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Security Halt!
#211 Trevor Beaman: NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE YOUR FIRE
On this episode, Trevor Beaman and host Deny Caballero discuss Trevor's recently published book and his journey towards retirement. They talk about the importance of taking control of one's transition and retirement, and the impact of sharing personal stories and experiences. Trevor shares his writing process and the challenges of revisiting his past while writing the book. They also discuss the drive and allure of a military career and the parallels with pro athletes. The conversation highlights the importance of human connection and understanding in overcoming struggles and transitioning to a new phase of life. Trevor discusses the impact of his book on readers' lives and the importance of sharing personal stories. He shares his experience of receiving positive feedback and gratitude from readers and how it has affected him. Trevor emphasizes the importance of empathy, vulnerability, and emotional strength in masculinity and fatherhood. He also talks about the significance of closing the chapter on military service and the need for intentional moments of transition. Trevor discusses his future plans, including speaking engagements and creating content on his YouTube channel.
Chapters
00:00 Taking Control of Your Transition and Retirement
03:17 The Challenges of Writing and Revisiting the Past
07:37 The Drive and Allure of a Military Career
16:50 The Importance of Human Connection and Understanding
25:35 The Impact of Personal Stories and the Power of Empathy
30:06 Embracing Vulnerability and Emotional Strength in Masculinity and Fatherhood
32:04 Closing the Chapter on Military Service: Intentional Transitions
38:16 Creating a Fulfilling and Purposeful Future
49:49 Future Plans: Speaking Engagements and Content Creation
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Speaker 2:Let's go, you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best with guns, with knives, with his bare hands, a man who's been trained to ignore, ignore weather, to live off. The land job was disposed of enemy personnel to kill period with my attrition b-roll fabulous. So look at this, we're back together. That's right again. Uh, for this. And it's a fabulous to be able to say that this book got published and I'm back to talk to you about it. It's pretty cool, man, it's nice.
Speaker 1:It's a blessing man. Thank you for coming back on dude. Absolutely love the journey you're on, dude, when are you at retirement-wise?
Speaker 2:Actually I'll retire the 30th of April. I actually start here at 7th Group, the Red Empire time Nice In September 1st oh man there we go, we're there and so that that's happening.
Speaker 2:And so now this the book coming out at the right time and you know, just moving on to other things is all really like I put a lot of work into like setting it up this way. Yeah, so that I, and it's nice because with the red empire time, it allows me to establish something before getting out. It gives me a good six months to work on. So I kind of backwards planned on that to get this book completed in time, and so that's awesome. So we're sitting in a really good place right now.
Speaker 1:Dude. Kudos to you, man. I tell guys all the time take control of your transition, take control of your retirement ETS. Take control of it. It's a mission. It's another mission. Shout out to Herb Thompson Transition Mission. That's the first book that actually put it all together for me. I read a few other books. None of it hit like Herb's words in that book and I'm so glad to see that you're taking that same approach, understanding that it's another deployment. It's just now getting you in that chapter too oh, yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2:It feels awesome. Yeah, so I know I sent you the book and everything here it is no one else can see the fire. It's out on amazon for now, and then I mean more signature copies and stuff will come out as time goes on, as it gets more established and stuff like that. But you know, it's really nice, uh, to have that completed. It was a, it was a hell of a fucking journey to do it to publish a book.
Speaker 2:It's it's not an easy feat and so you know, I have mad respect for anyone who is is written a book and published it and and is promoting it, and all that. I think it's pretty incredible that they were able to do that. Yeah, I'm absolutely proud of you, man, who has written a book and published it and is promoting it, and all that. I think it's pretty incredible that they were able to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm absolutely proud of you, man, from one Green Beret to another. Absolutely proud of you for taking that bold courage to put yourself out there. It is being vulnerable man. You're putting everything out there Childhood trauma, military trauma. Those are things that we need as men to promote and see this point of strength.
Speaker 1:Um, nobody, nobody, sees this as being impactful unless you've lived that life. Uh, and everybody else is like, oh, it's another book. But when you've lived that and you have an understanding, an intimate understanding, what it means to be in those shoes because I come from the same background and if I would have had books like these, if you would have had books like this before going into the military, think of the things we could have avoided. So, to all you out there listening, if you have had a life filled with struggle and you're, you know, you're, you're trying to find somebody else like you, pick up this book, go out there and find other uh authors that have been able to put their world into that perspective. Put it out there for all of us to read. It's, it's, it's a vital right now. There's so many of us are flying in the blind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I and I and I know throughout time there's enough novels and and memoirs that have been written about war and all these other things, but it's really important that we get something that is relatable and that resonates with people. And listen, like everyone could be saying like there's all these Green Berets, there's all these Navy SEALs, marsat guys that are writing books and they're kind of all really saying the same thing, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that maybe the way I say it doesn't connect with somebody, but maybe the way that Sean Rogers says something connects with the person and that's what really. So like I know there's. It feels like there could be a little bit of redundancy in this space right now with trauma and mental health and wellness, but that's okay. All of us reach different ways to different people and I think that's really really super key to remember that. Like, like we see all these different people in this space, like just let it happen, like they have their reach and just let it go. And then it's like maybe their delivery isn't the way I would do it, that's fine, but that they have a niche that you know people like to listen to, to just let it keep happening and, of course, like all of us, we're a team, we're teammates and we have to help promote everyone that is doing the same thing, absolutely, and it is key for us to collaborate and work together because that's the way that these messages that we've written, that we poured our heart out.
