer, being more mindful of when I'm reaching for something. What is it that I'm trying to solve inside of me and that can show up. That shows up many different ways, many different times.
Speaker 2:I remember one evening a number of years ago where I had I had plans to spend the uh, spend Friday night with my daughter. We were going to go grab some dinner, go catch a movie, and then some other plans came up for her at the last moment and I you and I dropped her off and helped facilitate that. And then I'm sitting there and I'm like man, I really want a cigar right now and I really want to go get a chocolate milkshake. And I had a moment I was like, where's that coming from? Oh, it's because I sent a text message to a few friends to see if there's anything going on I could be a part of, and I didn't hear back right away. So all of a sudden I felt, oh no, nobody loves me, I'm ostracized now. And I didn't have that connection which created this fear response in me that I had conditioned myself when some emotion comes up I don't want to experience. Okay, let me reach for something beyond me to get a flood of dopamine or help soothe some kind of pain. But I think it's with that level of awareness if we could just come to there then.
Speaker 2:No, I also agree. I don't think that any substance or behavior in the world is good or bad. I think somebody's relationship to it can be good or bad. So the more that we can be in tune with our relationships with these substances or behaviors that we're using, then that can empower us with some of that compassion. And then, on that compassion piece, one lens that I love to look at either interactions with others, or if somebody is showing up or behaving in a certain way in their life, or if you're looking at and scrutinizing your own behaviors.
Speaker 2:I believe that all of us are doing the best that we can in the moment with the tools, the resources, the level of awareness, the strength that we have in that moment, and if we're not showing up and behaving the way that we want to, we really need to understand that we're doing the best that we can and if we could do better, we would do better.
Speaker 2:If we could behave differently, we would behave differently. So this isn't excusing our behaviors, but it's helping us have that compassion for ourselves that, hey, if I want to operate differently, then I've got to change some things about me. Maybe I need more sleep, Maybe I need better nutrition, maybe I need to learn a new skill or resource, maybe I need to enhance or expand the tribe that I'm a part of, but something's missing and we can address it that way. Same thing with other individuals. If you're in a fight or an argument with somebody just coming to this realization that they're doing the best that they can, yeah, that doesn't mean that they can't do better in the future. But if they could do better now, they would be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's um. It's remarkable how much our path changes while we're getting better, while we're healing. And the most beautiful aspect of it is when you get to this point where now it's not just wishful thinking or a small desire to help others, but now it becomes a calling and a passion to help somebody else in your journey. When did you start with your advocacy? When did you start feeling like I needed to reach out and help somebody else get through their worst day?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So a number of years ago I started working in the addiction recovery field and just sharing a lot of what had been shared with me, some tools and some things that were really helpful, all right. So some things that were really helpful to me that I saw were missing in other individuals' pathway towards recovery. So I was encouraged to kind of find some ways to bring and share some new things to really help empower individuals' recovery journey journey and they get to a place where they can live without X, substance behavior, whatever that looks like, but they're really living a life where they're white knuckling against potential people, places and things that can be triggering. To me that shouldn't be the desired end state in a recovery journey. It should really be creating a life that you don't want to escape from, that you don't have that behavior that you want to avoid, some kind of pain Like let's clear up whatever's going on inside, let's help us get us back in the driver's seat, and creating the life that we want to experience, that we don't want to avoid or numb. So I had a lot of encouragement to bring some things and I found some great success with that. And then about two years ago I had this epiphany, I was, like you know I don't. I'm not as excited about this as I once was, and what I realized was the people that I understand and connect with the most and that I really want to help are those veterans that are experiencing those dark times as they transition out. So that's really where my focus has been on the last couple of years is, for one, helping veterans better understand that journey and then also helping professionals that work with veterans to better understand it, and that was the main goal of my TEDx talk that came out recently.