Speaker 2:And you know, you talk about being vulnerable, like I don't. I don't. I didn't have to write this book for any monetary means at all, nothing. I don't need it. But I have seen the impact of my story on other people and what people have told me and I that is what is the fire in me to keep on doing this is because I can see and feel how much that changes other people's lives, and that's absolutely what I need is because it's the same, because it's the same exact thing as when someone's like would you go to war for free? And I was like, absolutely, I would go back to Afghanistan with an ODA for free.
Speaker 2:And that's how I feel about promoting this book and putting it out to the world. I want to do it for free. This is for the people, this is for them. And Magnus Johnson he's the owner of Mission 22. And, like Magnus Johnson, you know he's the owner of Mission 22. He's like this book is for us, trevor. Our guys need to read this book because it's it speaks to us, and so we need heroes too.
Speaker 1:It's 100 percent true. We we grew up thinking that people like us don't belong in the 1% of the 1%. I know I certainly did, growing up from a very similar background. If you grew up abused, if you grew up in poverty, you don't think you're ever going to amount to anything and you always feel like an outsider when you're sitting in these ranks. I know I did. I looked at the people I served with as giants, as absolute, fucking invisible giants. And not to say that they weren't.
Speaker 1:But you hold teammates in a pedestal, you put them, even if you don't like the dudes, you see them as being better than you because you're like oh man, I come from nothing. And then you realize on the backside that a vast majority of our brothers come from the same environment. And that's something that, if we talk about more, we understand that we can actually give those individuals on the outside that understanding of like you are good enough. It doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter all the trauma you've gone through. You can achieve this. You belong here too. And's something that is. It's vital to understand that within the suffering comes the ability to have these awesome arcs of post-traumatic growth that you see. Guys like sean, uh, like you you mentioned earlier great book. You wrote an amazing book too, and just like yourself, um, we're part of this brotherhood that that needs to embrace the idea that it's okay that we have grown and developed in these harsh environments and we can heal and we can overcome.
Speaker 2:And then and I, I totally respect the like guys being quiet for 15 years. No, I really do. But there's a point where that, that story, your perspective, the things you've lived, matters to tell people. Yes, it is not. It does no good to go to the grave with these experiences and these stories. It does not. No, because what you write will go on for eternity and will change people's lives. Well, you'll never know. It's an infinite amount of number of people whose lives will be changed because of what you write. Yeah, and I, and I 100 percent. Like you're not a good writer, that's okay. Like your voice is what matters. Share your voice with the world and if it's raw, if it's dark humor, like there's a, there is a group of people who love it yeah, and write it. And write it for us. Don't write it for the critics, don't. Who cares? That doesn't, that shouldn't matter to what your purpose is and why you're doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everybody says like, like um, reading steven pressfield and reading other authors that talk about that creative process, everybody always states create something for you. If you are looking for the audience and what they want, you're not going to create something authentic and the message is going to be lost and you're going to constantly fight yourself in creating something and then you won't. You won't finish it because it's not authentically you, it's not for you. When you started this, how, what was your writing process like?
Speaker 2:oh man um, I started like writing this when I was in college really, and it was just like there was like I had a lot of depression and I was like I'm just going to start writing, yeah, um, nice, and I stopped for a while. Um, and then when I was at the national University, I wrote my thesis on the impacts of PTSD on soft and it was like 50 pages long. So I had started writing again and I think that when I was in rehab that the impact that I saw on people started me writing again. But the real, real catalyst that made me really want to write was doing ketamine at a clinic and that was like it sparked it. Like this I have to do, I'm going to just, and so then I wouldn't call it necessarily journaling, but something could come up and I would, or I was doing something. I just started writing about it and it just grew.
Speaker 2:And then it took about two or three years to like compile all these stories together and then, um, going to do the Ted talk happen and then, like that original script was like 90 minutes long and they're like you can't talk for an hour and a half. Trevor, I got so much stuff I want to tell the world. I'm like, all right, we got to zoom that back down to 14 minutes. So so, doing all of that helps doing to do this. Uh. And and then, uh, I had a, you know, a great teammate, uh, kim Scott, reach out to me at that Polo, uh TEDx Portland piece and she's the author of uh TEDx Portland piece and she's the author of Radical Candor and she was like I want to help you, you know, do this book. So. So one thing is is like there's an internal discovery, like you got to do this. And then the even bigger part is that the belief from other people that this needed to be done, in the support from people outside of who I am and outside of my family that were like this is important to do, like you can, you can change the world with this. And I just held on to that and I just kept going.
Speaker 2:And months and months of editing and rewriting, you know, designing a cover and stuff, it's it's hard and it's long and it's you go, all. You know you're. You got all the waves. You know ups and downs and some days it's hell and other days that this feels right and everything flows, um, but you just got to grind through it, man, it's like the trek. You're like I know if I just keep stepping, it'll all be over at some point it's gonna end, I don't know when, but if I, as long as I keep walking, they'll be done. And that's where I really feel like a book is. It's like I know what the beginning is.
Speaker 1:I can't see the end, but through time that the end becomes even easier and easier to see yeah, it's funny that a lot of us reference back to like selection or the q course whenever we're taking on a challenge that seems impossible, like when we we begin something, it's like, hey, this, this might be difficult, but it's nothing like the q, it's nothing like going through and r nonstop in sut yeah, I, so there's no physical pain anymore, but I just the mental struggle is almost harder than that, because at least out there I can be at hoffman, and like I'm by myself and I can just be outside and we're just walking.
Speaker 2:Now it's like I'm I'm putting words to paper and it's hurt and it hurts. You know. It hurts totally different than what it hurts in my feet or my hips. It's a different, just a. It's a different feeling.
Speaker 2:But the grind, the years right To to be like I'm going to. You know that you've, like, if you haven't gone to college and spent four years trying to get a degree, like that's another like long journey and it's at the beginning you don't see it, and then, just over time, uh, that same thing's happening within the Q course. Like you got a little bit closer, I got another chapter written and I got something complete. You know I got done with. You know the horrific thing of like language school and like that's the same thing. Like I finally passed, yes, you know someone finally said yeah, yeah, you're you're. You know the proofread is legit. Like you finally did it, like we're, we got something that's worth like showing people and that's like what I feel. Like we get at the end of the Q course. It's like you stand in front of the world and they're like this is what we've made.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what was it like revisiting your past and going back and having to go through that childhood.
Speaker 2:Oregon. So the first time I read it, we could say it was very black and white, and then when I went to the editing process I had to add all the color into it and it was very similar to doing that therapy, as that I was reliving it all again and even like and that's like talking about the smells, that's talking about the feel of things on my skin or the way I saw things, and just adding those descriptive words into it was hard. That was that was probably one of the hardest parts of the writing process was adding all that stuff into, because I was told it was like it's not, it's for the reader to put the reader in to where you're at, and you, you know they. My editor, tara McGuire, was like it's, it's not for you right now, like this is for the person to to really experience what you're saying. So you got to put it all in there as best as you can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got to imagine that's that. That's a. It's gonna be a tough one, especially when you've dealt with something that few people you know really truly experience, like growing up in those harsh environments. They they help us become more resilient, help us develop grit on the back side, but having to like go back there and just almost like time travel and walk back in the same shoes, what was it like? Having to revisit that but then reflect and still ground yourself and be able to okay, maybe I need to go talk to my wife and kind of get back to your balance.
Speaker 2:So, like all of those, you know wonderful skills of mindfulness and meditation and being able to say no to it and being able to, like I can tell what it's making me feel inside and I have to take a break. I got to go to the gym, I got to go work out more. It's okay to put this project away for a week because it's messing with you. It's putting you so far back down that, like, you have to be able to recognize it and I, you know, and so all of those skills that I've been using for years, I was able to just to pull back out again and right and then just not grind through it and just put myself through hell. They'd just be like I can take a break and I can say no right now. It doesn't have to get done right now.
Speaker 2:Um, and that's probably a huge thing that I um got from going to the janice program with the donovan and banks is that it's okay to say no after we've been yes men for so long, and it's that that has really helped a lot in my life to just say like I can't today yeah, that is something that we were not used to, um, because I would initially think that the green beret side would win over and say I got a deadline, I gotta put, I gotta get done.
Speaker 1:But that's not life. That's not the life we want to continue living like it's. It's being able to recognize the limitations, being able to say like, hey, today I'm gonna dive into this chapter, this is gonna be tough, and right after that I'm gonna go to the gym, spend time with my wife, my kids, like speaking of which, what's it been like to revisit this and in a healthier mind state and be able to talk with your significant other about it. What's that? Has that been able? Something? Because I know from my own experience. I never talked about it with my wife when I wasn't healthy. That's something I never. But now, uh, being on the other side, like I can talk through uh and explain to her. Some of those chapters are a lot more difficult I took an opposite approach to that.