Speaker 2:It's called the unspoken trauma that all veterans face, and that's what I wanted to do was to help veterans understand as I came to understand that the reason that we struggle it's not because we're defective, it's not because we're broken, it's not because of something that we're always going to struggle with. It's because we're humans and we have basic, fundamental human needs that aren't being met. And if we can understand that, then I think that provides a lot of hope and clarity that, yes, things can get better and there is a pathway to a better place, and also normalizing it as though you're not struggling because you're a veteran. You're struggling because you're a human and there's a need that you were meeting while you're in the service and you've got to find a way to meet that need outside of the service. And that takes some work and it takes some growth, but it's certainly possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some work and it takes some growth, but it's certainly possible. Yeah, how does one begin the journey to get to that TEDx stage?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a great question.
Speaker 2:I don't know A lot of sleepless nights, I guess, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I trust, with some of the things that have happened in my life, that it all just kind of worked out and it was meant to happen.
Speaker 2:So my journey getting on the TEDx stage I reached out to a handful of curators. I saw that there was an event taking place a couple hours away and I was like, oh, if I'm going to stand on the stage one time, then maybe I should go see what it looks like from the audience. Started having a conversation with the woman that was putting on this event and she really liked the message that I wanted to share and she was like, hey, you know what, call me back in about two months, because we might have an opening this April. So I called her back and she said, yeah, sure enough, one of our speakers dropped off, and so it all just kind of worked out that way and I trust that that was an indication to me, an external validation, that this is the right time, this is the right place to kind of make it happen. So everybody gets on the TEDx stage, probably a different way, but that was my journey to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and when it came to preparing for this, I mean, it's it's one thing to go up there and like brief a command team and and speak to a military audience. What was it like developing your message, and do you feel that you were able to effectively come across that stage and share your message, or have you retweaked it? Um, how difficult was that? Because we tend to think it's like when you watch it on youtube, you tend to think, oh, maybe they cut out some time, but it's, it's not. You're not up to for 30, 40 minutes, so you have to like really put it all that emphasis and all that importance down to like what? 11, 12 minutes? Yeah, it was a 10 and a half minutes was my final cut, yep.
Speaker 2:So it's just constantly going through it and refining it and distilling it, and then I probably shared it with other individuals you know friends and I'd rehearse it and then make some little tweaks there, and then I feel like I came to the perfect kind of end state in the, in the message, as how I delivered it. I rehearsed so much leading up to it and then when I did it, it I don't even remember being on the stage delivering the TEDx.
Speaker 2:I was standing back in the green room a couple of minutes later like yo dude, did I already go? It just felt so natural when I got up there. So I think in some of the things that we do, my spiritual understanding is that we're the hands and the feet and the mouth to do some work for the benefit of humanity and I think when we're really aligned with that and we're really doing what we're supposed to be doing in the moment that things got to flow to us and through us, that's just an indication that we're doing the right thing at the right time. That was really my experience with it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. You have to have faith and believe that when you're open and you're doing something and you're speaking from your heart, you have to understand that you have some divine assistance putting together that message when it comes time to pivot. So many of us have this fear of not being able to be successful. When you look back at your journey and what you're doing now, when did you feel like you had an understanding of okay, this is what I want to do? Post-military.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So that's an interesting question and maybe it came back to some of what I was talking about before with fasting and just getting an awareness on drivers and things in my life. It was certainly a challenge. It was certainly a challenge and, for all the successes and everything that I had done in the military, I also was terrified that maybe none of this stuff translates to the civilian world. So I can get promoted, so I can get awards in the military Is any of that ever going to matter? Is there something in me that I was going to be able to translate? So I certainly had that fear. I went back to, you know, I got a graduate degree.
Speaker 2:I know a lot of guys when they get out, they go back to get an education and then I just with that self-awareness and really just listening to myself, like where do I feel, like I want to make an impact. There's a lot of things that I could have done. There's a lot of other job opportunities I could have done, but at the end of the day and maybe this comes from some deeper work that I still need to do I want to prove to myself that I use this life well enough, and to me, well enough means that there were some times where I certainly had some close brushes with death and there's probably a dozen opportunities where it easily could have gone a different way. So I feel some kind of obligation to make sure that I'm doing enough with my life to give back and make a positive impact. So, with that framework in mind, I've said no to a lot of things, I've turned down a lot of opportunities, I've struggled and I've suffered a lot financially as I'm trying to find ways to provide value and really find where my greatest value can be.