Speaker 2:I, uh, I shared everything that I had been through with my, with the sole person of my spouse, yeah, when I was going through all the deployments and everything that was happening to me, because I recognized if I didn't do that then she wouldn't grow with me and at some point she's probably going to have a husband that she doesn't know and she doesn't understand like why I drink too much, why I was abusing drugs and painkillers by telling her what I had saw and what I had did. That I think it really brought her along the journey. So, with the book, like she's like I don't need to read it because I already know all the stories, like yeah, like, so it's, it's even for me like I read it and it's, it's powerful, but I, I lived it. So, like cause that's something else that I have to remember it's like someone is going to take and absorb all this information within probably a four or five hour period in this book and that's the first time they're ever going to hear it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I've been living with it since I've been eight years old, kind of thing, and I have to remember that, like when people are like I can't believe you lived a life this way, like they haven't lived it as long as I have. So I have to respect that feeling that they have and be real, and I have I've had to learn to be really like cautious on like their feelings, yeah well, and like reciprocate like that how they feel is important, that they have a good response from me, and it's just not just be like oh, it's not a big deal, life was not hard.
Speaker 2:it's important that they have a good response from me. And it's just not. You know, just be like, ah, it's not a big deal, Life was not hard. It's like, and so learning how to, you know, communicate in that environment of like? I recognize how you feel and I really do appreciate. You know everything that you're saying about what I've done and and what I'm doing, when, two years ago, when I would talk to people, I was just like it's not a big deal. I mean, I appreciate it, but you don't have to say those things. And now it's a little different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, revisiting the life you've lived can really put things in perspective and it realizes like we can talk about it openly. But there's still, there's got gotta be some difficult things that I would imagine. When you go through the chapters of the addiction, going through the chapters of the, you know the ways you used to cope. Like it's almost like again, like revisiting that through a time time machine and looking back at that person that you were and wishing like fuck the bottle down, like find somebody to talk to, and there is uh, you know, there is the perspective of understanding, like well, I didn't know those things, that I know how to deal with life's curveballs. Now did you find yourself, you know, experiencing those moments of like pain when you look back at that that individual that was hurting, that was going through so much but didn't have the ability to reach out you know, denny, I I do think about like the past and like what I was doing and why I was doing it.
Speaker 2:But I also remember like there was a lot of things that were happening in my life that I wanted to continue to do, yeah, and I was so afraid that I would lose those things if I went and got help. No, I was so afraid that I couldn't be a green beret anymore, I wouldn't be able to deploy anymore like that life.
Speaker 1:I wanted more than getting sober and until I was like it's gone too far and I've done enough that I can go get out yeah, that's something so so many people don't understand the um, the drive and the allure of this life, right, like that's something that few people really truly understand, especially our families. Like, why are you willing to kill yourself for this? Why are you so hell bent on just tearing yourself apart to be on this, in this path, in this profession? And you know it's so hard to describe it. Only the other people, like athletes and 1% individuals, truly understand it, but it's so addictive.
Speaker 2:So with the Olympics and they've done a wonderful job about mental health and about what it means to be an athlete, and I've been contemplating about this like metal system and I'm like bronze metals, silver metals and the gold metal is like silver star, a bronze star and a metal of honor.
Speaker 2:And all of them say that they were going to, they've worked their whole life to get this and that's, in a way, very much of what us and what happens and why we have this drive to want to go to war and how we work so hard to go get it.
Speaker 2:And then we get these medals overseas and, just like the medals that they won in Paris, they come home and they're like I don't have these medals on my chest anymore, nobody recognizes what I did, I don't have this uniform on anymore and like to say that they have issues or they struggle with coming home. I'm like that's the same parallel to going to combat and going to the Olympic Games. I'm like if's the same parallel to going to combat and going to the Olympic Games. I'm like you might not understand how it feels to be a soldier, but if you didn't watch these games and see what those people went through and feel that it's the same thing. It's 100%. What we go through go through it's just for us there's there's human beings lives in in the mix and our friends and stuff. So, yeah, it's a little different.
Speaker 1:But very similar. It truly is. I had an amazing experience a few weeks back being able to go to a retreat put on by the Best of Fence Foundation and there you're surrounded by other soft professionals and NFL players. We don't really understand. You're seeing them on TV, you're seeing them play football and they're amazing. They're giants. They're giants. You know they're doing great things and you think that you don't have any sort of like. There's no, there's nothing there. You know you make millions of dollars or there's no way we have anything in common, but on the backside, the transition is the same. The backside it's the same injuries, the same issues with transitioning into your new profession, identity, everything and the concussions, the tbis so many of the same issues that we're dealing with. They're dealing with and that's the thing that your book isn't just for our community, but it transcends and it breaks that boundary.
Speaker 1:It can be incredibly impactful to somebody that's in any sort of profession. It's that human connection that all of us really need to understand. We get so wrapped up in our own suffering. We fail a college class, we get fired, we get laid off and we tend to think that woe is me. My life is just absolutely dog shit. I'm never going to recover. Nothing's going to ever go right. Then you pick up your book and you read somebody else's life. You see somebody else's real pain, page by page, chapter by chapter, and you see them overcome things. And then you quickly realize I am not alone in this experience. I am not alone in the suffering. When you were going through your writing process did you realize that you were going to be able to have this much impact in somebody's life through your words?
Speaker 2:yeah, because and I had the, the experience in port in front of 300, you know, 3,500 people, and to have a line of a thousand people wanting to talk to me and give me hugs and tell, and tell me their story and say, like, like, what you just said is what my husband says to me and that he needs to be able to share with people like you have. My husband says to me and that he needs to be able to share with people like you have. And for someone like came up to me and said, you know, bernie brown did a wonderful talk on vulnerability, but she doesn't, she doesn't stand anywhere near what you just did. And I'm like blown away, like what? This is one of the best things that's ever came out on public speaking and she's phenomenal, like there's and so. But like, at that same moment, I just need to take it in and have gratitude for what someone believes. Now it's just like it's an at all, and so that moment, I, I, it just keeps happening and happening and people are just like you're doing awesome stuff and at times it feels like other people believe in me more than what I believe in and it's surreal, right, it's like, ah, you know I got this book whatever. But then it's like it's really like people are like this is incredible, like this, you know, will change people's lives forever and I'm like it's really cool, you know, and that like a lot of this for me is is to give something to my kids as they get older and that they can. They can say, like this is what my dad went through, yeah, and so that's that's a little bit for like the family and stuff, why I wrote it.
Speaker 2:But you're're right, like it's for everyone and I believe everyone can get something from this book that either impacts their life or knows someone in their life that's going through struggles and hard times, that allows that person to understand what that other person is going through. And have it be relatable. And put your mind I put people into my mind to make them see how it feels to have trauma and all the sorts you know drug abuse, alcohol abuse, the sorts you know drug abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual abuse, the moral injury, the TBI and and then the path that I had to walk to get healed and that's 25 years of going and getting help and the ups and downs and the struggles with that, and so I think it gives. You know it's like a beacon of hope for folks and it's. You know it goes back to that.
Speaker 2:That finish line's a long way out there, but it's day by day and there's ups and downs and there's good days and bad days and you know you just you slowly walk your own path and and find the methods of things that work the best for you, try everything. I mean, if AA isn't for you, there are smart programs to go do, there's other outreach programs and all these other things that you can get into that works best for you. If CrossFit gym is your best healing that you've ever had, then keep doing CrossFit. If going to church and you know getting right with God is your thing, you keep doing that and like no one should judge anyone for what they choose but like cause that's their own life and if it works best for me, then I'm going to keep doing it. That's it and that's all that should matter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, what are some of the things that you continue to lean on, especially in this chapter of your life? You're beginning to pack things up in the old kit bag for turning in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I sleep really well, I eat great food, I work out, I do CrossFit at least six times a week. It's just and that's been a staple for probably five years now. I've gotten better with like understanding, like labels of, like what it means to say be an alcoholic versus a non-drinker, and so that's easier to like cope with inside. Um, being able to have time to go and listen to live music helps. It lets me just like dissipate some of the tension and energy that I have in my body and kind of just be with like-minded people. I go to the beach a lot and I swim with my kids. Like I write, I talk to people like you, you know I just do, I mean even to me, like social media and stuff like that. It kind of feels it's starting to feel like a job.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know.
Speaker 2:Dude, right Right, to feel like a job. Oh, I know, right, dude, but right, I did. And so then, putting those boundaries on those things as a job the same boundaries I had to put on my job in the military it's, it's, it's transferring into this business of of being an author and a speaker and any type of media engagement yeah so, but I know that that those things, those little clips, those little things, are things that maybe not our generation, but there's other people that out there that impacts them and so being, and so then it's. You know, we talk about how that platform works and so we have to reach an audience. Right, we're?
Speaker 2:We're at a point in our life where we're pulling away from being that quite professional thing that I don't ever had truly defined to me at all, and we kind of just made it up in our own head what it meant. No one really said like this is what it actually means. We created something in our own body and soul of what that is, but we need to be able to share our story, and however that means is that we need to continue, because I think that that's how our gender, the new generation, is seeing things, and we need to be a more of a hybrid about.