Speaker 2:But I think at the end of the day I come back and is it? You want a quarter million dollars? You want to make, make, you know, make, make, uh, make a difference. And to me always it comes back to that make a difference. And this is actually something I I delved into a little bit in the discussion with a friend of mine, and this comes back to the behaviors and addiction and everything.
Speaker 2:How many individuals do you know that have a successful career and they're making a lot of money but now they're spending all that money on filling the void inside because they don't feel like they're making a big impact or a difference? How many boats? Are they buying Trips? Are they taking Fancy meals? Are they doing Nice watches? Are they buying, trying to fill some kind of void? It's like, all right, I'm going to take the shortcut to that and I'm going to do without a lot of things so that the things that I'm engaged in can provide the greatest sense of meaning and purpose and help me at least you know, I feel like I'm on the path to make the greatest impact that I can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so true. I think the statistic, the statistics out there that for a lot of us that don't do a lot of reflection, do a lot of looking inward to figure out what our passion truly is, what we really want to do in life, that we end up going after a career that's ill-fitting, and it's about six to seven months before we have another crisis. We veer off and now we're having that panic attack of like is this all that I'm going to be doing? Is this it? And I always tell people to take a bit of a pause when you get out, if you can. I know it's difficult for everybody, and especially difficult if you have a family and little ones to provide for. But allow yourself some time to reflect and figure out what's truly important for you, what you really want in life. And it really is important because if you just continue pushing and focusing on the monetary gains and looking for the high paying job, like you, you'll be happy for a little bit, right, but eventually maybe that leads to more problems.
Speaker 2:And that's the sad part, and that's, yeah, I believe everything I've seen indicates that every veteran struggles through some kind of this challenge, these depths, whether it's the loss of connection, authenticity and meaning or something else. Some veterans it happens when they're walking out the gate with their DD-214. Other veterans it's like 30 days later when their body realizes oh, I'm not on leave and I'm not going back. For other individuals it's like the three-year mark, when they're like where's the PCS? Orders Like, oh, no, this is my new reality and this is the way it's going to be. So for everybody it shows up a little differently, but certainly to your point and this is one of the things I always encourage veterans to do is to find and connect with that emotion of joy.
Speaker 2:So joy is a very powerful guiding star. I believe that can lead us back to where we're going to find meaning and purpose in our life. And if we're so busy focusing either on the job or some other things and we don't feel like we're deserving enough to experience that joy in our life, then there's no pathway to a good place there. You're going to start to synthesize that feeling of joy by inviting some other things into your life which may have negative consequences. But joy, and experiencing that joy and then being mindful of like who am I with? What am I doing, what am I engaged in when I'm experiencing this emotion of joy, because that can be a guiding star to pointing us to where we'll find that greatest sense of meaning.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's with your profession, that's with your job, maybe it's the things that you're doing outside of work. But it's so important for a lot of reasons. One it's so important because it allows us to show up and be a better version of ourselves, the other things that we're engaged in when we fill up our own cup and we're experiencing that joy. It allows us to be that better family member, be that better contributor in our community or at the job. The other thing that I understand about joy and it's directing us to meaning is this other need, this need for meaning and purpose.
Speaker 2:So I used to think that meaning and purpose was just this good thing that helped provide context and direction in our life and helped us feel good at times.
Speaker 2:But what I've come to learn more recently is that meaning as Dr Viktor Frankl he wrote the Man's Search for Meaning what he says is meaning in our life also provides our capacity to endure suffering.