Speaker 1:No, we're all about like going outside, but we also have to embrace technology, yeah, and we can do both of those things together and I think we can absolutely have a succinct hybrid approach so that we can still continue to have an impact on people yeah, absolutely, man, being a father is such a important role for all men like, and I know I didn't understand that when I was a young man and I fell victim to the idea that life was all about deploying, being on a team and party and riding harleys and that's all fun. But the greatest thing that we can do and I truly believe it, the greatest thing we can do is become fathers and be loving husbands. How has being a father impacted you on this journey? How has it changed you and, dare I say, how did it influence you on what stories you put in the book?
Speaker 1:and what you kept out.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, the discussion of having children between my wife and I was a long, long conversation. I didn't want to have kids because of what I went through as a child. I didn't think that was something that I would be good at. I didn't think I'd be a good role model as a father. I just thought it would be a super difficult thing for me to do good Not even great, just do good. Thing for me to do good Not even great, just do good. Having kids have really opened me up to see that I'm supposed to be a father. Becoming a father has shown me things I never thought that I would ever think about.
Speaker 2:So I just went down to Key West with my son and our whole family went down there, and when we were down there we were spearfishing by the dive school and at that moment I was watching my son in the back in the water and he'd been in the ocean for over an hour. Now Benjamin is only at this point seven years old, and to watch this little kid continue to just Right and to watch someone, this little kid continued to just dive under and try to shoot fish. I'd put his little back together, but before we got there I was able to like show him how the gun, how to respect it, how to use it. We practiced so this teaching thing that I've done for a long time for other like I'm doing it, and it feels really awesome to share this thing that I love with him. And so I'm watching this and right before we get out of the water, he finally shoots this small little snapper and I thought to myself at this time that's like there's something here that I need to know. There's something I'm trying to that's being shown to me that I need to think about. And what I had came up with it was what was happening is that my son was so happy to do something I loved. That meant something to me, and the takeaway from that is that I need to have the same love and enthusiasm for something he loves. I need to have the same love and enthusiasm for something he loves. So if this a kid loves to play soccer, I'm going to love soccer, like he loves soccer. If he plays Fortnite, I'm going to learn how to play Fortnite better, because that's important to him. And he showed me like I will do something that is important to you, that you love and get excited about it and I want to do the same thing for him, and it's like that I would have never got about all that.
Speaker 2:You know, falling in love for something that someone else loves how that can, like, change so many things, so many things.
Speaker 2:Um, the fact that, uh, another, another little quick story here for you when we first moved to key west, we had, uh, hurricane irma hit key west and we'd only been there for about three months and we decided that we were just going to take our two cars and whatever we fit inside it, um, that's what we would have, because if everything was destroyed, we would have lost all of our things that matter to us.
Speaker 2:And as I'm driving out of Key West and I make it to the seven mile bridge trying to get to Tampa, and my wife's driving in front of me and I see her car, and then I look up in my rear view mirror and my two kids are sitting in the back and I'm looking back at Key West and watching the sunset and I said these are only two things that matter these two kids behind me and my wife in front of me.
Speaker 2:If we lose everything in Key West, that don't matter to me anymore. And it's at that moment I said this is it? These are the three things in my life that matter to me most, and that stuff. And so I think, like without having children, the compassion I've had for the things that have happened to me in my past, I'm sharing that with my kids, and we have tough talks. I'm sharing that with my kids and we have tough talks, and that's the. You know, that's the best thing I can do for my kids is just, you know, be vulnerable and talk about hard stuff with them, show them the world and make them have good minds and good decision making and the ability to care about another human being.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that compassion is something that's hard to find these days and it's who better to show the world than us like that's a, that's the right thing. That that a lot of people don't realize. Like if you can understand that you can be a hard, violent, strong motherfucker and still have the ability to be kind, caring and, you know, have sympathy and empathy for everybody around you doesn't make you weak. It makes you a very intelligent and very useful, powerful male, like this idea that we, we, we've been lied to about this toxic masculine. There's no such fucking thing. It's just masculinity and you got dickheads like we. We have to be able to combat that idea that being a masculine, strong individual that's emotionally intelligent isn't within the realm of possibility. It is. Every man has that ability. Like if you cultivate all aspects of it. Um, it makes no forget.
Speaker 1:I think it was jordan peterson that talked about it and there's no virtue in being a weak man that talks about kindness and empathy. You have nothing to do, you roll around your belly, you can't fight or defend somebody. You're worthless, but you can be extremely strong, be prepared for violence and be a kind human with emotional intelligence and, when you need to, absolutely be ready to wreck shop and that's what. And I think that comes to us, uh, especially when we leave the military, when we realize the importance of being able to say, oh shit, I have to be a kind, understanding, nurturing individual, because now I have a family to take care of, I can devote my time a hundred percent to my family.