Speaker 2:So if we have a strong sense of meaning, when we were in the military and we had this strong sense of meaning for the sacrifice or the service that we're providing, a lot of individuals are called into the military because they can't think of anything that can provide a greater sense of meaning for their life. When you have this strong sense of meaning, it allows us to endure a lot of the suffering, make a lot of the sacrifices because there's context for it and we have that capacity to endure the suffering. That's the challenge. If we lose that sense of meaning, your life might stay the same. You might still have the same ups and downs or challenges and obstacles, but you no longer have the capacity to deal with it because you've lost that sense of meaning in your life. So, for all of these reasons, having that sense of meaning, that purpose and that joy in your life is vital to just show up and experience a good life. And if you're in a dark place.
Speaker 1:that can be a great place to start, to start getting out of that bad place. Yeah, another thing that I always advocate for is finding awe. That is a powerful emotion that we don't really understand the importance of it until you're you know. I'm hanging out with somebody and I explain to them. It's like when do you feel, when you think back in your life, that you were surrounded by just that feeling of awe? And everybody I talk to always reflects back to Afghanistan, always reflects back to an impossible mission or on the mountains, and I'm like okay, you need to get outside and experience awe. Here in the United States or in civilian travel, go, do something that is so profoundly different and awe-inspiring, see something greater than you and be able to experience that. So you're not constantly linking that emotion to something that's war, right, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's very powerful. And our ability to experience awe in the moment is also a great litmus test for how we're doing inside. Because if we're not able to experience all in any circumstance, in any environment, in any location you travel to, that's because your attention is deflected too much either outward, trying to fill some void inside, or too much inward, into the pain. So when you kind of come to that balanced place and you have that moment where you can experience the all of, and that's a great litmus test that that, at least for the moment, you've lined up well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I want to reflect back on your own journey, looking back to where you once were and sitting here now today. Accomplished author, public speaker. If you had to narrow it down to a list of things that you would want to share with a veteran listening right now, or even an active duty service member, of things that they could do right now to start moving towards their better self and walking away from maybe a bad habit or the drinking, what are some of the things that you would share with them right now?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question. So, first and foremost, anytime I'm talking to a veteran, if you're listening to this, you feel like you're in a dark place, some things haven't been going well. First and foremost, just know that you are lovable and acceptable just as you are. If you don't know that for yourself right now, then Danny, and I feel that for you, we love you and we accept you, we appreciate the value that you bring, the value that you do have as an individual, and if that's enough to help you start taking those steps, then certainly leverage our love and appreciation and acceptance of you so you can start that journey. And then, really, the first and foremost and this comes back to connection. So, yes, we do experience a unique kind of connection in the service, but every human has this need for connection, something that's hardwired into our body. And one of the biggest challenges that we can face when we lose that connection or if we're not able to foster new connections, is the way that we feel about ourselves. And for us to establish new nurturing connections or find a new tribe, we first and foremost need to feel good enough about ourselves that we're deserving of it. And if you've lost it for a period of time and you get to that dark place. This can be a little bit of a hurdle to overcome.
Speaker 2:So one of the first things I always do with individuals is help them reconnect with the value that they have innate to themselves. Sometimes this can be as simple as making a list of recent wins and successes that you've had. It can be natural to think about the mistakes that you've made or the things that you wish you would have done differently, or the weaknesses that you have. But if that's all that we can connect with and that doesn't give us the material that we need to overcome future obstacles and challenges, if we can reconnect with and just recognize, I say it's giving credit where credit is due. Let's recognize some of the good things that we've done, because this can help open up our mind and open up our mind to possibilities.
Speaker 2:But when we can reconnect with ourself, when we can recognize our own strengths, when we can start to regain that sense of self-worth, this is what helps us foster new connections. And I always say if you need to foster new connections, then Zig Ziglar, I think, says it the best. He says if you go out in the world looking for friends, you won't find them anywhere. If you go out in the world trying to be a friend, you'll start to find them in abundance. So if you feel that you've lost something or that something's missing from your life because you've lost that tribe, you've lost that brotherhood or that sisterhood that you used to experience, then demonstrate your willingness to be that kind of character, that friend in somebody else's life. Demonstrate your willingness to show up and be there with somebody when they're facing a hard time or a challenge, and you'll quickly find that in your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's important to understand. And that speaks to one combination. I always hear I'm alone, no one's reaching out, no one's calling me, no one's messaging me, and I felt that too for a long time while I was struggling. Where's everybody? Where's everybody? I'm all alone, nobody wants to reach out. This is bullshit.