Speaker 1:And we need more, more of that. We need guys to be willing to step up and be fathers and be husbands and realize that you can have both. You can literally, you can actually do both. And I didn't realize that for a long time. And then I reflect back on those times as a young green beret where I I could have been a great husband, I could have been a great teammate. But I just chose to focus on one aspect guys need to understand they can have it while they're in yeah, I think.
Speaker 2:Uh. So like we talk about empathy and like how, how does empathy at the simplest form shown to other people? I believe that there's a there's a real big reason why all of us get into this realm of art. Right, because art is the simplest way to show empathy to human beings.
Speaker 2:And so you can take art as talking to someone like you on these podcasts Me as a writer, magnus Johnson. Originally he was doing art pieces and working with metalworks and all these other things. You got guys that are making leather products. You guys are making wood products. They're working with their hands and doing and creating something that's invokes a feeling into another human being like that.
Speaker 2:To me, that's the same thing as writing a book. There's, there's some, there's a story that goes with all of this stuff that guys are making and this. Just take a second and think about that. If you're going to get something from a veteran that made that with their hand, ask them the story that goes behind it, because we all know there's a story. It's just like the tattoos on our bodies. There's a story that goes along and I think people should ask tell me about what that means. Why did you make this this way? Get the story that goes along with it. Um, I think that's really cool and I share you one one of these things that just happened to me right recently. That is really impactful to me.
Speaker 2:So sometimes I've had a hard time like remembering the faces of, like my family. If I just like close my eyes, I'm like I don't know. It's weird, I don't know why it's that way. So I recently been like looking for flowers that are that remind me of each of my family members, and so my wife is in Magnolia because I smell it, and I'm like I can smell her in it, and so now, every time I see a Magnolia flower down here in Key, down in here at Santa Rosa beach, cause they're everywhere, like she's there with me and so I'm able to take these things that will be forever in the world, and every time I see it I am remembering who they are.
Speaker 2:And, like my daughter, has a lily, she has these beautiful like speckles of oh what is that? Freckles on her face and it's the same kind of like what it looks like. And she has this beautiful peach skin and that's it. I saw it and I was like that's her. And so just finding these things in our environment that remind you of the people that you love will be there ever, and that's something that has been really kind of neat to have, because that my memory always comes back when I see it and it just puts me through all the memories that I've shared with them and it's I don't know why, I don't know why it works or what's going on, but it's. I've really enjoyed being able to kind of search for the right thing that reminds me of them that I can see on a daily basis.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful man reminds me of them that I can see on a daily basis. That's beautiful, man. Sure, do you think that part of the writing this book was maybe putting the military service like closing the chapter on that? Do you think it was like important to make sure that this book came out as you were transitioning to sort of like be a nice capstone to everything that included the military, and then chapter two is just everything after I would love to say it absolutely like mdmp'd it and I did it.
Speaker 2:I did a diagram. That's just on the PowerPoint slide. I'm on slide 58. And I got exactly what it has me.
Speaker 1:It's a happy little accident, right.
Speaker 2:I was tired of saying I don't know what I'm going to do when I get out. Yeah, and I had to find the fire in me. That was there when I why I wanted to be a Green Beret and I found it and I was like I, this is it. Yeah, no, I'm, this is what I'm going to do. This is I'm going to say I can do this. And so now, with that like definitive, I'm doing this.
Speaker 2:Then I don't have to say that I don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up anymore, because I you should not be. You know, I would even say, like two years out, you should have a solid answer like I know who I am and I know what I'm going to do and I leave this job, because, if not, you're going to bring that job with you and you need enough time to say goodbye to being a green beret. You absolutely do, because if you don't, I don't know if you have enough time to do that and the tools and and the right help and the right professionals to be able to grow out of that period of your life and hopefully it's not like a traumatic growth session that you end up saying goodbye to being that professional, but it's better to slowly like fade away from that identity. Yeah, it's so important and it's okay to like bury the green beret. In a way. It's there, yeah, it's in you, but you don't have to live that way anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a better life. There's more to life than just the beret, the long tab and walking through that team room and I mean there's nothing more emotional and I hope everybody has the ability to have that intentional moment of like this is the last time I'm walking out of this team room and you have that clarity, you have that understanding rooted in that moment and it could. It could be whatever you want to do, whether you want to bury your, your wings out on that drop zone the last time you jump, but and and I I love the fact that I kind of michael scotted it, if you remember the office that final, I didn't, I knew I was leaving the team, I gave my resignation, said hey, I'm done, I'm out of here, and there was no big fanfare, I just left out and the next time I hung out was my plaque ceremony. But understanding that you have a choice, you have a. You have the ability to set that in place. You can do it.