Speaker 1:Reach out If you're feeling like no one wants to talk with you and you're looking at no text messages. Reach out. Be willing to reach out and you will see that people love you. Text messages reach out right. Be willing to reach out and you will see that people love you. We are flawed human beings. We get so focused on our day-to-day activities, our work, our families. If we just pause first thing in the morning and send out that text message to a friend, you will see the very next day or the very next week, those morning messages will start coming in.
Speaker 1:You have to be willing to reach out for the things that you're craving, the things that connection. You want that connection. You want those friends to be there in your life. Start showing up for them. I know it's hard when you're dealing with your own problems through your own trials, but trust me, be willing to reach out. People love you. Your friends want you to reach out. Be compassionate, be understanding. People have lives. When you start telling yourself that nobody's there for you, people hate you, you're forgotten. It's not the truth. Your friends know you, they care about you, they love you, they're human beings. Be willing to send that first text and next thing you know, the next time you're feeling low, you're going to get that text chain. So I always tell people build your own little LGOP, little groups of paratroopers. Build your own group of morning friends where you're constantly texting each other hey, how's it going? Another beautiful morning, get after it.
Speaker 2:That's simple Be willing to do that. Yeah, I think back to the advice by Mahatma Gandhi. He says be the change that you want to see in this world. So if you don't like the way something is, then be the one to change it. Take that first step. And also, when you think about somebody else or when you do something for the benefit of another person, it gives us a moment break from the struggles that we're dealing with or where our thoughts are. So if we can think, you know how, how is that buddy of mine? Let me reach out and see how things are going with him. But yeah, it certainly. It fosters that connection. It opens up that channel for that communication and allows us to receive back what, what wants to be given to us from, from everybody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and Garrett, I can't thank you enough for being here today. So much wisdom dropped in a few short minutes. Man, it feels like we just started talking. If people want to get ahold of you, or where can they find your books.
Speaker 2:So everything's on Amazon, first and foremost. If anybody is interested, I encourage you to go to unspokentraumavet and you can watch my TEDx talk. It's 10 and a half minutes. It's about the unspoken trauma that all veterans face. If you're a veteran, certainly check it out. If you're active duty, certainly you know, plant the seeds for some challenges that you might face. Or if you know or love a veteran, then this can maybe help you better understand some of the challenges that they're facing. So certainly check that out. You can find me on. Linkedin is a great place to get connected.
Speaker 2:Um and oh, I did want to share something. So I put together something for your listeners called the warrior reset. So if you're like, hey, I feel a little stuck, I feel like something's not aligned, or maybe you want to. You know it's a new year coming and you want to make some, some changes, revisions in your life, I put together something that's called the warrior reset. It's for the best, most efficacious and fastest daily practices that I found that we can tie together. If no reason not to invite them into your life, go to the warrior resetcom. You can find free access to that. I highly encourage you to check it out. Listen to the things. If it sounds a little wonky or a little crazy, just give it a shot, try it out, do it for at least 10 days and then check back in with me or share it with somebody else, and I know you'll experience some great change from it.
Speaker 1:The links to all of that will be in the episode description. So just pause the episode, go down the episode description and it's going to be right there. Garrett, again thank you for being here, brother, thank you for what you're doing. I cannot thank you enough for continuing to advocate for our veterans and our active duty personnel, because we're stubborn man, we're a very stubborn community, and it just takes so many of us to continue, you know, raising the banner, continue being out there, being willing to share and give back because it matters. Every one of us deserves to come home and we all deserve to finally relax and understand that our second chapter can be just as impactful, if not more. Right, we just have to believe in ourselves. Thank you for being here, man. Thank you, I appreciate you Absolutely. Take care, everybody. We'll see you all next time. Until then, take care. If you like what we're doing and you're enjoying the show, don't forget to share us. Like us, subscribe.