Speaker 1:Don't just let it be determined by somebody else. Don't, yeah, don't let the things don't let your life happen to you. Be an active participant in that and be present in that moment, whether you just say goodbye to all your boys and you have one last hangout in the team room, or you do it like I did and michael scott, the whole thing, and just you know, just go on your way to the s3 dungeon and you finish out your time. But be intentional, because then you know that you had that moment of looking into that room, looking into those guys and saying this is it, this happened. And then, because that one thing I hear from a lot of guys is like ah fuck, I never had that moment. And it does hurt when you don't realize the importance of being present in every moment. It's like that little kodak camera in your head can always have it yeah, I think there's a like public disclosure.
Speaker 2:Like public disclosure of closing a chapter in your life makes it, makes it real and that might make it scary for some people, yeah. And or like guys don't want to be graduated on their service yeah, for some reason we're embarrassed Like we did this. You know, people need to be fucking proud. God damn it. Like have the ceremonies, like, yeah, but not even like we did this.
Speaker 1:People need to be fucking proud. God damn it.
Speaker 2:Have the ceremonies, yeah, but not even like it doesn't have to be big or anything but there has to be a moment where you say goodbye, the people around you say goodbye to that life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's necessary, and if you don't do it, you don't have to have an official thing at your unit, but have something where you're at the beach, at a barbecue, something where you're just like I am no longer this anymore. I am now this. I don't want to be like I identify now as this no transition thing that has happened here, but I guess, uh, I think it's because it's not just for you, right, you have to, it's for other people as well yeah, man.
Speaker 1:And then, as you're starting this whole new chapter, is, you know, red empire? Time is coming. What are you excited about in the future? What else do you got worked up, but besides the book, what's the next thing? What's the next endeavor, the next ridgeline, as they say so?
Speaker 2:um, I just got off the phone with nick lavery, um, who owns, uh, his own like speaking company, kind of like what Jocko is doing. Yeah, and he's um in the works of offering me like a contracted speaking job with his company. Nice, because, like, anyway, me and Nick have talked for a long time and he's been a great mentor and I I mean to, to put them either you know primary instructor at dive school when he went through was hell of a feat and like, if you don't know who this guy is like, he's, you know, above the knee amputee that went through cdkc and absolutely crushed it, and I've never seen anyone want this bubble more than that guy. It is absolutely just, I'm at all of what I saw in that pool happen and um, so what I was wanting to do is just to be like. I wanted to be a person that talked about vulnerability, emotional strength, about recovery, mental health issues and stuff like that, and be like hold out, I don't want to work for someone like nine to five and I don't want to like, do any of that and be like hey, we have a company that needs a guy like you, come speak, do an engagement, do a workshop, and then, um, and then I just come back to my life here and do my own thing on the side and go fishing or, you know, do book tours and and things like that. Um, so that's kind of come into place here within the last few days and that's that was kind of part of the dream.
Speaker 2:You know, stand on the stage, do a ted talk, you know, write a fucking great book and then tell people about it and about how they can change their lives and how that they can understand that life's worth living. And he, you know, I think it'd be. It's a, it's a great opportunity. That fits really well in what I want to do, because I'm the military, has met, has managed my life for over 24 years and I don't want that anymore. I'm ready to say yes and no to things. I can say that this is important to me, that I can go or I can't go, and I want to spend time with my family when it's my choosing and when I want to work, I want to say yes or no. So it's really pretty cool. Um opportunity that I hope you know comes through here and I should. I should know more about that, probably by the end of the year.
Speaker 1:Hell yeah, man, that's awesome dude. Again, the name of the book is no one else can see your fire Trevor Beeman. Thank you so much for coming back on brother. It's absolute pleasure. There's a book right there and of course you know it'll be in the episode description and on the YouTube video. You'll see it pop up right now in frame. It'll be right there. And now go to Amazon, get this book and support our brother, trevor Beeman. Trevor, can we put out your LinkedIn or contact info and your social so people can get a hold of you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, my social. Yeah, everyone's already been disclosed through the Veteran Affairs Office, so that's easy to get. China already has it. My Instagram is Trevor A Beeman. Linkedin is Trevor Beeman. I do have an ongoing YouTube channel. That's as my kids go back to school. I'm going to start, probably will start creating more content, and that's just Trevor Beeman, so most of my stuff is just Trevor Beeman dot com is super simple to find me and, yeah, if you end up Dubai in this book and reading it, please share with me how it impacted you and because it means a lot to me and I'd like to share that with the world.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Again, brother, thank you for coming on and for writing this book and helping inspire the next generation of great Americans and hopefully a whole bunch more Green Berets, because once we can see ourselves in other people's stories, we realize that we can do the same thing. So thank you all for tuning in and, uh, please take care of each other and we'll see you all next time. Until then, take care. If you like what we're doing and you're enjoying the show, don't forget to share us, like us, subscribe and remember we get through this together. Take care, thank you.
